weenie, I really appreciate this insight, as I have come to believe that behaviors which would be very hurtful girl-to-girl are just run-of-the-mill behaviors boy-to-boy. </p>
<p>Also, although I am in the cadre of parents worrying about too much time spent online, I have come to realize, through cc :o !, that one can have very rewarding friendships online. This is an option our sons have, which we didn’t, and so we may not realize that their homebody behaviors do not necessarily mean they feel lonely.</p>
<p>jmmom, Glad you highlighted that part of weenie’s post. It is true. </p>
<p>jmmom, you are right on with sons and the computer thing. My son talks to others via microphone through the computer, and sometimes he has 2 phones going while he is playing. Btn. all of that he takes IMs from others. Now, that is multi -tasking. He really is not alone all of these hours. While he plays he talks about things other than just the game.</p>
<p>Not sure if this applies to you, but it might be helpful to examine the cause of his social isolation. Could it be an inability to read social cues correctly? Cognitive behavior therapy could be very helpful in this situation.</p>
<p>Popular kids who move from group to group tend to be very very good at reading social cues. That ability allows them to navigate difficult, sometimes scary situations involving drugs, sex and/or alcohol. Kids who read social cues easily often have close friends to help them decipher the wider social situations. My sons rely on their friends, as they should do.</p>
<p>I have studied this skill because my brother has severe bipolar disease. part of that illness is an inability to read social cues correctly. As a result, my B had few same sex friends as a boy. Same sex friends are an indicator of mental health, as it turns out. The isolation he experienced as a boy compounded his difficulties as an adult.</p>
<p>Reading social cues is a vital skill and well worth a bit of mother-attention. His phone should be ringing, if not from the popular kids, then from a few likeminded souls. Young adults do most of their learning through peers. If he isn’t surrounded by peers, he might be missing out on critical devleopmental learning.</p>
<p>northeastmom - is your S my S? Or perhaps they are talking to each other - here, I see the TV, desktop, laptop (recently purchased to take to college) all going at once with, as you say the microphone (maybe there are two! how would I know?). IM is in medias res, cell phone might ring, land line might ring…</p>
<p>OrangeBlossom, I graduated from high school in the spring, and I can relate to some of what you describe. There are numerous possible causes for your son’s social isolation. From what I have seen, being more ethically or intellectually mature can be a problem, especially for a male whose peers are mostly concerned with competition and unecessary risk-taking. </p>
<p>I certainly don’t know your son, but it is possible that he is simply introverted and may require less social contact than most people his age. Introversion is a legitimate aspect of personality as long as it does not cause him unhappiness. If it does, then he must either seek more appropriate friends or he must come to terms with his personality. </p>
<p>It is worth noting that the Internet can be a wonderful resource for people who, for whatever reason, are different from their peers; online they can find individuals from all over the world who share similar beliefs or interests. This is especially helpful if your son, like me, is more interested in a subject like philosophy than in conforming to steotypical age-appropriate behaviors.</p>
<p>Can it be coincidence that we are all talking about sons instead of daughters? </p>
<p>OB, my son has never been the center of social activity, by choice. He blends into various groups easily, but has only a few very close and trusted friends. Part of his “problem” is that he never wanted any part of typical school kid foolishness and would rather be alone in pursuit of his interests. While following his interests, he met many nice folks that weren’t associated with his school…some became friends.</p>
<p>I guess my point is that the lack of “normal” social interaction was only a problem in MY eyes. It was NOT a problem for my son. My son is completely comfortable with solitude, pursuing his interests, making some friends along the way, and relying on his few good, long-time friends. I now admire him for having the wisdom to know himself. </p>
<p>And high school is very limiting. DS found lots of casual friends in areas of work, academic enrichment, music and sports. Maybe your son can find some good and non-superficial friends in hobbies outside of school. </p>
<p>Just for laughs, I distinctly remember being very worried that he wouldn’t play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with the other boys in nursery school. A wise and experienced teacher told me not to worry because he was comfortable and that I was the only one who was stressing. She was right. It just took longer for me to understand it.</p>
<p>Really, solitude is not a natural state for us. Be concerned if you have kids that are not connecting. All of us need peers. We need connections. They can be hard to find in some environments, but kids without a peer group are not likely to be happy. High school psych, but I believe it.</p>
<p>USAF Preparatory school now and he is 17 years old. Be proud of your son for not following the “crowd” to fit in. It is apparent he’s mature. Two or three good friends are better than a bunch of bad influences. Kids don’t tell us everything when we want to hear it, so maybe the person(s) he would rather be around may be in summer camp or gone for the summer. My son told me how a lot of his friends started partying too much for him. And when he didn’t participate, he felt uncomfortable around them.</p>
<p>He turned into a serious online computer gamer last year in the 12th grade and has his regular friends online (a couple are his schoolmates too) During the summer, he went to maybe one boat party, but he studied maritial art and volunteered a lot of time at a local animal shelter non-profit. When school started, his activities were football, track, photography for the school newspaper and orchestra (violin 2-yrs) He played the drums (4 years of lessons) and helped with the stage help and music for school plays. Fortunately, he never partied much after the games, because he was not into drinking, etc. </p>
<p>Let him enjoy his computer games and TV during the summer months. If he is not displaying any abnormal changes in his personality or habits, I wouldn’t worry. Make some suggestions about activities he could tryout this summer that you know he may consider. He’ll be just fine.</p>
<p>Well, some folks don’t much care for ‘friends’ and prefer ‘acquaintences’. And some folks are more thing oriented, and like hobbies, rather than people oriented. And some folks are shy or are not loud or noisy or quick thinkers.I would suggest your son do the things he enjoys or find more interests. As 17 year olds are growing up there are so many new interests! Like, join the Sierra Club or C.W.reinactors. Join all the clubs in school or do volunteer work somewhere, like volunteer firefighter- they are always looking for young volunteer firefighters. Also, call your son’s guidance counselor or talk top his teachers about where his strengths lie. If the sponsor teacher knows your son is lacking friends he will pair him up with others for events, etc. And of course church or religious youth groups are very good too. Your son will find his nitch, but high school can be SO rough for SO many kids.Support, support, give him positive reinforcement concerning schoolwork, etc.</p>
<p>wow. You summed up my life in an entire paragraph. I have lots of friends but usually im left alone on the weekends and really dont have a social life.</p>
Or perhaps they are talking to each other - here, I see the TV, desktop, laptop (recently purchased to take to college) all going at once with, as you say the microphone (maybe there are two! how would I know?). IM is in medias res, cell phone might ring, land line might ring…</p>
??</p>