<p>Well, it’s been quite the day here in the Nonplussed household. I arrived home unexpectedly early and caught my 18-year-old college-bound D and her boyfriend - well, not actually “in the act”, but close enough that she caved in and admitted the truth. According to her, they’ve been sexually active for a couple of weeks (she says, but I know it could be longer…but that’s not the point.)</p>
<p>She and I had a long conversation (after she discovered that I wasn’t going to blow up.) She’s a great kid, very level-headed and unusually logical for a teenaged girl (and I say that, having been a teenaged girl myself.) Her boyfriend is a great kid, too, and of course they’re in love. They’ve been dating for almost 9 months. I have to admit, I half-expected this to happen and had thought it through in my mind… but thinking and knowing are two different things.</p>
<p>Anyway, I’m experiencing the whole range of human emotions right now, but I wanted opinions on one thing right now: birth control. She claims that they practice safe sex, and I do believe her (that level-headed logical comment, see above.) However, my gut reaction is to get this girl on birth control right away, just to be safe. Am I correct? Or is that overkill? I know all about the failure rate for condoms, and the last thing she (or I) want is a pregnancy. If it matters, the boyfriend will soon be 5 hours away from her (he’s still in High School) and will probably not see her again until November.</p>
<p>Can I assume by “safe sex” she means a condom? It’s not all that safe & diseases can still be spread. Can I also assume the condoms were not part of gynecological exam & consult? I’d get one ASAP.</p>
<p>If being sexually active is expected, she really needs birth control on which she can rely. Prescribed by her doctor who will monitor her overall health, as well…</p>
<p>nonplussed, I’m guessing that the worst is over with. You KNOW now, which was probably your d’s major concern. Good for you for not blowing up! </p>
<p>If it were me, I’d encourage her to choose a better birth control option. Now that a doctor’s visit would no longer “blow her cover”, maybe she would be receptive to it.</p>
<p>I’d have her seeing a GYN as soon as possible - but also make sure she knows that it takes at least one cycle before the pill is effective… and that condoms are still required for safe sex… I know that she knows all that already - but this is one case where it never hurts to repeat…</p>
<p>P.S. Talk about a heart attack - walking in on them would definitely get all three of your hearts pounding!!!</p>
<p>Voice of experience here, and I second the applause for not having a loud freak out at the moment of discovery. Lamaze breathing comes in handy but generally not until 18 years after delivery.</p>
<p>You might consider having her visit a clinic like Planned Parenthood because they have so many great resources for people this age, things are presented very matter-of-factly, and the practitioner will give current advice about avoiding STDs in a very non-judgmental way. You could sign her up with a regular OB-GYN, but she’s kind of in the in-between age where college health clinics and PP type clinics serve the wonderful function of teaching safe sex at a reasonable price. Also, its very hard to get a quick appointment with an OB, but PP clinics are pretty speedy about seeing teens as time is of the essence.</p>
<p>Some antibiotics also render the pill less effective – she should know that in case she gets sick, is prescribed antibiotics and thinks she’s protected. It’s good she talked to you and that you kept the communication channels open – I agree with everyone else, effective birth control that she can control is next. (He needs to use effective BC, too, but here is a prime opportunity for your D to be responsible for one’s own life and health.)</p>
<p>Nonplussed-- I laud your levelheadedness. I am a firm advocate of putting all girls on the pill once they enter high school because it would start a series of pelvic exams and std tests.
anyway, although she and boyfriend say that they are safe, you should encourage her to start regularly getting tested for stds. she and her boyfriend may or may not break up in college and they need to get in the habit</p>
<p>And to be realistic, the pill becomes a potential easy way to abandon the condom, particuarly in a supposedly “monagamous” relationship where both parties are assuming trust, and that the other party is not having the occasional random hook-up or seizing a moment of opportunity.</p>
<p>Periodic testing for std’s is a indeed a smart move. </p>
<p>Thanks for all the quick replies. I’m still processing all the comments (and the situation in general), but I will definitely get her to the gynecologist ASAP. She agrees with me, and we’ll go from there.</p>
<p>By the way, I’m well aware about “safe” versus “safer” sex (used to work in HIV research - I probably know too much). I also know the boyfriend very well, and I’m pretty sure that D and he have had this type of conversation already. I’m all about “backup” plans and being extra super safe - hence the idea behind condoms AND bc pills.</p>
<p>If it matters - I do believe my D when she says that both she and BF were virgins before this. It doens’t really affect my multitude of emotions right now(that much), but it does lessen the threat of disease. </p>
<p>Good grief - “the threat of disease.” Didn’t mean to sound so grim!</p>
<p>“However, my gut reaction is to get this girl on birth control right away, just to be safe. Am I correct?”</p>
<p>I think that at age 18, the choice of birth control should be up to her. However, I’d suggest having a long, explanatory talk with her about birth control, and then taking her to a place like Planned Parenthood where she could talk in private to a doctor, and make a decision about what to use.</p>
<p>I also think it would be important for you to talk with your D so that she realizes that no birth control method except abstinence is 100% effective, and she has thought through what she would do if a pregnancy occurs, and what help – if anything – she could rely on her parents for in such a situation.</p>
<p>I think it’s great that you didn’t freak out. The median age of sexual intercourse in the U.S. is about 17 1/2 for girls, about 16 1/2 for boys. In 2003, 62% of high school seniors had had sexual intercourse. What your D and her boyfriend are doing is pretty normal in our society, and it’s good that you’re willing to help her reduce her chances of pregnancy and STDs.</p>
<p>I would discuss the importance of birth control and other protection and get her an appointment right away and once in the appointment, she can discuss options with the practioner herself. You would be telling her that it is her choice whether to have sex but that your role is to make sure she is well informed and has the protection and then help arrange that to happen as soon as possible. Use it as an educational opportunity. Been there, done that.</p>
<p>It is not true that it takes at least one cycle for oral contraceptives to be effective. Doctors often say this, because it takes some women to get into the habit of taking them. But taken correctly, the pill is effective after seven days of use.</p>