“as soon as its assigned”
proofread
(should be it’s)
I’m a little confused - so which town is not safe and not friendly - is that your home town? - and this is why you were culture shocked? And because you were shy and people were friendly and artsy in your college town you had trouble adjusting and asking for help? Or it was so warm and welcoming and safe, that you broke out of your shell and started enjoying life and not doing your homework?
I just don’t quite understand the connection of the artsy musical friendly town - to culture shock - to how this caused your academic problems.
Because i wasn’t used to this type of environment. I was shy before coming to New Paltz.
I think i proofread everything now. Here is the revisions:
Dear Academic Standing Committee,
Today I received your letter about placing me on Academic Dismissal. Please reconsider dismissing me from SUNY New Paltz.
I had previously attended Rockland Community College where I kept a good GPA. When I saw my final grades, I was distraught. As a new student, I was very nervous and afraid to ask questions because I didn’t want people to think that I’m dumb. I realize that my academic performance was not satisfactory. I felt terrible to get a letter indicating that I was being dismissed from the university. At the beginning, I was juggling commuting because I didn’t live in New Paltz. Finding transportation was often difficult and soon became expensive. When I finally found housing, I was culture shocked by New Paltz’ environment and it was very hard for me because, overall, I’m a shy person. The environment in New Paltz was very different than from where I’m from. Everything was close knit and looked safe. New Paltz was very welcoming and laid back. It was a very diverse town with a musical and artistic feeling, and had friendly people. My home town had none of what New Paltz offered. The environment wasn’t always safe and you couldn’t walk around by yourself. A majority of people weren’t all friendly. I’ve never experienced the type of environment and lifestyle that New Paltz provided. As I came to New Paltz, I had found a deep appreciation for my new home.
The struggles of housing, commuting, and being on my own put a strain on my grades. I didn’t always go to the teachers because I thought that since I’m in college I had to deal with problems on my own.
My plans for academic improvement will consist of: attending every class on time, asking the teacher for help before, during and after class, going to the Tutoring Center, revising my notes after class, doing my homework as soon as it’s assigned and no later, visiting the library frequently, studying in groups, reading my textbook after a lecture, time management (for studying, homework, reading, and extra help).
It’s very clear to me what I have to improve. I can honestly say that there will be major changes in my routines and I’m hoping to finish my degree at New Paltz.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX
What are your thoughts?
For what it is worth, I don’t like the whole culture shock thing. I would make a general statement along the lines of: “I had a hard time initially adjusting to living on my own for the first time in a new environment. Now that my living situation has stabilized, I feel that this will no longer be a factor and I will be able to fully focus on my academics.” I am not sure you need to go into details about the town and its vibe. Most adults remember what it was like leaving home for the first time.
Others can help you word this better.You might also consider something like:
" As a community college student, I didn’t fully appreciate the difference between CC and SUNY New Paltz in terms of the resources available to help me succeed. In the next semester, I will actively use theses resources."
Does your school have seminars/help centers for how to study effectively?
Noname: you have some good points. And for the seminars/help centers i mentioned that i’d go to the tutoring center
I agree, you need to cut the lines about how it was a problem than New Palz was too nice of a place.
The sentence supplied by @noname87 above is much better.
“I had a hard time initially adjusting to living on my own for the first time in a new environment.”
Here are my new changes:
Dear Academic Standing Committee,
Today I received your letter about placing me on Academic Dismissal. Please reconsider dismissing me from SUNY New Paltz.
I had previously attended Rockland Community College where I kept a good GPA. When I saw my final grades, I was distraught. As a new student, I was very nervous and afraid to ask questions because I didn’t want people to think that I’m dumb. I realize that my academic performance was not satisfactory. I felt terrible to get a letter indicating that I was being dismissed from the university. At the beginning, I was juggling commuting because I didn’t live in New Paltz. Finding transportation was often difficult and soon became expensive. When I finally found housing, I was culture shocked by New Paltz’ environment and it was very hard for me because, overall, I’m a shy person. I had a hard time initially adjusting to living on my own for the first time in a new environment. Now that my living situation has stabilized, I feel that this will no longer be a factor and I will be able to fully focus on my academics.
The struggles of housing, commuting, and being on my own put a strain on my grades. I didn’t always go to the teachers because I thought that since I’m in college I had to deal with problems on my own.
My plans for academic improvement will consist of: attending every class on time, asking the teacher for help before, during and after class, going to the Tutoring Center, revising my notes after class, doing my homework as soon as it’s assigned and no later, visiting the library frequently, studying in groups, reading my textbook after a lecture, time management (for studying, homework, reading, and extra help).
As a community college student, I didn’t fully appreciate the difference between comunity college and SUNY New Paltz in terms of the resources available to help me succeed. In the next semester, I will actively use theses resources. I’m hoping to finish my degree at New Paltz.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXX
As I reread your letter, I had one other thought. A lot of your plan consist of what is expected of every student such as going to class, reading the assign homework and doing the homework. It gives the impression that you didn’t prepare for class and that you didn’t go to class on time.
You might also want to add working with your advisor to create a plan to get back on track.
You might also consider using a day planner as part of your time management.
You have a point noname. Here are my revisions:
Dear Academic Standing Committee,
Today I received your letter about placing me on Academic Dismissal. Please reconsider dismissing me from SUNY New Paltz.
I had previously attended Rockland Community College where I kept a good GPA. When I saw my final grades, I was distraught. As a new student, I was very nervous and afraid to ask questions because I didn’t want people to think that I’m dumb. I realize that my academic performance was not satisfactory. I felt terrible to get a letter indicating that I was being dismissed from the university. At the beginning, I was juggling commuting because I didn’t live in New Paltz. Finding transportation was often difficult and soon became expensive. When I finally found housing, I was culture shocked by New Paltz’ environment and it was very hard for me because, overall, I’m a shy person. I had a hard time initially adjusting to living on my own for the first time in a new environment. Now that my living situation has stabilized, I feel that this will no longer be a factor and I will be able to fully focus on my academics.
The struggles of housing, commuting, and being on my own put a strain on my grades. I didn’t always go to the teachers because I thought that since I’m in college I had to deal with problems on my own.
My plans for academic improvement will consist of: asking the teacher for help before, during and after class, going to the Tutoring Center, revising my notes after class, doing my homework as soon as it’s assigned and no later, visiting the library frequently, working with my advisor to create a plan to get back on track, studying in groups, reading my textbook after a lecture, using a day planner to manage time (for studying, homework, reading, and extra help).
As a community college student, I didn’t fully appreciate the difference between community college and SUNY New Paltz in terms of the resources available to help me succeed. In the next semester, I will actively use theses resources. I’m hoping to finish my degree at SUNY New Paltz.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX
'…use theses resources,
Proofread
I am a lousy writer so take the following for what it is worth.
Dear Academic Standing Committee,
Today I received your letter about placing me on Academic Dismissal. Please reconsider dismissing me from SUNY New Paltz. I had previously attended Rockland Community College where I had a GPA of X.XX. I realize that my academic performance for last semester was not satisfactory.
At the beginning of the semester, I was juggling commuting (if long commute mention commute time) because I didn’t live in New Paltz. Finding reliable transportation was often difficult and quickly became undoable. I have since found local housing. I also had a hard time adjusting to living on my own for the first time in a new environment. The struggles of housing, commuting, and being on my own effected my grades. Now that my living situation has stabilized, I feel that this will no longer be a factor and I will be able to fully focus on my academics.
I also recognize that my study habits need improvement. I felt that since I’m in college I had to deal with problems on my own. I now realize that that is not always the right approach. As a community college student, I didn’t fully appreciate the difference between community college and SUNY New Paltz in terms of the academic demands and the resources available to help me succeed. In the next semester, I will actively use these resources to improve my study habits to met these demands.
My plans for academic improvement will consist of working with my advisor to create a plan to get back on track, going to office hours to improve my understanding of the material, going to the Tutoring Center to improve my study habits, revising my notes after class, completing all assignments, visiting the library frequently, studying in groups, preparing for class and using a day planner to manage time (for studying, homework, reading, and extra help).
I am asking for a second chance to prove that I can succeed at SUNY New Paltz. I am confident that I can succeed by taking the actions I have described.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX
Lol Madison always catching my mistakes. Thanks!
Noname i thought that you wrote nicely.
okay so here it is:
Dear Academic Standing Committee,
Today I received your letter about placing me on Academic Dismissal. Please reconsider dismissing me from SUNY New Paltz. I had previously attended Rockland Community College where I had a GPA of 2.7. I realize that my academic performance for last semester was not satisfactory.
At the beginning of the semester, I was juggling commuting because I didn’t live in New Paltz. Finding reliable transportation was often difficult and quickly became undoable. I have since found local housing. I also had a hard time adjusting to living on my own for the first time in a new environment. The struggles of housing, commuting, and being on my own affected my grades. Now that my living situation has stabilized, I feel that this will no longer be a factor and I will be able to fully focus on my academics.
I also recognize that my study habits need improvement. I felt that since I’m in college I had to deal with problems on my own. I now realize that that is not always the right approach. As a community college student, I didn’t fully appreciate the difference between community college and SUNY New Paltz in terms of the academic demands and the resources available to help me succeed. In the next semester, I will actively use these resources to improve my study habits to meet these demands.
My plans for academic improvement will consist of: working with my advisor to create a plan to get back on track, going to office hours to improve my understanding of the material, going to the Tutoring Center to improve my study habits, revising my notes after class, completing all assignments, visiting the library frequently, studying in groups, preparing for class and using a day planner to manage time (for studying, homework, reading, and extra help).
I am asking for a second chance to prove that I can succeed at SUNY New Paltz. I am confident that I can succeed by taking the actions I have described.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX
While you wait for feedback here, do you have a writing center at school that can review this? Also, a academic advisor could also give feedback and advice. You are not the first student or last student that has had this type of problem.
I just sent a message to an online advisor at the writing center. I’m going to get feedback from them tomorrow.
But does anyone else have an feedback for my letter?
“Today I received your letter about placing me on Academic Dismissal.” - This could be better written - “Today I received a letter regarding being placed on Academic Dismissal”? - I don’t know, but I thought it sounded awkward as is. Also, it wouldn’t be “today” anymore, so you could remove that.
“I had previously attended Rockland Community College where I had a GPA of 2.7.” Is this a GPA worth mentioning, though?
“At the beginning of the semester, I was juggling commuting because I didn’t live in New Paltz.” You say “juggling” but then mention only one struggle, commuting. “juggling commuting” also sounds awkward.
“Finding reliable transportation was often difficult and quickly became undoable.” I just don’t personally like the word “undoable” and would have used “impossible” or something else.
I felt that since I’m in college I had to deal with problems on my own." The “I’m” sounds off, maybe change to “As a student in college, I felt I now had to deal with problems on my own”. But weren’t you in community college before? This contradicts your earlier statements, but maybe that’s just me.
What I mean is that since im away at college and on my own that i had to deal with my problems by myself
Good riddance to being “distraught”. Good riddance to excuses/reasons. Bravo to positive, concrete plans for improvement. Keep it concise. My first post I skimmed through your too long letter and thought it was already sent. You should talk to your advisor now that you have evaluated your semester and things you will be able to easily improve upon. A discussion will help you determine what your chances are for being able to continue.