@oldfort raises a good issue. If GF’s family lives in a small flat, or if GF’s family is “difficult”, 3 weeks under same roof could be a VERY long time.
In junior yr of college, I visited significant other’s family for a week. Midway through the stay, significant other’s sister slashed her wrists. Despite all the blood, the cuts weren’t life threatening (girl was crying out for emotional help), but the family freaked out, and I called 911. As u might imagine, the rest of my stay there was REEEALLLYYY LOOOONNNGGG…
It seems like there are two issues from the OP’s point of view - money and practicality. If she has the money, and he has flat out asked to borrow it, she should loan it. If there is some kind of unspoken “well, I do expect you to give me the 3K for the trip and not ask for it back”, the first line of business is to talk to him. Even if the OP doesn’t want or need the money back, he will not have any skin in the game if he can just ask for the 3K no questions, and that is setting him up for the future “I need this big screen TV” or “I need this trip with my friends”.
Practicality, if you don’t know about his personal life too much, you have to let him decide if 3 weeks plus traveling with his gf and her family is a good idea. And “he could spend 3 weeks there” - do you mean that actually they would be going earlier, and he would just travel alone and meet them in Singapore, and leave alone? Is he confident enough to travel alone internationally?
(and of course his passport is an issue too - they can take 8 weeks or more to process)
I’d think from his point of view, he would have to decide how much he can trust them to be gracious hosts.
And wow GMTplus7, that is rough. I would say the OP’s son should be very aware of what the accommodations will be and what he should do if they fall through…
I’ve had that before (if you look hard you can find it in the US).
It’s the most disgusting food I’ve ever attempted to eat. The smell is bad but not completely intolerable (the main thing is it dissipates very slowly, opening a window isn’t enough, you need air freshener) but the taste is so bad.
I believe in travel, especially where there is cultural exchange (ie, not just sitting on a beach, eating western foods, etc.) It can be life changing, as some said.
But he’s got this GF you said you neither know nor know.much about. He seems to want to stake some independence - and yet he is asking you to pay for it. That’s my disconnect.
It’s one or the other, to me. He’s a big boy with a private relationship and he will pay most of it (now.) Or he says, thank you for the invite but I’m unable.
Singapore will be there in 5 or 15 years. If the relationship is serious, he’ll have another chance to go.
Agree, if the relationship is serious, he will have many future opportunities to go and visit. If it’s not, 3 weeks is a VERY long visit, especially in a house (depending on the size), with people who are not well known to your S.
It’s not like OP’s son would have to be chained to GF’s family… he could travel during those 3 weeks. There’s a wealth of fantastic side trips he could do. OP, I’m of the carpe diem philosophy. If your son wants to go, and can afford it, encourage him. He may have another opportunity to travel to Asia… or may not. People usually regret things they didn’t do, rather than the chances they took.
I do think protocol would be that he would remain with his hosts or at least the GF, unless the hosts define it otherwise. Or else it could seem opportunistic to use their home and then wander off.
But we don’t know what the expectations are, nor what this trip represents to the host family. I don’t think OP does, either. Is it an idle “come stay” or a bigger step?
Thanks everyone. Your responses are helpful. Good point about length of time. I can easily limit that, but figured if he’s taking such a long trip he should spend a fair amount of time there. I am trying to find out more about the family situation, living conditions, etc. He has never traveled alone internationally, and we have never been outside of close places (Canada, Mexico, Caribbean), so that is a concern for me. But it’s also cause for excitement at this opportunity.
Does anyone happen to be familiar with a student travel site called studentuniverse? Flights through that sight were a couple hundred dollars cheaper than elsewhere, but I’d never heard of it until I searched for flights to Singapore.
We checked student universe for our kids when they were traveling internationally. It is very spotty…sometimes way less expensive and sometimes way more expensive.
My one kid has been to Singapore twice, and would go back. She spent five days there on each trip (both times the stop in Singapore was part of a longer trip elsewhere). That being said, she says three weeks is a LONG time to spend there. There isn’t that much to do…unless you want to travel to one of the islands.
Thanks Thumper. I really wonder if it’s worth the ticket just to go to Singapore. Unless they have plans to travel while he is there, he will not be going anywhere else.
my kid liked it…and would go again. We have relatives there. Any chance he could go for 16 days! That would allow for two days of travel…and two weeks there.
My kid says there is easy and inexpensive transport to neighboring places.
Going to Singapore for 3 wks would be great for most 21 year olds. Being with GF parents for 3 wks could be very stressful indeed. Either for the girl, the boy, the parents, or the relationship.
I can’t remember all the questions, but he does have a passport, and he will not be doing any study abroad semesters. We can afford the trip, but we have spent a LOT on him recently. He doesn’t ask for much, in the grand scheme of things. He didn’t even really want the new car. I got new because weighing various factors it made me feel better. He paid for most of his spring break trip. He has offered to pay for this trip with his summer earnings, but then of course he won’t have as much to spend in the fall. I have sent him an email with many questions, trying to figure out where his head is. I’ve done a little research on Singapore, and it does seem safe enough. Thanks again for all the info., points of view, etc.
I returned from Singapore yesterday. Absolutely loved it and will return again. I’ll give some of my thoughts on the length of stay question.
From Chicago (and I am told other cities as well), it takes takes 3 days to arrive in Singapore after crossing the international dateline and long flight times that may be necessary. This may shorten your son’s potential 3 week travel time by a couple days.
After travel days, I was “on the ground” in Singapore for 5 full days which was not nearly enough time for me, although I’m sure that individual interests will dictate optimal length of stay. I had no jet lag on arriving (I’m not sure how I managed that) and did spend the entire 5 days out and about sightseeing and enjoying. There are many different types of sightseeing and attractions possible, depending on interests. The range is from very touristy family attractions on Sentosa Island such as Universal Studios Singapore to the National Orchid Garden in the Botanic Gardens to the various sections of the city such as Chinatown, Little India, and Kampong Glam where it’s possible to get a sense of the different heritages of Singapore citizens. Information is readily available on possibilities - Tripadvisor forum has particularly good reviews on sites. Reviewing some options might help answer the length of stay question.
The temperature each day is in the 90’s with very high humidity. It doesn’t cool off significantly at night - into the 80’s. I found that I was much slower in my touring than usual, a walk at a moderate pace had sweat running down my face. This meant that I did have to change some of my sightseeing plans and do less than I’d planned in any given day. You can also expect a thunderstorm every day lasting from a few minutes to an hour or so. Some of the storms have sky to ground lightening - not something you want to be out in. We found plans modified by weather.
The country is pristine and people incredibly welcoming and friendly. English is the national language. Cab drivers often gave us running commentary and private tours spontaneously. We visited mosques, Hindu and Buddhist temples and were welcome inside at all of them. It is very safe - I would not have hesitated using the MRT long after dark, using public toilet facilities, etc. There are some laws that US citizens are not used to - no chewing gum, no eating or drinking (not even a sip from your water bottle) in the subways, litter laws, I wouldn’t risk jay walking, etc. Drug laws are harsh and I personally would avoid public intoxication although there are clubs and alcohol readily available. Lots of Google information is available if this is a concern.
I can understand your “is this crazy to consider” question. My trip was absolutely not planned and Singapore was one of the last places on the globe that I ever expected to visit. Although I’ve traveled extensively in Europe, this was my first Asia trip. I’ve since learned that many consider Singapore a good intro to Asia because it is so easy to travel around the country. For me, I found my experience truly eye-opening and absolutely 100% positive.
Just noticed your “cost” question. We found restaurant food to be very reasonable. Something available for every budget. Looks like hotel is not necessary. Sightseeing - he can check price of anything they might like to see easily. Some things are free or low cost like the gardens and museums. the more family oriented places such as amusement parks and zoos seemed to be more cost. Lots of shopping with some prices tracking US prices and others less than in the US for “upscale” goods, of course, “shopping” costs are highly controllable by the traveler. Depending on what they want to do, I would think that US$1000 as you suggest for 3 weeks would be fine.
