Advice needed: Birth Control for College-Bound D

Parent Cafe
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<p>The number one sexual education resource that I would recommend is [Scarleteen</a> | Sex Education For The Real World](<a href=“http://www.scarleteen.com/]Scarleteen”>http://www.scarleteen.com/) </p>

<p>The lady (Heather Corinna) and her staff of educated volunteers dedicate their lives to dealing with sex-related issues on Scarleteen, and they provide complete and full information and articles and advice, that is written in an emotionally appealing and logical way to both teenagers and open-minded parents. You can also send in questions, and Heather will try her best to answer each and every one in a very detailed and caring way.</p>

<p>[Birth</a> Control Bingo | Scarleteen](<a href=“http://www.scarleteen.com/article/reproduction/birth_control_bingo]Birth”>Birth Control Bingo | Scarleteen) </p>

<p>That particular section is a questionnaire that your daughter and her boyfriend can take. The best part of this is that, it will help everyone involved understand, what is the best birth control option.</p>

<p>[Ready</a> or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist | Scarleteen](<a href=“http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist]Ready”>http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist)</p>

<p>This is also a Readiness Checklist for both of them to take - I know you have talked about how your daughter is very mature. For emotional security though, this is an amazing way to show how much is needed in order to not only be sexually mature, but also emotionally, physically, and financially mature.</p>

<p>I suggest you also look over this website also. Not only because the sex ed I learned in high school is VERY little compared to how much I learned from this website; it might be even more mindblowing for a parent as for what options really are avaliable in terms of protection and maintaining general well-being. Best of luck!</p>

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<p>I think BC is a good idea. Most (straight) sexually active college girls I know take BC. If she’s sexually active now, she’s going to continue to be sexually active in college. The chances of any high school relationship lasting through college is very slim, so she shouldn’t just think in terms of this one boy and this one relationship. You probably don’t want to think about this, but “hooking up” in college is pretty common. She should want to be in charge of her own birth control instead of depending on the guy. This is of course her choice, and you should stress that she needs to continue to insist on condoms in order to protect herself from disease even if she’s taking birth control pills. </p>

<p>Do you know the gyn she’s going to? Will the doctor know that this is her first visit and she’s recently become sexually active? Some doctors are great and will ask all this themselves, as they should, but others won’t. If your daughter isn’t naturally proactive, remind her that she should bring up topics that concern her, including options for birth control.</p>

<p>I also applaud you for not freaking out. It must have been quite a shock for everybody!</p>

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<p>If your daughter is leaving for college almost immediately, it might make sense for her to wait and get her gynecological exam and birth control pill prescription once she gets there. That way, if she has any side effects from the pill or if the exam shows anything that needs follow-up, she can go back to the same doctor who did the initial exam and gave her the prescription.</p>

<p>If she goes to a gynecologist at home and then needs follow-up care, she’s not going to be able to get it from the same doctor because she will be away at college. </p>

<p>Also, although college health services are not always the best at many things, dealing with a newly sexually active young woman’s medical needs is something they know how to do and do regularly. A gynecologist at home might not be as attuned to the needs of this particular sort of patient.</p>

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<p>I don’t know if I would automatically recommend BCPs. Some studies show a link between breast cancer and taking hormone-altering contraception. There are also studies that reject a link.</p>

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<p>Judging from recent news articles, assuming monogamy from a marriage partner could be a dicey proposition.</p>

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<p>Actually antibiotics do not decrease birth control pill effectiveness. We used to stress this with students(I work in college health) but no longer do. I was at a conference Contemporary forums in Gynecology and they said it was not an issue. All young women who dont want to be pregnant should be on some form of contraception as well as using condoms each and every time. It is wonderful when parents can discuss this comfortably with their daughters and sons.</p>

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<p>I admire your reaction. Obviously, you have a great relationship with your D if the two of you were able to sit down and have a reasonable conversation about this. I agree that you should get her on a very reliable birth control method (i.e., the pill) asap, AND also make sure that she ALWAYS insists that the man use a condom. These days, unfortunately, birth control isn’t enough. I spoke very frankly with my daughter about sex and safe sex practices early on (beginning of junior high school) and reinforced that message frequently. After hearing about some disasters with D’s peers who came from other families where sex was a taboo topic, I’m glad I took the “full disclosure” approach.</p>

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<p>I remember those days. In fact I just had my 40th reunion :). Left my wife at home for obvious reasons. (Actual she watches her parents at that time).</p>

<p>No amount of talk can overcome the primorial Needs. So, I did the only thing that I can do while he was under my roof…bought him guaranteed renewal term insurance. He can buy his own condoms.</p>

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<p>I’m very much an advocate for sexually active girls seeing an MD or nurse practitioner, no matter how close the mom/daughter relationship is. A good medical practitioner will ask the tough questions, present the awkward scenarios and say things very directly and honestly. I think in all but the most unusual situations, young adults will get the best information and ask more questions of a third party. It’s just too weird to talk to your parents about this stuff. My DH is an MD and offered to discuss the clinical aspects of sexuality with our daughters, who both said, “are you kidding???” They were thrilled to be connected with someone who had no personal interest in their decisions.</p>

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<p>Yes, your daughter should be on birth control - but at age 18 it is HER decision and it is something that she should be discussing with an appropriate medical provider without a parent in the middle. Also, most college health clinics do provide excellent services when it comes to BC (though that’s about all that’s “excellent” about college health care ) – so if your daughter’s semester starts within the next couple of weeks, that might be the best place for her to go.</p>

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<p>Suggest to her that she goes on BC, tell him to wrap it up. Better safe than sorry.</p>

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<p>nonplussed, another mom here to congratulate you on not freaking out! You’ve received lots of good advice here so I won’t repeat it. I did, though, want to mention a couple of things, more for the benefit of others who will eventually be faced with asking similar questions. Although it’s great that they used a condom, it definitely isn’t enough. Ideally, your D would have known that and investigated birth control options once her relationship with her boyfriend became serious. If high school kids of this age have been dating for nine months, it is reasonable to expect that they will become sexually active. Even if your high school senior isn’t in a serious relationship, if they are going off to college in the fall, this conversation needs to happen long before a couple of weeks prior to leaving home. In my opinion, the Planned Parenthood or a good nurse practitioner ideas are excellent ones and a visit such as this, even if it’s just an informational one, should be a part of every student’s summer prior to leaving for college, if not before! I actually think that it should be done earlier. </p>

<p>Kids need information, whether sexual activity is imminent or not. Knowing the various birth control options is always of benefit, in addition to knowing factual information, such as always using a condom, regardless of what other type of birth control may be in use. Too many school districts do not do an adequate job of sex ed these days. It’s too important a subject for parents to be too embarrassed to address it.</p>

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<p>Thanks to all for the advice and for the kind words. Funny, I don’t FEEL like such a good mom right now (although I am proud of myself for staying calm and fairly rational.) After a night of restless sleep, I’m at least more focused today!</p>

<p>D and I had a long, serious talk last night, and even though I’m not happy about her being sexually active… well, it’s her choice. This morning she called a gynecologist’s office and made an appointment to discuss (and get) birth control (her choice was to do it here, rather than wait for school to start.) Earlier I wrote something about “Getting her on birth control”, and I didn’t really mean it that way - of course , I understand that the intitative and the planning should come from her. </p>

<p>We also discussed (again! we’ve had this discussion for ages!) the use of condoms AND other methods of BC. We discussed the extra added emotions and complexities that sex adds to a relationship. She talked a lot about this boyfriend and her feelings for him (of course they’re convinced they’re in love, but she’s also pragmatic about the success of high school romances.) They probably won’t be able to see much of one another once she leaves for school - he’s still in high school, she’s going to school 6 hours away, and his parent have already said that he can’t go visit her alone.</p>

<p>To clarify some things mentioned earlier: she and I have been having these kinds of conversations since middle school (which makes me a little aggravated about the whole BC issue, since I’ve always encouraged her to get BC before she became sexually active. Oh, well.) I realize that I should have “made” her visit the gynecologist before now, but honestly, the time slipped away (yeah, right.) Before yesterday I had thought that maybe over her break she should have an exam… but now that timeline has been drastically moved up!</p>

<p>The only time I saw her cry yesterday was when she asked me if I was “disappointed” in her. It made my heart hurt. I think I mostly feel sad - not because the boy is “bad” (actually, he’s a wonderful young man in every way) or because I wish she had waited (of course, I wish she had waited - but until when? Age 30? She is, after all, 18 years old, not 14, and she’ll be off to college in less than a month.) No, it’s sad because it’s a big step into adulthood, and I just hope she’s ready. Just another time to love her, advise her, and let her go…</p>

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<p>Awwhh, It sounds like things went well. It gave you a chance to show her that you are not disappointed because of the decisions she has made, and now she will get BC and have an exam before she leaves. Sounds like it really went well.</p>

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<p>Nonplussed,
Thank you for taking the time to update us. It sounds like things went very well, and that’s a fine testimony to what kind of parent you’ve been for a long time. </p>

<p>I particularly was touched by your insightful words: “it’s sad because it’s a big step into adulthood, and I just hope she’s ready. Just another time to love her, advise her, and let her go…”</p>

<p>Hugs to you.</p>

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<p>It’s a scary time. Just another thing to worry about. </p>

<p>And the news coming out about HPV, for instance, is not reassuring. If we’d known all that back in the day, probably the pill would not have become the big “no big deal” that it did. Because now we know you can not only get pregnant, you can get AIDS and die, you can get diseases that make you infertile, you can get warts and sores, and you can get cancer. Of places that aren’t even near the places you’d think would be affected. :eek:</p>

<p>I know <em>I</em> would have made sure the guy <em>always</em> wore a raincoat…</p>

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<p>Her gynecologist will also talk with her about Gardasil vaccine. That is another topic for you and your daughter to discuss before her apppointment.</p>

<p>I am a proponent and my daughter is vaccinated.</p>

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<p>hi nonplussed,</p>

<p>I’m convinced learning to be the parent of another adult is much, much harder than learning to parent a baby!</p>

<p>Keep giving her hugs and positive words. I think its OK to show your surprise and even a little shock (she probably saw it on your face recently) but since you have a lot of years ahead with her, she will need to know that there is nothing she can do that can cause you to turn away from her. If kids think we can’t handle the truth, or that we are acutely hurt or appalled by their lives, they will not tell us a darned thing. </p>

<p>Of course we wish they wouldn’t do some of the stuff they do, but our approval or disapproval is less a factor in their choices now, and should be. Hang in there, and you have A LOT of company.</p>

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<p>I don’t blame you for feeling this way. Waiting would have been better for them both emotionally, given the impending separation.</p>

<p>I hope she thinks about what she plans to do if she’s already pregnant. Condoms aren’t 100%, unfortunately.</p>

<p>Best wishes for you all.</p>

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<p>Oh - one other thing that I DID do right: she had the Gardisil vaccine series back in October-March (in fact, we used to joke: “No having sex until you’re vaccinated!”)</p>

<p>Thanks yet again for all the kind words. You have no idea how much your support means, and I am touched by the response.</p>