<p>Well I will go further and say that I think having guns around mentally healthy people can be a risk as well. People get angry, very angry, and sometimes their anger is too big for them. Even people with no history of mental illness can “lose it” if provoked beyond what they can emotionally handle. Lovers’ quarrels, divorce and even teenage break-ups can push people over the edge. No guns in our home, but I struggle with that. There are many times where I would be the first line of defense between an intruder and my children. So I keep bear spray in just about every room of my house. Ridiculous, I know.</p>
<p>I am a long time poster here on CC, but am using a different name to protect my child’s privacy. As the parent of a child who at times displayed behaviors described by Peter Lanza in the article, what struck me the most was how quickly they gave up on interventions and treatments. It sounds like they went from place to place looking for a diagnosis and perhaps feedback, but I am unclear, if when he was an adolescent he was in regular therapy. And giving up on medicines because of one bad experience, may not have been the best decision.</p>
<p>My child has Asperger’s like tendencies and at time suffers from crippling depression and anxiety. Some of the “symptoms” Peter Lanza described sounded familiar. With a combination of the right meds and therapy, my child has made tremendous progress. The statements about not being able to pay attention sent chills up my spine as my child repeatedly use to say those things. However, ADD meds have really helped with that issue. </p>
<p>Additionally, Nancy Lanza had to be worried about suicide. How could she not be? There was a long period where we didn’t even have our kitchen knifes in our house. I struggle with how in the world she kept all those guns with a teenager who was clearly suffering. </p>
<p>As our child approaches 18, we have begun meeting with an attorney to work out a mechanism to protect him from himself should we ever need to do so. When our child is depressed, this child is also paranoid and unable to trust us. While in a good place, this child has agreed to sign a medical power of attorney so we can help as needed. </p>
<p>It is hard. And it scary, and good psychiatric treatment is unbelievably expensive. I would estimate that we have spent at least 20k (and that doesn’t include what insurance has kicked in) over the last 3 years or so. </p>
<p>^yes, I agree Cardinal Fang, that and the fact that he was so antisocial, and apparently quite interested in violence, if not overtly violent in his behavior. This concern about restricting access to guns is NOT about his Aspergers, but what was likely an additional diagnosis that emerged in his teenage years that tragically was not evaluated further. I personally think Adam exhibited psychotic behavior and find it heartbreaking that his mother tried desperately to be a caregiver, but seemed to miss the forest from the trees.</p>
<p>I found this passage in the article particularly insightful;
“All parenting involves choosing between the day (why have another argument at dinner?) and the years (the child must learn to eat vegetables). Nancy’s error seems to have been that she always focused on the day, in a ceaseless quest to keep peace in the home she shared with the hypersensitive, controlling, increasingly hostile stranger who was her son.” </p>
<p>She was in some ways terrorized by her son’s behavior. Very isolating being his caregiver.</p>
<p>While there are no simple answers, and it may be true that Adam would not have accepted or benefited from therapy, Nancy Lanza herself needed help, her own therapy, a coach, to help her examine what was working and what wasn’t. She needed to admit that it was beyond her to help him. Her apparent refusal to admit to Peter how poorly Adam was doing seemed possibly her own attempt to shut him out, act like she could manage. She likely felt utterly alone, overwhelmed and perhaps abandoned. But I also understand that the father did try to stay connected. But he too might have recognized his ex wife needed more help. a respite. which is what she took a couple of days before the rampage.</p>
<p>I actually trained with Park Dietz, a forensic psychiatrist who has testified in many high profile cases. Dietz does not believe that mass murderers are mentally ill. It appears that Peter Lanza found the “pseudocommando” label somewhat fitting for his son. Dietz also speaks of family annihilators. </p>
<p>On the issue of the guns, it is hard for me a mental health professional involved in suicide prevention to believe that no mental health professional, no family member ever advised that the guns be at least locked up. Peter Lanza claims that no one told them Adam was at risk of violent behavior. But did they know about the arsenal of guns? Even without a clear pattern of violence, one would hope that keeping weapons away from someone becoming increasingly hostile and unstable would simply be a smart action to take, just in case. As we have all done in our years of childproofing.</p>
<p>Nancy told a friend right before, “I’m worried I’m losing him” Her same friend shared that Nancy reported Adam was prone to hurting himself. Tragically there were signs,there were small windows of opportunity to intervene. Friends can ask parents struggling “what do you mean?” She may have been searching for someone to listen to her own increasing fear. </p>
<p>No simple answers but it is also too simple to say there was nothing that could have been done.</p>
<p>“Well I will go further and say that I think having guns around mentally healthy people can be a risk as well. People get angry, very angry, and sometimes their anger is too big for them. Even people with no history of mental illness can “lose it” if provoked beyond what they can emotionally handle.” Amen, Harvest Moon. </p>
<p>I admire the dad for being willing to communicate with the public. It is an interesting glimpse into the struggles of a family dealing with severe mental illness, and hopefully will stimulate discussions like the one here. . As I deal with this in my family of origin, I have a lot of sympathy for what he went through. Many parents, in the face of such rejection would not try as hard as he did to stay involved. </p>
<p>The other problem is that even if you can get the patient to sign when s/he is “in a good place,” the patient can revoke permission and refuse treatment when they are in a “bad place.” To over-ride the revocation of patient consent often requires a court order and an expedited hearing, plus a mental health system that is willing and able to effectively intervene and treat.</p>
<p>There is so much pain in these families. There is no right answer and different families have different abilities to continue pursing options and potential treatments. </p>
<p>Our children have suffered for over a dozen years with chronic physical health issues. We have taken them to specialists throughout the US. It is an mentally, physically, financially and emotionally exhausting and VERY expensive process. You don’t want to cause more harm and want to believe they are getting better (not worse) over time. Some treatments CAN cause bad side effects that the patient and family find unbearable. Second-guessing the families and patients is not helpful. There need to be many more palatable options available to help people with chronic mental and physical health issues, from young ages through their lives. Many treatments are too little, too late.</p>
<p>NBC News tonight said that Lanza selected the interviewer. Solomon, the interviewer, wrote a book on children who are different from the rest of the family. One has to wonder whether the article was written objectively or from a pre-selected sympathetic point of view. </p>
<p>^^^^^
That would not surprise me. I know I am in the minority here but I am not really a big fan of Peter Lanza.</p>
<p>You know he’s not going to agree to be grilled. This was a soft ball.</p>
<p>Why wouldn’t Peter want to choose his interviewer? It is an incredibly painful subject and it was good of him to allow the interview, to help people get a better idea of what happened in Adam’s life and perhaps serve as some sort of warning. He could have just chosen to remain silent and not speak up at all.</p>
<p>Or he wanted to try and rehabilitate his reputation, gain public sympathy, and tell his version.of events with no fear of having contradictions presented. Did Solomon ask any hard questions at all?</p>
<p>What would be a hard question? Seems to me the entire interview series was probably pretty hard. </p>
<p>Tatin, he chose Solomon because he has written a book about children like Adam and could therefore understand and effectively explain the incredibly frustrating and complex situation the family found itself in. Who would you prefer to interview him; some media showboat like Geraldo Rivera who has no expertise with the subject matter?</p>
<p>Your comment about him not being “grilled” indicates that you have no interest in gaining any understanding of this horrible situation. Apparently you just want to see him publicly excoriated. </p>
<p>I thank God often that we dodged any mental illness bullet. It is forever and it’s hearbreaking and life altering for a family. I pray regularly for my niece as I have a very uneasy feeling about one of her sons. There is mental illness o her mother’s side, my sister in law. I’m terrified for them. The little tyke is just plain strange. Already. Age 8.</p>
<p>{{{{{{{MaineLonghorn}}}}}}}}</p>
<p>A friend has a adult mentally ill brother who has threatened to harm her and her young son. The brother lives with their mom, so the friend has had to move to an undisclosed location, to protect her son. She does not let people know where she lives and keeps her son away from her brother (and sadly her mom–the boy’s grandmother). She fears for her mom, but the mom stays to help the mentally ill brother. The friend visits the mom, but is very nervous about the volatile situation.</p>
<p>There are no easy or good answers for how best to help mentally ill people. Each one is different and needs what will for that individual. There is considerable research suggesting earlier treatment is far more effective than later. Sadly, many families of mentally ill are stumbling around trying to find answers and solutions among the limited resources in their communities; often it is too little, too late. Our state has “clubhouses” for mentally ill, where they can meet. I don’t have details about it and believe it is mainly for socialization. I do know our state has very few mental health resources.</p>
<p>Because of well funded lobbyists, virtually every insurance plan covers chiropractic care, despite " uneven" results.
</p>
<p>But where is the complementary coverage for mental health care?
We need to get the struggles of families & individuals out in the open.
We should not be ashamed to seek help and we should not be thwarted by availability or cost.
We need more willing to speak out and demand better care, quality of life for many depends on it.</p>
<p>@myturnnow posted late on March 10:</p>
<p>I found this passage in the article particularly insightful;
“All parenting involves choosing between the day (why have another argument at dinner?) and the years (the child must learn to eat vegetables). Nancy’s error seems to have been that she always focused on the day, in a ceaseless quest to keep peace in the home she shared with the hypersensitive, controlling, increasingly hostile stranger who was her son.”</p>
<p>This passage, along with the paragraphs surrounding it struck me, as well. </p>
<p>I agree, it seems as though, in trying to make each day a good one, Nancy slowly became a victim of Adam’s increasing demands, limits and behaviors. </p>
<p>I don’t think this was conscious on Adam’s part. But nobody challenged his point of view, or kept him from increasing both his own and his mother’s isolation. </p>
<p>Homeschooling, in this particular instance, was a terrible mistake. It removed the outside perspective of other people who might have at least offered support, and it isolated both Adam and Nancy from the world.</p>
<p>We have aquaintances who are circling the edge of this kind of abyss, with a hormonal, ill, pubescent son who is starting to call the shots (not consciously) in terms of mental health care and schooling. It has been difficult to witness what this family is going through, but this article gives me a window into their (much less severe) difficulties, and puts words to the feelings I have been having about their increasing isolation as a reaction to their son’s demands. Reading it gave me an “Ah ha” moment about their situation. I hope they find this article. </p>
<p>I am thankful Peter gave this series of interviews. I hope he and his son are able to find some peace in knowing that this act of sharing his perspective will help others. </p>
<p>Peter Lanza didn’t have to be interviewed, didn’t have to say diddly, much less did he have to seek out an interviewer he knew would “grill him.”</p>
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<p>Yep. TatinG clearly hadn’t read the interview when he first began making his comments, so I agree there is no effort being made to gain any understanding of this. A public flogging might make him happy.</p>
<p>I would have chosen my interviewer carefully too. I don’t judge him for that. </p>
<p>I feel for all the people in situations like the Lanzas was. But I feel far more for the families who lost their innocent children or other loved ones who were at the wrong end of someone’s mental health break. I just hope the lessons of Newtown aren’t lost over time.</p>
<p>I think most reasonable people can agree that access to guns should be restricted, no matter the mental health of family members living around them. Beyond that, there seems to be no agreement on what was to be done about Adam. Sounds like the Mom had a good bit of denial going on, in addition to her own issues of futility, isolation, etc. </p>