Trust me, tree, they know that a segment of the population doesn’t approve. And I PROMISE she’s heard from more than one person that she’ll never get a job, etc, etc.
The fact is, there are ALWAYS people who won’t approve of something you do and there are ALWAYS people that won’t hire you because of x, y, or z. To many, they don’t want to work for those people anything.
She’ll be ok. Again, snake bites are removable and she might grow out of her desire to wear them. She might not. She’ll be ok.
Oh I definitely don’t know about this… of course I’m lucky in that in academia and creative arts, we’re more flexible, but I’ve personally always worked with people with visible tattoos and piercings.
Perhaps your field is more restrictive but perhaps she doesn’t want to work in your field.
Well, you’ve convinced me to stay quiet. I am family but not all that close - distance prevents frequent visits - and I doubt that she would much care about what the disapprovers think. I do believe you see more body art in academia and the arts and almost expect to see it there, and as long as everybody in that setting approves, I’m not bothered. I just honestly do not see much of it in day to day dealings at most stores, etc, and since I personally don’t care for most of it, you’d think I would see it if it was visible. I am a bit shocked at how rare it is on waitstaff, some of whom I would guess are musicians or artists. Maybe they hide the tats and remove the piercings for work.
Our dentist told his younger patients that if they had tongue or lip piercing, he would no longer treat them. Our kids value their (wonderful) dentist and listened very closely to why he had problems. None of them got the piercings. One D has a pierced navel, a small ring in a nostril, and a stud in the cartilage in one ear. Nothing that would cause problems if it were to come out and none that will ruin her teeth, lol.
Unfortunately, you have to MYOB. The teen doesn’t care and won’t listen to you, anyway. As to future problems, that’s the future. It’s hard to think beyond the next midterm. Just smile and nod.
I see some tattoos, unobtrusive piercing, and the occasional utilikilt in the offices of my very, very large company. I don’t see anything out of the norm (gauges, snakebites, those other things under the skin). Maybe they’re around, but not in this professional setting.
It all depends on where you live-as I’ve said many times, full-sleeve tattoos are seen even in high-end restaurants here in Seattle. Wrist tats would be nothing in many-and they can be covered up with long sleeves, yes, but also wide bracelets and wrist bands (that’s what the kids do at DD’s restaurant). But I see “extreme” piercings all over the place here, and yes, the crazy hair. Certainly in many, many typical jobs there are people with some or all of the above.
But…as others have said, it’s not your problem. And this kid and her parents likely have heard plenty of comments-not that it’s ANYONE’S business. Whenever I am tempted to tell a relative they are “doing it wrong” I think of my brother with his multiple tattoos and piercings and his award-winning construction company. Or my multiple-tattooed niece who covers them up and is a beloved teacher.Not all people who choose body art or piercings are doomed to flips burgers or fig ditches. Really.
People know the potential societal consequences of tattoos/piercings, so I wouldn’t say anything about those. However, I think it’s important to let a person know the possible health consequences before he/she decides to go through with a tattoo or piercing. Tongue piercings can break teeth; dentists hate them. Tattoos with red coloration can cause chronic health problems for someone who is allergic to red dye. Any tattoo can mask melanoma and other skin problems.
I had to look up snake bite piercing. One word…ew or yuck - chose one. Anyway, I do think as parents we certainly have the right to express to our kids exactly what we think and why we think the way we do whether it’s potential societal consequences or health consequences or both. If they are adults they are going to make up their own mind and if they aren’t adults we can certainly forbid it until they are adults but no way do i think we need to stay “mum.”
I think kid knows darn well most people think these things are ugly. That’s part of the appeal - to shock and discomfit others. So I’d say nothing. The deed is done; your “disapproval” just makes it all the more something to cling on to.
OP is not this kid’s parent - that is a key point here.
“most people think these things are ugly” - I am not sure what evidence there is to support this. If you think it is ugly, that’s fine, but it’s a stretch to go from that to “most people”
Again, while some do actually rebel against older generations, most stylistic choices are based on the aesthetics and values of one’s own generation.
Can you just ask her? “Tell me about your piercing. How did you choose that, why did you go with that look?” Give her a chance to talk to you about it if you have a good enough relationship with her to ask without it sounding judgmental. Maybe you’ll learn something. Probably you won’t learn to like the look, but if she went with something that noticeable she must have wanted people to notice.
Oh cosmicfish, please. The OP explicitly said this was an extreme piercing. It’s abundantly clear that the OP is talking about a body modification that is waaaaay off the curve, immediately noticeable, and may be offputting even to people who may like “normal,” mainstream butterfly tattoos on their ankles or wrists or whatever.
As someone with a facial piercing (lip ring), I wanted to add my two cents. I got a lot of grief when I told people that I wanted a lip piercing, but when I actually got it, no one really cared or even notices it much. I wanted it since I was around 16, and got it when I was 20 and a very successful college junior. Even my mother, who is adamantly anti-body modification, doesn’t even notice the difference between when I’m wearing it and when I’m not.
To call such a piercing extreme is a little silly, because it’s actually quite subtle. I am sure she knows that some people don’t like it, and she really doesn’t care. I would not bring it up at all, because you wouldn’t be telling her anything she hasn’t heard and decided to ignore anyway.
In my experience, my lip ring has not hindered my job prospects at all. I wore it to all my college classes and interactions with professors, and they were happy to interact with me and eventually wrote very me letters of recommendation and acted as job references. I am currently a public school teacher, and I just take it out during the day and put it back in at night and on the weekends (and the only reason I take it out at work is because it makes me look even younger than I am, a hindrance at a high school for overage students, my administration does not care and one of our guidance counselors has an eyebrow piercing she wears to work).
First, as I said a long time ago, “extreme” is pretty subjective. I would not consider this to be extreme - a couple of symmetric lip piercings is pretty tame compared to some of the piercings I’ve seen! It also depends on the jewelry, as the piercings could support anything from a couple of discrete studs to a couple of big demon skulls joined by a spiked chain.
Second, I did not dispute that it will be offputting to some people. I simply said that I did not see evidence to support “most people” being upset by this. What can I say, it bugs me when people “speak for the group” with no evidence that they ever consulted the group in the first place. Besides which, “most people” is meaningless because no modification is ever going to be seen by “most people”, it is going to be seen by a group of people that may or may not have anything at all in common with the people you are mentally consulting.
I could be extremely happy to interact with you, think highly of you professionally and personally, and still privately find your lip ring to be extremely unattractive. I might not care that you have it because it’s your problem, not mine; and likewise, you don’t need to care about my opinion.
All I’m pointing out is that just because no one tells you to your face they find it unattractive, doesn’t mean that people don’t think it’s unattractive. That’s a common mistake people make on this topic - “well, others must not notice or care, because no one explicitly comes out and tells me otherwise.” Well duh, most people with some grace aren’t going to walk up to you and say “I hate that thing on your face!” But that doesn’t mean they don’t,
So you are saying that you don’t like it, and someone with such a piercing won’t ever know how many people do or do not like it because not everyone will give their honest opinion.
Great. I did not dispute any of that. I still don’t.
Just as you are saying that the pierced individual won’t know exactly how attractive/unattractive “most people” find the piercing to be, I am saying that you (or I, or the OP) are not going to know that either. So why offer the group’s opinion when the group has not been identified, much less polled? You don’t like it, I don’t really care one way or the other (I don’t particularly care for a snakebite piercing but do not find it repugnant either), the OP’s niece/nephew/eggplant presumably like it, and we have about 20-30 other opinions on here. None of that gives us a real idea of who this person will interact with and what their opinions will be.
There is another thread on here about spousal cheating, and I think a lot of people were quite surprised when they compared what they thought about the subject compared to the actual statistics someone dredged up mid-thread. Let’s not assume that a CC straw poll has any actual meaning.
I cannot see how anyone can approve of a nose job, standard ear piercings, cultural piercings or tattoos, and various plastic surgery and then be bothered about piercings. Perhaps the piercing is a tongue piercing, based on the description that it isn’t immediately obvious but might be noticed.
If you were my extended relative or a friend of my parents, I would most definitely want you to keep your opinions to yourself. Unless you are her mentor or godmother/godfather, stay out of it.
Hair length for boys (too long) and for girls (too short) or both (shaved sides for example) is another area that people think they have a right to “educate the poor victim” about. If someone chooses a hair style, they chose it. It’s not like a guy let his hair grow and didn’t notice. Or a mother didn’t get her son’s hair cut and didn’t notice that now he has long hair at 10 years old. Or a girl didn’t realize that they were shaving both sides of her head and leaving a mohawk in the middle. I do understand that piercings might be considered more permanent, but they are easier to deal with than tattoos if someone changes their mind.
STAY OUT OF IT. There are plenty of people who go for that kind of look, and they do hire others who fit their personality. If she isn’t planning to be an investment banker, doctor, or lawyer, she’ll be fine.
I don’t know who would be more offended, the girl or her parents, if you butted in. I find this interesting in light of the Charlie Hebdo story. Tolerance and love win over judgement and disapproval.
“I cannot see how anyone can approve of a nose job, standard ear piercings, cultural piercings or tattoos, and various plastic surgery and then be bothered about piercings. Perhaps the piercing is a tongue piercing, based on the description that it isn’t immediately obvious but might be noticed.”
Yes, because there is no difference whatsoever between having a hole in each ear, and having ear gauges, eyebrow piercings, these snakebite piercings, and full sleeves. Come on now. These are not the same thing.
Having said that, I do agree that it really isn’t anyone else’s business and there is no good for the OP to express her opinions to the niece; what’s done is done.
“Jst as you are saying that the pierced individual won’t know exactly how attractive/unattractive “most people” find the piercing to be, I am saying that you (or I, or the OP) are not going to know that either. So why offer the group’s opinion when the group has not been identified, much less polled? You don’t like it, I don’t really care one way or the other (I don’t particularly care for a snakebite piercing but do not find it repugnant either),”
Ok. Fair enough. Then let me rephrase.
The* kinds of people whose tastes I admire or would want to emulate or tend to be in synch with * would likely find it unattractive. Better?