<p><a href=“http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/features/12026/index.html[/url]”>http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/features/12026/index.html</a></p>
<p>Yikes!!!..why is my mind doing a fast-forward about 16 years down the road and thinking of the recent other CC thread about parents suing schools on the val/sal issue…???</p>
<p>The whole thing made me sick to my stomach. There is something wrong with that woman’s whole thought process and I feel sorry for her kid.</p>
<p>It was when I got to page 3 and learned her interpretation of “it takes a village…” that I began to reel. She has hired a village! So as to make time for being an alpha Mom!? Mind you, I do NOT want to be misinterpreted as dissing working moms, moms who have help. I am solidly in both camps when it comes to stay-at-home versus work-outside-the-home parenting; each makes his/her own decision on what’s best. But as MoTwo said there is “something wrong with that woman’s whole thought process.”</p>
<p>Reminds me of the song “Where is the Love?”</p>
<p>Chilling.</p>
<p>jmmom - As anyone who knows me will confirm, I am the LAST one on earth to diss working moms! When my son was born, I was a post-doc and went back to the lab 3 days per week when he was only 2 months old, and when my daughter was born, my job allowed me to work part-time only until she was one year old. And I have been working full time ever since! In addition to the hiring of a “village”, I think a lot of what bothered me was her attitude that the child is like a business project, and she can make him come out to be a perfect over-achiever if she follows all of her silly rules. Maybe I am being a little strong, but I never got the feeling that she feels any real attachment or love for her child as a person.</p>
<p>We should all say a prayer for this child - and for the parents. It’s clear that money and status are their gods - hopefully this child, when older, will be exposed to adults, i.e. teachers, scout leaders, other parents, who have some real values.</p>
<p>BigGreen,</p>
<p>That was my thought as well.</p>
<p>I can’t wait to see what wilderness or emotional growth program Ryland winds up in when he is 15 or 16!</p>
<p>I stopped reading the article, but LOVE doesn’t appear very much…the son is like a project that while Mom took on, she ain’t too thrilled with, all sarcasm taken into account.</p>
<p>Poor kid…mom didn’t seem to soften at all. Wonder bout Dad.</p>
<p>OK, rant on. Gentle rant, but I know I’m preaching to the choir here, so feel free to jump right on to the next post…</p>
<p>I just read that whole thing. I have a headache. Thank you all for your thoughts above, they are so apt. BigGreen, MotherOfTwo, momofthree: you are all right on the money. Parenting is not a contest. It is the process of raising your child to be happy, caring, wise, confident, and a meaningful contributor to the world. There is no one formula for this that is foolproof, and each family learns their own best path. While this mother (and father, who seems a bit unsure that his wife has chosen the best path, didn’t you think?) loves her child and wants the best for him, and thinks she has “learned” how to “manage” it, she doesn’t seem to be aware that she’s missing a few big points. “Where is the love?” indeed.</p>
<p>
Um… no comment. (Well, OK, a comment: can you imagine this boy finding out when he’s older that he was an afterthought project for his mom?)
Get through it? If “getting through it” was the “message” of parenting, it would be a poor life for everyone. Parenting is not an easy ride: to do it right (and by that I mean, in a way that brings growth and love and guidance to the child and satisfaction to the parent) takes effort and a lot of time. Is this mother truly giving herself to her child?</p>
<p>Here it is Father’s Day and we’re discussing Alpha Moms. Any fathers out there have some thoughts to add to this discussion?</p>
<p>I wonder if she reads Gertrude Stein?
It doesn’t seem that there is any there, there.
How empty she must be to push herself so hard so that she doesn’t have to see how meaningless it is.
Is it making her happy?</p>
<p>I always hated that way of talking to kids. “yes, honey, mommy knows you are angry but you cannot bite me…”</p>
<p>I mean, there are times when it has its uses, but there’s also room for a good strong “Because I said so.” Kids only listend to 30% of what you say anyway, too much talking is fruitless. The other thing I would do when the kids pestered me too much was start to sing the word no. “No no no no no no, nonononononono.” That really drove them nuts…</p>
<p>Here’s my opinion. I was a highly attached mom, breastfed forever, stayed home full time for a while only worked full time once D was 10 and S was 7. They put me through my parenting paces - right to the edge. I didn’t believe in spanking etc., but they really made me lose my temper. One time I threw all their stuff from the car out on to the road outside our house because I was so mad.</p>
<p>But, something about having spent the time attached made me feel like it was OK to be authentically angry with them, as long as I kept them safe from either physical punishment or too harsh words. When I felt really angry I would get silent - and like I said throw things into the street.</p>
<p>That’s just my opinion. The goal is an authentic attachment - with all the attendant warts and bumps.</p>
<p>This is perhaps controversial.</p>
<p>Nice post mootmom.</p>
<p>I thought it was rich when, on page 4, she described how they didn’t want any outside investors in their TV channel because they wanted complete control.</p>
<p>But the child? The child is being raised by 3-5 people <em>not</em> in the family! That seems a gaping hole for someone who wants complete control over everything. </p>
<p>It also struck me that she is going through television to teach mothers how to raise “overachievers.” Television? That big gaping black hole in many lives? The thing you’re supposed to restrict because spending too much time watching TV is bad for you? I can only imagine how long watching the TV versions of “only the best advice” would be compared to other methods. So much for breaking out of the home and being “go get 'em.”</p>
<p>There is a difference between “overachieving” and “accomplished.” There is a difference between “driven” and “controlling.” I obviously know nothing about it (I’m just a kid myself!), but it seems to me that this lady will be raising a child that is indeed spoiled, who is used to seeing mommy get her way every time and will think that’s the way he should go too. Either that, or a milquetoast because his mother did everything for him. In any case, he certainly won’t be “normal” (whatever that is). </p>
<p>That the article had to say that the parents thought the party would be a success if Ryland had fun… man. I’m glad my mother wasn’t that intense.</p>
<p>Another one of those stories that makes you wonder how the rest of us survived. ;)</p>
<p>Eeeeewwww… I agree, this mom’s actions turn my stomach. My sis and former BIL have 4 kids. They read every popular parenting book and came up with the empathy and endulge theory of parenting for their kids. The word “no” was never uttered from a parent’s mouth. Their kid(s) would demand things and activities and the parents would stop what they were doing and immediately participate in whatever their kid(s) wanted right then. Oldest is now 15, youngest is 8 and they are the most ill-behaved and dysfunctional group of kids I’ve ever been around. While I love my sister, and she’s trying to turn things around, thank goodness I live 800 miles away.</p>
<p>
You obviously know a lot about it: wise points.</p>
<p>And the part about the boy having fun at his 2nd birthday party? I read that and wondered if they would truly be able to tell. I have to admit not having gone into any 2-year-olds’ birthday parties wondering whether or not they would be a “success”… Well, the world is a big place, it takes all kinds. I shall send supportive vibes to that family. (Anyone else have the sense that they’d be getting some backlash as a result of the article?)</p>
<p>somebody made it to page 3? 
</p>
<p>Alum Mom, I have slammed a few doors myself. And parenting doesn’t end when they go off to college…at least my sis with 40 year olds says it is forever. You don’t ever finish going through it…it just changes. My 95 year old father attests to that on this Father’s Day.</p>
<p>NJres,</p>
<p>I actually read the whole thing, looking for the love. Except for the initial reaction of the poor dad, I just didn’t find it there.</p>