<p>My kids are actually decent cooks. In fact, I’ve been told that S is quite good. I do a lot in the kitchen while sitting on a bar stool at the counter, so standing isn’t that needed in order to cook. My niece is the one with the time crunch who rarely ever cooks with her demanding grad/pro program. Both my kids figure out what works to feed themselves.</p>
<p>"While some parents were teaching their kids how to make pancakes, others were teaching them how to read a subway map or play chess or backgammon. My mom and I spent a lot of time together shopping and doing crafts (batik, macrame, decoupage…); even though she was a great cook, I don’t remember her “teaching” me anything in the kitchen. "</p>
<p>Yes! My mom was / is the most awesome mom in the world on many dimensions. We too did things like crafts together. I don’t see what’s so special about cooking / baking together – that feeling of connection and good times can be gotten in myriad ways.</p>
<p>“You missed my point.
My point was that part of being an adult, is having the skills to nurture yourself and to extend hospitality to others.
I don’t consider being able to buy bags of salad & chips and dump them into bowls as worthy of an adult, you may disagree and thats fine.
We have different ideas of what being grown up means.”</p>
<p>Fine. So I go get a platter of cut-up celery and carrots and dip instead. Or, I buy the celery and carrots and cut it up myself. Is there a moral difference here? </p>
<p>Funny you should mention this - we are going to a friend’s house for a very casual BBQ Sat night, but I am coming in from out of town and H works that day. We have to bring something. Which means we will stop at a grocery store on the way up to her house and buy something. It might be a platter of veggies and dip. Or cut-up fruit. Or maybe a tray of brownies. Whatever looks good. I didn’t realize that wasn’t “grown up.” My time isn’t worth preparing some “homemade” dish. If I enjoyed / wanted to, then it would be. </p>
<p>And read the weather? I’ve got TV, the radio, and the Internet to tell me what the weather is going to be.</p>
<p>"My offspring learned to cook at an early age. Teaching them was just part of growing up, as was housecleaning and gardening. "</p>
<p>Gardening is another thing I personally have no interest in. I’ve never grown tomatoes or anything. I don’t grow roses or flowers. If other people like to, great! But if and when my kids decide to learn how to grow tomatoes, they’ll go to Home Depot or whatever and learn. These things are in-the-moment. I would like to learn how to knit someday. Well, when I do, I’ll go to the knitting store in town and take a class. I don’t feel that I’ve missed out because my mother didn’t teach me. Part of being an adult is figuring out how to develop skills you want to develop.</p>
<p>"Basic cooking skills are something I see passing out of general knowledge, flummoxing some younger folk. There are longer term implications, in terms of nutrition and health, not to mention economics. "</p>
<p>I disagree. Like Bay, I think there is healthful simple food EVERYWHERE that can be gotten with minimal effort. Chicken strips, salads, fruit, nuts, cheese, yogurt, etc. I could eat healthfully for weeks without ever “cooking.”</p>
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<p>I agree. We get that sometimes poring over take-out menus together.</p>
<p>People who want to cook, will learn how to cook. Those who don’t like to cook, won’t learn and won’t care.</p>
<p>Julia Child didn’t start cooking until she was in her 30s, I believe. Neither did I, for the most part. While I’m not her calibre, I’ve found cooking, when I want to do it, to be quite easy. I’m in a cooking club now. </p>
<p>Knowing how to cook does not equal knowing how to maintain good health and nutrition. Many (or most) great chefs are fat. </p>
<p>It never crossed my mind that I should judge my host as inhospitable or unadult for offering me a catered meal rather than one s/he made herself. I was always grateful and honored to be invited into their homes and provided with a meal.</p>
<p>I could never understand why people waste time making pasta sauce when so many good ones are available in a jar and inexpensive. I don’t think I’ve ever had a homemade version that was noticibly better tasting. This is food progress, I guess, and I don’t see any valid reason not to embrace it if it provides the same nutrition and is more efficient.</p>
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<p>I SO agree with you. I don’t see what’s so great-tasting about homemade cooking. Even people who pride themselves on being great cooks – they don’t produce anything that’s any better than anything I could buy in the grocery store, IMO.</p>
<p>As for making memories, my kids have a favorite memory of going with my FIL to the local ice cream parlor. The memory isn’t any less sweet (no pun intended) because he didn’t personally hand-churn or scoop the ice cream or whip the cream. </p>
<p>And another tradition in our family is picking out a birthday cake from a certain grocery store – we have (playful) fights in our extended family as to which bakery produces a better cake and the proper ratio of icing and flowers and sprinkles. </p>
<p>So to 07DAD’s point – why are those memories any less special because they involve the local ice cream parlor or local bakeries, than if we churned the ice cream and baked the cake ourselves?</p>
<p>My mother takes my 9 yo niece to a cooking class that is oriented for grandmother/grandchild. It’s fun for them. But it’s not about the cooking. It’s about the shared activity, and that activity could just as easily be going to the American Girl store, or going to the art museum, or walking on the lakefront, or whatever.</p>
<p>As the spouse of a college professor, I’ve seen plenty of kids who come to college never having had to take ANY responsibility in their lives. Many of them live in suites with shared common areas, and as they’ve never before had to clean a bathroom, wipe down a kitchen counter, or clean their dirty dishes, they don’t see the need to, as it always was done somehow magically at home. Many also have never had to manage their own money, and more than one kid has learned the hard way how much overdrafts cost. And let’s not get started on how many STILL have parents who call the professor/dean/president of the school if little Johnny didn’t get the class he needs or little Janie didn’t get the A she needs to get into medical school.</p>
<p>Some kids who have had everything done for them may wake up one day and teach themselves what they need to do to be a decent roommate, or how to handle a difficult situation with an authority figure. Many others have been coddled so long by their parents they may never acquire these skills. Why else would you be seeing articles about parents negotiating salaries for their college graduates?</p>
<p>Everyone is different in what they require of their children. Some may not care about cooking. Or changing oil in a car. Or being able to navigate public transportation, or handling a class scheduling conflict. But the basic issue is that learning to manage on your own is a critical life skill, and if parents always do everything for their kids their kids may struggle to develop these skills as an adult. Sure, I want my kids to enjoy their college experience. But I’m not going to pay for laundry or housekeeping services for them - I’m already paying enough. My kids have learned pretty good time management skills before leaving for college, so they’ll figure out how to fit in laundry and grocery store runs. And if they don’t wash their sheets every week - well, I can’t see that from here :)</p>
<p>I’m not sure why I should think about cooking any differently from sewing. I don’t sew my own clothes, either, but no one feels bad about that or suggests that it’s “not being an adult” to buy clothing ready-made or thinks that college students should be taught how to make shirts or skirts.</p>
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<p>But we’re not talking about that. Not being responsible for doing deep-cleaning, scrubbing the toilets, etc. is not the same thing as not picking up after yourself, wiping down a mess you’ve made, expecting other people to pick up your things, etc.</p>
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<p>Well, I’m not either. That’s why they are living on campus, where the only areas they are directly responsible for are their own rooms, and where they have meal plans. They can do their laundry and tidy up as they see fit. I don’t see any reason to get them into apartments so they can have more to clean and have more of a need to cook. They’ll have the rest of their lives to do that.</p>
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<p>It is not any different. I learned to sew in 5th grade, and made many of my own clothes and room decor up until I graduated from high school because I lived in a fairly remote area with few retail options. After high school, I pretty much never sewed again. There was no point, because I moved to an area where I could buy great clothes at good prices and saved myself so much time to do other things. I don’t see any intrinsic virtue in sewing your own clothes. I don’t see why cooking your own food or cleaning your own house should be any different, so long as you maintain good health and sanitation, regardless of who provides it.</p>
<p>Cooking your own food? Family rituals and routines provide structure and a sense of identity and belonging, imo. While we are not Jewish, my son had a lot of friends who are Jewish and he was invited to their religious feast based meals. He would report how communal and intimate these meals were and we discussed the things that we did as a family that paralleled these events. Cooking together was one of them. </p>
<p>I guess we did not see takeout orders and room service as anything similar. But, as many have mentioned, each to their own. </p>
<p>Harvard freshman dorms (Apley, Matthews, Mower, Thayer) have kitchens. As does the 5 halls constituting the Gropious Group (law school) and Cronkhite Graduate Center. There are mandatory meal plans at Harvard but the required minimum plan is only 10 meals a week and does not provide the option for all meals.</p>
<p>Yes, some Harvard houses have kitchens, but not in the individual suites. It may be one kitchen for the entire building. I don’t think this indicates that Harvard prioritizes learning to cook as an integral part of college life.</p>
<p>I agree COMPLETELY that family rituals and routines provide structure. And we made it a huge point that we sat down to dinner together as a family every night, instead of catch-as-catch-can. On the nights when my H worked late and had office hours til 9 pm, when he got home we all sat with him while he ate his dinner, and we all caught up on the day. </p>
<p>I am not at all doubting that family rituals and routines are important.</p>
<p>They just don’t have to be about cooking the food, though. Our meals were basic - chicken breasts, spaghetti, veggie burgers, vegetables, rice, etc. None of us saw value in standing over a stove for hours on end, when there were other options to get us healthful, balanced meals. We didn’t do takeout or delivery - we just made simple, basic meals. </p>
<p>One of our favorite “rituals” on a Friday night was to go to Subway, grab some food, take the dog and go to a nearby forest preserve where we’d sit, watch the waterfall as we ate, and then walk around the forest preserve and the old mill nearby. That’s as much of a family ritual as the stereotypical hours-in-the-kitchen-watching-mama-stir-the-pot-of-sauce.</p>
<p>Cooking’s like anything else in the world. Some people will hate it, some people will love it, and most people are somewhere in between. There’s no moral high ground in any of those positions.</p>
<p>^^^Bay said it better than I–as long as one can fend for oneself (however he/she does it–alone or by hiring others) what does it matter if someone gets ready-made chicken and a bag of salad from Whole Foods. That person is taking responsibility. H and I happen to enjoy cooking and we are really good at it. Others could care less. Different strokes and all that. </p>
<p>Same with cleaning–I’m a clean freak (so my kids tell me) but I know others aren’t. As long as someone is comfortable in his/her space–who’s to say they aren’t adults. I have a housekeeper and just because she comes once a week doesn’t mean I’m not organizing and cleaning and keeping the house tidy when she’s not around. My kids did chores growing up and some “fun” cooking but they didn’t really fend for themselves until they were in college. They picked up those skills quickly. There are lots of ways to teach kids about responsibility other than cooking and cleaning. One of my best friends is a disaster when it comes to cleaning–not her thing. I could make a long list of all her wonderful accomplishments and all the stuff that makes her a great person. To me that’s more important than her cleaning skills.</p>
<p>Our family operated pretty much the same as PG’s: The importance was in dining together, not cooking together.</p>
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<p>Amen. Except I think that lack of any meaningful ritual/routine is detrimental to everyone in the family. What is “meaningful” is family specific.</p>
<p>We do take-out once a week, eat out once a week and pizza one night a week. It’s all fun, in a different way. My kid loves hotel room service. So we give that to her. No big deal.</p>
<p>BTW, I also have something growing in my fridge once in a while but no one gets sick in our household. The last time my kid got sick and stayed home from school was about 15 years ago in kindergarten.</p>
<p>My kids cook well because I do and H does. We cook well because we enjoy it. I couldn’t care less if anyone else cooks or not. I do get RSVPs to my dinner parties within minutes of sending the emails and we do entertain chefs from time to time. For me this is gratifying. </p>
<p>But. I despise gardening. Don’t even want to water my herbs. Every plant in my house was doomed until I got a service to take care of them. </p>
<p>Also I hate cleaning and spend money to have others clean. I mean, even before I could really afford it, I did this. That’s how much I hate it. </p>
<p>But cooking I love. As do my kids. </p>
<p>JMO</p>