A Mother's Anguish--Child with Mental Illness

Parent Cafe
41

<p>I read this article a while back, and then saw a tv program about this family, I think it was with Oprah. This is just heartbreaking for this family, and what they have to go through trying to make a life for their daughter, and now their son as well, is just hell.</p>

<p>[Jani’s</a> at the mercy of her mind - Los Angeles Times](<a href=“http://articles.latimes.com/2012/oct/03/health/la-he-schizophrenia29-2009jun29]Jani’s”>Jani's at the mercy of her mind)</p>

<p>It shows what life is like for a family dealing with mental illness. They are struggling, yet doing everything in their power to try to help their daughter. I wish this would be the conversation our country finally has. We need to help these families.</p>

42

<p>It appears we all know someone who is struggling with a child with serious emotional issues, however looking back 25-40 years ago to when we were in our late teens, I don’t remember hearing about this. Mental illness, however, is not a new issue. Does anyone have any insight what happened or were all these individuals placed in institutions?</p>

43

<p>Wow, blankmind, that story brought me to tears. It makes me wonder if all of the imaginary friends my son had when he was little meant more than we realized.</p>

44

<p>“If parents out there don’t know what to do with mentally-ill and DANGEROUS children, that needs to be addressed.”</p>

<p>Well…what should they do? I don’t know what I would do that the mother in the original piece isn’t doing already. You can forcibly medicate until they are 18, but that’s no silver bullet. It may provide partial relief or none at all.</p>

45

<p>IMO, there’s a huge difference between blogging identifiably about details of your personal life online and blogging identifiably about the details of someone else’s personal life online without their permission. I don’t think the latter is “courageous” at all. That mom’s son will have the label of “future mass murder” hanging over his head for a long time–if he’s not socially isolated and stigmatized, he sure will be now.</p>

<p>Also, I don’t think a discussion about mental health centered around “them crazies are gonna kill people so we better do something about them” is going to reduce stigma or apply to the vast, vast majority of people with mental health issues other than to stigmatize them further and perpetuate the mental illness=violence myth.</p>

46

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<p>I hope my post didn’t come across as sounding like that. That’s not what I was trying to say.</p>

47

<p>"It appears we all know someone who is struggling with a child with serious emotional issues, however looking back 25-40 years ago to when we were in our late teens, I don’t remember hearing about this. Mental illness, however, is not a new issue. Does anyone have any insight what happened or were all these individuals placed in institutions? "</p>

<p>I’m not sure if I understand your question, but there are at least three major changes in mental health over the last 30-40 years. </p>

<p>“De-Institutionalization”, in part, related to the discovery of phenothiazenes (i.e. thorazine). Adequate resources were to be put in place int he community, i.e. community mental health centers, but I believe the value of medications were over estimated, and the social factors were underestimated.</p>

<p>Managed and carved out mental health care.</p>

<p>And relatedly, I am quoting the dreaded fox news here;</p>

<p>"The demands of insurance companies, including Medicare and Medicaid and every public insurance program, has been to cram down the educational level of clinicians more and more and more. </p>

<p>People with complex histories of abuse and neglect and extremely toxic interpersonal dynamics are now routinely in the case loads of mental health counselors with little more than college degrees (if that) and social workers and nurses, many of whom are very talented and extremely dedicated people, but many of whom simply do not have the ability or training to do what psychiatrists trained for at least 8 years in medical school and residency could do for them.</p>

<p>Read more:<a href=“Why can't America care for the mentally ill? | Fox News”>Why can't America care for the mentally ill? | Fox News;

48

<p>It was widely reported that some mass shooters were dealing with mental illness and were under a doctor’s care (ex. Aurora and VaTech are a couple that come to mind). I am curious to know how many of these troubled people were taking medication at the time they were plotting these heinous acts (of course, these would be privacy issues). I think that it was reported that Lanza was taking medication.</p>

<p>I would like to see more research in this area. When the warning labels on some of these medications suggest that the patient may experience hallucinations, suicidal ideations, vivid dreams and other unhealthy side effects, those warnings should be taken very seriously.</p>

<p>I know a lot of people are hugely helped by taking medication. On the other hand, I know some who suffer from the side effects find that it is not worth suffering through them in order to quiet the original symptom.</p>

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<p>I found this book very enlightening regarding the potential dangerous side effects of antidepressant medication. The author elaborates on several patients who never had violent tendencies before medication, yet once on a regimen, find themselves helpless to stop such thoughts.</p>

<p>[Prozac</a> Backlash: Overcoming the Dangers of Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, and Other Antidepressants with Safe, Effective Alternatives: Joseph Glenmullen: 9780743200622: Amazon.com: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Prozac-Backlash-Overcoming-Antidepressants-Alternatives/dp/0743200624/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355720832&sr=8-1&keywords=prozac+backlash]Prozac”>http://www.amazon.com/Prozac-Backlash-Overcoming-Antidepressants-Alternatives/dp/0743200624/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355720832&sr=8-1&keywords=prozac+backlash)</p>

49

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<p>I believe there is a miscommunication here. Bedwetting is not associated with mental illness. Firesetting and hurting animals are associated with sociopathy. I believe this was the intent (of Shrinkrap’s statement), but the structure of the sentence is confusing.</p>

50

<p>*Several posts here are attacking the blogging mother. But let’s assume for a moment that she is telling the truth about her son. And since other people who also have children with mental disorders say that her posts ring true for them, that seems like a good assumption.</p>

<p>Maybe she shouldn’t have posted what she posted, but that’s beside the point, really, isn’t it? This is a woman who is clearly at the end of her rope. What do we think she, and other parents in her situation, ought to do? I was unimpressed with the critique of her posts alwaysamom linked to in post #2. Oh, gee, she said some bad things about her kids, stop the presses. Attacking the mother seems to me to be deflecting attention from the issue, which is what we need to do to help parents like her deal with kids like hers. *</p>

<p>I agree. The bigger point is that a number of parents (maybe including she) have children who are mentally ill and potentially dangerous, and these parents really don’t know what to do. </p>

<p>Denial is a big issue. One of my closest friends had to fight with her H to get him to finally agree that their child needed serious help (severe depression/suicidal thoughts). First, the dad ignored the symptoms. Then, when suicidal thoughts/threats became more pronounced, the dad was afraid that the child would get “labeled” and their life would be ruined. The child has been in treatment for over 2 years and has made amazing strides. Now in college and doing very well ( prayers that it continues. )</p>

<p>It can be difficult to diagnose young teens because their symptoms are sometimes different than adults for the same illness. I think I’ve even heard that certain mental illnesses can’t/won’t be diagnosed until a child is at least 18.</p>

51

<p>“If parents out there don’t know what to do with mentally-ill and DANGEROUS children, that needs to be addressed.”</p>

<p>Hanna’s response:</p>

<p>“Well…what should they do? I don’t know what I would do that the mother in the original piece isn’t doing already. You can forcibly medicate until they are 18, but that’s no silver bullet. It may provide partial relief or none at all.”</p>

<p>Medication isn’t enough. It’s just one part of treatment. If possible, get the child with the appropriate therapist and psychiatrist. If good relationships are formed with these professionals, then hopefully the child will continue treatment after turning 18. </p>

<p>That said, I don’t know if laws need to be changed in regards to mentally ill adults who refuse treatment or whatever. On one hand it doesn’t seem right to “force” treatment, but it doesn’t seem right to just let the aggressive ones loose in the world without meds.</p>

52

<p>"I believe there is a miscommunication here. Bedwetting is not associated with mental illness. Firesetting and hurting animals are associated with sociopathy. I believe this was the intent (of Shrinkrap’s statement), but the structure of the sentence is confusing. "</p>

<p>What I was trying to say was, in many instances, what we once thought we knew, we found out was wrong. Many years ago bed wetting, firesetting, and cruelty toward animals were together considered a “triad” “red flag” for sociopathy.</p>

<p>Macdonald triad
<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macdonald_triad[/url]”>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macdonald_triad&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>“The Macdonald Triad: Persistence of an Urban Legend”
Abstract:</p>

<pre><code>For the last half century, a trio of behaviors—cruelty to animals, firesetting, and enuresis—has enjoyed popular acceptance by criminologists, psychologists, and law enforcement officers. These professionals have long linked the presence of the Macdonald Triad in childhood to a variety of criminal careers. Recent crime series on television and Hollywood movies have breathed new life into the alleged phenomenon. Of 90 undergraduate students in a criminal psychology class asked to “research” the Macdonald Triad, 88 reported the alleged phenomenon related to sociopaths or to serial murderers. In fact, John Macdonald’s (1963) study was of psychiatric patients who threatened violence and makes no reference to either sociopaths or multiple murderers. More importantly, using a methodology based on grounded theory, an extensive review of the literature offers little empirical support for the triad as a bona fide phenomenon. Yet it persists. These observations raise critical questions for educators and practitioners in criminal justice. As educators, how thoroughly do we vet the concepts we teach? As practitioners, what constitutes reliable information? More broadly, what lends credibility to an alleged phenomenon? This paper examines the Macdonald triad and its evolution over time with an eye to addressing these questions."
</code></pre>

<p>I wouldn’t say hurting animals meant “nothing”, but clearly enuresis and most fire-setting are no longer considered “red flags” we once thought they were.</p>

<p>Anyway, no matter. I was just on my “mental health can’t be reduced to sound bites” soap box. </p>

<p>Yes; hurting small animals is bad, especially in the context of other things. When my D was about three, we saw a frog on the sidewalk. She jumped up and down with glee…and landed on the frog! She was devastated. Now, she won’t even eat red meat.</p>

53

<p>“Medication isn’t enough. It’s just one part of treatment. If possible, get the child with the appropriate therapist and psychiatrist.”</p>

<p>Right, but the mother says she’s done that. This isn’t a case of using medication alone. She mentions social workers, counselors, and a child psychiatrist. She talks about a Russian novel’s worth of behavioral plans. So what else are parents supposed to know to do?</p>

54

<p>*According to this source, Ryan Lanza said that he hadn’t spoken to his brother Adam since 2010. He also said that his brother had a personality disorder, and possibly autism as well.</p>

<p>*</p>

<p>I wonder which PD he was diagnosed with? Antisocial?</p>

<h2>*“Medication isn’t enough. It’s just one part of treatment. If possible, get the child with the appropriate therapist and psychiatrist.”</h2>

<p>Right, but the mother says she’s done that. This isn’t a case of using medication alone. She mentions social workers, counselors, and a child psychiatrist. She talks about a Russian novel’s worth of behavioral plans. So what else are parents supposed to know to do?
*</p>

<p>I don’t know the answer for this. Obviously there needs to be some solution. The current “answer” of letting families fly by the seats of their pants isn’t working.</p>

55

<p>What I was trying to say was, in many instances, what we once thought we knew, we found out was wrong. Many years ago bed wetting, firesetting, and cruelty toward animals were together considered a “triad” “red flag” for sociopathy.</p>

<p>Triad is one thing. Bed wetting by itself wouldn’t be a red flag. All three of those things together might suggest that something ugly has gone on with that child or his household.</p>

56

<p>I don’t follow your reasoning, mom2collegekids. Bed wetting is common, and we now know it is a physical symptom having to do with physical maturity. So why would it be a symptom of anything, even when combined with other symptoms? It’d be like saying liking the color purple isn’t a red flag, but liking the color purple combined with torturing animals and having tantrums that last three hours is a red flag… all the work is done in the tortures and tantrums, and liking purple has nothing to do with it.</p>

57

<p>If the author is telling the truth about her son, then of course he (the son) has real problems. None of which blogging about him so publicly are going to solve for him. But I totally agree that these are important issues that need to be addressed. The mental health field is in dire need of funding, realistic legislation to enpower families of patients, and research. Identification of those at risk and ongoing resources need to be provided from a young age, especially to those with the most severe issues. </p>

<p>Several posters are correct - a big part of this problem is that many people are afraid of labeling their child, or of the stigma, so they deny or minimize the nature of the problem. I don’t know whether that was the case with the current tragedy - did the mother pull the son out of school because she was resisting suggestions that her son needed serious help or did she feel his issues were not being taken seriously enough? </p>

<p>Often a family is dysfunctional or the parents are not on the same page. When that’s not the case, it can be about the price tag, even for families most would consider affluent. </p>

<p>MaineLonghorn, My thoughts are with you. I hope that one thing to come out of this horrible tragedy will be increased support and resources for families like yours. </p>

<p>It’s long past time and today IS the day to focus on the issue of mental illness (and more).</p>

58

<p>It could be that the mother pulled her son out of school because school was a miserable experience for him. I know a number of parents of autistic/Aspergers kids. Some of us take our kids out of school, or don’t send them to school in the first place, because school for autistic kids is pretty horrible. I also know a number of parents of autistic/Aspergers kids who send them to school. Often the social experience of those kids is awful, and the academic experience is often not well tailored to their strengths and weaknesses.</p>

59

<p>The author of the blog was just interviewed on CNN. Her story was compelling and her critic has done some fence mending. The 13 yr old is currently in an inpatient facility for treatment. She never published her name on the blog but it was revealed when she wrote another story and the publisher inadvertently linked to her blog.</p>

60

<p>Re post 57/58 I think it’s a combination of all those things: lack of ease of access and cost for mental health services, desire not to be stigmatized or have the child stigmatized, inability to piece together appropriate educational services if the child can’t be mainstreamed, spousal disagreements about what is needed. We had friends that went through this. Their kiddo is now in the early twenties, still lives at home, but has a work from home job and stabilized but it was a tough go and one of the parents is a psychologist. We have older friends with a Down syndrome now adult, and it never ends. They worry what will happen when they pass away and who will take care of their adult person who can’t live alone. It never ends. We need to have a national conversation as yes, I think once again we as a nation, thought drugs were the panacea.</p>