This has been a source of increasing friction at my church.
The young teens enter the parish hall shortly before the service ends. On some occasions they eat literally 50% of the food before the rest of the congregation appears for coffee hour. A smalllish group of volunteers is responsible for organizing and providing this food, setting up, buying creamer, etc. They are increasingly ticked off. Complaints have been greeted dismissively. Attempts to remonstrate with the kids directly have been met with hostility.
These kids have parents, right? Might want to have a quiet word with the parents who will, in turn, have a less quiet word with the kids on the ride home.
Or, don’t set out the refreshments while the service is underway. After the worship, allow a few minutes for set up, then the priest/pastor says the benediction in the social hall, THEN everybody eats. Nobody would dare eat if it were clear that nobody eats till after the blessing!
What are the age ranges of these “young teens”? Do they attend the same service as the adult congregation or do they attend a separate “young teen”/children service which lets out earlier? Why does it let out earlier rather than around the same time as the rest of the congregation?
Is there a youth pastor, or youth leader? He/she should make it clear to the kids that this behavior is unacceptable (and why). Perhaps a lesson on hospitality is in order. IMO, as a pastor, this kind of behavior requires teaching rather than admonishment.
The Religious Education Director is dismissive and not only describes the behavior as “age appropriate” but actively criticizes anyone who says anything. She, need I say, has no kids.
I think that this might be a great opportunity to offer the kids free food in a slightly different setting.
Any church needs to try to draw kids in, and I think you’ve found your hook. Why not look into starting some sort of a Sunday breakfast for Teens or something? I’m thinking of all the Communion Breakfasts I’ve attended-- where a religious message is combined with breakfast. You could draw them in with the free food, and hopefully get them to actually hear the message as well.
Any church wants to draw kids in; they’re the future of your faith and your church. You’ve found the kids and you’ve found the hook. I think that what needs to happen now is to find a way to make the two connect.
Do you have a parish counsel kind of meeting where you could make the suggestion?
At the church where I used to work as a director of Christian Education, we had the younger teens help set up the fellowship hour, and we asked them to help out by sampling the food, but they were limited to one cookie per person until church let out. After church let out and others had a chance, they were allowed to have additional items.
It’s always a tension - I had some older members ready to criticize kids for just being kids (noisy, energetic, etc.) or if they didn’t think their clothing was dressy enough (jeans, t-shirts, shorts). In my mind some things were not an issuel, but kids being rude or thoughtless was discouraged and we tried to promote age-appropriate behavior and manners.
This will not be helpful but one of the biggest reasons I really love our church is the way the adults- clergy, church staff, vestry and all of the other adults have been so wonderful and supportive of our youth including my own. The teens in our church have never been a problem. There is so much mutual respect.
I have raised two kids in our church; a church that is now struggling to attract young families and young adults. I have pretty strong feelings about this - let them eat!! Totally agree with @bjkmom - you have a hook, now use it - before these kids decide they don’t want to come to church. If you don’t want them eating all the food, prepare a separate tray for them and set up a teen table that they can hang out at! Or have the church leadership brainstorm ideas on how you can further engage these kids following worship. Ask them to be the servers one Sunday a month, etc. Trust me when I say - the more the adults fuss over the fact that these teens are eating too much, or their manners are poor, the faster these kids will turn away from the institutional church. Hospitality is a hallmark of Christianity, and should be extended to all warmly and freely. Find a way to make their hunger a point of connection, instead of separation.
Same as @FallGirl, we love our teens at our church! And our teens feel safe and comfortable within our congregation, because no one is sniping at them about their behavior or what they wear.
As a person who has been in charge of church refreshments, I disagree with just “let them eat”. They aren’t wild dogs, they are human beings, and manners are important. If not letting them hig the treats that they didn’t make is a problem, then they need to be gently redirected.
How about a sign that says, “Please just take one item until everyone has had an opportunity to try them”.
My point is not to let them scarf everything up, but find ways to better engage them during this time, being aware that the food component is important. The kids are hungry, they don’t like being awake, up and out at that hour on a Sunday, and the after worship treats are important to them. If there is a healthy staff/lay leadership dynamic, then productive brainstorming can be done on how to make this a point of connection rather than separation, and how to teach the kids in a meaningful and not snarky way that hospitality goes both ways and manners are important. (the youth leader should take ownership of this piece.)
Personally, I would rather find ways to include some additional teen treats than limit them to “just one!”. My kids still talk about the old lady at our church who always tsk’ed tsk’ed them for taking too many cookies when they were little! And the cost of those cookies from a tin was not all that great, in the grand scheme of things. But that memory lives on.
One of the things that my church has done recently has been to partner with a local bakery - they give us their Saturday leftovers at no charge, and we then promote their store by making it know that coffee hour treats have been provided by the bakery. Then we cut the donuts and danish into two’s or even fours, so they go further and they are a good size for the older members of the congregation. There are ways to not only let the kids eat, but to make coffee hour a nicer experience for all. If the kids can drive, they can be the ones in charge of picking up the treats at the bakery, so they have some skin in the game.
I think wanting teens to feel welcome in a church and want to continue going is important.
I do not think that means, let them do anything they want, so we don’t scare them away.
It’s awful dismissal of them as functioning young humans to say that they should be allowed to behave thoughtlessly or else they’ll leave. I would like to think most are better than that.
Is it an educational thing? If someone gently pointed out the problem (taking so much, not enough for the older, slower members), I would like to think they’d pay attention to that. If not, then I think there is a serious parenting issue, not an “age appropriate” issue.
I am surprised no one mentioned the practical solution I came up with. No excuse for bad manners, BUT. Instead of laying out large trays of yummy food, which makes it look like there is plenty for a free for all, I would take 1/3 of the coffee hour snacks and reserve them in the fridge. After the onslaught, I would bring them out. I learned this by talking to the minister once, who pointed out that he came in last and never did get the choicest cookies.
I wish our church had this problem (many teens). Even when polite they still consume a lot though…
If there isn’t enough food for everyone to get the amount they want to eat, then there isn’t enough food. That’s why I severely dislike functions like that. Way too much judgement and work. I’d rather just eat at home or stop at a donut shop and skip the judgement over how much food I’m eating. And I’m not even a teen anymore.
It’s enough food and as simple as rudeness (something not exclusive to kids BTW, there are plenty of adults and elderly people that would do the same if they got there first) if people are taking food and then tossing it without eating it.