<p>Note: I’ve edited certain details to retain the spirit of the issue while also protecting my privacy.</p>
<p>Note 2: Yes, yes, I know this site is not legal advice, and I won’t take any of it as legal advice. I’d just like some pointers. :)</p>
<p>I am a sophomore in college (I got to college a bit late), which makes me terrified that I’m just going to be a poor single mom, but it’s finally become apparent to me that the unknown that I fear may well be better than what I’m experiencing. DH and I have been married four years but in the past year he became emotionally/psychologically abusive, calling me a bad name in front of our daughter and telling me he couldn’t stand me, and much more that I don’t feel like recounting. It has been so hard for me to recognize this as what it is because he used to treat me lovingly and actually still does so in the days between these outbursts.</p>
<p>I’d try to stick around and work it out, but he refuses therapy or counseling of any sort and insists that if I just kept my bedroom side table neater (it infuriates him to see all the clutter) or other similar things, he wouldn’t have to treat me like this.</p>
<p>The straw that broke the camel’s back was my recent hospital stay because I could barely breathe and I had severe tachycardia. He didn’t even visit me at all – just dropped off a bag of stuff while I was still in the emergency room. He also left our daughter at his mother’s house during this time – ok, makes sense for one night, but he did it the whole four days and apparently intended to do so indefinitely.</p>
<p>When I got home, I tried to talk about how scared I’d been and his only response was, “Me too. It would be so hard to raise [our daughter] alone.” I joked that he’d have to get a new wife right away, and he said, “That’s what I was thinking.”</p>
<p>So yesterday was the day after I got home, and he just sat in his chair at his computer all day. He works from home, but he’s between projects right now, so he was really just messing around on the Internet and watching movies. He let me do all of the physical activities involving our daughter and other things even though my left arm was extremely painful and hard to move because of an intense reaction to the pneumonia shot. I was also developing a mild fever, probably because of the flu shot.</p>
<p>I finally asked him why he wasn’t helping me, I’d just gotten home and I was in pain and I was traumatized. He said, “Hearing all the noise you two are making is driving me insane! I need some time without you complaining!” </p>
<p>Then he told me I should be overjoyed that I was out of the hospital and that I didn’t have a grip on reality if I was feeling traumatized by the whole thing. He called me a bad name as our 4yo little girl was crawling out of bed to come get me to come in and snuggle with her.</p>
<p>I am aiming to get us out within the next few weeks.</p>
<p>What I know I’ve got:</p>
<p>-a girl friend who is happy to have DD and me stay as long as we need until we find a place. (She herself has been homeless before and since then has been overwhelmingly kind towards anyone who needs help. I will contribute to costs.)</p>
<p>-A certain amount of money saved up, less than 10,000 dollars, but enough to keep us going for a little while.</p>
<p>-About 400 a month coming in aside from that.</p>
<p>-I know my mother will insist on helping with DD’s needs such as clothing and so forth.</p>
<p>My questions: </p>
<p>How do I find a good lawyer since I have so little money?</p>
<p>How do I help 4yo DD cope/how do I minimize the trauma?</p>
<p>DH’s dad is a big time lawyer with friends in the state’s supreme court and other high places, so I assume he knows how to find some d*** good divorce attorneys. What resources can I look into to find out how to avoid being steamrolled here?</p>
<p>I’ve thought of my in-laws as family for the last four years while DH and I were married. How do I approach them to explain this? It will seem like it’s pretty much out of nowhere to them.</p>
<p>Any other thoughts?</p>