<p>As a nation, we have to make mental health a much higher priority than it currently is. It is greatly underfunded and undertreated, with very few resources for those who suffer mental issues, their loved ones and their medical providers.</p>
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<p>I so totally agree. With respect to adults who commit terrible crimes, I always think “what are the family members supposed to do?” Sure, a parent can act if their adult child makes a specific or even general threat of violence. But in most cases, a parent has limited options.</p>
<p>I worked with a woman who had a son that could have been Adam Lanza. Frankly, I lived in fear that he would come to the office one day with a rifle. He was out of control since he was 12 (possibly earlier, that’s how old he was when she started to work here) and she seemed powerless with him, often enabling. It’s a very long sad story that has not ended, however I am happy she longer works in our office.</p>
<p>My former sister-in-law is a wonderful person with two sons. One is just awesome. The older one has been monstrously disturbed all of his life. In and out of inpatient facilities since he was in elementary school, medicated, the whole bit. To no avail. When he was around fourteen, he created a very detailed plan to kill his grandparents. Just because he wanted to. A serious, workable, detailed, well-considered plan. Which would have worked. The young man’s parents were divorced but remained always friendly and cooperative. There was no abuse, no deprivation. He is now 23 years old and is 6’5 inches tall and about 250 pounds. He is every bit as violent as he ever was, has several times used his car to commit acts of violence. But he doesn’t need a weapon, he could kill with his bare hands and I have no doubt that he will do so when the opportunity presents itself. Because he wants to and he can. His mother is required to carry him on her medical insurance, but can’t receive any information that will help her know what’s going on, what should be going on, or what can be done for him. All of the responsibility, but none of the rights. We are so wrong on dealing with mental illness in this country. The school shooting is heartbreaking, but so is it when a mentally ill person wandering the streets pushes someone’s father in front of a subway and watches him die.</p>
<p>As the mother of two mentally ill sons, this incident has been really hard on me. Our older son is doing well on one pill per day, but the doctor can’t get the meds figured out for the younger one. He has lots of hallucinations. He’s very irritable and occasionally angry. The meds have made him gain weight, so now he’s 250 pounds at 6’-1" in height. We can’t MAKE him do anything. He takes his meds willingly, thank goodness, but I’m not sure that they help that much. I try not to think about the future, when he’s not under our roof. There won’t be anything we can do to help him then. All I can do at this point is pray and tell him we love him.</p>
<p>MaineLonghorn, please know that we are always praying with you. You are doing everything that you can do.</p>
<p>Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers MaineLonghorn.</p>
<p>Mainelonghorn- Hugs to you- your honesty about your sons may help others.</p>
<p>There is an excellent website called “Crazy Meds” which has the most information about all of these drugs that I’ve seen. It includes package inserts, studies, , side effects, dosage schedules for particular diagnoses, and includes off label uses. And many forums where people discuss their own med use and what has helped for them as well as possible alternatives. It becomes clear very fast that what works for one person may not for another. Anyway, I suggest you check it out. [Crazy</a> Meds: The Good, The Bad, & The Funny of: Finding the Treatment Options That Suck Less](<a href=“http://www.crazymeds.us%5DCrazy”>http://www.crazymeds.us)</p>
<p>I also have a young adult S that in some ways fits the personality profile of many of these shooters–a loner who doesn’t connect with people.
Although he hasn’t been diagnosed and doesn’t take medication, he is “different.”<br>
S has never been angry or violent, nor threatened anyone verbally or physically. He is cooperative and never rebelled against authority. He is kind to animals and younger children. Still, when these descriptions come up, I can’t help thinking, “OMG, that sounds like S–could he ever snap and do something like this???”
We have never owned guns and have no interest in them–feel safer without them in the house.
However, I wonder if families of children/young adults with “issues” would voluntarily get guns out of their houses? Could parents put their adult children’s names on a “do not sell guns to this person” list? I’m surprised that the mom in this case has these types of weapons in her home.
Mental illness is one issue–access to guns is another.
Of all these shootings, I find this one particularly disturbing. When my HS S told me about it on Friday, I felt like I was going to vomit and pass out at the same time. I had to sit down and cry.<br>
(btw, imo the blog sound like a joke/attempt at “mommy humor” that is being over-interpreted.)</p>
<p>I had not seen the blog behind the story prior to this, but I do have a friend that has a child with a personality disorder. Her life is tough and I know this tragedy has her so worried. As a country we need to do more for those with mental health issues and their families. </p>
<p>My heart goes out to the people of Newtown Ct.</p>
<p>This blog post was read on the radio this morning. Knowing nothing else, I feel very sorry for this woman. Particularly the part in which she states that while she can control him physically now, at 13, in a few years he will be bigger and stronger than she and she will be at his mercy. </p>
<p>And as in the CT case, where is the dad? Both seem to have checked out of responsibility.</p>
<p>I have a friend who could have written the Adam Lanza mom essay. Although fortunately no knives involved. It is SO incredibly hard and tiring to deal with a child who has these problems especially since there is no end in sight. It really affects her whole life. Everything is very structured, doctor appointments, baby sitters (nearly impossible, fortunately she has some adult friends who are able to sit once in a while). Dealing with schools and hoping for the best takes a huge emotional toll. And another toll on her marriage. Especially since there is no end in sight. She does worry about him growing stronger than her (even her H) and being able to control him physically.
When it comes to schools, as he gets older the options dwindle rapidly. The “alternative” schools are really small jails for juvenile delinquents which is really no option at all for a very bright (although troubled) kid.</p>
<p>*Hurting small animals is of course a sign of problems. And a sign that child needs help. If just to stop hurting animals for pleasure. If I knew a child was hurting animals for joy imwould for sure report them and seek help.</p>
<p>Are you saying hurting animals means nothing? *</p>
<p>I agree. Cruelty to animals is a big red flag. Does it indicate that the person will certainly hurt humans in the future? No. The fact that something is a “big red flag” does not mean that any particular outcome is certain. </p>
<p>If a man shoves his wife, that’s big red flag that a more serious physical assault may occur later. Will it definitely occur later? No, but it will more likely occur than with the man who has never shoved his wife (or done something similarly bad). There are many other examples that can be given that are “red flags”, but do not mean that any particular outcome will certainly occur.</p>
<p>*As a nation, we have to make mental health a much higher priority than it currently is. It is greatly underfunded and undertreated, with very few resources for those who suffer mental issues, their loved ones and their medical providers.
*</p>
<p>Yes, but I think a bigger problem is simply “denial”. Few parents want to accept that there may be something seriously mentally wrong with their child. Even if one parent suspects something, sometimes the other parent vetos any attempt at discovery or treatment.</p>
<p>Two extended family members are dealing with an out of control child. One marriage has broken up. In both cases one parent shelters the child so he/she gets mixed messages and squares the parents off against one another.Sadly the siblings are always in danger.
It is heartbreaking to watch.</p>
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<p>There are all kinds of kids in the alternative high schools in our area…</p>
<p>And what is a juvenile delinquent? To me it’s just another “label” and here we are on a thread where everyone is being oh so cautious and concerned about labeling…when you have someone that can’t be mainstreamed, you have someone who can’t be mainstreamed…which could be for many different reasons.</p>
<p>As I have shared before, I have some experience with a struggling teen and with the various programs available for treatment/schooling. There is such a range that it is really hard to discuss many of the families I have met in the same connection with this shooter. The best emotional growth programs are extremely expensive and, even then, have a low success rate. I met some wonderful families who had “normal” children and then the heartache of the struggling teen. None of the kids I met through our journey became violent to the extent that this young man did, but I know of about 3 suicides. Mental illness is a tough, tough problem and I can assure you that it doesn’t matter if the Dad was there or not. In some instances, like the present one, there are just no easy answers.</p>
<p>I haven’t read anything concerning Adam Lanza’s father’s involvement or lack thereof in his life, other than that he was paying Mrs. Lanza $325,000 per year in alimony since their divorce three years ago (he’s apparently an executive with GE), far more than he would have been required to pay her. Was the money a sufficient substitute for continued personal involvement with his son, if there wasn’t any? I don’t know the answer.</p>
<p>Several posts here are attacking the blogging mother. But let’s assume for a moment that she is telling the truth about her son. And since other people who also have children with mental disorders say that her posts ring true for them, that seems like a good assumption.</p>
<p>Maybe she shouldn’t have posted what she posted, but that’s beside the point, really, isn’t it? This is a woman who is clearly at the end of her rope. What do we think she, and other parents in her situation, ought to do? I was unimpressed with the critique of her posts alwaysamom linked to in post #2. Oh, gee, she said some bad things about her kids, stop the presses. Attacking the mother seems to me to be deflecting attention from the issue, which is what we need to do to help parents like her deal with kids like hers. </p>
<p>Should a bright but dangerous kid like hers just be warehoused in an institution? Is that the best we can do? Maybe it is-- it would be nice if there were more resources for her and for him. Who pays? Who should pay?</p>