<p>SBMom, I suspect my son is also a babe-magnet because he relates well to girls/women. And he’s also such a gentleman and oh so very intellectual without being a nerd. To some girls, I suppose that clinches the deal. :)</p>
<p>The first lesson I would teach a boy is to respect his partner. Second, is to use protection at ALL times. The third is to respect his partner some more. And the fourth is to use protection at ALL times! Respect and protection sums it up! LOL</p>
<p>Oh, and of course, to listen to his partner…but I guess that falls under the heading of respect.</p>
<p>My parents never had “the talk” with me. My mom just told me to wrap it up and not get anyone pregnant.</p>
<p>WARNING: If you are a liberal whose definition of tolerance does not include conservative opinions, then skip this post.</p>
<p>For those who think abortion is NOT a viable solution to a pregnancy, that some actions are morally BETTER than others, and that serial monogamy is an oxymoron, you could provide a goal for your son to treat a woman as if she is worth waiting for (i.e. abstinence until marriage). Therefore, the following advice would be warranted:</p>
<p>Dont date until you are ready to get married. (maybe junior or senior year)</p>
<p>Dont date anyone you wouldnt marry.</p>
<p>If you do not want to get yourself in trouble (i.e. too much sexual temptation), try going out with a girl in activities in a group setting.</p>
<p>However, a parent should only use this strategy if you believe it is true. You can start working on this strategy when your children are young. Emphasize the positive role models or marriages you see in movies (this, of course, requires watching movies that have some positive role models) or read about in books. </p>
<p>I am not naïve enough to believe that no college students are promiscuous nor am I GULLIBLE enough to believe that all college students are promiscuous. I was a normal, athletic college student who went to college before anyone was afraid of AIDS (i.e. sexual revolution era), and I and my friends played sports, worked at school work, had plenty of friends (male and female), and I was popular and considered nice-looking. However, I was intentionally NOT sexually active in college, and was still able to have a great time. I have no reason to believe that students are significantly more sexually active now than when we were in college. Both back then and now, it may well have been the case that the majority of college students were sexually active. But for both times, that still leaves TENS OF PERCENT OF PERFECTLY NORMAL COLLEGE STUDENTS who are not sexually active.</p>
<p>I do not associate a lack of embarrassment in buying condoms from your friends mother as a sign of maturity. This is simply getting over embarrassment. I would certainly hope that my son would refrain from sex in college. If he should happen to have sex outside of marriage and get a girl pregnant, I would encourage him to get married, and I would still help him to finish college. My son knows that I would, under no circumstances, recommend an abortion (possibly adoption). True maturity is when you are willing to do the right thing, even at some cost.</p>
<p>Take your own advice, dadoftrojan, and zip it. I’m neither a frothing liberal nor an advocate for promiscuity. I just don’t like your tone, Dude. I think everyone here has something useful to contribute, and basically, we’re all looking out for our kids. But, in case you missed it, there is a sense of community, here. And, nobody, kid or parent, likes to be lectured.</p>
<p>I have 3 boys aged 17 - 25. I have told them to respectful, to use protection, to make sure whatever they do is consensual (verify 3 times!, and do not think with your p^%**.</p>
<p>I have talked quite a bit over the years in practical terms about what I consider the real dangers of sexual activity, since I believe sex education courses scare the kids too much by focusing on diseases, especially AIDS, to the exclusion of behavior issues and relationship ethics. One of my friends preaches abstinence by saying to her teens “If you’re tempted to have sex, ask yourself if it’s worth dying for!” She’s a loving mother and a darling person, but we disagree on this issue. In our county, kids get sex ed in middle school and again in 10th grade - they take tests on VD - they know more than I do, and I think there’s no sense harping on it.</p>
<p>What I mention to S is - 1) the fact that the sexual urge is extremely powerful and that it is closely linked to the deepest emotions, an automatic intensification of a relationship (jealousy, confusion about love, etc. etc.) - that it is powerful juju and should not be taken lightly, and that it often accompanies, but is definitely not identical to love. 2) as a young man, it is imperative to ensure that his partner truly wants to have sex ("make sure she actually says “yes!”) 3) always use protection, because he could end up paying child support for 18 years and it would be a heavy burden starting out in life.</p>
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When my D reached puberty this is precisely what I told her. The disease and pregnancy material is out there in spades, the emotional weight topic less so. What I also told my D is that she risked getting her feelings really hurt.</p>
<p>My S is only 14, and short (albeit very handsome to my eyes), so we aren’t in this world yet. Do boys get their feelings hurt in teen dating? What other things than pregnancy and disease should I warn my S of - assuming of course he grows…:)</p>
<p>guys get their feelings hurt as much as girls do</p>
<p>not that i’m proud, but us girls can be even worse than guys can be</p>
<p>jealously is more prevalent among girls than boys and it really dominates and ruins a lot of teen relationships</p>
<p>Cheers, your post was absolutely hysterical. I’m confused about the math though - 90 condoms? … I laughed so hard I thought I broke something.</p>
<p>
I don’t mean to judge your parenting, but I think you would be very surprised if you were omniscient (if not by his behavior, then by his peers’). 14 is a perfectly ripe age to start these discussions at. The fact that kids mature at different rates doesn’t make the topic any less pertinent. Your son will be forced to confront these issues with his earlier blooming classmates.</p>
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You betcha!</p>
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<p>Sex does not equate to love. Engaging in the act does not add any more to a relationship than was there to begin with. There is no “scoring” in sex; the partners ought to be on the same team. Don’t fool yourself.</p>
<p>Let me end with a quote from yulsie:
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<p>Sorry if I was not clear. I know it’s never too early to start the talks. I only meant he hasn’t asked anyone out yet or had a girlfriend since a 2 week period in 7th grade. My S has been around for most of the talks I had with my D, although they were usually focused on D, and we are pretty open about birth control, STDs, alternative choices, etc. It was just that I felt I had more to offer my D, more heartfelt guidance, and was looking for what similar discussions with S ought to focus on. Once I told him he had to be careful not to treat girls as objects, (brought about by a JLo poster on the wall) and he looked at me and said “Mom, think of who you are talking to. Look at my sister and you!” I need more data about that side of things, and how as a mother to be involved as I cannot guarantee what H will say.</p>