Can she contact the area church directly and/or campus ministry at the college as a start? I hope they would accommodate her wedding.
3 Likes
Maybe the minister/priest of your hometown church can help, especially if the children are planning to get married in the same denominational church.
3 Likes
She has already contacted the one for her denomination and they turned her down, because sheâs not a member, itâs really small, and they currently donât have a pastor. (Itâs too bad a retired one of theirs is no longer able, he was our home pastor for decades and would have made it work.)
Iâm not sure if they have contacted the one for his denomination, however that being Catholic there are more rules there for them to consider. It might be what happens, if they let them.
During college they mainly went to the nondenominational so the whole friend group would go together but the two of them are very into traditional church and that building and vibe is not that.
Wish the college had a chapel.
1 Like
Frustrating. So many choose civil ceremonies these days that I would hope a church would do everything possible to accommodate a couple looking for a church wedding. Hope they find a way to get the ceremony they want.
7 Likes
Does the college have a church or a chapel theyâd be allowed to use? My sister got married at the DU chapel, and brought her own priest which was allowed even though the chapel is, I think, Methodist.
1 Like
@twoinanddone this was not the vibe they were looking for. Are you asking if there is another chapel on their college campus they could use?
Another thoughtâŠif distance isnât an issue. Are any parents alums of a college with a chapel that might work? Many colleges allow the children of grads to marry at the chapels.
They may want to try the Catholic Church. We got married at our Virginia Tech alma mater chapel but by the Catholic priest. Iâm technically Catholic (H wasnât) but wasnât practicing. My parents have always been.
It wasnât an issue. The only thing we had to do was go to the marriage retreat day. And that honestly I would recommend to anyone getting married. It made us sit down and talk through topics like finances, kids, etc. misty stuff we had already talked about, but still valuable stuff.
3 Likes
If one has a close connection to a Catholic priest that is available to do the service, that is a way to discuss options for the wedding site. The priest is required to work with a couple at least 6 months prior to wedding date - and how a particular Catholic Chapel or Church available for the priest to do the service.
Our friendsâ Lutheran pastor went to do their sonâs wedding at off-campus college chapel 4 hours away. I thought this was quite good of him to do so.
I know in my home town, the Catholic Pastor was quite jealous of the popularity of the Catholic hospital chaplain, and he forbade the chaplain from doing baptisms and weddings at that chapel (they had to be registered at the Church, so he held that âpowerâ which was absolutely ridiculous and showed his pettiness). For DH and my wedding in 1979, it was at the Catholic church with a very big wedding - all 3 priests did the celebration, with our Chaplain Priest doing the homily. DH and I met briefly with the Pastor, but had done a weekend marriage prep with the college town Diocese and had a certificate - DH and I went to college in major city, and home town was small town. We didnât have to do the âinventoryâ thing the Pastor usually did (some kind of form on how well the couple knew each otherâŠ)
Our niece and our two DDs were baptised in the chapel, not knowing this âstipulationâ of needing to be registered with the Catholic Church/coordinated - and niece (local) - when it came time for her First Communion, her baptism had not been registered with the Catholic Church records. So having that headâs up, the Chaplain signed blank baptismal certificates that he sent to me for DDs and we typed in the details (it was tricky, laying out on blank paper to make sure everything lined up to print the document). The Churchâs pastor had changed with the Diocese by that time, and I called the church office before I sent the documents (they understood, as niece and our DDs were not the only ones with Chaplain Priest doing services âunder the radarâ of that Pastor).
The Catholic Church where one is Baptised holds the dates of First Communion, Confirmation, Wedding. That is why the first registered marriage is the âvalidâ marriage. DH as lifelong Catholics, were not really aware of all these stipulations - well I was, as my parents, who were Swiss born, were married in Nevada on their way to their honeymoon - and the priest that married them in Nevada did have communication/registration with their baptism locations. My momâs Grandmother in Switzerland sent her birth record and not the baptismal record. The priest said âI know you were bornâ - and he did the due diligence.
It does not. It would be great if they did.
My church will allow non members to marry there. The minister requires several meetings with the couple in advance of the wedding, but I would think that they could be done via Zoom if necessary. They might want to contact some local churches that align with their beliefs, even if they arenât the denomination your D grew up in.
2 Likes
Sunday Brunch (after Saturday evening reception):
Around 2/3 of the (~100-120) guests to DDâs wedding will be coming in from out of town.
Invite all out-of-towners to Sunday Brunch or only wedding party & family? Include said invite(s) on wedding invitation (only for those invited) or by word-of-mouth or whatever later?
I havenât delved too deeply into locations to hold this, and it may depend if weâre expected 20 or 50 for brunch. One location I had considered for the reception itself, until the wedding outgrew it, wants $2500 + ~$84/per person for a Sunday Brunch (in our MCOL town). Yikes.
Very nice brunches in our area, at restaurants, are probably closer to $30 per person, with, of course, no venue fee. But of course, many of them tend to be quite crowded on Sunday mornings, so I think/assume we need to reserve space somewhere. What have others done?
Here is what D/fiancé is doing this April - but they have a smaller wedding with about 80 expected.
Fiancés parents offered to have a brunch at their home. I am planning it with fiancés mom. We are going with simple food like coffee/tea/juice, bagels, croissants,cheese, fruit, yogurt, granola.
Couple invites basically just immediate family including our family, his family, and then any of our (the parents) siblings and those cousins. We expect about 35-40. We will do it open house style, comes anytime between 9:30- noon.
Couple did all their rsvping for everything online. They could attach any invited events to a guest as needed. So some jist have a wedding invite, some a rehearsal and wedding, some all three events - and the rsvp leads them through that accordingly
Our house would be great (good space indoors + outdoors and the weather should be favorable that time of year), but itâs ~25 minutes away from where most folks are staying and where the main reception will be. Also not in the right direction relative to the airport, for those flying out. 
Thatâs a bummer. Would have been an easy low(ish) cost option.
We attended a wedding at the Cape last year. They invited most folks at the wedding to stop in at their family home on the cape for brunch. Most people that could, dropped by for a little bit, had a bite to eat and left. Small house, weather didnât cooperate and everyone had to be indoors. But they made it work!
We invited all out of town guests and some family who live in the area to the day after the wedding brunch. It was held at the hotel we recommended for wedding guests. We considered having the brunch at the wedding venue but the hotel turned out to be the more convenient (for our guests) and less expensive (for us) option. The brunch was fun and was very much appreciated by all who attended (in the range of 50 people). ETA: Like others, we did get a private room at the hotel for the brunch and the bride & groom did attend.
I hosted a day-after breakfast buffet at the Holiday Inn where rooms had been reserved for the wedding. 100 guests at the wedding, about 40 at the breakfast.
1 Like
We invited all out of town guests. There were some who couldnât come because they had very early flights or long drives and needed to leave. We had a nice buffet brunch, and the bride and groom were there too. It was a nice and relaxing time. About 1/2 of the out of town guests cameâŠabout 40 people, but it was like a revolving door.
Ours was at the hotel where the room block was located. They had a private room we were able to use. And they catered it as well. Easier for people to get to than some other location. Most of the out of town guests stayed at this hotel.
2 Likes
We had brunch/open house at our house, and only invited the wedding party/so and immediate family. It was a nice chance for all the people who donât see each other very often to actually spend time together. About 35 people, we sent simple store bought invites that said âfamily and wedding party are invited toâŠâ so everyone knew who was coming.
The biggest hit was bon voyage bags Imade up with snacks and stuff for travel. The wedding decor was used around the house, even the flowers. Some of the decorations were paper flowers and DiL bundled those up and gave them to grandparents to have as a keepsake, my mom still has hers in her kitchen. The brunch was tons of fun and only lasted about 2 hrs bc people had to get on the road or make a flight. S2 & DiL then spent the afternoon opening presents with some of the bridal party who had no place to go, here at the house. 
We had a farewell breakfast at the hotel where we had arranged a courtesy wedding block, and where the B+G and most out of town guests were staying, including both extended families. The hotel gave us a conference type room which was set up with a âdeluxe continentalâ breakfast buffet for $32 pp plus tax and service charge. Coffee, tea, juice, bagels, pastries, croissants, yogurt, cereal. We had the room for a 2 hour block. They waived the facility fee because we had enough guests who had booked rooms. It was a nice way to say good-bye.
In our situation, both families came from out of town. So that made it an easy decision to do it at the hotel where most of us were staying. The wedding website made it clear that there would be a farewell breakfast at that hotel, so I didnât feel any obligation to invite out of town guests who chose to stay elsewhere.
My S graciously hosted the morning after brunch in her backyard. It was all extended family and out of town guests. I believe it was 50ish people or more. She catered takeout korean platters and it was easy and people could just sit and chat.
It was about 10 miles from WaikÄ«kÄ« and further from the airport but no one seemed to mind. Most of the attendees werenât flying out until a few/many days later anyway. Happily kids could and did attend the brunch.