Accepted to Princeton for REA (with good aid as well) but my mom thinks I'm jeopardizing my future if I don't still apply to Yale and Harvard

Applying to College
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Hi! I’m so grateful to have been accepted to Princeton in the REA round – it still feels like a dream come true, especially because I’ve wanted to go there since I was a little kid who thought it literally was for princes and princesses.

I really love the undergraduate focus, the gorgeous campus, the community, all of the cool traditions, the strong international affairs program at SPIA, and so much more. I even started bonding with other REA admits on Instagram, and they all seem like lovely people so far. Plus, Princeton gave me surprisingly good aid when I thought I would get none, and I will be able to attend without any loans.

However, my mom still really wants me to apply to Yale and Harvard, even though I feel really good about Princeton. She thinks they would be better for law (she is Indian and also lived for a long time in the UK, where they do law in undergrad too, so I think Harvard and Yale both having law schools might have something to do with that) but also has mentioned that Princeton is “notorious for grade deflation” which will make it “impossible for law school admissions.” She also is worried that Princeton may not be as “recognizable” if I want to work overseas or in another part of the country someday (which I doubt).

It’s my dream to become a lawyer (and eventually a judge), so what she’s saying does make me really nervous. But I also feel really exhausted from college admissions already and am not super interested in Harvard or Yale for undergrad, considering their graduate students outnumber their undergraduate students and seem to receive more attention (based on friends/relatives who currently attend for undergrad). I poured my heart and soul into my Princeton application and spent weeks on it, and I don’t really want to pay $150+ to apply to H and Y, unless they would really be as career-changing/life-changing compared to Princeton as my mom seems to think.

I would really appreciate any advice on this, even if it’s brutally honest. I don’t want to make the wrong decision, or jeopardize my chances at law school in the future, so any help you can give me would be amazing!

(also, to be clear, my mom is really awesome 99% of the time – I think handling college admissions which are completely different than what she was raised with is difficult for her, and that’s why she’s so worried about this)

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Congrats on your acceptance to Princeton - that is amazing! It sounds like you want to attend and probably should. It’s a great school with a fabulous reputation and, grade deflation aside, it will absolutely not prevent you from getting in to law school. Have you started the applications to Harvard and Yale? it’s pretty late to start! If it would make your mom happy you could split the difference and apply to one of them? I mean you only have a week, so it won’t be hanging over you for long. I’ll bet you end up at Princeton and do great. Congratulations!

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I have them both basically done, but the application fees are pretty high (it would be $150+ combined) and if I did get into one, I’m worried I’d be pushed to go there over Princeton when I can’t see myself enjoying it as much or “clicking” as well.

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So apply and see. It doesn’t sound like you will be putting your all into that application…maybe you won’t get accepted. If finances are an issue, then this can be discussed with your parent.

11 Princeton grads have been on the Supreme Court, so it doesn’t sound like a degree from Princeton would shut you out of options.

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You asked for brutally honest, so here goes. Don’t apply. Stick with Princeton and be thrilled about it. Congrats again. You are just worried about pressure from your mom 1.) to apply to a school you don’t want to go to and 2.) to accept an admission offer you may receive from a school you don’t want to go to. No amount of advice here will change that. The financial burden of the application fee is something to discuss with your parents, but it’s just an excuse to avoid having to stand up for what you want. Attending Princeton is not going to hamper you career path. That’s just silly. You have achieved an amazing accomplishment - acceptance into your first choice school that will offer you amazing opportunities. Stand up for what you want and get excited!

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doesn’t REA mean you aren’t supposed to apply anywhere else? or am I misunderstanding this?

either way I can;t imagine anyone feeling like Princeton was holding them back from anything. applying to Yale or Harvard makes no sense.

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REA means you aren’t supposed to apply anywhere else ED/ED2 or REA. You can apply anywhere EA, RD or rolling and make a decision by May 1.

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Don’t apply. If you get in…… it would be very hard to say no. Not just your you, but for anyone. don’t apply somewhere you don’t want to go.
Tell you mom billons of people work around the world without a Harvard degree somehow

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@billythegoldfish this is the answer!

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ah, got it.
still…you are hurting your classmates who might actually WANT to go to Yale or Harvard.

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My friend’s daughter graduated from Princeton, worked at an international law firm in London for a couple of years, and then applied to law schools and had some great options to choose from. You’ll be fine (more than fine in fact). Congratulations! I agree that you should hold your ground, celebrate your amazing accomplishment and relax (if you think you can convince your mom, of course).

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Your law career will be more determined by where you go to law school. Law school is not going to think Yale/Harvard/Princeton are any different - what you DO while an undergrad is what will matter.

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The Daily Princetonian did a deep dive into the question of grade deflation vis a vis Harvard and Yale. It didn’t find any difference (at least that’s my recollection). My theory is that the school has a much larger percentage of STEM kids than the other two and that STEM majors generally are tougher (and perhaps tougher at Princeton, which is better known for these programs).

You can be wildly successful from any of these programs. Or not. Trying to split hairs between them seems like a fruitless exercise.

I’m not sure what the point would be of applying to Harvard and Yale if you don’t want to attend. If you are admitted, would you attend purely to satisfy your mom? Tell her all things being equal you will be most successful at the school you are most excited about attending.

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Harvard and Yale are both located in cities…one a smaller one (New Haven) but still a city.

Princeton location is a smaller almost suburban feel town.

If the location will be one where you feel comfortable and happy, then Princeton should be your choice. Happy students tend to do better in college than unhappy ones.

Your mom is having difficulty remembering that you are the one going to college and not her.

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There are more Princeton undergrad alumni on the current SCOTUS than undergrad alumni of Yale and Harvard combined. The Yale and Harvard names in the legal world come into play at the law school level.

Princeton doesn’t have professional schools, which means a much higher percentage of resources are focused on the undergrad there, than resources at Yale and Harvard focus on their undergrads IMO.

I went to Princeton, then to law school, and then practiced law for 20 years. I’m currently transitioning to teaching. Plenty of my Princeton contemporaries went to fine law schools, including Yale and Harvard.

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It’s odd - you applied REA so it’s presumably the top choice.

But if mom is your backer (you got good aid but financially and otherwise) and they are done, give them a whirl and hope you get rejected - so you don’t have mom all over you.

So let’s look at reality.

This year, kids from 147 schools attend Harvard Law. Last year 174. Yes, they come in droves from Harvard and likely Princeton, Yale and other top schools because the kids that went to them were tops to begin with - i.e. high test takers, etc.

And yet - kids from the likes of Alabama, Arizona State, Auburn, Catholic U, Clemson, Drake, Embry Riddle, Gonzaga, Iowa, Kansas State, Temple, The College of NJ, Valparaiso and so so so so so many more your mom wouldn’t necessarily respect - guess where they study law - Harvard. Last year’s list had several lower tier Cal State schools.

Yale had Arizona State again, Birmingham Southern, Earlham, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky Oklahoma Baptist, Quinnipiac, and again, I can keep going on and on.

Harvard or Yale over Princeton will impact your life - because they will be different experiences.

But they will not impact your potential or longevity in the field of law and frankly, there’s a zillion other schools that can make that same statement.

So show mom - you’ll be fine because you’re not at one of the others where you’d be that special kid who made it.

But you’ll be at Princeton - and there’s arguably no better school in America.

If you don’t have a high LSAT score, if you don’t have work experience (today most at those tippy top law schools do) - that would be your downfall - not - Harvard or Yale vs. Princeton - which will not be impactful - unless you don’t have a good experience at one and suffer grade wise. So you should be at the one that gives you the best chance of success, and that’s where you’ll be in the best mood for you, your happy place (which no one can say for sure right now but your gut tells you Princeton).

Best of luck and I hate to say it like this, but if you do apply, I hope you get rejected (so you can end up where you want) - which is far more important than where mom wants you to end up - assuming all are affordable.

Good luck.

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I don’t know if this will help or hurt with your mom, but the per capita version of this list (the second version) has Princeton right up with Harvard and Yale in terms of law school placement:

I note that it is actually ahead of Stanford, which itself has a top law school. And for that matter, Amherst was actually ahead of Harvard, and Dartmouth and Williams are next after Stanford and ahead of Duke and Columbia (the latter two having top law schools). All of which is just showing that having a top law school is not in fact required for placing extremely well among the top law schools. Plenty of universities and SLACs place extremely well among the top law schools without having such a law school themselves.

Anyway, the bottom line is what law school you eventually attend (should that still be your goal by that point) is almost surely not going to be determined by which of Harvard, Yale, or Princeton you attend. The main variable will be your LSAT, and then after that anything else you might do (like, say, get a graduate degree or work experience first).

So personally, I would try explaining all this to your mom and then sticking to your plan to simply commit to Princeton.

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It’s time to be brutally honest with your mom. Tell her you appreciate her concerns and desires, but that you’re the one on this journey, and you feel Princeton is the right choice. Good luck with the discussion.

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I hate to say it, but your mom does have a valid point. GPA matters a LOT for law school, and Princeton is famous for grade deflation, as opposed to Harvard and Yale which have grade inflation. If what you want is law, you might be better off at Harvard or Yale. So I’d say do the work, throw in the applications there, too, and kick the decision can down the road until April. You can do research on the issue between now and then, having submitted the applications, and who knows how you’ll feel about things by the common reply date.

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Everything that your mom said is mostly correct and widely discussed & debated.

Since you have already completed one college application and earned an offer of admission, applying to Harvard & Yale should be less stressful. Plus, you can study in the law library at Harvard or Yale. Also, you might be able to attend a law school class at Harvard or Yale.

If you want to clerk for a federal feeder judge, Yale Law School will give you the best chance–especially if you do research with a Yale law professor.

My concern is that you did not indicate any major or preferred area of study during your undergraduate years.