<p>Sorry, my AP Psych teacher would have my scalp for that, haha. Or my parents who have doctorates in psychology… haha.</p>
<p>OP, I have a S exactly like yours. He is a senior. I have done all I can over the years to motivate him to achieve more but it was all in vain. I’ve tried incentives,groundings, restrictions, you name it. None of it has worked. He is very average(B/C) student, an outstanding football player, has held the same part-time job for almost 2 years and has lots of friends. </p>
<p>I have come to the conclusion that it is important to keep encouraging them, reminding them,etc about the important things but in my kid’s case, he’s gonna always do it his way. He won’t be getting any scholarships (not interested in playing college football) nor applying to any great colleges but he is fine with that. He wants to go to one of our small state u’s. Hope he gets in!</p>
<p>BTW, this is my second S. S1 was the academic star, although truthfully he never put much effort into it either, it was just easier for him…not a good example for S2.</p>
<p>I don’t believe in paying for As, but I have to admit that last year we would get Chinese food takeout if my son got over 90 on Latin tests. It seemed to help him make the extra push necessary to do reasonably well. (Though his final average was in the mid 80s.)</p>
<p>From my perspective as a community college teacher I can promise that some of your boys will get a fire put under them later on. Many kids drift a bit until something, a mentor, a subject they love, a girlfriend, a sudden epiphany about the realities of the real world, click with them and off they go. It’s a wonder to behold.</p>
<p>I’m with mythmom on this one. This is the area where I have grown (changed) the most as a parent as my kids have grown. When we started I always tried to figure out how to get my kids to do their best at anything they are doing … school, music, sports, friends, etc. Over time I’ve modified this approach to encourage and support my kids efforts to do their best at anything they do … but also not to push if they choose to do “only” OK at some things (with the tough one here being schoolwork). Trying to make sure they know their potential and we’ll support a higher level of effort if they choose to go there … and without pushing them. (Luckily we haven’t had to deal with a situation where our kids have totally checked out of school or being respectible people)</p>
<p>The funny thing about this is when I started parently I often forgot how I responded to my parents. My sister, at least when she was younger, was the good child and would whatever was asked of her. From the get go I rebelled from mandatory requirements and rules … for example, I would be ready to do something (at the last minute but on-time and fairly well done) and my Mom would push and I would purposely delay in response to her pushing … and delay enough to make sure it ****ed her off.</p>
<p>One very specific example. I have mentioned many times on CC I was a pretty good runner in HS. One time when I was a senior my parents would not give me permission to go out at night because I had a big meet the next day and I had to get up early … they were doing their best to ensure I did as well as I could in track. Two problems, first at this point my girlfriend was a higher priority in life than track and second, and more ironically, I knew myself well enough to know that going to an early movie and then heading home would help my running the next day (if I stayed home I got much more wound up and nervous). Friday night I checked with my parents if I was still not allowed to go out … the answer was yes … I then checked that it was because of the track meet … the answer was yes. I then told them I was quitting track so there was no longer an issue with my going out on a date … and I was serious … and I headed out the door for my date. I did not want being sucessful at track to run my life and I also wanted to be allowed to manage my own preperation for running. This occured while I was qualifying for state meets and in the process of being (lightly) recruited for college. My parent’s desire and methods to have me do my best … was pushing me away from something I loved doing and at which I was doing very well.</p>
<p>3togo: I’m not sure that my son acts out of rebellion. It’s more that his desire to play golf or spend time with friends is his immediate desire and he’s too immature to see beyond that immediate gratification. He’s never really been rebellious, he just finds school boring. It IS hard to argue that Huck Finn is more exciting than working on golf and it’s hard for him to see why studying literature is necessary AT ALL!
We’ve tried taking things away and punishment, but it seems that the one who ends up punished is always me. If I ground him, I’M the one who has to enforce it and I’m grounded too.
Last night I decided that I’m going to keep focusing on the things that S does RIGHT instead of the things he does wrong. I’m going to try to see him for all of his good qualities and stop focusing on the bad. I’m really very lucky. He has nice friends, he’s not into drinking or drugs, he’s healthy and he’s a gifted athelete. Many people would give there eye teeth for a kid like him! The next time he gets an A I’m going to give him a hug and tell him how proud I am of him. I’m not sure when I stopped, but I don’t really touch him anymore. I hug and kiss my D’s all the time. It just seems strange with him. Anyone else notice that they touch their boys less as they get older? Maybe I’m just weird.</p>
<p>3togo, I do think my son might do that… maybe because I know I would. I agree, BTW, about sometimes good enough is good enough, Unfortunately dad disagrees.</p>
<p>As and Bs in the honors courses sounds pretty good to me</p>
<p>^^ Me too, wish my S had those grades. </p>
<p>Sarahsmom42, I kissed S2 on top of his head last night as I was headed off to bed. He was sprawled out on his own bed watching an important episode of King of the Hill. I did notice an almost imperceptible flinch from him. </p>
<p>Both my boys seem to accept hugs from Dad more comfortably than from me, the ol’ manly slap on the back variety. S1(20) hugs me more than 17 year old S2. Maybe it’s a high sch. boy thing.</p>
<p>Packmom, </p>
<p>My H and S do the back slap thing too. I’m sure it’s normal, just kind of sad if I think too much about it! Hey are you a Packer fan?</p>
<p>I just walk up, open my arms and say Mom needs a hug,they groan, but I get my hug and actually I think they secretly like it, but feel the need to be “cool”</p>
<p>so hug away, even if they make a face…</p>
<p>Great advice, CGH! I’ll give it a try, he might be receptive.</p>
<p>I point to my cheek as my S leaves the house. Sometimes I say Kiss.</p>
<p>But by now he just knows what I mean.</p>
<p>But I am pretty careful about his personal space.</p>
<p>Alumother, Did he go through a time when he would not do it in front of his friends?
</p>