My posted is responding to few posts here about getting married for insurance reason. I know around NYC (tri-state) area that one doesn’t need to be legally married to get on each other’s insurance, just need to be domestic partners, and that means living together over a certain period of time. It was the case at two of my previous employers, and it is the case at my new employer, and it is in another state. D1 plans on getting on her BF’s health insurance once she turns 26 because his insurance comprehensive and it is free. I would consult the HR and the insurance carrier because it maybe different at each state.
Congratulations OP and have fun with planning the wedding.
Not only does it vary by state but also by employer and insurance company.
My partner can only be covered by my insurance through the u if we’re married. Same sex couples only need to register as partners because we live in a marriage discrimination state.
Math mom, that sounds like what a friend of Ds did. She married in the courthouse, but had a wedding in her home state, for her friends and relatives, and either before or after, had another wedding in India, with her husbands friends & relatives, where she had done her research for her phd.
I don’t think it needs to be a secret, that never ends well.
While we weren’t present at our Ds wedding, I felt their wedding reception held five months later at a friends house, was very meaningful and special.
Next year will be our 35th anniversary, and since I wasn’t really able to enjoy our original wedding as I was having a miscarriage @16 weeks( it took several days), maybe we should have a more festive renewal of vows party, with our kids and our family that has been extended through their partners.
We just went to a wedding last July for a couple who had actually gotten married the previous October or thereabouts. The July wedding had already been planned, but due to something regarding his military status, they needed to get married sooner. He ended up leaving the military anyway at the end of his enlistment, but they were already married at that point. The mother of the bride wanted everyone to know - I don’t know why. But she made it a point to contact everyone on her side to tell them. So everyone at the wedding knew that the couple was already married, but it didn’t matter. The wedding went off just as any other wedding (father gave the bride away, first dance, bride dance with father, groom dance with mother, etc.) and everyone had a great time, including the bride and groom. No harm, no foul.
Leave it to the CC folks to be knowledgable enough to warn of potential visa issues.
Otherwise, anything you can do to partner with your daughters wishes will be the right thing to do for your present and future relationship. Nothing more important than that.
Wow, I’ve never heard of different sex couples getting on each others insurance if they are not married. I’ve heard of same sex but not different. That is a really liberal insurance policy, wow!
I agree with arabrab and HImom about getting some help from an immigration attorney if needed.
There could be several aspects of this potential “immigration” or “non-immigration” visa issue here: One is for your D to get a visa to stay a long time in UK, and the other is for your future SIL to get a visa to come to US (if he will have a need to stay for some longer time instead of just a short visit.)
No problem for a short visit (for either to visit the other’s country.) However, in order for either spouse to visit the other’s country and to stay over a certain time limit (3 months?), the obtaining of a proper visa is needed. Having been married only enables a SO to apply for a visa but the actual process of getting any kind of visa could still require knowledge, work and time (for immigration visa, it could take months, if not between a half a year and a year!) The bureaucracy of two governments (if the SO has ever been in any other third country , then the bureaucracy of three governments) could cause the delay if not done right. The issue is that after a person has been married to a citizen of a another country, he or she will likely have a trouble in getting a non-immigration visa. A short visit will not cause any problem at all (no visa is needed in such a case, at least between UK and US, and actually between any two “advanced” countries. The definition of an “advanced” country is that their citizens are rich enough, roughly speaking.)
Blame the bureaucracy of any government in the world! (Although this is related to another country, it could be be somewhat related. I read an article from another site: An Australian citizen had got married with a S. Korean citizen for over a year. It took them 9 months after the submission of the visa application before they could bring his spouse to the other country. The document they had prepared to get the immigration visa to be approved consists of 260 pages!)
Yes, it ended up taking a year and a half for DD and her partner to get the fiancee application approved and to get to married… and then, her spouse can’t leave the country until several years go by, unless a special hardship provision is enacted. Lots and lots and lots of paperwork, adjustment of status, application for SS number, green card… Thank goodness for DD that much of that is behind them now and they are legally married. We are thankful every day that the DOMA was overturned. Now we are just waiting for Texas to join the rest of the USA in approving gay marriage.
Same here in MI, anxiousmom. I’m glad we’re making progress but upset your D, partner, and families had to go through that. Fingers crossed that these times will soon be nothing but a bad memory
I still remember my grandmother, born and raised in Philadelphia, telling me that she lost her US citizenship by marrying a foreign student, but a man who married a foreign woman did not lose his citizenship.
My friend had her mom listed as her domestic partner so mom could get health insurance. It really helped supplement the mom’s medicare so that nearly all her medical expenses were covered. I thought that was rather creative of her and her employer (the state) and the medical insurer were fine with mom as a domestic partner.
I have a friend whose son is about to do something similar so that the girlfriend can get on his company insurance, which does not allow different sex domestic partners. She is not thrilled about it, but I understand the reasoning. They are going to have a strong prenup, and do expect to marry “for real” in a couple of years. We shall see. They live together and have made purchases together, so it’s not out of nowhere, but still… I’m pretty sure her parents aren’t even going to know.
Hopefully I have read everyone’s response and I appreciate all the advice. The kids already have an appointment with an immigration attorney as they know all the problems that can happen with couples with two different residencies. Luckily, they have several friends in the same boat, and have both worked for a company with great legal advisers. Currently they do not plan to return to the US to live for several more years, of course that all could change at any time.
The reason for the secret is the grandparents would be disappointing to not be included. My daughter’s grandparents couldn’t make the trip to the UK, so there is no point letting them know. My future SIL’s grandmother will not consider a courthouse ceremony a true marriage; for her it will need to be in the church which isn’t happening!
I think we will refer to the UK courthouse ceremony the marriage, and the religious ceremony here at home the wedding! Nothing is written in stone yet, the kids are just talking through what to do and how to handle it. Once they have their meeting with the attorney, things might change. In the mean time, they are going through the process in the UK to be married as they first have to have an appointment and I believe home study done. My daughter said the earliest they would be legally married would be July as it takes time for the process.
I told my daughter we would do whatever was best for the two of them. She wants a wedding here at home as she wants family present at their special day; that is why she is downplaying the courthouse piece of paper. She said she will wear white and go out to lunch after it happens, but she still doesn’t want a huge deal made of it. To her it isn’t real without her family and friends involved; can’t fault her for that!!
snowball, congratulations again. It sounds like your D has a good head on her shoulders and is trying to balance the best of all the worlds.
Only you guys know what is best for your family. As I said before, in my family, people would be devastated to not be there- even if it was only a legal marriage and no good can come from telling people about a legal thing if they’ll feel hurt.
My niece got married three times last year. First she and had a courthouse marriage. Then they did a small parents/siblings/close friends wedding at her mother’s home in texas. Then they had a bigger wedding and party in Washington state in june. Her husband is Canadian, and they are trying to get his work permits and citizenship applications moving, so did the first 2 ‘marriages’ around Christmas (why two, I don’t know). Things have not been moving quickly,and H still living in Canada and niece now lives in Montana.
At least one state,colorado with common law marriage, would recognize the ceremony as the true date of Romaningypsy ’ s mariage. All you have to do is hold yourself out as married to be married, and saying I do in front of a crowd is certainly holding yourself out as married.
