<p>poetgrl… I love it!</p>
<p>This just reminded me of a short but funny story. I was teaching a grade three art class and a group of kids were trying to figure out how to use the drying rack for their art work. It wasn’t going well, kids started pushing and arguing and artwork was dropping on the floor. I was at my desk and looked up just as one of the students approached me. He said “You better get over there, Mrs. EPTR, it is absolute bedlum!”</p>
<p>^^ love it raised to the second power!</p>
<p>EPTR, I understand your take on all of this but BOTW has been reluctant to share any of his background,which is his perogative.</p>
<p>I know. I’m just speculating. I have some personal experience with this kind of thing and it feels familiar. Of course it’s his choice to share or not but even if he doesn’t, the insight might help him with some understanding of himself…if there is any truth to my interpretation.</p>
<p>Then it’s never too late to have a happy childhood. The theme here with much of the advice being given is to work on some things and make some changes so BOTW’s kids are not as rigid and judgmental. Fast forward years from now and BOTW may really appreciate having raised tolerant, flexible kids who will welcome him and his wife, complete with imperfections, into their homes.</p>
<p>BOTW
Give up some of the control you seek. Holding on to the reigns (rules) too tightly is just going to make you crazy. If you think keeping “control” of an infants schedule and environment is tough, I caution you to look ahead to the teen years. Kids who are overly controlled and scheduled have a tendency to rebel. Not all rebel, but many.</p>
<p>Bottom line…let the line out slowly but surely, and kids do well. Hang on to it too tightly and they run amok when opportunity presents itself. Let it out too quickly, and you will be frantically reeling it in when they are teens…but it will be very, very difficult to regain “control”. Parenting is a balancing act, so try not to lean too much. The middle road really is best. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Again with the “running amok”!!! Too funny!</p>
<p>As the mom of three active kids, two being high energy, high verbal types, I am familiar with the concept of amok-running. Also found at shellz domain, lots of dithering, dallying, kvetching, schlumping and putzing about. Love, love, love my boys, but man do they cause a mom to reach DEEP into her patience and vocabulary.</p>
<p>BOTW - It can be tough sometimes. Sometimes compromise can be found. </p>
<p>One of my pet peeves was smoking (even before we had babies in the house. My husband was not happy about this, but the compromise was that he went outside with the brother to talk during cigarette time.</p>
<p>One holiday meal, I was really in the dog house. My rule for toddler #1 was no grapes (they are a big choking hazard). All the in-laws (and DH) were outraged that I would not allow them for daughter that day, even when cut. Yea, I know she would likely not have choked on half grapes… but to me it seemed better to have black/white “no grapes” rule. Even if I was right (still not sure), perhaps it was not worth the family strife. I do hope the memory will make me a better MIL someday.</p>
<p>But see, to me, why were they soooo insistent that she have grapes? They shpuld have just yielded to your concern.</p>
<p>They were insistent about the grapes because the D was excited about having them and they saw no danger. I thought they should have just let the mother have her rule, whether they agreed or not… even though it was at MIL’s house. Down the road when I have my turn to be MIL who knows what silly thing I will insist on… ha, it might be grape safety rule. </p>
<p>Or helmets - I’m big on safety stuff. My neighbor in the early days was college roommate (a wonderful thing!). We had the kids wear their “motorcycle helmets” when they went zoom zoom on their tricycles and big wheels. Even the play cars (we all had the red one with the yellow roof,right?). Others scoffed at us, but ya know what… that gang of kids never fussed about bike helmet, it was a habit.</p>
<p>In my town, when my kid were little, the police would randomly stop them if they saw them with a helmet on and give them a gift card to the local ice cream parlor. One day I was escorting my 4 year old on her bike and a cruizer pulled up and congratulated her on the helmet. She got a 5 dollar GC for ice cream.</p>
<p>That’s great. We ALL wore helmets for bikes & inline skating, unfortunately that stopped when kiddos went to college & NO ONE except campus security wears helmets! ARGH! I think it’s great that the officers gave gift cards to the ice cream parlor for helmet wearers. I suggested a similar thing to our kids’ college, unfortunately to no avail. 
Ah, I guess I have to pick my battles.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, it’s very hard to look cool in a helmet. I look like an ant in one.</p>
<p>It’s really hard to look cool in a persistent vegetative state, wearing an adult diaper and being fed by a tube inserted into your abdomen, after sustaining a traumatic brain injury from riding without a helmet!</p>
<p>One of D’s best friends has a dad who was not wearing a helmet & was a brilliant anesthesiologist with a promising career and a wife and young kids. There has been a lot of brain damage when he collided with a truck on his bike & it’s unclear how much he will recover. Not even sure whether he recognizes wife or kids and definitely unable to practice medicine; not sure how much self-care he will be capable of. It’s very tragic to all of us!</p>
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<p>The only “house rule” I have is no smoking inside the house. If someone wants to smoke, they have to go outside.</p>
<p>I don’t get this concept of establishing “house rules” for a broad array of things. My relatives are all pretty civilized, and I don’t have to worry about whether they will use a coaster with a drink or something like that. And if a person doesn’t use a coaster I simply hand them one.</p>
<p>I am more interested in offering warm hospitality than in monitoring their behavior. I mean, area you seriously going to draw up a list of “house rules” and present them to guests?</p>
<p>Well stated, Consolation.</p>
<p>For my kid… sure, there were a number of rules appropriate to each age. That’s because I was parenting him. I’m not parenting my guests. So they don’t have to follow the rules I set for my child (eg, how much TV viewing). They can’t smoke in my house. End of story. I’ve found all of my house guests (relatives or not) to need no further rules.</p>
<p>Nor do they have to follow my preferences. If I don’t like eating in bed because I don’t like crumbs or whatever (we’ll call that a “house rule”)… doesn’t mean they can’t have a snack in their room. I’m going to change the sheets after they leave, anyway, lol.</p>
<p>Just an observation: The more house rules that you have the more your child will prefer the homes of other friends. </p>
<p>Smoking no. Helmets always. ALWAYS eat at the table…ever hear of a picnic or a tea party outside or in the den…or in the child’s room? Crumbs happen…cleaning ensues…fun in the meantime. </p>
<p>I am terrified for the OP: At some point, much sooner than later his child won’t be invited to a party, may be the last one chosen, won’t get into a club or a team…I fear phone calls and hysteria to all involved.</p>