Advice, please, re: piercing

It was extremely popular when I was in high school to have multiple piercings on each ear lobe, up to three from my recollection, plus ear cartilage piercings up and around a girl’s ear. I can think of five honors students who were doing this in high school, in the 1980s. One friend of mine had several piercings in each ear lobe, and on one side, she kept pulling on her earring so there was a slit in her ear not quite completely through (about a 1/2"). She also had started growing her pinky fingernails long. Last I saw her in high school, each pinky fingernail was 3" long. Rest of her nails were normal length.

What would an employer think of that?

As for “there is no difference” between different piercings, it is a matter of degree. But to me, anyone who gives their baby girl pierced ears because of “tradition” is mutilating their child. Then again, if you have “normal” pierced ears, you are mutilating yourself. Once you mutilate yourself, you can draw the line where it stops. Just because it seems more normal to most Americans to have a pierced ear lobe instead of a pierced nostril (very common in some cultures) doesn’t mean the first is normal and the second is not.

People like people who have symmetrical faces, pleasing features, don’t look out of the ordinary. Piercings and tattoos make an individual look more individual, like they actually made a choice and are advertising that choice. Which is great. I’d rather my kid be an individual than a sheep. But the sanitary/health/medical part of piercings would be something I would surely discuss with him.

If my son made a hair, tattoo, or piercing choice and one of my relatives thought it necessary to “educate him” about it, and he told me about it, I would find it difficult to not tell them to buzz off and raise their own children. But I would probably instead tell him that people who focus on others’ appearances might be insecure in their own choices and to have sympathy for them.

If this young person is a good kid, for the love of all things good, just leave her/him alone!

Judge people by the content of their character, not their hair color, tattoos, piercings, race, national heritage, sex, disability etc.

Body modification doesn’t harm anyone other than, arguably, the one who does it. So live and let live.

The person who stops to pull you out of a burning car may be covered in tattoos and piercings and the one who swindles you put of your life’s savings may be wearing Brooks Brothers.

Jeez. So Judgey.

I’m still just amazed that snake bites are considered extreme. From the OP’s description, I thought the niece had gauges in her nose or something else that would be difficult to remove if needed. Snake bites don’t even need professional removal like some more mainstream piercings.

My take would be not to say anything. While young kids may not fully understand consequences (teenagers kind of have an inate need to fight boundaries and so forth), believe me, they know that some people don’t like it, I am sure their own parents told them that.

As far as piercings, tattoos and so forth go, yes, they can hurt you in some cases, but the reality is a lot of the things we do appearance wise can hurt us. There is a woman in my office, who is this amazing, sweet person, sharp as tacks, great worker, who quite frankly dressed like a teenage girl on a date in terms of clothing and so forth, and she is my age (ie older than dirt lol)…There is another guy I work with who is older than I am, who dresses like he thinks he is a hipster living in williamsburg or something (though on the other hand, maybe hipsters copied him smile). The point is that appearance makes a difference, some of it we can’t do much about (for example, in the trading industry, a lot of the traders and bankers that get hired tend to be tall (talking guys), being way overweight can be a hindrance, facial features can hurt you, others we can, but then are trying to fit in…

My take is always how important is it to express yourself fully? If being yourself is important, if having that huge gauge or that tattoo or whatever is important to your self image, then go for it, and take whatever consequences come. Likewise, if you for example can get a tattoo that can be covered, or a piercing you can remove, and it isn’t a big deal, then do that and make it easier on yourself. To be honest, these days given how crazy the working world is, how hard it is to get good workers, most people are so concentrated on getting the work done with limited resources and no time, or tired of wading through a pile of resumes when they need to hire someone, that as long as someone seems to be able to do the job, it isn’t quite that as bad as some might think.

After having TERRIBLE experiences with my students over the last few batches, I don’t give one hoot about what they look like- as long as they show up and get work done (which apparently is a difficult task for these precious babies who have never had to earn their own spending money). When I hired my newest group of students, I didn’t even bother interviewing them. I gave them a bunch of tasks after they applied and whoever got it done quickly and correctly got the job. So far, they’re the best group I’ve ever hired.

But, like I said before, I work in an academia bubble.

OP you state in a previous post that you are not all that close with this relative and that distance prevents any frequent visits. So if you were to initiate contact why would it be with a criticism of something she has done? Do you contact her to congratulate her on her successes? Unless there is a close relationship here and she has sought you out in the past for guidance I just think you have no “standing” here.

I am no fan of body art but I think you are creating a problem here where there is none. She apparently has made a decision that she is happy with, leave her alone.

"I’m still just amazed that snake bites are considered extreme. "

Oh please.

^^In the circles I have run in as a young adult, snakebites really aren’t extreme. I have worked in residence life and now I am a PhD student, and frankly it’s just not that weird to see people with substantial tattoos and/or facial piercings. In res life, it was especially common - I knew a number of people with upwards of 3 facial piercings/extreme ear piercings. One of my professors (tenure track) has a visible upper-back tattoo, a nose stud, and routinely shaves her head. There are also several graduate students in my department with facial piercings (lip rings, eyebrow rings, septum piercings, etc.) and MANY visible tattoos (tattoos are more common).

PG, out of curiosity, do you consider a single lip piercing to be “extreme”?

Nah, not really.

“I knew a number of people with upwards of 3 facial piercings/extreme ear piercings. One of my professors (tenure track) has a visible upper-back tattoo, a nose stud, and routinely shaves her head. There are also several graduate students in my department with facial piercings (lip rings, eyebrow rings, septum piercings, etc.) and MANY visible tattoos (tattoos are more common).”

Hipster class marker alert! Show some originality!

I had to look up utilikilts and found the website of a company that appears to make what look to be questionable quality, cotton-poly kilts for men. They sell for $150-$650. Not the traditional celtic wool kilts but more contemporary kind of “cargo with studs” look. I don’t get it. Is this for hetero-sexual men or cross dressers or what? I have missed this trend somehow and have never seen a man sporting this look. Where would one wear this sort of thing?

In answer to the OP’s original question, stay out of it and don’t say a word!!! It is none of your business. This person has parents and if anyone is going to say anything it is up to them to say it. While I’m not a fan of snakebite piercings, I would not consider them extreme at all. Maybe it depends on the area of the country? Based on my travels, I don’t think so as I have seen it everywhere. Maybe some of the more “extreme” piercings do limit employability, but the bearers will figure it out for themselves eventually. In the late 90’s, our oldest daughter dyed her hair extreme colors, and pierced her eyebrow, lip, and a few more places. I remember one older neighbor who just couldn’t get past it. Nevermind that she was a top notch student, didn’t drink or do drugs, had great friends… Her twin brother who dressed pretty conservatively and had no piercings or tattoos was the one who was constantly in trouble. We learned early on to pick our battles and piercings and hair weren’t worth fighting about. That same daughter is now more “normal” looking and teaches high school. A number of her students have commented about the grown over piercing “dimples” on her lip. It was not a life changing event in the course of her development and I think it served as an avenue for her to hammer out her individuality. Just not a big deal in the end. (Fortunately, her twin turned out OK too!)

If you don’t have a problem with a single lip piercing, why does a pair of them become “extreme”? That seems like a pretty steep curve!

I hadn’t read what the piercing was at the time I answered that. I was only going by the OP who had said “extreme piercing.” So I took it to mean … well, an extreme piercing.

I don’t really know why people want to actively put on lower-class signals to themselves, and IMO those snakebite piercings and such as lower-class signals, but it’s a free country.

Harvest-I’m not sure how you can tell from photos that they are of “questionable quality” unless you mean because they are not all natural fibers, but they’re based in Seattle and while I don’t see TONS of them, I see guys out shopping, walking around, in office buildings, etc. I don’t know them so I can’t say if these are cross-dressers or gay men (NOT the same thing) but they seem to just be going about their business. Seattle seems to be a pretty “come as you are” city from what I can tell.

“Hipster class marker alert! Show some originality!”

This is pretty rude and presumptuous, or at least it comes across that way. I apologize if I am misinterpreting a misguided attempt at humor on your part.

It’s also just not true. If you met the majority of these people you wouldn’t put them in the hipster category. In fact, I don’t think you’d any two of them in the same category. One’s very bohemian, another otherwise very conservative/plain in dress, another kind of edgy/punky, etc. We do have a couple of hipsters, but interestingly they don’t have any visible tattoos or piercings that I know of (they do smoke e-cigs and drink coffee out of pasta jars, though).

GAH!!!

This was my exact point earlier. “Extreme” does not have a fixed meaning, and what is extreme to one person is ordinary to others and outright boring to others still! Specificity is important!

Perhaps because “class” is not a driving discriminator for a lot of people, and for some the distinction itself is a turn-off. Besides which, class distinctions are constantly getting muddied, so that even if this IS something you care about, you can quickly find yourself in or out of fashion… assuming you care about fashion, that is.

IMHO, the only extreme piercings are those which one would not see unless in a certain type of movie or colony. Other than that, why is a lip different than an ear or nose?

One of my students had multiple lip piercings, I didn’t ask what he called them.

As for cross-dressers vs. gay men vs. people who are both, you gotta love being a female who can wear jeans and a T-shirt and no one says “OH MY GOODNESS, SHE’S NOT WEARING A SKIRT OR DRESS SO SHE IS CROSS-DRESSING OR GAY!”.

To be honest, maintenance is not something I like, so to be a man who chooses to wear makeup and a dress seems like increasing maintenance a heck of a lot. It’s bad enough to have to shave your face or trim your beard and mustache.

And I hope y’all who remove and replace your piercings regularly put them in alcohol or wipe them with alcohol pads before removal and before replacement. Germs people.

I would find it the ultimate in helicopter parenting to respond to your teen who gets a piercing by lifting your shirt and showing them your newly pierced belly button (also popular in the 1980s by the way), and say “I am following your example!!!”.

“We do have a couple of hipsters, but interestingly they don’t have any visible tattoos or piercings that I know of (they do smoke e-cigs and *drink coffee out of pasta jars, *though).”

Off topic but this made me think of it - I went to a barre exercise class held in a very upper class part of my town. As is normal, I carried a water bottle. Some of the Real Housewives of – who were exercising along with me had water bottles that were mason / canning jars with a straw bored through the top metal part. I thought that was pretty funny, and so pretentious - like, oh, I was just canning and decided to bore a straw through the top and drink water out of it, because I thought a glass jar might be a good idea to carry with me to an exercise class!!

Carry on …