<p>For someone to be proud that she sleeps less than 4 hours a night is really disturbing- I think most of us need more than that to be happy and healthy.
When I read that I had the same thought as when I heard about Tom Cruise jumping on the couch and throttling Oprah.
Meds- they can be a good thing.</p>
<p>I think that this woman, as the head of a network, will be bringing in experts as opposed to dispensing her own parenting wisdom. No matter though, it’s more popular to hate her.</p>
<p>I have to agree with Zagat. This woman is someone most want to dislike, she dares to think she can have it all.</p>
<p>I’m 47 years old, have 4 kids, the youngest of whom is 13, have almost always worked yet people keep asking me if I’m about to stop. Why? My impending (next week!) second marriage. It truly is unseemly to many afflluent women that a woman works who does not have to. </p>
<p>If anyone else remembers the episode, Lynetter tells off the woman she deems to be the alpha mom: the PTA, follow my lead and be my type of mom, stay at home leader at the fancy private school.</p>
<p>Zagat, I am a working mom and always have been, though I made adjustments to my career in order to accommodate parenting – as did the majority of my law school classmates who later became mothers. I had my kids in day care from the time they were very small until my son was old enough to refuse to continue going (middle school age) - my way of coping was to keep my hours reasonable and consistent, generally adhering within the 7 am - 6pm hours that the various day care centers maintained. I have no problem with parents who choose another combination – that is their business.</p>
<p>But Alpha Mom has legitimately opened the door to criticism of her lifestyle choice because she is creating this television network, purportedly to give advice to other high powered executive moms. If I set up my own network to preach my theories of child-rearing, I would expect a critique as well. </p>
<p>I’m sure that the reporter who wrote this article did pick and choose quotes and slant things to make a point – but you can’t get around the fact that this woman’s expertise in child-rearing involves hiring a corps of other people to handle the job for her. I mean, hiring a babysitter to relieve the nanny??? By that standard, I’m an expert in car repair – every time the car breaks down, I pay somebody else to fix it. It takes a village…</p>
<p>Kirmum, congratulations on your impending marriage!</p>
<p>I’m wondering if the people who are asking you if you plan to stop working are merely curious - especially if your fiance is financially secure – rather than challenging your choice of lifestyle. Down here in the trenches of median-income-land, I’ve never had anyone ask me whether I’m going to stop working. The problems I had when the kids were small were from professional colleagues – other lawyers who seemed to have no tolerance or understanding at all for the fact that I needed to take off early for a teacher conference, even when the all-important event that I was missing was an after-hours cocktail party. I honestly got a lot of grief from lawyers who expected me to be available for weekend depositions or late evening conferences. If the stay-at-home moms had a problem I was oblivious to their criticism – maybe because I was so grateful for the ones who were willing to pitch in and help provide transportation for my kids when I couldn’t make it.</p>
<p>I think most parents are working outside the home by the time their youngest is 13, but I have also noticed that it helps to have flexible hours so that at least one parent is around when they are teens. Teens need more supervision and guidance than you would think, and I really appreciate the parents of my daughters friends who I share that role with. I especially appreciate the parents who take time off from very busy schedules to coach her soccer team , to help coach her high school track team , who host weekend parties at their homes and always do their share of carpooling. ( and I appreciate cell phones which have been a much used “necessity” for those times when life happens)
These are busy people, trial attorneys, contractors and developers, physicians and business owners, but they really like kids and are great with them and they are a priority in their lives, all kids not just their own.</p>
<p>Calmom, I think no one looks down on women who have no choice but to work. And thank you for your good wishes (I am so nervous!). My arguement really only effects those with the incredible option of not working. This is many in my class at Yale Law school and Zagat’s business school class. Heck, there is no issue if one must work!</p>
<p>My husband to be is a successful doctor who way out earns me. The funny thing is, deep down he would love me to not work and be available to travel on his lecture circuit and just be there. The flip side is I know he was attracted to the hard charging lawyer!</p>
<p>Life is complex, but I so agree with Zagat’s first post, women need to stop bashing each other’s choices. I don’t think this woman had a hope in hell of being fairly depicted in this article. The bias of the writer is clear. Choice, however, is in the hands of so few that this is not a debate many will see from all angles.</p>
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<p>I’ll admit that I haven’t read through the whole article, but I am a little disheartened that we as women are having a field day criticizing another woman. Most of us are preaching to the choir because it is safe to say this is not how we would raise our kids.</p>
<p>I beleive that everyone does the best that they know how. Yes, we definitley have some Oops, and Screw up moments, but hopefully we learn from them. This woman is of the mindset that even if she doesn’t do it that she is going to surround her self with the best help possible. It’s not the right approach for me, hell, it not the right approach for any of us based on the respones, but she is doing what works for her. And like the rest of us, she will have some Oops moments, and she will find out what is not working. Let’s hope in that respect that she does treat it like a business and realizes that she needs to come up with a new plan because she isn’t getting good results from what she is doing.</p>
<p>It is ironic that someone said that this is father’s day and we are discussing alpha mom. No where yet has anyone questioned if the father is even an active participant in the raising of this child outside of living in the same house with him. This woman did not have this child by herself. If her husband finds the approach she is taking is so egregious, why isn’t he stepping up to help carry some of the parenting responsibilities? There are tons of kids that “live” in 2 parent households and “are being raised” by single parents. </p>
<p>The upside to being a single parent is that each day you know that the bulk of the responsibility falls to you as oppose to living with someone who feels that this is “your role” to raise the kids and is basically taking a hands off aproach.</p>
<p>Isn’t it already enough that women are constantly being marginalized and faced if criticism that if you are a working parent, why aren’t you at home with your kids? IF you are a stay at home parent, you don’t know what it is to work? We all work, inside and outside of the home. The sad thing is that she is not the first person to take this approach to child rearing and she won’t be the last.</p>
<p>I don’t think Isabel wants a consultant she doesn’t have veto power over</p>
<p>*but also seems to believe her husband doesnt know beans about parenting. Craig speaks of Rylands birth as a time when he felt a love hed never felt before, so pure and instinctual. He describes parenting since then as a matter of instinct of whats right and common sense. Isabel, for her part, says instincts are not to be ignored, but she prefers making an informed decision, rather than one in a vacuum.</p>
<p>Were different, very different, says Craig. Hes the relaxed one who needs his four hours of sleep; Isabel claims to put him to bed and return to work. Shes the one who cried about the preschool rejection; hes the one who reminded her, Hes only 2. Hes the one who comes home to play with Ryland as he listens to music; shes the one who says, Its constant noise with Craig, and Im constantly searching for quiet. Isabel tells him not to be so rough, so loud. She cites research showing that children should be spoken to in calm voices. I get yelled at by Mommy, says Craig, and since Mommy has done such extensive research, he generally defers. Maybe I havent dared to criticize her, he realizes.*</p>
<p>I also disagree that she can’t discount him unless he allows it.
I can be a complete ____ch. ( I know- who knew?)
I have easily steamrolled over many of my husbands decisions and make life mighty unpleasant till I get my way. When someone describes themselves as “alpha” it doesn’t mean they are interested in collaboration or discussion.
I have learned to give more respect to others and not be afraid to give up power. Being powerful, does not mean being in control 24/7.
I expect H will either come around to her way of thinking or he will notice that the nanny is a lot more nurturing ( and pretty cute).</p>
<p>I am a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you and that people exhibit behaviors that reinforce what they want or need.
She can’t discount him unless he allows himself to be discounted.</p>
<p>If the article was written about alpha dad, we would be quick to say that he’s a good dad, working hard providing for his family yada, yada, yada.</p>
<p>Sybbie, you need to read the whole article – there are quotes from both parents indicating that the Dad is more laid back in his approach but his opinions are rebuffed by Alpha Mom - he says that whatever he does or suggest, Alpha Mom yells at him.
I realize that is merely his point of view – but it is an important issue, whether it is objective fact or just Dad’s perception that around Alpha Mom, everything he does is wrong. It is the kind of thing that breaks apart marriages and that often requires counseling and hard work to repair – again, whether or not it is true, the fact that Dad feels that he is being rebuffed, and that little lord Alpha Son now rules the roost having deposed Daddy, is a very big red danger flag for this marriage.</p>
<p>Let’s get to the real heart of it, divorce is far less likely for this couple than for most. Over $10 million in assets and under $100 million is a very low divorce rate population. They don’t want to split the assets. So as long as she looks good and the kids get into the right schools, and as long as he stays at least number 2 at a top company enjoying the lifestyle, they’re married. When I divorced husband #1, he was horrified and showed me the stats! A husband like hers knows he married a high achieving perfectionist and knows this will carry over into motherhood. Why else would he so easily let go and let her win the parenting arguement? She has a more impressive bibliography than she did on any school paper.</p>
<p>Sybbie has a lot of wisdom in her post, but I’ll go a step further. Even in 2 parent households, especially highly affluent ones, one parent raises the child. Look around, some of the nicest guys just don’t get that it’s not only the woman’s responsibility. My new husbands’s ex, who has not had to work since their divorce 10 years ago, rightfully told him he was not an involved enough parent. The wake up call and my push did him good. He honestly believed that providing financially was his key job. Men!</p>
<p>What is ironic is the woman in the article is starting a network for parnets on how to parent, yet she doesn’t do much parenting from what SHE indicated. How can one parent if you work 100 hours a week? I wouldn’t want to be married to a man who CHOSE to work 100 hours a week…what kind of marriage would that be?</p>
<p>Think about it, would you want a husband or wife who worked 100 hours a week, could the marriage take it? </p>
<p>This is not a woman I admire, to the contrary of what a poster said- she is self centered and a narcicist and will feel her child’s successes and failures are a reflection of her. I don’t care that she works. Jeesh. That is not the debate.</p>
<p>I would not marry a man that wanted to be my boss, nor would I marry a man that wanted me to be his boss. Its a team. With the totally different parenting styles, and with what appears mom deciding what is to be done through all her “research”, not even really acknowledging the personality of her toddler, I only wonder. He is annoying to her, something to be scheduled around, some one she has little clue about, and some one she thinks is “doable” </p>
<p>If that came from a dad, I would be *&%^$ off. Why did she have a son? Dad seems to get it. Mom, not really. </p>
<p>When I hear my Hs friends talk about their children, be they attorneys, bankers, taxicab drivers, their eyes light up, They talk of love and caring. I got none of that from AlphaMom.</p>
<p>And she wants peace and quite!!! With a TWO year old? SHe’s joking right? And she doesn’t want dad to make noise with son? VROOM VROOM</p>
<p>Citygirlsmom, if a 2 year old allows no peace and quiet, there’s a problem. That child, allowed to disturb the peace of a home, would be more indulged than one being given material things. Yet so many here would condone this.</p>
<p>No Kirmum, no one here is condoning letting the child disrupt the family life. Quite the contrary – the thing that appalls us that that is exactly what has happened – everything revolves around the kid and the Alpha Mom’s kid-as-business-project take on things.</p>
<p>It isn’t the kid-noise the mom is complaining about anyway - she’s upset when daddy & kid together start making noise. When kid is squalling in the car because he wants his shoes to come off, its a different matter.</p>
<p>There is no winning here Kirmum. Women who went to ivies are evil. My god we even went to ivy grad schools making us beyond evil! When they married successful men and went to live on the upper east side of Manhattan they became beyond, beyond evil. By virtue of being wealthy, their kids are spoiled (and evil). There is much more honor in being financially challenged.</p>
<p>Let me throw one other thing into the mix on this board. Little Ry-Ry and his family are living well off earnings from the foulest type of music out there today. Isn’t it nice that the obscenities and violence of the music that little Ry-Ry’s father produces allows Mommy Ry-Ry to finance all that help. Check out this Atlantic Records site where Daddy RY-RY is co-chairman. I wonder if they’re playing Dilated Peoples or Kookade for Ry-Ry. If you want to hurt your ears click on and listen to the Likwit Junkies on this site. <a href=“http://www.abbrecords.com/home.html[/url]”>http://www.abbrecords.com/home.html</a></p>
<p>Moving away from the personalities involved, curiosity got the better of me. DH is in the cable TV biz and I asked him what he knew about the Alpha Mom TV VOD cable channel. It launched in May on Comcast (only available to digital customers as free video on demand - FVOD). As Comcast customers (but that’s not the company my H is associated with), we found it under the lifestyles - parenting choices of the On Demand menu. Also found a press release on the Alpha Mom website about the Comcast launch: <a href=“http://www.alphamom.com/press_room/p_newyorktimes_052505.html[/url]”>http://www.alphamom.com/press_room/p_newyorktimes_052505.html</a> . H cannot speculate how much, if anything, Comcast is paying per subscriber for the channel and the AM website does not elaborate about the deal, except to say they are looking for advertisers.</p>
<p>Maize, thanks for getting this to something worth discussing. What’s the chance this channel will make it? Low, if I have to guess. Moms without the “hired” village have no time for TV.</p>
<p>Wow, I don’t really get why this would turn into an Ivy/anti-Ivy argument. To me, it has nothing to do with where the mom went to college or where she lives or even what her career is or what her husband does. It’s not about the money or her prestige. I’m not resentful of her in the least; in fact, I admire a lot about her when it applies to business (her drive, ambition, risk-taking, etc…). But when applied to childrearing, that’s another story. Her attitude and current practice (i.e. valuing infinite amounts of research over her own intuition, choosing to delegate 90% of her son’s care to her “village,” not to mention her control issues when it comes to her versus her son and husband), is distasteful to many of us. To turn it into an extension of the old mommy wars is to obscure the issue. </p>
<p>This woman is savvy enough to know that she is fair game for criticism. She agreed to expose her personal life and her parenting philosophy (such as it is) because she knew it would be the best possible advertising for her impending business venture (the cable network).</p>