H and I are both in between in neatness. However, we have different kinds of messiness that sets us off. I like a clean kitchen and clothes picked up, but am not so bothered by books and papers out of place. He objects to books and papers out, but doesn’t care about a messy kitchen or clothes all over the floor.
In my younger days, when I was balancing (ha!) kids, a full-time job, and a lengthy commute, I was a slob. I had no time, much less energy, to take care of anything around the house. I had a cleaning lady and without her the house would have been disgusting. I really wasn’t happy with the way things were.
Now that I’m home all day, semi-retired, I have much more time, energy, and desire to be neat. My closet and dresser are trimmed down and organized, as is my desk. I love tidying up the kitchen.
DH, on the other hand, would have all the New York Times from the last three months sitting on the kitchen island if I let him. And not in a neat stack!
I just moved out of and purged stuff from a house we lived in for 14 years. !!
Previously I would have answered that we were in the middle, not too messy or too neat.
Now I know that there is not a book in the Library of Congress that I did not own. 
At least it felt that way. And I had newspaper articles from 2002 (well, at least they were in files).
It was hard to believe how much STUFF 4 people could accumulate.
I’m determined to go minimalist and Mari Kondo at our next house.
I am generally neat, but not excessively so. After almost 36 years of marriage, I have succeeded in getting H to be fairly neat. D is neat but S is extremely messy. Ridiculously so. I try not to let it drive me crazy.
I am at heart somewhat sloppy. I don’t mind some piles around and am fine with a few dirty dishes in the sink. H, on the other hand, wants everything neat all of the time. If he would just clean that would be fine, but he has this thing about trying to shame D and I into straightening up. He wants us to AGREE with him that sloppiness is a moral failing. He complains about the mess and leaves it, or he sighs and moans his way through straightening up. That gets my back up and I probably clean less than I would otherwise. (Yes, I know the definition of passive aggressive!)
My default setting is clean and neat, but I am able to go with the flow. (I think 
) When my children were very young, I had only one completely neat room, the front room where one entered the house. When they were older, the downstairs with our bedroom, was neat and the upstairs, with their rooms, was however they wanted to keep it, except no food or drink (except water) in the rooms. I always make our bed. They never made theirs. They were required to help out with kitchen chores and they were constantly helping renovate our house, which sometimes involved heavy labor demolition work, but if they wanted a messy room that was okay with me. They lived in lego land. Mostly they have outgrown the messy.
In my empty nest house, everything is neat except my husband’s office. That is his work space. He has to spread out papers. But I just shut the door. That space doesn’t bother me and I don’t touch anything. I do vacuum and dust around papers and books occasionally.
My bathrooms and kitchen are always clean. I do not leave a thing in the sink. I will pick up your glass or coffee cup and put it in the dishwasher if you get up and leave the room for a few minutes. It is so automatic, I don’t even realize I’m doing it. All my drawers are KonMaried. I can’t sleep if there are clothes out in the bedroom, on a chair or something. They have to be where they belong in the dressing room or closet. We have hooks for clothes that we took off but may wear again. And for robes. Robes have to be hung when they aren’t being worn. I only keep the current issue of the magazines to which we subscribe.
Frequently people ask if we really live like it looks when I entertain. My family and close friends say, “yes”
One of my younger sisters is a hoarder and has been a mess since childhood. We shared a jack and jill bathroom and by the time I was 10, I had figured out if I wanted neat and clean it was easier to do it myself than try to force her to do her fair share. I carried that philosophy into my adult life. I clean my spaces for me. I don’t try to make anyone else pick up and clean. And I don’t think anyone else has to live like I do. If you are neater than my hoarder sister, I think you are an amazing housekeeper.
We own too much “stuff” to be neat freaks. We collect art (should be changing out stuff for this time of the year. We have 10 sets of china…two pianos (one a concert grand)…everything is clean but…I don’t follow the rule touch something one time…put it back, throw it out or put it in the new right place. I sort of follow the…let’s see if we need it.
I live in fear that when and if we downsize where or who will want the good stuff?
I admit that when we came home from out honeymoon I went to the market and had to read who to use, how to use it.
I direct well however.
everything is in its place and clean enough…except I wouldn’t let you into my bathroom.
I’m somewhere in the middle. I like both my office and home to be spotless. But my work office often looks like a pig sty when I’m under a time crunch - papers everywhere. I clean it up as soon as I get a breather and feel much better. My home office is always very clean as I cannot focus at home when its messy.
We are collectors as well. We are definitely not minimalist. Our painting are stacked. Each of five mantles has a collection of antique porcelain, but not another thing. It is not a place to put your keys. Keys go in a drawer in the antique butlers desk in the center hall. I have five antique corner cupboards, full of antique and modern porcelain, and an old fashioned walk in pantry with open shelves that go all the way to the 15’ ceiling. It is full, but beautifully arranged. 
I am really really really enjoying my empty nest house.
"We have 10 sets of china…two pianos (one a concert grand)…everything is clean but…I don’t follow the rule touch "
That would drive me crazy. I have an everyday set and a good china set and frankly I’d rather sell the good china (and silver) too and get some money out of it but H objects. 10 sets of china makes me twitch! All that storage space!
“I live in fear that when and if we downsize where or who will want the good stuff?”
No one. That’s the thing. Young people don’t want our generation’s Baker and Henredon and Kittinger heavy wood furniture, our fancy china, crystal, silver or linens. They’ll go to resale shops and consignment stores and they will linger there. Young people have more of the Pottery Barn / Restoration Hardware aesthetic.
Sometimes I walk around and open my cupboards and just admire my stuff.
The architect friend who designed my kitchen likes to give tours of the pantry at parties. He is real proud of it.
Neither obsessive nor a slob. I’m analytical, which is both an asset, when I can get something organized just so, and a liability, when I cant figure out what ‘just so’ is.
About the good stuff, like so many on the parents caring for parents thread, my mother’s treasures went to consignment, where it is lingering.
I like my home to be decorated meaning not minimalist, but things are placed there for a purpose. I get very antsy when I am in an environment where it is messy and disorganized. My home(s) are very clean. I have a cleaning person, but I’ll clean the baseboards, door handles and light switch plates myself.
My only “messy” thing is with clothes I have worn once and not ready for laundry yet. I don’t want to put it back in my closet to dirty up my other clothes, but not ready for hamper yet. When I used to have a huge closet room (size of a regular room), I had a place for in-between clothes, but not in NYC.
My mom gave her good china to her grand daughter. She was thrilled. I also have a cousin who has told all of us she will buy anything that was my grandmothers if we want to sell. There was a fight over a Chagall that my mom and her two sister jointly owned, after one sister died. It was only resolved when her other sister (a hoarder) died. My mom now owns a third, one cousin has a third and 3 cousins share a third. My mom has possession of it now but after she is gone we’ll let the cousin buy us all out. She was livid when one of my cousins (an only child) sold her mom’s diamond ring, which had been my grandmothers, without asking her if she was interested. I’ll be happy to sell her my mom’s diamond necklace that was my grandmothers when the time comes, unless my sister wants to buy me out. It’s beautiful but pinches my neck when I wear it. There is also a sterling silver tea service jointly owned that no one wants but she’ll buy it just to keep it in the family.
My sister and I will split up my mothers things and pass them on to our children when the time comes. I can’t imagine putting them in consignment.
I like to be tidy and organized, I am happy when things are tidy and organized, but I find it impossible for my house to remain tidy and organized. My H is a complete slob. S2 jokes that the best thing we could do would be to move to a house with zero horizontal spaces. I clean the flat surfaces off, everyone admires how great they look…until someone sets down one little item. The items that live in my house are apparently very social because they quickly begin inviting friends and then their friends invite friends and so on.
There is clutter in every room of my house and it truly affects me…I am convinced it clutters my brain!
I am envious of those who have moved since their kids were little. I think it would have been beneficial for me to have gone through one big purge.
I do, however, have one closet that is perfectly organized and will admit that I occasionally open it up to breathe in a sense of calm.
Whew…thanks for listening!!!
My husband’s brother’s wife is,on both sides, old American families. She has a 3 car garage filled with heirlooms. She has real Paul Revere silver creamer/sugar. When my son got married she gave them a serving piece from her family…happens to be from dil’s family as well. We aren’t friendly so I haven’t seen most of her stuff. But she has stufff from 1700s on. They are worth…something.
I wish that I could display more stuff but we are in earthquake country. So, cabinets are a necessity. But thank you for quake hold. At least the vases are out.
My grandparents owned an antique shop in the last years of their lives. They passed away within 5 days of each other leaving my mom and uncles boxes upon boxes of antiques. They’ve floated between my uncle and mom for the last ~20 years and when my mom retired she finally went through them. It took her about a year to do.
She swore then that she’d never leave me with the same problem so she has already gotten rid of most of the stuff that she doesn’t need and that we (my sister and I) don’t want. I very much appreciate it.