It also seems, consciously or subconsciously, parent wants kids very close to home. Maybe parent agreeing on giving up UCB as an option wasn’t about fit over ranking at all. (Not that UCSB is exactly far from LA, but maybe it’s just far enough away for kid to feel like she is actually spreading her wings.)
The “logical vs emotional” comment sounded like nice kid trying to please parent. If it was always all about better department etc over “feel”, everyone would choose rankings over fit every time. That’s generally not a message cc sends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an emotional response to how a college makes you feel when you are on campus. College is not just about a name on a piece of paper at the end of it.
But it seems to me from the responses, OP while also trying to be nice to people here is really looking for affirmation of own opinion rather than genuinely trying to see the other side.
IMO the comments about letting the kid make the decision are fine for normal times. But these are not normal times. In the era of coronavirus, being 8 miles from campus with the option to live there or at home as circumstances dictate must be factored in, given the uncertainties that colleges are facing.
I can appreciate how one can come to the conclusion that rank and closeness to home is driving my opinions. Thankfully, my D knows that is not the case.
She applied but didn’t get into lower ranked oos schools that had fantastic programs that I fully supported - Tulane/Altman. (She was accepted into Tulane but not Altman.) She is also currently waitlisted for UPenn Wharton, which she has said she would want to go if the opportunity presents itself. (While the school itself is higher ranked, she would not pick UPenn over a UC if she were waitlisted for CAS, as the higher cost for CAS doesn’t make sense but Wharton does.) Program, cost and fit have been our main objectives all along. My D knows that and I know that.
While it definitely feels great to be validated, I have truly appreciated different perspectives as well. UCSB is the ideal distance in my mind. (Although I do worry abt the party cultural but I won’t go into that.) Funny enough, UCLA being so close to home has been a negative for me as well. I have always thought/hoped that my kids would go further away and have a true college experience. In both situations, that desire made less sense when viewing the options they had in hand. As such, we have allowed them to live on campus even though they could easily commute.
As of late afternoon yesterday, my D was leaning towards UCLA. She was ready to formalize that decision but I insisted she wait and sleep on it. She may certainly be influenced by my take and trying to please me (that saddens me as well). But she also watched videos of both schools, checked out social media pages and talked to her friends - all of which I encouraged her to do. If she wakes up and changes course again, and says it’s UCSB, I will support that decision.
I think she (and I) will just be happy when a decision is made.
I should add. The pandemic concerns are a huge factor with UPenn as well. I honestly do not expect her to get off the waitlist BUT if she does, we will need to see what UPenn is planning for fall. Are they going to be all in or all out vs. hybrid? Is Wharton worth it? In the end, it might be…
The UC’s do not know either but their communication “no housing guarantee” leads me to believe they are considering a hybrid option and housing will be limited. For those that do not get housing, they will have to live off campus (lease apartments) or take classes online - assuming in-person is even an option.
This hasn’t been brought up because it is not an option right now and we are dealing with what is.
Can she articulate reasons for UCLA that are different from yours? That would be comforting.
We are all dealing with the uncertainties brought by COVID. IT is hard to know whether basing decisions based on the virus is prudent or short-sighted right now.
Over the course of this thread your daughter has changed her preference. It seems like you wanted to convince us, but your daughter is the one who matters. So no need for us anymore Good luck.
The pandemic is such a spanner in the works. I totally understand how this impacts the decision. On the flip side, this may be for only 1 or 2 semesters of 8. It’d be foolhardy to give it no heed but it’s also probably wrong to put it in the driver’s seat. Really hoping you find that place in the middle that works for you both.
As mentioned earlier, if the stronger program (not school) was the one 90 miles away, I would wholeheartedly support her taking a chance on housing to attend or living through a quarter/year of online classes to eventually attend. Example: if she were looking at majoring in marine biology, I would give UCSB serious consideration over UCLA.
That is not our situation. UCLA has a stronger economics (and probably a stronger global studies) program WHILE offering flexibility during the pandemic.
@chemAm - Good to know. Wharton falls into the category of the best program to match her academic goals. If she were to get accepted and they decide on a hybrid approach, she would probably enroll and take classes online until the campus can open. Nevertheless, Wharton is not one of her options at hand.
I don’t know if your comment is an objection to my use of terminology or if it’s directed at her right to make her own decisions because of her status as an adult.
With regard to the latter point, I hope we can agree on the fact that she’s not an independent adult in this case. When anyone doesn’t bear the financial responsibility for a decision, it can affect the quality of that decision because they are not considering all factors involved. In the adult world, no one normally gets to take someone else’s money and spend it however they want indiscriminately. As an example I’ll point to mortgages. If I buy a house with the bank’s money, they impose restrictions and/or conditions on the transaction and how things are managed during the terms of the loan. For example, they may require that I put money in escrow for taxes each year or that I take out insurance to protect the investment.
The way I look at it, decisions about college are a cooperative process between parent and student as long as that student is living at home - at least part of the time - and/or the parent is paying all or part of the tuition & expenses. If a young woman wants to move out on her own, become self-supporting, and finance her own education, then I would see the decisions as being 100% her own.
I would counsel against splitting hairs/weighing programs between schools because so many students discover different interests in college. There are so many options that high school students haven’t been exposed to, and often, college courses are so different from the high school foundation courses that it seems like a different discipline altogether! It sounds like you have done a great job of focusing on schools with good programs in the area of interest. Imho, that’s enough for undergrad.
I think you are being very supportive at this point, giving her some extra time, and stepping back. Maybe having the pressure off (not that you were overly pressuring) will clarify things for her.
It is a great feeling to have the decision made, and it’s been going on a long while now, all of the college search and selection! Add to that normally-stressful process, a huge external stressor of the virus. You are in the very home stretch! Once that decision is made, look forward and know that you both did your best to make the right decision. Good luck!
Put my firmly in the student makes the choice. They have to understand any limitations that exist but other than that I wouldn’t provide any input unless asked. Both my D’s had very different college search processes which was tough as parent but at the end they both made the decision that was best for them.
I think the different perspectives are interesting. My feeling is it’s the student’s decision within the parameters of 1. budget and 2. the degree will lead to something that will enable them to become self-supporting.
My D committed to UCLA today. While my opinion most likely influenced her decision, it never got to the point where I took the choice away. She slept on it for a few nights, researched options and spoke to friends. She seems very content and even a bit relieved.
@compmom:
“I would think, for long term as opposed to short term career prospects, that global studies plus economics would be better than business economics with global studies maybe added.”
I don’t know why you would think that. They seem the same to me.
I see a lot of people saying the kid (OK, HS senior) should make the decision. I do believe the student should own it, but through the whole thread, I have yet to see her explicate her love for UCSB. I mean, if you like a school more than another, you should be able to explain it, right? (More detailed than “I like the feel”) The cost of college is similar to a condo (at least in some parts of the country) these days, and if I’m paying for it, I’d need more substantial reasons than “I like the feel” or “I don’t want to live in the same town as sis”.
Speaking of which: not wanting to go to the same school sis went to, decades down the line, will seem like a rather silly reason. While yes, decades down the line and outside of SoCal, being from UCLA may be an advantage (and never a disadvantage) compared to UCSB.
But in the end, it probably wouldn’t have made a huge difference either way. But I definitely would have laid out my viewpoint. After all, when you’re trying to raise funds from a VC or sell a product to a customer, feels isn’t going to cut it.
@PurpleTitan - I agree the reasons were soft but they fueled her excitement, which is something we all want our kids to have as they begin the next chapter. The funny part was both schools were her top in-state options. Once she accepted UCSB, she became more invested and was less open to change. After months of a grueling application process followed by school closures, I think she is just exhausted.
Good luck.