<p>Despite how fast relationships move today- and despite the fact that you are probably going to break up- you can still let her know how much the time with her mattered. You don’t let on that you were lonely, you don’t say “well, that’s that, seeya around.” You make it nice. Can you think of a gentle, dignified way?</p>
<p>Ok, but the problem is, this new girl that I have fallen for is friends with my current girlfriend- that’s how we met. How am I just going to break up with my girlfriend and have a relationship with her best friend? </p>
<p>The more I think about this over the last few days, there is just no way I could pull that off. Even though I know she likes me, she probably would not go out with me and jeopardize her friendship. Or would my current GF be understanding of the situation, and not let that get inbetween them?</p>
<p>Anyway, in case it doesn’t work out:</p>
<p>I’m not really a huge socialite and I don’t even have that many friends. If I break up with my current girlfriend, this could mean I end up alone for the next couple years even before I meet someone else i’m compatible with. When that happens I just get so depressed. I just don’t know if 'm willing to make that sacrifice.</p>
<p>At the same time, I understand that my relationship is temporary and I am hurting her by wasting her time when in reality I don’t care <em>that much</em> about her and I’m basically just waiting for someone better.</p>
<p>So, should I risk depression and loneliness by doing the “right thing”?</p>
<p>OK, I’ve honestly been there. I agree it will be awkward for everyone no matter what at this point. The current GF can sense when there is chemistry between you & her BFF. We could ALWAYS end up alone for some time, which is why we have to be comfortable with OURSELVES before we can have healthy relationships with others. You can’t expect another person to complete you and make you feel “less alone.” There is too much ahead for you & your current GF to just “settle” out of fear because yo udon’t want to be alone–heck you could get dumped & still be alone or you could be alone WITH this person if you are just going through the motions. If you don’t feel more than duty to this woman, you owe it to her and yourself to be true to that and give both of you permission to figure out how to find something that offers more.</p>
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<p>This is what you need to work on. Work on your social skills and work on becoming a person capable of making and keeping friends. Having a girlfriend is not nearly as important as having friends. Your girlfriend should never take the place of having friends and it is not her job to keep you from being lonely. You’re not ready for a relationship if you are depending on that relationship to keep from being depressed.</p>
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<p>You should read</p>
<p>[Amazon.com:</a> The Art of Loving (9780060915940): Erich Fromm, Ruth Nanda Ashen, Ruth N. Anshen: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Art-Loving-Erich-Fromm/dp/0060915943]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Art-Loving-Erich-Fromm/dp/0060915943)</p>
<p>It’s a short life changing book, maybe an weekend afternoon read, and will explain everything better than I ever could. </p>
<p>From a Dad whose been in the same committed relationship for about 30 years, I have a few pointers. </p>
<p>1) It’s a paradox, but you need to be comfortable being alone with yourself before you can ever enter into a healthy relationship with someone else. Get comfortable being alone. Deal with that first. There is no shortcut. How to do that is in the book. </p>
<p>2) In this case, you need to loosen the bonds with your current girlfriend. It need not mean breaking up, but it might. Say something like “I realize that I’m not ready at this point in my life to be in a committed relationship. I still care for you, but I feel drawn to others also, and I don’t want to deceive you in anyway or feel guilty about it. It’s the way I’m wired. I also think I need to get comfortable being alone for a while so that I don’t end up entering into a serious relationship just because I don’t want to be alone.”</p>
<p>3) The next time you do get into a relationship, don’t discuss your relationship with your partner unless it’s so obvious to both of you that you are life partners and are ready to get engaged. Just make it fun and happy and don’t get serious. Two kids and 30 years later, I joke that I never have. My wife and I laugh with and at each other every day. There is something chemical and magical between us. Neither of us feels the need to explain it or analyze it. If you don’t feel that chemical bond, you’ve probably gotten too serious too fast. </p>
<p>As far as the new girl, just let whatever happens happen without guilt. Since you are going to be comfortable being alone, there is no risk.</p>
<p>Thanks a lot, ClassicRockerDad. That was actually very helpful.</p>
<p>Make sure you avoid using the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” and any other breakup cliches.</p>