<p>One thing to keep in mind in the OP’s post - the daughter is 18 - of legal age to make decisions on her own - and attempting to bring a horse to water - well… ya just can’t force them to partake - and if this gal refuses to get any professional help - it is her choice - and mom can’t force the issue on her. Yes - mom can partake of professional assistance - but the only option she may have regarding her daughter may be with-holding the college tuition - if she is paying it - and that may not be the most beneficial situation for either of them.</p>
<p>In all honesty - there is possibly very little that mom can really do to get thru to her daughter - except to open the lines of communication and keep them open. This gal could well have only abused alcohol to the degree that her judgement is very clouded on a couple of occassions - but she may also have - or is - abusing it on a regular basis - and it just has not been recognized. Hopefully - if this happens again - someone will take this girl to the ER - and really SEE where she is at. This could well have consequences either at home or at school. She will have to figure out herself what she wants to do about all this - if anything. She may not see it as a big problem - sadly.</p>
<p>This gal will/may be in for a very rude awakening at some point - god forbid it cause any harm to herself - or to anyone else. But she may pay a price in the future that she will have to live with - as her decisions appear that she is not going to seek any help/assistance in all of this.</p>
<p>If the OP is funding her daughter’s education, it would be good for the OP to discuss with her daughter now what the daughter will have to do for that fnding to continuue.</p>
<p>My thoughts are that if a parent is funding an education, the parent should have the right to see grades. Federal privacy laws don’t allow grades to be sent straight to parents, but parents can make arrangements with their students that the students must show the parents their transcripts in order for the parent to continue funding their education, and the grades must be at a certain level (which the parent should set beforehand) for the funding to continue.</p>
<p>The parent also can set guidelines for what grades are acceptable for funding to continue.</p>
<p>The parent also could make funding contingent on certain behavior. For instance, in the OP’s situation, the OP could make funding contingent on the student’s not having any alcohol or drug related violations in college. While privacy laws exist preventing colleges from telling parents this info without students’ permission, some colleges override those by mandating that students sign statements allowing the college to inform their parents if the student gets any alcohol-related violations.</p>
<p>^^ I agree :(</p>
<p>Actually at some schools - ER/alcohol related incidents - do warrant a call to parents - especially if the student is underage. At some schools - any alcohol related incident is reported - even with the privacy laws in place. And if one gets a ticket related to alcohol - there will most likely be a bunch of letters arriving at home - from law offices - wanting to represent that kiddo.</p>
<p>There has to be an understanding between parents and their college kids regarding accountability and responsibility - actions and re-actions - judgement and consequences. We need to trust our kids a bit as we send them off - and sometimes that is a very difficult comodity.</p>
<p>NSM, my college sends grades to parents (or whoever’s name is on the bill). Students do not sign off on this.</p>
<p>Here is a quote from an excellent website <a href=“http://www.compelledtoact.com%5B/url%5D”>www.compelledtoact.com</a>. The site was started by the parents of young woman who died from an alcohol related accident. </p>
<p>“This prevailing alcohol culture on campuses is so pervasive, that those who are not predisposed to unlimited partying, find little campus social life, especially on weekends, that does not involve alcohol. They basically have three choice: 1) go home on weekends (many find that their friends of similar mind who do live close to campus are absent on weekends), assuming home is sufficiently close to make this practical, 2) become a social shut-in and avoid those activities which involve alcohol, or 3) join in with the drinkers.”</p>
<p>I think that you need to do research and find out what the prevailing culture is at the school your daughter is going to attend. You need to discuss this issue with her. You need to proactively set guidelines and enforce them. There is no magic involved with turning 18. It is quite unlikey that your 18 year old daughter is fully capable of being self-supporting and responsible. I know my 20 year old isn’t. The driving force at this age is not the alchohol, but the social relations supported by the act of drinking. Clearly if she has already lost driving privileges, then to follow that up with an incident such as this indicates she has problems that should be dealth with prior to being immersed in a culture where excessive drinking is the norm.</p>