<p>Busymom3, I’m very sorry you have to deal with this.</p>
<p>I had a “suspicious” breast mass last year, and did not tell my daughter who was away at school about the surgery, which thankfully went well and fixed the problem. It came up casually later, I think her sister who was at home when I had the surgery mentioned it, and the away daughter was REALLY UPSET and ANGRY I had not told her.</p>
<p>So I think saying something is a good plan. Let them know you have a medical problem that needs treatment with surgery. I don’t even know if I would say “cancer” unless pressed, because that word alights so many fears. As you are probably learning, a great deal of the prognosis depends on things like receptor status and staging.</p>
<p>And we really can’t predict what will happen. There’s plenty of time for them to deal with problems that might come up once they actually do, and probably better not to worry the kids too much about the worst and unlikely eventualities. </p>
<p>But you need support and information right now. Is there a support group near you, or other sources of support (other than your kids)? Family, church, maybe a counselor? We friends on-line can offer some help too, but a chance to sit down, have a cup of tea and talk to a person helps a lot too. Especially if they have been through something like this.</p>
<p>This will all seem like a very bad dream once you get through it. The not knowing is the worst.</p>
<p>I really hope you will have a successful treatment and kick cancers butt. Please excuse my language. Unless you are 100% sure that you are going to be ok (not saying that you will have any problems, i really hope you don’t) you should tell them. Talk to them and say that they shouldn’t let it affect them too much. I apologize, i am really not good at phrasing words. I just want to say that god forbid anything happens, they have a right to know and they should.</p>
<p>First of all, prayers for you for healing, comfort, and strength. And an answer to a specific question you asked about contacting the program director. Last fall we were in the midst of a very frightening time with our younger son. I ended up emailing one of my DD’s professors because some of the course content was very closely related to our situation and it was proving very tough for her to handle it. She was allowed a secondary assignment and allowed to miss a class period when the book was discussed. The professor was very kind and understanding and I have no regrets that I “hovered.” If it helps you to feel better about how she’s coping I’d say do it. That might free up a bit of your energy for your treatments.</p>
<p>So sorry, Buzymom3. I have no idea what I would do… but I think you probably know your daughters best, so do what your heart tells you. I do believe that the poeple at Bama at awesome though and telling them would be a great benefit. Good luck to you and know that your CC family is here for you. Let us know if we can help in anyway.</p>
<p>Lots and lots of prayers headed your way. FWIW, I think kids are tougher than we give them credit for. I know the right answer will come to you in time. All of my answers are found in prayer…the answers may not on my time schedule, but they eventually come. I trust they will for you, too.
One of my best buddies had a double mastectomy a few years back (and she’s still cancer free)…she had THE best t-shirt…it read, “Of course they’re fake…the real ones tried to kill me!”<br>
Please keep us updated.</p>
<p>Busymom - DW and I are so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in our prayers. We hope to see you back at Another Round for the Bama games ASAP!</p>
<p>Thank you for entrusting this board with such personal, difficult information. Allow me to add my wishes for a strong, swift, and full recovery.</p>
<p>You will need all the love, support, and help you can muster to fight the fight. Allow your children to be there for you, just as I’m certain you’ve taught them to be there for others in time of need. This will require you to tell them. It will be hard for all, but your needs come first now, and I’d be surprised if your children felt otherwise.</p>
<p>Thoughts and prayers to you and your family!</p>
<p>I agree with telling them and keeping them in the loop. Just keep communication as upbeat and positive as you can, for their sake as well as your own. Don’t need to sugarcoat things, but if you have a cheerful positive outlook, so will they. They will be tense and sad if you appear tense and sad. However, don’t be fake, they will see right thru that!</p>
<p>My husband had a heart attack 3 weeks ago and we called and told our daughter as soon as he was in recovery. She was shocked at first, but by keeping everything upbeat and finding little ways to make jokes, I think it helped both my husband and daughter. It was serious and could have been terminal, but we were lucky. We focused on the positive and let her know everything was going to be ok. She handled it well, as we focused on the fact that he was being treated and would recover.</p>
<p>Your DDs will also feel more connected to what is happening back home and you will hopefully get more frequent phone calls! My D would call every day to get the latest updates. It was nice to get calls that weren’t just because she needed money :)</p>
<p>This too shall pass, and both you and your DDs will be stronger and better able to handle what life throws your way. </p>
<p>Best of luck and sending positive vibes your way!</p>
<p>You can kick cancers behind! I’ve had way too many friends with breast cancer and I’ve had my own scare with a large mass a few years ago. Yes, let your kids know. They deserve to know. I’ve known too many people that now as adults remember finding out issues their parents had when they were younger and they did not tell them. Of course, wait till after midterms or any other large test they may have are done. But, they need to know. Keep it upbeat like others have said and give them all of the information that the doctors have given you. If you think contacting someone at UA for them to know, do so without hesitation. </p>
<p>Prayers that all goes well and you have a easy time and full recovery</p>
<p>Hugs and prayers coming at you. You have a lot to deal with right now.</p>
<p>Reading your post brought back lots of memories for me. My mom had BC in 1982. I got the call in the spring of my sophomore year of college. I was a 6 hr. drive away from my parents. In 1982, much less was known about the disease and treatment options were less advanced. Mom had a radical mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. She is a 31 year survivor. </p>
<p>What I am about to tell you is just my opinion. It is based on my personal experience dealing with this many years ago and may not apply in your situation. But since you asked for opinions, I’m offering mine.</p>
<p>All of her life, my mom has been the type to try to handle things on her own. She didn’t want her cancer to change anything for me while I was at college. She wanted me to concentrate on my studies and not worry about her, so she told me little and tried to handle it herself. She meant well, but by doing so she denied me the chance to be a part of her battle. What I needed was to be on “her team,” even if what I could contribute was very little.</p>
<p>It sounds noble to want a student to “go on with her studies and not worry about me.” But it’s unrealistic. This will change your daughter and she WILL worry about you. I had the worst grades of my college career during that spring. My attitude was awful and I just wanted to give up. You know what I was? Normal. Cancer is stressful and I had no experience in dealing with it!</p>
<p>When a family member has a serious illness, he/she doesn’t have exclusive rights to the problem. It affects the whole family. The idea that you can protect your kids from the realities of life is a fallacy. And even if you could shield them, are you really doing them a favor to do so? My mom’s “I can handle it without you” attitude had unintended consequence.s It made me feel like I wasn’t needed and that she didn’t trust me with the really big stuff. </p>
<p>MSUBAMAmom is spot on with the idea that your daughter needs to SEE you during this time. Having her go along for doctor’s appointments could also be beneficial. These are the kinds of things that allow your daughter “inside” the problem. It puts her on “your team” and says that you trust her. Allow that your daughter may not deal with the situation in the same way that you would. Crisis affects people in different ways.</p>
<p>I admire you for your willingness to speak out about what you are going through. And I applaud the UA CC community for being the kind of group where you feel safe to share what’s on your heart. My thoughts are with you as you navigate this new territory.</p>
<p>One suggestion for you - set up a caring bridge web site so that your extended circle of support as well as your college kids can see what’s going on without continual questions to your H. Maybe this is something your at-home son can do for you. You can share as little or as much as you like - and your kids can choose to read as much or as little as they can handle and can read it when they have time to process it.</p>