<p>Interesting article about women in China who have it all–everything except having a husband
[BBC</a> News - China’s ‘leftover women’, unmarried at 27](<a href=“http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21320560]BBC”>China's 'leftover women', unmarried at 27 - BBC News)</p>
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<p>China…</p>
<p>Don’t they have like and extra million guys now. I would think since women are in short supply, due to their one child policy, that women would finally be in a better position to demand better treatment from their men.</p>
<p>@momof3,</p>
<p>One would think that, but the BBC article says</p>
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<p>I also agree with having children earlier than later if possible. I have known too many women who waited until their mid-30’s and ended up with fertility problems including my sister and sister-in-law. It’s a huge myth that you can delay child-bearing until your 30’s and 40’s without issues. Not everyone will have an issue but you never know if you will be one of the unlucky ones.</p>
<p>As an added bonus, your children will be out of the house by the time you hit menopause! I can’t imagine being in the throes of that while dealing with teenagers. :)</p>
<p>The sad thing is that these women are what their parents groomed them to be- smart, successful and well educated. They lived up to everyone’s expectations and became well compensated professionals, and suddenly their parents are embarrassed that they are still single? </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I see this in America as well. Some of the same parents who pushed their children to become doctors or other time intensive elite careers complain that they won’t have grandchildren for a while. On paper, it sounds great to be making six figures (or working at a long job that you are passionate about even if it pays less), but I think people need to fully comprehend the sacrifices they or their children have to make to get there.</p>
<p>I’m one of those people who wasn’t sure about staying home with my kids - until I had them. It was so easy to change my mind at that point. In fact, I decided to stay home and homeschool them, until they went to college this past fall. When they were around 10, I started working some part time hours - and I had done a lot of volunteer work since the time they were very small, so my resume doesn’t really have huge gaps. Working part time was probably one of my worst life experiences, you just aren’t treated the same way, or respected half as much, and everybody imagines that you go home and sit around watching tv for the rest of the day - but it was still worth it to me when I see my 3 well adjusted, high achieving freshman come home at breaks. And, after months of looking, I just landed the full time, salaried position I never imagined I would have again. That makes it even more worth it.</p>
<p>Telling folks to start early BUT be sure the partner is THE right one are t necessarily compatible. Some of us have to be in several relationships to find the most compatible one and its easier on all involved to search BEFORE kids arrive to complicate things.</p>
<p>I’m not a mom but I am a thirty year old female who hasn’t gotten married or had kids yet. </p>
<p>My Two cents… Take then as you will…</p>
<p>A few if my friends rushed to have kids before they were financially ready for it. Kids are wonderful… But also expensive. If you want too continue to work you need child care. Good child care, unless it comes from a family or friend, is expensive.</p>
<p>Some of my friends never have money for anything, don’t own a house yet want to… But are never able to save up the money for it. Can’t take trips or save a cent.</p>
<p>Also . When it comes to working, if work life flexibility is important to you, pick a company that respects that. My company, for example, allows you to work from home. A third of our staff work from home permanently. This is great because you save in child care… Kids come home after school and mom or dad is already there working. Also vacation time… Sick time… Etc. you don’t have to only worry about using sick time for yourself, but also when your kids are sick too. Half day early dismissal, snow days, etc. you need a job that can accommodate things that come up. If they don’t, you need a support system that can.</p>
<p>Also, many people get divorced after having a kid. They can be stressful. Make sure you’re marrying someone that can handle it. Obviously this might be too hard to tell ahead of time.</p>
<p>Some stay home for a month or so fully intending to return to work then decide they can’t do it. Make sure your spouses salary can support you because this happens a lot.</p>
<p>Also, keep in mind, as a young professional who is more then likely going to be gunning for a promotion, you may be up against men and women who aren’t taking months off to have a baby. In this regard, It could be viewed as a sacrifice. If you view it as such, make sure you’re in a good spot in your career.</p>
<p>My time line is find the job, get the house, then have the kids. :)</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID BIONIC using CC</p>
<p>It’s not just fertility problems, there’s growing evidence that the later you have kids the more like LDs and other neurological issues occur. I think there’s some happy medium where you can get a career started, put it on simmer or take short breaks and then get back to full gear as kids get older. But it really is hard to predict. I had easy teenagers, but others have said they thought it was even more important to be around then, than when the kids were small.</p>
<p>Nothing against SAHMs and SAHDs, but with divorces, unexpected deaths of spouses, or mass layoffs, I think it’s better for *both *partners to have the capacity to be self-supporting.</p>
<p>Reading these posts has been quite enlightening. After being a SAHM for 20 years, my only regret is that if I decide to re-enter the work force at some point in the future, I feel that my job prospects will be very limited. We don’t need the money, but it might be nice to work part time for my own personal fulfillment.</p>
<p>GMTplus7, thanks for sharing the article.</p>
<p>Ok what happens then? How do we help kids find a better work life balance? It is a challenge to have the relationships WITH academics? Folks need time and energy for both.</p>
<p>It’s been really interesting and thought-provoking reading through this thread, and it came at a time when I’ve been pondering this issue a lot myself.</p>
<p>I had always figured that there would be a convenient time in my life to have kids, but the more I’m looking at it, the more it seems that regardless of when I do decide to, it will be bad timing for one reason or another. For the next 10 or more years of my life, I will be going through the formative stages of my career - graduate school, perhaps a post-doc, and then if I’m lucky enough to land a tenure-track position. Some female graduate students I have spoken to have been advised (by men no less) that they should not even think about having children until they are tenured. I could be pushing 40 by then, or it might never even happen! </p>
<p>On one hand, I do have a spouse who loves the idea of being a SAHD, but on that other, that won’t be financially in the cards for many years. Then there is the idea of deciding to try during a time when my work life is very flexible in terms of hours, as when I am writing prelims (but that of course requires me being able to trust myself to continue to research and write while at home - I don’t know if I can do that). </p>
<p>Thankfully I am not feeling the baby fever yet and the idea of having children at this moment is a decided no, but I definitely spend a lot of time worrying about when will be the right time. My brother and his wife wanted to wait until they had a house, but they ended up deciding to have their son while still living in an apartment. He is their world and with his salary and their relatively low living expenses, they are able to sacrifice having a lot of space for more financial flexibility. I just hope there comes a time when I can feel that the timing is right, even if my ducks aren’t quite all in a row yet.</p>
<p>We also lived in an apt when the kids were born. Moved to a house when S was 4. Loved living in the apt and the lower costs and maintenance associated with it. No regrets about the part time jobs I’ve had since 1998. Love the flexibility and earn enough to be contributing and enjoy it. </p>
<p>My sis married in her 40s. Never met the right guy before then. They recently adopted a great 6 year old son. It is working well for them.</p>
<p>Two of my cousins are doctors married to doctors, two kids each. Both bought houses within a half mile of my cousins’ parents. My aunt and uncle pick up the four kids from school and daycare each day and bring them to their own house for the afternoon (and I guess often into the evening). It seems to work really well for all concerned, and the kids are growing up close to their cousins and extended family. This seems like the ideal to me. Of course you need grandparents who are willing and able to do this and the flexibility to live near them.</p>
<p>hyperJulie, all I can say is that both grad students and post-docs in DH’s lab have had babies recently. It definitely has slowed down their productivity and made life hard on him. Getting grants has gotten harder and harder. There just isn’t a really good time. We had our first kid the last year dh was a post-doc and job offer for the next position as a tenure track professor was in hand.</p>
<p>I had my kids at age 33 and 39. Prior to that I had a busy and productive career, but I put the brakes on when I had my oldest. </p>
<p>Now, I’m fortunate to have flexible hours at work, and I work 20 - 30 hours/week. I’ve done this since my kids were little. I’ve always said I do two out of the three things: work, be a mom, and/or have a clean house. I can’t do all three and I’ve lived with the less-than-neat house, though sometimes with regret when I visit the beautiful homes of friends who don’t work. I must say though, now that my oldest is in college the house looks much better. I sometimes have the illusion that I can do it all.</p>
<p>Whatever you decide to do, save. Aggressively. Not for bigger purchases down the road, but for assurance. Don’t be caught later, wishing you had choices that you now can’t afford. And, if one of you has a job interruption, without a safety net, you may not be able to pay for many basics. Even the babysitter, so you can go hunt out a new job.</p>
<p>Marissa Mayer, new CEO of Yahoo, took 2 weeks off for maternity leave after having an “easy baby”: [Marissa</a> Mayer is back with an easy baby and no regrets - On Parenting - The Washington Post](<a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-parenting/post/marissa-meyer-is-back-with-an-easy-baby-and-no-regrets/2012/11/28/6ffd0900-3994-11e2-b01f-5f55b193f58f_blog.html]Marissa”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-parenting/post/marissa-meyer-is-back-with-an-easy-baby-and-no-regrets/2012/11/28/6ffd0900-3994-11e2-b01f-5f55b193f58f_blog.html)
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<p>Now she is rescinding Working from Home for employees:
[Yahoo</a> Working From Home Memo - Business Insider](<a href=“http://www.businessinsider.com/yahoo-working-from-home-memo-2013-2]Yahoo”>Yahoo Working From Home Memo)
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<p>Back when my youngest was 3, the company I was working for was offering layoff packages. I took it to see if I could manage being a SAHM for a while. It turned out that I really was not cut out for it but I thought I could do some consulting work and choose my own hours so I can be there for the kids. Then, 911 happened and soon after when the economy went south, my DH lost his job. Now, both without jobs and savings quickly dwindling, we were both out there searching. It turned out, I found a job first. You never know what life will throw at you and you have to adjust accordingly. It took him a year to find another but in the meantime, he was able to work for himself and be around for the kids. My job has involved a lot of traveling but DH has been able to pick up the slack. Looking back, this was all not planned but turned out well. </p>
<p>Recently, I was part of a focus group of employees at my company to propose a new working environment. It turns out that in order to be a competitive employer with the new generation, companies need to allow work flexibility for many issues such as child care, elder care or just that some people work better at different times of the day. It seems many other companies are already doing this. Therefore, it surprises me to see the article about Yahoo taking away work at home for employees. It also bothers me that a woman CEO would make this decision. Yet, I remember when I left my job at the other company, it was a woman Executive who criticized me for doing so, even though she had taken time off for her own children and worked flex hours.</p>
<p>Back in the late 90s, this flex time movement started up but did not seem to work so much as we did not have the technology we have today. You were also “labeled” and put on the “mommy track” so many women shyed away from it. At least, where I worked. Today, you can work anyhwere with Wi-fi and as long as you have a smartphone, you can be in touch anywhere. Hopefully, this time, it will really catch on without repercussions.</p>
<p>I feel like I * have * had it all. I’ve gone stretches not working when that felt right and stretches working + kids + husband + house and that would feel right, too.</p>
<p>I just think we need to be flexible and not hold ourselves to some rigid plan.</p>
<p>Every time I took the plunge to stop working for a while, I was able to jump in again and do something more interesting and better paid later. Now, I was never out to be a Nobel prize winner or a CEO. </p>
<p>Maybe if you want it all, the key is to moderate what you want, a bit? We didn’t consciously live beneath our means but in fact we did exactly that and so my income was not central to our budget. That meant reigning in car pride and not going for the trophy house. </p>
<p>If you can manage that you will find you have options.</p>