The truth is that someone else has turned your head. Several things can happen.<br>
You seriously evaluate your current situation and decide that the grass really isn’t greener in someone else’s pasture.<br>
You seriously evaluate your current situation and decide that what you have isn’t where you want to go in the long term.<br>
You convince yourself that the new girl is a better bet, but she’s really just a bridge to get you out of where you are now.
The new girl is fantabulous and ends up being your life partner. The current girl goes on to find someone else, who is ultimately better for her than YOU are.
…</p>
<p>imho, a relationship isn’t “working out” if after a year and a half you are not in love. You are just in some kind of holding pattern. This is what dating is for…to better get to know someone you like and care about to see if they are a good life-match. I “broke up” with many guys before I met my husband and he dated many other women. Neither of us “dumped” anyone. </p>
<p>You can talk to your current girlfriend in a kind, caring, respectful way and explain that you are feeling she might not be the perfect fit for you. It doesn’t mean your care for her feelings, etc just vanishes. If she isn’t for you…then you aren’t for her, and you are not doing her any big favor by staying with her out of some kind of guilt. She deserves someone who really LOVES her. (People do break up and get back together too.)</p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like you’ve had all that much experience dating, and I suggest you talk nicely with care and compassion and explain the situation to your current g/f and see what might be there with this new woman. Long -term relationships and marriage are hard enough when you enter them head-over-heels in love. I guess some people don’t look for real love and are content with companionship. At your young age, that seems somewhat sad to me…</p>
<p>IMO you should do the current girlfriend a favor and let her move on. It sounds like you developed into an exclusive relationship with her which means she’s shutting herself off to other people also. Clearly you aren’t ready for an exclusive relationship and that’s OK at your age. Honesty is at play here…the only thing that is remotely unethical is not being honest with the current girlfriend.</p>
<p>Agree with above posters that you are not doing your current girlfriend any favors by hanging around. Let her go so that she can get on with finding a life partner who will love her. I can’t imagine investing 1 1/2 years of my life (and more:eek:) on a guy who doesn’t love me.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to date someone, you don’t have to have a “good” reason. The pure fact that you no longer want to be in the relationship is reason enough. This is what dating is supposed to be about. You don’t even know if this other girl is “someone better.” All you know is that your attraction to her has exposed to you the superficiality of your feelings for current girlfriend. The only thing “unethical” here would be to continue to stay in the relationship out of some misguided notion that you don’t have a pretty enough reason to get out of it. If you behave with integrity and honesty, then you have done nothing wrong. Hanging around because you feel the reason for leaving the relationship is not good enough is actually more hurtful, and thus more unethical, than being honest yet compassionate in ending the relationship.</p>
<p>I got good advice when I was dating. Someone told me that I would know I was ready for marriage if I could not imagine my life WITHOUT the guy I was dating. You have to be really in love and deeply committed to think about marriage (or whatever long-term arrangement you’re considering). Things get tough for any couple, and if you don’t have that bedrock of deep love, you’re not going to make it. It is much easier to cut things off at a year and a half than at 10 years when there are probably children involved.</p>
<p>Agree with all who are telling you if the current gf is simply familiar or comfortable, but you arent “in love” and don’t see yourself with her for the long term, then end it. Nicely. You aren’t doing her any favors by stringing her along. Staying with her simply because it is convenient is to me what is “unethical”.</p>
<p>Your girlfriend “likes” you and you are not “in love” with her. If after a year and 1/2 and nobody is in love, have a respectful, adult conversation and move on.</p>
<p>No, it is not. If it were working out, you’d acknowledge to yourself that you find this other girl attractive and move on. You’re not moving on, new girl is taking up more and more space in your head.</p>
<p>So, it’s not working out with your current girlfriend. Someday, when you are married and a new girl turns your head, you’ll have the strength and maturity to turn your thoughts back to your marriage. But you are not married and the same rules do not apply.</p>
This sounds more like friends with exclusive benefits. If you are still looking for “the one” and she doesn’t give you that “feeling”, then call the relationship what it is and see if she is ok with that. If not, do the right thing.</p>
<p>My conclusion, after reading many of these posts (which for the record were quite helpful) is as follows:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I don’t really care about my current girlfriend, so I’m probably doing the right thing for breaking up with her.</p></li>
<li><p>The REAL mistake I made was dating her in the first place, because I pretty much knew right off the bat she was a dead end. I was just lonely and kind of “desperate” at the time. I think that was the wrong thing to do. I might as well correct my mistake now and break up with her, before she wastes any more of her time on me.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Observationally it seems like the kids go from “packs” to exclusivity. I rather liked the good old days where you dated different people until like Mainehorn says “you couldn’t imagine life without the guy.” I know when I met my husband I was in my late twenties and still dating a couple different guys which was totally acceptable. </p>
<p>And OP your last statement about letting her go for “someone better” is the most telling part of your post.</p>
<p>You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free</p>
<p>Well we didn’t have supersonic speed like these days. Dating or simply hanging out one on one was how you got to know people before you got “exclusive” and we sure as heck didn’t want to do what our 1940s -50s parents did which was find someone and settle down unconditionally. We were a generation that for the most part took our time and shopped around. We didn’t text constantly, we didn’t even carry phones around with us. Sometimes we’d go a week without talking to someone we were seeing. But we certainly ended relationships and it hurt…even if you had 50 ways to leave your lover blasting on the radio. I watch one of my boys go from zero to exclusive in a matter of weeks, the other two seem to avoid exclusivity. One isn’t better than the other, it just makes it harder to move on because there is more emotional investment earlier in the relationship.</p>
<p>My mom’s rule, which I told everyone I dated, was that I (& whomever else I was seeing) was free to see anyone unless and until engaged (& then married). I dated several people at the same time and they knew it. I was dating several men at the same time until H & I were engaged. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary.</p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with DATING someone even if you’re not MADLY in love to see how and if the relationship MAY progress. Feelings CAN change over the course of time and giving it some time to check it out is fair to everyone. A few months, a year or a year and a half is a decent amount of time, depending on circumstances. </p>
<p>To me the wrong thing would be to lead someone to think I cared more about them than I did by saying they were “the ONE” when I didn’t honestly think so or saying “I couldn’t imagine life without them” when I was trying to figure out how and when to end the relationship. The important thing is to be true to oneself and authentic, owning your feelings. You can’t pretend you feel more affection and passion than you feel and this “old friend” truly deserves better, as do you. You’ll both be better for clarity and more honesty. Sometimes we can’t figure out what’s missing until and unless we find something that comes a lot closer than we ever expected.</p>
<p>Please break up with your Girlfriend. Why would you waste her time letting her think that the relationship is going somewhere when it’s not? And if the girl you are dating is my daughter, please do that tomorrow. ;)</p>
<p>Nobody here thinks that you do not care about your girlfriend. Actually, the fact that you are concerned about her feelings in all of this proves that you care about her. But it is BECAUSE you care about her that you should break it off with her. Because you are not “in love” with her, and you are attracted to someone else. </p>
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<p>Wrong again…you absolutely should have dated her if you had any interest at all. You might have been surprised at what developed. But at 1.5 years, if your relationship is not growing stronger, than it just is not. It is no ones fault, it is just the way it is. Time for both of you to move on. </p>
<p>Dating is how you meet people, how you determine what qualities you want in a lifetime mate, even if you want a lifetime mate. Don’t stay in a relationship only because it is easy, or comfortable. Especially at your age!</p>