Never read it, didn’t see the movie. But heard on news that majority of people who saw movie this weekend were young adult women. While the vast majority of college males seem to have gotten the memo that women want to be treated with respect, how are they supposed to factor in the success of this movie among college age women?
Uhhhhh
BDSM is not about respect or a lack of it. It’s a kink that is simply one part of a relationship. You can still have respect in a relationship but like to be sexually submissive or vice versa.
Further, what you read isn’t necessarily an indication of what you like. I’ve read the works of Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch but that doesn’t mean I’m in a hurry to act out their stories.
By the way, the book was atrocious (only read the first one) and I won’t see the movie. My mom saw it and liked it- but she also liked the books.
So… they treat women with respect, the same as they did before this became popular.
But “respect” sometimes involves taking charge and inflicting pain…? A generation ago men were told to act like Alan Alda while women swooned over Mickey Rourke in 9.5 Weeks. We seem to be right back to that paradox.
My impression - although I won’t see the movie - is that it’s actually a pretty incorrect depiction of BDSM and basically portrays an abusive relationship and calls it BDSM. I think the move/book show some pretty problematic themes about relationships, and it’s unfortunate that BDSM got pulled into the middle of it.
I’m not sure anyone should be taking people’s enjoyment of the movie as a reason not to treat them with respect, though? Even if someone genuinely liked it, they probably didn’t see the relationship as problematic - does that mean they want to get sucked into an abusive relationship? I don’t think so! I agree with romani that people see movies that are not about what they want their lives to be - the Wolf of Wall Street? Let’s also remember that this is based off of a different enormously successful among teenage girls and fairly problematic series - problematic stuff in pop culture is nothing new.
At least the book was a terrible representation.
Sometimes people like pain and being submissive during sex. That has NOTHING to do with how they like to be treated outside of sex in the context of their every day lives.
If the roles were reversed, its likely to be a horror movie.
If a woman was so stalkery, she would be crazy not sexy.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/miss-grey-will-see-you-now-is-creepy-right?s=mobile
Heres what a professional dominatrix from Seattle had to say about it.
Yes, the book is abysmal. Posting the other part of her quote for context:
It’s not necessarily because of what is depicted so much as the book sucks.
I have to second someone on there. I am so glad that it’s giving people a space to admit that gasp they actually like kink.
For what it’s worth, it’s highly doubtful that this is in any way going to change the sex lives of young people. We suck at communicating our wants and needs to our partners. Where it might open up some dialogue is among older people who already know more or less what they like and are better at communicating with their partners.
People often entertain themselves with fantasies that would, as a reality, appall and disgust them - the fantasy works because they are able to mentally amplify some parts while ignoring others, such that the fantasy read may be well different than the fantasy written, and more different still from the reality they would choose. If someone likes the book and/or movie, it only really indicates an incredible tolerance for bad literature and cinema - the fantasy they liked may be the mirror opposite of what they actually want.
I never bothered reading the book and have little interest in seeing the movie. I did see a trailer though. But with lines like “I don’t do romance” and a scene of a character named Christian Grey leaving his bed in the middle of the night in his penthouse to play a Chopin piece on his Faziioli Grand, well the whole thing seems cringe worthy to me. I also read that Christian presents a first edition of Tess of the d’Urbervilles as a gift - a more depressing book I cannot think of. There is nothing there that attracts me.
Haven’t read the book and have no interest in the movie, tho am shocked at the apparent popularity.
Well I actually like Hardy. The most depressing book I have ever started is Angela’s Ashes.
I couldn’t even finish it.
I think it is fine if a couple want to explore how they relate to one another, but my feeling is if they need to push boundaries * every single time*, they need therapy.
Probably individually.
Angela’s Ashes was one of the worst and most depressing movies I ever saw…didn’t read the book. I read all 3 Grey books. Yes, they were poorly written ,but the topic was fascinating for those of us unfamiliar with all that. There was silly parts in it, and too much sex. And I like sex in a book…think Outlander. I was actually skipping through some of the sex scenes. But, there was humor in it, and the story kept my interest through 3 books. The first and last were the best. I was really interested in seeing the movie, but after reading the Rotten Tomatoes reviews I think I will pass. The majority of the time I actually agree with it.
As far as what young men will think of girls wanting to see this? I think they won’t think anything about it…they will throw it in the same heap as the Twilight movies.
“I have to second someone on there. I am so glad that it’s giving people a space to admit that gasp they actually like kink.”
I don’t see what’s so great about this. Why do such people need a “safe space” to announce to the rest of us what they like, when we really don’t care? If you’re not my actual partner, what you do and don’t prefer between the sheets isn’t fundamentally of any interest anyway. Keep it to yourself.
If this mother’s account of the content of this movie is in any way accurate, I am highly disturbed by its success among female movie goers. Furthermore, I find the fact that few people seem to be talking about the abject abuse, psychological intimidation, and outright RAPE depicted in the film unspeakably depressing. I have not read the books, as I have zero interest in S&M as a form of sexual expression (am rather creeped out by the notion, to be honest), and I had also heard that the books were extremely poorly written. If you’ve seen the movie, please read this woman’s letter, and tell us what you think of her response.
^^It says page not found.
I haven’t seen the movie. I read the book to see what all the hype was about. Didn’t find the subject matter necessarily all that controversial but the book was so poorly written I can’t believe it’s so popular. Certainly didn’t read the next two. Won’t see the movie because even if the subject matter was of interest to me, I prefer my erotica in the privacy of my own home not in a theater among strangers. Also can’t imagine how they can make a decent movie from such a trashy book.
Kudos to those of you who managed to force yourselves to finish one or more of the books. I couldn’t get past the Kindle sample I downloaded for free.
I was an adolescent/young adult in the late sixties and seventies. Much of the kink referenced here was common in those days, so perhaps that’s why the awful writing overpowered whatever interest the kink could have had for me. I find it depressing that such horrible books would be the ones that invigorate the non-reading public.
I had been looking forward to watching the movie on Netflix or HBO eventually, as I liked Jamie Dornan in *The Fall/i. Based on the reviews, I don’t think I’ll watch.
It’s a record spanker at the box office (domestic and global records).
“Why do such people need a “safe space” to announce to the rest of us what they like, when we really don’t care?”
They’re not announcing to YOU. If you don’t care, don’t frequent spaces where BDSM is discussed in detail.
But when the UK has new legislation that arbitrarily bans certain things in porn–BDSM, female ejaculation–that’s policing people’s preferences. Suddenly they’re made to feel like they’re not normal, not okay. (Not even going to get into the fact that FEMALE ORGASM is now too raunchy for British porn.)
And if you resent people of all preferences being able to discuss their likes and dislikes openly…jeez.
Completely missed my point. I didn’t mean that they should now go on CC and announce it (though, really, there are PLENTY of things on here that I don’t give a hoot about- this isn’t any different IMO). I meant that it’s giving people a starting point to have a conversation.
And please, people talk about what they prefer “between the sheets” all the time. Every time you say “my H” you are announcing a sexual preference. This isn’t all that different, it’s just not something we’ve normalized yet.