@CaliCash, I really think that you are off base regarding @chocchipcookie’s views.
The few posts above reminds me of these:
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There is indeed a generational gap in the POV on these subjects, in general.
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As someone moves upward in the SES ladder, the color of skin and the race could become less irrelevant.
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In general, as people get older, they become more “practical” and less “idealistic”.
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I once heard of this: A black person happens to the richest among a group of friends (almost all of them are white.) His white friends jokingly said this black person is the whitest among them.
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It is a fact that there are indeed more whites than blacks in that semi-elite class, in the US as well as in many other parts of the world where the white are the dominant race in such countries. (with the exception that the whites are ESL teachers in a non-white country.)
Flame away, as this is usually the way to go in this kind of topic on a forum like this.
I seriously doubt this.
And, from purely anecdotal experience, my upbringing in a lower SES neighborhood had WAY more mixed couples than any of the higher income communities I’ve lived in.
@mcat2, I honestly don’t see how your generalizations really add to the discussion and how parents feel about their adult kids marrying different races and faiths.
SES generalizations may not even apply for many–have not felt it was QN issue in the prior #261 posts.
Perhaps, if you want to talk about that, since you’ve mentioned it many, many times with regard to the person your S is dating, a new thread would be more appropriate, since this one seems to be sticking with race and faith, like the title and OP.
My post mainly in response to CaliCash’s earlier post as follows – S/he mentioned SES so I just try to comment along that line:
It’s hard to get much higher up the SES ladder than Mark Zuckerberg, George Soros & Rupert Murdoch, and they have inter-racial marriages.
Just a pure speculation then: maybe just the people in the middle of SES tend to care more about these (race, etc. in a marriage)?
I think I have zero exposure to someone who belongs to the higher SES class.
No need to accuse me of being stereotyping by over-generalization here: I know I was doing this exactly when I wrote the above.
interracial marriages (and gay ones too) are pretty shrug worthy (by which I mean fully accepted, no one blinks an eye) in higher SES circles as far as I am concerned.
I hate to see what had been a thoughtful, mature, adult conversation devolve. If we are done with the topic in a respectful manner, then let’s just move along. This is NOT a thread about race and religion per se. It is about interfaith/mixed race dating and marriage - an important distinction.
I have had an opportunity to explore my feelings and perhaps to provide others with some insight into my perspective. As most of you understood, it’s not about bigotry, but about preserving a religion and a culture.
I added the Washington Post article to the mix to highlight, not condone, an extreme view. Same with the questioner in the Forward article last night. We can all disagree vehemently with that extreme position, but it still takes place and is worth exploring what drives a parent to that position.
A mature individual understands that part of having a conversation where opposing views are presented is to try to see the other person’s point of view - try to understand where they are coming from. And most of you have done that. Jumping into the middle of a conversation and hurling accusations against other posters is not only childish, but counterproductive, as you drag the tone of the entire discussion down with you.
So, if there are adult posters who wish to continue in a thoughtful manner, carry on. Otherwise, I’m done. Thanks.
Echoing what RVM said, a thousand times.
I hope this conversation continues as I am finding it very interesting.
One thing which is probably not very relevant. I lived in a community which had many Muslims, (Detroit has the biggest Muslim community in the US and I lived not far from there). The vast majority of people of the Muslim faith that I knew did not wear head coverings. Some did but most that I knew did not.
I am very happy that my kids grew up in a community that was very diverse, racially, religiously, well maybe not so much SES. My kids are much more open and nonchalant about intermarriage and more tolerant than we were raised. My H and I are more tolerant than our parents are.
We are making progress, it’s a wonderful thing.
I don’t think this thread is about tolerance, I think it’s about one mother’s hopes and concerns for her children, which we all have and which probably all could be open to judgment or virtue signaling if we were open about them as Rockvillemom was.
I think some of us who have seen family members scarred bc their loved ones weren’t t accepted have a strong reaction. I’ll be honest, I have thought about what I’d do if my kids didn’t marry Jews and H gave them a hard time about it. Is it enough of a fundamental value for me to divorce him over it? He’s mellowed over the years and I think at this point he’d probably just give them lighthearted grief and move on, but it is a touch point trigger for me because of my own background and how my mother was so unnecessarily wounded by her parents.
Very wise words zoosermom
Don’t we all have those sensitive spots? I know I do. I think it was very brave and smart of Rockvillemom to put herself out there. I have a concern about something related to my D’s wedding that I would pull my tongue out before I told her, but neither can I tell my husband because he will not understand, so I get why it’s valuable to have other people to listen and help you sort out something, especially a group of women who might have different experiences to share.
First of all, just saying, there are more than a group of women here. I try and consider that with most every thread I post.
Do we all have sensitive spots? Probably most. But I also feel and tried to state above that I do think it’s possible that some families have gone through childhood with no rickety bridges to cross in terms of family values/stability/crisis - and that they are really taken back when that first roadblock occurs. Or the first incident that threatens to upset the level family cart so to speak. Input from others can help to soothe that rocky road, absolutely!
But, as Pizzagirl said, some of us who have lived through situations where family turning on family over such mentioned things - we are also sharing our real life experiences of what can happen when threats or actions are taken to shun family due to personal decisions that are not crime worthy, just life worthy. We didn’t just “wonder” about the results - we lived through them - and it wasn’t pretty. It was devastating. As long as the sharing is “real” I do think it’s important to share the truths and not candy coat the results of our actions.
Really, this thread is full of LOTS of food for thought for both sides. And that’s a great thing. 
This thread had quickly moved to our sense of identity, which does include religion, for many. Put me in the group that saw the good here. Especially as the love and unity aspects surfaced.
And though we started with religion, it goes beyond obvious markers. I hoped my kids would find partners who could love music and museums, learning and stretching. Those are part of both DH’s and my family’s traditions and identity, too. One of mine has an SO who isn’t. That requires an adjustment, too. This thread helped. More than you know.
That is true, but as I said, in the situation I described, I (personally) would be seeking the experience of other people who have been mothers of the bride. Those generally are or have been women. If someone wants to post for father of the bride experience, they should seek that out as well.
The point I’m making is that Rockvillemom shared her feelings, not her actions, and I think that’s an important distinction. There were no threats or actions to shun anyone, just a mom sharing her fears. Had she been one of the people threatening to bar the door, then that would have been a whole other conversation, but she wasn’t. Certainly, the experiences of people whose families have crossed the line is valuable, but from the perspective of remembering that that’s not what Rockvillemom was saying. I am a huge fan of meandering threads and it bothers me when they are closed for no other reason than meandering, but I do think it should be taken into account what posters actually say, not just what they could possibly say under some other circumstance.
I think sensitive goes both ways. My brother married a catholic and she made all sorts of false assumptions and accused my mother of not being accepting, which is totally incorrect and far from the truth. It caused a huge rift in the family and broke my mother’s heart. To this day my brother and his wife have kept far away, no matter how anyone in the family tried to reach out and be inclusive. Their loss.
My DH’s brother also married a catholic. They raised their kids jewish. Their oldest is 9 mos older than my oldest. However, she said to me once, a long time ago, that our late MIL said, when coming to our older s’s bris, that now she was going to see her first “real” grandson. 
Gosh, I really HOPE our MIL did not say that, or that my SIL misheard that. That would be awful. MIL passed away 9 mos later, so it didn’t become an issue in the family and she has always been completely accepted as part of the family. As I mentioned upthread, our younger s’s gf is catholic. We have done everything we can to make her feel completely included in all family activities and events. She is delightful
That is heartbreaking and you couldn’t be more right. This is actually something that I worry about and can’t quite decide if I’m being ridiculous or if there is something there. My future SIL is a warm, friendly young man who treats my daughter very well and (if I do say so myself) I think their children will be beautiful! However, he has a very large, involved, traditional Italian American family. They have traditions on every holiday, including things like St. Joseph’s day which we do not celebrate or even truly understand. His family is divorced so he and my daughter already split their time two ways before our family is even in the picture. I know that they are figuring out what to do and I have told my daughter that whatever she decides is fine with me, but it’s starting to look like his family will have the major holidays that we celebrate, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and we will see them on birthdays/anniversaries. I am sure they will work it out. I don’t know how, and I won’t put up a fight. I am concerned that we might not see them on those holidays, but I will not pitch a fit and will make the best of it. But I would feel sad about that because I have always expected (again, my expectation, hope, dream) that there would be some major holiday at which I would have my kids and their new families together. Has nothing to do with anything but my own feelings, but they are valid to me.
Divided family events are hard. Both of our s’s are on the opposite coast, which makes any holiday get togethers a challenge, and get-togethers for birthdays/anniversaries are likely out of the picture. Our s’s inlaws, who are wonderful and very considerate, are about a half hour away from them, so they get together frequently. When there are grandkids, I will wish even more that we were much closer by So while its understandable to be sad about holidays, at least yours are close by and can go shopping with your dau some Saturday or have a casual lunch.
The folks I know who deal with divorced parents usually spend part of the day with one and part with the other. Or xmas eve with one and xmas day with the other. Or alternate families one year-- One gets xmas, one gets thanksgiving, or xmas and easter, etc. These are all challenges, but I’ll bet that your dau will make sure that time is spent fairly (if equally isn’'t do-able) between the families. I so wish my kids were a car ride, not a 4.5 hr plane ride, away.