<p>I will start this thread by again offering thanks to those who have helped me in the past. I have followed through on many of your suggestions and have found them to be helpful and enlightening, which is why I’m again appealing for help.</p>
<p>I will begin by stating that I am aware that I am not (yet) a mental health professional, and my limited experiences as a psychology major do not in any way give me the authority to make diagnoses. That being said, it seems very possible that what he’s dealing with could be autism-related. </p>
<p>If the problem ended at simple social awkwardness and did not impair his ability to function, I would probably be more reluctant to address the problem. However, whatever he is dealing with is having significant impact on his life and I really worry for his prospects to be successful in the future. </p>
<p>The first issue here is hygiene. He is incredibly difficult to be around because, to put it simply, he stinks. He refuses to shower for a week or more at a time, and in addition, does not change his clothes. I’m also not convinced that he ever brushes his teeth because they have a pretty solid coating of yellow that makes people cringe. I have spoken to him repeatedly about this issue, and he knows exactly what I’m going to say before I even say it, but says that the showers on campus make him anxious. I suggested that he go the counseling center if he’s having an anxiety issue, but to my knowledge he’s never followed through on that. It’s had enough effect on our social dynamic that we will not engage in physical activity while he is around because we do not want him to sweat. (Which prevents us from playing DDR, which is a favorite among my circle of friends.) It just makes me physically sick to my stomach to be around him, and my boyfriend’s room has to be hosed down with Febreeze after he leaves or else his smell lingers. It’s absolutely disgusting and I don’t know how long I can continue to tolerate it. </p>
<p>Secondly, his behavior is a significant issue outside of our circle of friends. He’s completely socially clueless and has difficulty maintaining conversations outside of his comfort zone, which largely consists of video games and anime. When these topics are not being discussed, he will begin to talk about them inappropriately, or when they are, he will continue on these topics at length and to a level of detail where it would be apparent to most people that those listening were not interested. He has gone so far as to make “choice” types of presentations in college classes on these subjects. </p>
<p>Thirdly, he engages in a number of behaviors that others find very annoying or peculiar. He has a laptop or DS out at pretty much all times during social functions, and he comments out loud about being bored during programs or events that do not focus around his areas of interest, often in earshot of those hosting the programs. He chews absurdly loudly, and also engages in incredibly rapid bouts of sniffing and blinking. </p>
<p>I’m sorry if this description comes off as mean, because I honestly think he is a nice, smart guy with some sort of issue that I highly suspect to be autism-related. I’m trying to paint as much of the picture as possible so that you can get an idea of the problems that he’s exhibiting and the obvious impact that they have on his prospects, both social and future. It should be said that there are times when he is relatively socially normal and engages in a conversation that does not revolve around his interests, but these moments are honestly too few and far between.</p>
<p>He has been diagnosed as having ADHD but I’ve read that Asperger’s is frequently misdiagnosed as this, especially since he was diagnosed at a much younger age. I’m not sure if his family have any suspicions, but I’m reluctant to bring it up to them because I know they have enough on their plate right now with his younger sister currently fighting ovarian cancer. </p>
<p>It’s obvious to me that he’s aware of his oddities, and he frequently puts himself down in front of others. Our group of friends used to reinforce the behavior by attempting to ease his concerns (for instance, he frequently calls himself ugly but he’s not aside from the hygiene issues). However, the group as a whole has long since stopped responding to these ploys because they have become so frequent and he is never satisfied with the answers. </p>
<p>I just don’t know what to do at this point. Currently, he has a place in our group of friends because of my boyfriend’s and my attempts to keep him connected to the group by texting him for meals and other gatherings. However, after my boyfriend leaves I don’t know what I’ll do. My boyfriend has gone so far as to provide him his own chair to sit in, which nobody else touches, but I certainly don’t want him to be sitting in the furniture in my room next year when I return and my boyfriend has graduated. </p>
<p>I feel like this all sounds horribly mean but I can’t help but worry that we’re setting him up for failure by being so tolerant of his behaviors. I feel that any other social circle or place of employment would not have him, given his social skills and hygiene problems. (He called his mother a d0uche when she tried to ask him a question while he was playing his DS, for instance.) The question is: how can I get him help for a condition I’m not by any stretch sure that he has? How can I help someone who has frequently been made aware of his own problems and appears to have no interest (or is perhaps too intimidated) in addressing them? </p>
<p>Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far. Again I apologize if this comes across as mean, but it is a pretty honest assessment of his general behavior.</p>
I know it’s in his best interests, though…</p>