<p>One of my childhood friends has not responded to my son’s graduation announcement. We sent the announcement two weeks before graduation and no card or gift was sent. Her son graduated about 10 years ago and I gave him a refrig for his dorm room and wrote in a nice card. I also talk to this friend freguently as she lives in my neighborhood. I also have been giving her high school daughter advice on getting into college, spending many hours at their house and going over resume building and other ways for daughter to find a hook for college. Recently this friend asked for a donation for a fundraiser that she is involved with and I graciously provided a $100 gift basket for her cause. I finally asked today if she received a graduation announcement from my son and her reply was “Yes, thanks for thinking of us” “How was the graduation?” I am very sad and upset that after being friends for 45 years that this was her response! Should I confront her and let her know my feelings? Or should I just let it go?</p>
<p>What did you WANT her response to be?</p>
<p>I find it odd when people think “I gave you something, you should give me something back.” That being said, a card with a personal note would have been appropriate in this situation.</p>
<p>Wow! I sent out a bunch of announcements just to keep in touch. I didn’t intend to obligate anybody to DO anything.</p>
<p>Let it go.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap, were you responding to my post??? If so, please read it again. I simply meant a gift is not necessary, but a note should be.</p>
<p>I took it to mean people might feel like they have to send me a note; no?</p>
<p>Wow! I am surprised by the responses. Maybe I am old school, but I always send at least a card of congratulations when I receive any graduation announcement. I find it very BOLD of my friend to be able to keep asking of me but never giving in return.</p>
<p>I do think that in the OP’s situation, that a note should have been sent. They were long time friends, not casual aquaintances.</p>
<p>Okay. 10 char.</p>
<p>I’m old school too. Haha. You could mention your gift to her. Maybe a…did your son enjoy my gift? I was wondering if I should get my child the same thing (or something like that)</p>
<p>Sounds like a oneway friendship. Giving a donation to a charity should nt be counted but if you gave her son a refrigerator for college and she has nt acknowledged your kids graduation announcement, may be it is time to be equally ignorant of her existence?</p>
<p>You’re just talking about within the last couple of weeks that your son graduated?</p>
<p>I would not give it even a second thought unless nothing has happened by the end of the summer. Perhaps she ordered something and it hasn’t come yet; maybe she’s getting something personalized. </p>
<p>I remember four summers ago being invited to a graduation party for the son of a family we’re very close with. The day before the event we had a tragedy in the family; then we had to travel to D2’s college orientation; then D2 and I were in a car wreck on our way back to the airport after orientation. I think I managed to get a gift to this kid by August. </p>
<p>Regardless of what happens, a congratulations card would have been nice.</p>
<p>There’s been no tragedy. She lives down the street. She just texted me yesterday to ask how graduation was. I am really appreciating all of your inputs. Thanks!</p>
<p>Expecting a this for that gift could put a person in an awkward situation. Maybe their financial situation doesn’t allow anything? I am low income, and my daughter has been very fortunate to have family friends that have taken her on trips and other excursions that amount to MANY thousands of dollars. They knew I could not reciprocate, but my daughter always sent a thank you, and a small gift if possible. I don’t think a gift is truly a gift if it has the expectation of a return. JMO</p>
<p>Is it a requirement nowadays to send a gift for graduation? And if you don’t, you’re on the bad girl list forever? Jeez, there were a couple of years where so many people in our family were having babies, getting married, graduating, etc, etc, a notice every week. Yes, they are all important, but people are busy, life goes on…and so what. It would be nice if she sent a card (expecting money or a gift is greedy, you don’t really know someone’s financial situation, and it doesn’t matter what you sent them, true friends don’t keep score from ten years ago). I can’t imagine holding a grudge on such a close friend for something like this. Life is short. She or you could be dead tomorrow. You don’t really know exactly what is happening in everyone’s life, this is trivial. Let it go.</p>
<p>Busdriver11- I do know their financial situation to the degree that they are constantly traveling and doing fun family outings. I’m not being greedy, but saying that I don’t understand how she can have me encourage and cheerlead her daughter and she doesn’t even acknowledge my son’s graduation with a card? I just feel this takes a lot of nerve to be able to do this especially since she sees me about once a week.</p>
<p>When I receive graduation announcement, I take it that they are happy about the graduation and want people to know. Never once thought that it required a card in return. Maybe I am a boor. We didn’t bother sending out announcements when DS graduated from HS as anyone I cared about knowing, already knew. He did receive some gifts from people in spite of that which surprised me. We really were not expecting anything. He did write thank you notes.</p>
<p>Gifts are freely given, never expected, is what I always say.</p>
<p>Is this the only instance where you feel neglected by this friend? If so I think you are over reacting. And I mean that only nicely. But it sounds like you are very close, clearly involved in her life. Some people are gift givers and card senders and some aren’t. Is she generally not that type? My bf is a card giver, I am not. I get a birthday card from her she gets a phone call from me. I send her daughter cash for major events, she doesn’t as often with my son. We don’t keep score because we love each other and know we have each others backs. I think people are more casual these days.</p>
<p>It could be that this friend is insensitive and selfish, although I would think that after 45 years of knowing her you would have noticed this before now. And it does seem that she could have at least sent a card.</p>
<p>However, perhaps the two of you just have different expectations from your friendship. When you gave her child the dorm refrigerator, was she uncomfortable? Is it possible she has given you clues that she doesn’t want to exchange gifts, and you did not pick up on those clues?</p>
<p>Only you can know whether she is happy to be on the receiving-and-never-giving end of the relationship, or whether it is actually that you are giving-more-than-she-wants-to-receive.</p>