<p>The unexpectedly enthusiastic response to my future perfect daughter-in-law comment on emeraldkitty’s wonderful affirmation thread made me wonder just how many of us had MILs who judged us less than perfect. If anyone else wants to play, Ill go first:</p>
<p>My Mom: judged perfect by MIL
My SIL: judged not so perfect by MIL
My Sis: judged completely imperfect by MIL 20 yrs ago, but probably practically perfect today
Me: judged completely imperfect by MIL (bless her soul wherever she is now)</p>
<p>My mom: judged imperfect by her MIL (which is strange because she is a wonderful wife and mother, beautiful, talented, smart, could beat Martha Stewart at her own game)
My SIL: not judged but accepted by my nonjudgemental mother - hopefully breaking the cycle!
Me: judged imperfect by my MIL - my husband’s happy enough and the kids are great so her problem is…?</p>
<p>ALH - I loved your comment about your “future perfect daughter-in-law” - I do think it had a lot of resonance with me given me my own less then perfect MIL situation. Good for you, ALH, and I have promised myself I will be very accepting of my children’s future spouses!</p>
<p>Well, I will play along (it is better than reading the politics section & seething over what the ever popular Newtonian1964 is posting).</p>
<p>My Mom: judged by MIL - more than likely
My SIL: judged not so perfect by MIL
My Sis: judged completely imperfect by MIL 25 yrs ago, but probably practically perfect today
Me: judged COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT & IMPERFECT by MIL (& she is COMPLETELY PERFECT & COMPETENT always - can you hear my sarcasm)</p>
<p>And yes, I am going to break the cycle. I will treat everyone & anyone with respect regardless of who my sons bring home;]</p>
<p>mom2ofOh: completely off-topic but maybe that’s okay in a very silly thread… it was a huge relief to me when I finally realized Newtonian was not an adult… still hope maybe???</p>
<p>Hope you find more people to play the game. It is so sad that my MIL had problems with her MIL & she CHOSE to continue it. Honestly, I bent over backwards trying not to cause problems (which maybe caused more problems because I didn’t stick up for myself?). At any rate it was her or my husband so after 19 years I said goodbye to her & I have never felt so good in all my life. My husband does whatever she needs done & I would never wish anything bad on her but sometimes you have to look out for yourself. I wish it hadn’t taken me so long…</p>
<p>alh - completely off topic: I don’t know, he claims he is in med school & how does he have the opportunity to be sending messages at all hours of the day? Personally, I think he has a mental problem (so I guess I should just feel sorry for him) and clearly he can’t have many friends. My sons are way too busy in school & with their friends to be posting all hours of the day like he does.</p>
<p>^^well, the fact my MIL found me so imperfect didn’t really bother me too too much since she didn’t recognize my H’s clearly absolute perfection, thus rendering her judgement rather suspect.</p>
<p>My first MIL was an alcoholic who used to call me in the middle of the night (I sleep less deeply than DH and therefore was the one answering the phone) when she’d been drinking. Since she never remembered it the next day, it was interesting, to say the least. By night, I was a witch; by day, she was all sweetness and light. Needless to say, I never left my children alone with her. She died in a single-vehicle car accident (hit a tree) when the kids were quite young. My step-MIL is a lovely woman whose company I enjoy very much.</p>
<p>My mother was a terrible MIL to my husband; she got into a fight with his parents at the rehearsal dinner and never forgave any of them. (In all fairness, if his mother said what my mother said she did… it might have been justified. But who knows? Neither of them were nice people.)</p>
<p>creative1 - [My mom: judged imperfect by her MIL (which is strange because she is a wonderful wife and mother, beautiful, talented, smart, could beat Martha Stewart at her own game)]</p>
<p>Did it ever occur to you that her MIL was jealous of her? We all believe that my MIL was jealous of me & the relationship I had with her son (better than hers). I think she was just and is a very unhappy person so she has to put that blame on me.</p>
<p>^^my Mom only considered my H the perfect kid-in-law (rating all others on a scale between completely unacceptable and barely acceptable) pretty much confirming my own sense of his perfection lol</p>
<p>I got over my former MIL’s disapproval years ago. She can be very pleasant at times and she has some very nice qualities, but is very biased towards her D. I will never forgive her, however, for how she has favored the D’s children over my children. I think my ex is quite aware of the favoritism, but he has always accepted that he was the second banana of two kids and just accepts it because that’s the way it is.</p>
<p>When my mother died last summer, she came to the visitation and told my children that with my mother gone (who, fortunately, really did dote on my children), she would have to work harder to be a better grandmother since she was the only one they had now. Turns out she was just moving her mouth.</p>
<p>2VUO609: omg. I could deal with being a less than perfect DIL and with a MIL who didn’t appreciate her S, but just can not imagine anyone thinking my kids aren’t the perfect grands. I wouldn’t have had any manners left at that point.</p>
<p>alh, I agree, grandmothers are supposed to think grandchildren hung the moon and to love them all somewhat equally. We live 5 minutes from this grandmother, but she has always spent more time with the 2 grandchildren who live 12 hours away. Go figure!
However, I have read enough venting threads on CC to know I couldn’t even place in the competition for the most dysfunctional family members. It is nice to vent a little though!</p>
<p>My MIL loved me like I was one of her own and I loved her back. Never any unasked for advice, never once criticized me or the way I was raising her grandchildren. A wonderful MIL and grandmother.
My mom had the same relationship with my husband. In fact our mothers became very good friends. Now my FIL . . . .</p>
<p>FILs: My FIL does think I am perfect, or so he has declared to his relatives in my hearing while citing examples to support his declaration. That is a “good thing” for emeraldkity’s thread. Especially since he thinks my children are even more perfect!</p>
<p>He has not yet met the future perfect daughter-in-law but she is going to blow him away! And she will be offered a ring from his side of the family. But no worries if she wants something different because, as has already been stated, she is perfect.</p>
<p>As many people have said before me: “Don’t get me started!” But any more details would be very identifying because they are, I think, uniquely bizarre.</p>
<p>Ah, my MIL. I was treated like “chopped liver” for so many years. As in, “What am I? Chopped Liver?” All I ever heard was her talking about her DS, “X this, X that, X did this, X did that!” Her DS (now my DH) and I went to graduate school together and were both employed in interesting jobs. Mine was actually more unusual for a woman at the time. It took at least 20 years and one loud argument to get past this. Now we get along fine, although I’m sure that i am far from her version of the perfect DIL.</p>
<p>My husband, a musician, brought home a long line of high-strung musicians who drove my mother-in-law crazy. My mother-in-law is a veteran high school chemistry and physics teacher. One time, several months after we started dating, my husband was talking to her on the phone when she asked my husband what instrument I played. My husband said, “What? She plays piano, but Mom, she’s an engineering major!” She was utterly delighted, and since then, has been insisting that I produce her grandchildren as soon as possible. I’m extraordinarily blessed with some great in-laws.</p>
- my husband’s happy enough and the kids are great so her problem is…?</p>