I do not enjoy travel at all. Ever since I was a kid I spent vacations daydreaming about going home. I am a true homebody. I am happy and content at home. My kids and husband unfortunately do not feel the same way. We have mostly taken short 3-5 day vacations and even those I just did not like. Now H and kids want to plan a trip that by its nature very long European cruise, at least two weeks of travel. We can afford it. But I am dreading the thought. I suggested they go without me but they were all aghast.
Any thoughts how I can get myself into the right frame of mind? I know that most people would love to be able to do this but not me. I know this makes me sound ridiculous and Ungrateful for my circumstance. But the thought is making me depressed ( and I am generally an upbeat person ). Any advice?
Oh, I sympathize! After doing a lot of traveling when I was young, I now do not like it. I prefer the boring home and car and job and food I know to the hotels and transportation and activities and restaurants I don’t know. The only way I got through my most recent trip (four days away from home, to visit my daughters in NYC) was to remind myself that they wanted me to visit and would be very disappointed if I didn’t. It ended up being fun (and tiring and expensive). I’m glad I did it.
You are going to a very easy place to be a tourist and should enjoy it. Make sure your house is clean and tidy so that you can really enjoy coming home!
Just keep telling yourself that you are doing this to enjoy time with your beloved family members, even if it makes you a bit uncomfortable. Before you all go, make a deal that you won’t say you want to go home if they don’t keep asking you things like, “aren’t you glad you came here?”.
You can all agree to have different desires but put them aside for each other.
Also, pack selfishly so you will be comfortable the whole time you’re there! Plenty of clothes, the most comfortable air travel pillow, decadent packs of gum, etc.
I, too, am a homebody and have done cruises with my in-laws. Take part in the planning - there is always something that’s to be curious about, something that will make the trip interesting for you. Pay attention to the excitement of your husband and kids and try to share in it.
Bring many books, sit on the balcony taking in the views if on the river or listen to the waves if on the ocean. Do you have a hobby that’s transportable, like knitting or puzzles? Bring it, you’ll be bringing a part of your home with you. Walk around, investigate the ship so you get your mind mulling over where you are and what a different experience yo are having.
Take advantage of every port. It is exciting to see different parts of the world. Keep reminding yourself to smile, to actively look forward to at least one thing every day, and remember you are with your family and that’s what home is all about! Half of the depressed feelings are anticipating being uncomfortable/away from home but if you pay attention to the adventure, it’ll bring you outside of yourself.
Hugs - it will be wonderful and let us know some stories when you get back home!
My mother had always wanted to tour the Panama Canal but she doesn’t really like flying or boats. She overcame her dislikes to do one thing she really wanted to do. Even though she didn’t really like the cruise as a whole, she found things she liked to do on it that made it okay if not quite enjoyable. She really liked the Panama Canal day, and all the days leading up to it with lectures and history.
Is there anything you’ve always wanted to see in Europe? Make sure it is part of your vacation. Make your family promise to do things without you and leave you alone to read, relax, or do nothing if that’s what makes you happy. Don’t feel the need to do everything the cruise schedules, eat every meal, attend every show.
FWIW my friend who did not like to travel (and whose wife did) found cruises to be the most palatable way to go. He felt that having a home base on the ship which was far better than packing up and moving from hotel to hotel every couple of days and he would skip an excursion now and then to stay on the boat and relax with a book. I hope it turns out to be a positive expreince for you.
Yes, I think a cruise would be ideal for you. You can spend time by yourself or party with a lot of people. And you don’t have to do any planning!! My husband didn’t think he would like cruising, but we tried one and he loved it. We are taking our fifth one in six years next month.
I like to travel, somewhat, but am not as adventurous as some of my family members. I overpack, overprepare, etc. But this year we took a Greek cruise and I used a tour company (booked it through USAA) - they handled EVERYTHING - from picking us up at the airport (transfers) booking us in a great hotel (with breakfast) setting up dinner when we told them what experience we wanted (and guiding us to/from) transported us to/from the ship, handled every port tour with the best tour guides, arranged for us to have priority embarkation/disembarkation, someone to be with the group on the ship to keep us organized and handle whatever we needed. It was smoothe sailing (pun intended). This was a great tour company and I would use them again in a heartbeat. NEver had to worry about a thing. I highly recommend this as the way to go. PM me for more info.
Even though you hate traveling I hope you experience how fun it is to be away from daily activities and focus on the family. One of the key things I love about going away with my husband or family is the quality time. Even if we just go to our family cabin we are actually engaged with each other and have great memories of our vacations
H does not like to travel. Growing up, his parents never left the state. I, on the other hand, love to travel! Probably because my parents were poor as children and when they married, they vowed to travel a lot and take their kids! Our compromise has been that our kids and I take 2 major trips a year, plus some weekends, and H generally stays home. It is a treat for him to have the house to himself and any schedule he wants. Every few years we do a family trip that includes him. I’ve found it best to be a cruise or a destination with a variety of activities that don’t require a car or all of us doing the same thing. Cruising, Disney World and Mackinac Island have all been successful.
@dentmom4 My problem was that my parents DID take us on lots of trips. And all I wanted on each trip was to get home, sleep in my own bed, eat off my own dishes. I literally used to think non stop on trips about how much I wanted our nice heavy silverware at home rather than that often thin stuff you find at all but the most upscale places …WHAT is wrong with me? What kind of kid thinks like that??
So dont think exposure to travel will necessarily make someone like to travel. Lol.
My advice is to do some planning and try to book things (excursions, a massage on the ship, anything that you can look forward to). I think it will help you to have a few things that you really want to do. At least with a cruise you won’t be packing and unpacking all the time, so while it’s not home at least you can set it up the way you like it and leave it that way. If you have favorite books or music, bring them. It sounds unlikely that you will love the trip, but maybe you can make things better by adding a few special things that you will enjoy.
I am also not a keen traveler but I do it for my kids. I try to distract myself by planning our itinerary. Last summer we travelled to Netherlands, Germany, France and England in 17 days. Travelling by planes, trains and rental cars was a nightmare but with enough planning beforehand I was mentally prepared. I scheduled educational trips to museums, fun visits to quirky sights and also must eats along the way. I was so happy when we got home safe and sound!!
If you have not taken a cruise before, you may be pleasantly surprised. The ship will become your temporary home. The hassle of packing and unpacking as you move from place to place becomes a non-issue as do many of the logistics normally associated with travel. And the ship will feel like a little piece of North America, wherever it goes. You will find familiar food, familiar faces, familiar language. It can be very relaxing to look out to sea with a good book in your hand. There will probably be a couple of “at sea” days when you don’t dock anywhere.
Insist that at least you and your husband get a room with a balcony so you can have a peaceful haven. If the budget doesn’t stretch for a balcony for the kids, they can be across the corridor in an inner cabin. Your kids will probably make friends quickly and you may find opportunities for some special alone time with your husband as well.
I hate shopping. As far as I’m concerned, anything I need can be ordered from the comfort of my home. However, I have a wife and two daughters who seem to really enjoy it. I will almost always go with them to the malls, etc. because I want to spend time with them in the car rides back & forth, at lunch, etc. When I’ve had enough of the stores, I just find a bench and read.
So, focus on the joy of spending time with family, their enjoyment of the trip, and try not to focus on your negative opinion of travel. I guarantee you will regret it if they go without you.
Also take a look at what aspects of travel are the most uncomfortable. Do you fear flying? Not comfortable navigating a city where you dont speak the language? Worry about being pick-pocketed? Identify the biggest worries and address them head on. Buy travel belts to secure funds or your passport if that will give you greater comfort, etc. We found. That when in Japan, for instance, hotels will give you a card to give a taxi driver so they can get you back easily. Turn the worry into an adventure! Have fun!
“Also take a look at what aspects of travel are the most uncomfortable”
Not afraid of flying or not speaking the language. Here’s what I hate: 1) Being away from my very comfortable bed so that I don’t sleep well, 2) inability to get up in the middle of the night and read for an hour which I often do at home. Can’t do that in one room without waking hubby. 3)Lack of alone time . Yes even with my family. I crave time alone to just putter around. Eat in peace without talking to anyone. Which I often do at lunch. I know, I know. Kind of crazy.
@maya54, sounds like you are a little introverted? (welcome to the club!) Would you say that is true? That maybe the “enthusiasm” of vacation isn’t your thing - the get up and go, lots of people around, playing tourist, etc.???
I think you should share those three concerns above with your family. See if you can figure out some solutions. Tell them you need to feel comfortable not having to schlep along on every family activity of the trip. Buy a good night light so you can move to a chair in the room at night to read. Buy hubby a sleep mask or earplugs if you are worried about disturbing him. Designate an hour or two during the day that is just for YOU - “mom will be doing her own thing from 8-9 - I’m happy to eat breakfast/take a walk/go on an excursion after that”. “Mom will need a siesta each afternoon from 3-4 - I’ll be stowed away in a quiet space with a cup of tea and a scone and a book - we can discuss dinner plans after that!”
I would hope your family would be happy to accommodate your minor needs if it means that you come on the trip.
