My son is deciding between Middlebury, Grinnell, and Oberlin. My son really likes Middlebury, but it would cost $25,000 per year more than the other two schools. We could figure out how to pull the extra $25,000 together every year without taking on too much debt (no more than $12,000-20,000 over 4 years). It would not be easy, but I am fairly certain we could do it. My child is the kind of person who will do best if he attends school in a location where he feels most comfortable, but he also says he could probably find his place at the other two schools. They are all really great schools. Parents, would you pay the extra $25,000 per year so your child could attend his dream school? Students, what would you want your parent(s) to do? Thank you.
I agree with @porcupine98.
I personally would not pay $100K more for Middlebury over two other fine LACs that are roughly on the same tier.
Paying $100K more for a red Boxster rather than a black Boxster at some point is just silly.
At his age, he probably has no idea what $100K means. His he thinking of grad school? $100K is the difference between a free elite 1Y professional Masters with some left over or almost a completely free elite 2Y Masters.
No, I would not pay $100,000 more than I needed to in order to send my child to their dream college.
No.
What conversations did you have with your S before the fin aid offers/merit awards came back? Did you say he could go wherever he wanted? Or did you say $ had to be part of the equation? Or…?
I would do it! If you think he’ll do better, then go for it. I know my answer won’t be popular so y’all save yourselves the time and trouble of explaining why I’m wrong. MotherNeedsAdvice asked for our opinions so I gave her mine.
Perhaps your son could get a job to offset some of his expenses? Cut down on frivolous purchases, etc…a dollar here and there can add up to a lot over the course of a year. Maybe not $25,000 but I bet you could find ways to whittle down some of it.
Sounds like you have a great kid, give him his dream school!
If you are talking about max loans of 20K after 4 years, then that seems reasonable.
I would pay anything to send my child to any college he wants that he can get into. That is my financial priority. It is what I have saved for, for many years now. What could matter more than your child’s happiness first and his education second?
Your post makes it sound like you will not be losing your home, or scrounging for food and transportation money, or shortchanging a second child, if your child goes to Middlebury. Those would be reasons to reconsider. Otherwise, go for it!
You might also see if Middlebury will match an aid package (unless it is merit aid, in which case you will not have that option).
OP, would the extra $25K come at the expense of saving for retirement?
My original response seems to have gotten lost, but no, not among those three schools, which are roughly the same tier and type of school. I might – if I could afford it – pay that differential to enable a significantly higher tier schools, or access to significantly different programs, but this is not that.
Also, this is another reason to discourage the notion of a “dream school” independent of financial considerations. Wait until the acceptances and financial aid offers roll in before picking favorites.
As much as I wouldn’t like to, the truth is that I would. I know this because my daughter was choosing between two schools with a roughly $25,000/year difference a few years ago. One was a couple hours from home and had a higher ranking, while the other was 12 hours away, in a much warmer climate, with a full tuition scholarship. My daughter really liked the less expensive school, but was very leery about going so far from home and to a climate she wasn’t used to. We told her the choice was hers and we’d pay for either, but asked her to seriously consider whether one school was worth $100,000 more to her. We didn’t think it was right to force her to go to a school where she wasn’t comfortable with the distance from home, especially since we’d essentially be punishing her for earning a scholarship if we did so. As it turned out, she chose the cheaper option, ended up loving it and is planning to stay in that area after she graduates. I don’t know whether finances actually entered into her decision making process as we never discussed it. But had she chosen the pricier school, we would have paid the $100,000+ more. It’s important to mention, however, that we could afford the extra $100,000 without loans or a significant effect on our retirement.
Is it worth $100k more? The easy answer is no it is not, But, if you so n goes to a less expensive option, the question is what would you do with that $100k? Would you make it available for grad school studies, would you offer to help with a down payment on a house? Would you put it to retirement? Do you have another child prepping for college.
Oberlin and Grinnell are excellent schools with outstanding programs. Certainly worth considering. But, what is the best fit.
I have two nieces who regret their college choices…they went to more expensive schools, took on lots of debt …will your son be taking your n debt?
Leaving aside emotions, what, if anything, does Middlebury offer that the other two don’t? (And leave off notions of prestige or rankings as well – US news may rank Middlebury higher, but I think that’s more a matter of geography than quality.
Once you have figured out what Middlebury can offer that Grinnell/Oberlin doesn’t… then you can figure out whether that is worth $100K + over 4 years.
And let your son take the lead on answering this question. You and he can both do some drilling down-- for example, what’s your son’s intended major? Look at course offerings, faculty, and specific requirements for the major. You may find your son has a different perspective if he starts to map out what his courseload would like like at each college. Don’t forget to factor in distribution requirements:
Your son doesn’t know what location he feels most comfortable in. All he has done so far is visit the campuses – but he hasn’t yet been a student at any or spent an extended period of time there. If Middlebury is nearest to you geographically, that is a realistic factor — some kids really don’t want to go too far from home – but the problem with a “dream” school is students often have unrealistic expectations. So your son is right about probably finding his place – and it could very well be that he could become disenchanted with Middlebury.
As far as my personal opinion, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t pay more. I was willing to stretch to pay $10-$15K a year more for my daughter to attend an Ivy-equivalent vs. home state U… but probably not $20K or more. But I don’t know what your family finances are.
I do know this: college goes by fast. It seems like a huge decision at age 18… but it is NOT the rest of your son’s life It is only 4 years of his life, which will seem like a vanishingly small period of his life as the years go by post college.
I would be reluctant to spend the extra as they all seem relatively similar in their attributes and ranking.
If it were Middlebury vs. a significantly lower ranked LAC, then the prestige and rigor might be worth the upcharge. But in this case, barring strength in a particular major, I’d be inclined to save the money.
Congratulations on having three fine choices - he must be an excellent student!
“And leave off notions of prestige or rankings as well – US news may rank Middlebury higher, but I think that’s more a matter of geography than quality.”
Agree on the notions of prestige and rankings. In fact, the higher ranking may simply be due to Middlebury flat out lying. Read the comments section of this article (it’s about USC fudging/lying about the data they supply USNews, but some unnamed northeastern LAC that seems to fit Middlebury evidently submits false data to USNews as well):
https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2009/06/08/usc
Thank you all very much for your views! They are very helpful.
@jonri We have told him that money matters, but we also told him that we want him to go where he thinks he will be happiest and perform best.
@suzy100 Yes, I am talking max 20K for the full 4 years. Chances are it will be less than that, more like 10K, but I doubled it just in case. We would borrow the first year (and maybe the last), so it is possible we could pay it off while he is in school.
@Twicer. Absolutely not. It would not affect our retirement savings.
@mimi2018 He is a great kid, so we want to support him. We agree that the schools are comparable. Part of my reaction is personal. I had to make all of my schooling decisions based on money. There was just no option. That said, all turned out well for me.
@boerboer No, he would not have to take on debt. We might make him take on a small amount because all the studies show that kids perform better in college if they have a financial stake in the game. We told him that could help him with graduate school or give him money for a downpayment on a house, etc.
@calmom We looked at course offerings. Basically, they all are great. I agree he does not know which location is really right for him. I personally love Oberlin and Grinnell; for me, those schools would be the better fit. Of course, our kids are different than we are. Middlebury is the farthest away. I like the distance for him (not us) because I think it is good for them to move far away from home, and it would be exposure to East Coast culture.
Thanks so much to everyone! The differing opinions are reassuring in a way because it lets us know we are not crazy for even considering the extra money.
Are there any younger kids? If so, would spending the extra for Middlebury force you to impose tighter cost limitations on the younger kids’ college costs?
I would as long as the rest of the family didn’t starve! We are dealing with that issue right now. DD received merit scholarship at some schools(some would be 35k less a year from a full pay) and also got into 3 full pay nonmerit schools. I would gladly do the full pay for any of those three if it offered my daughter something unique that she couldn’t get at the other good schools with merit. Sadly, my daughter is currently feeling bad about spending that much of our family’s money(we taught her too well of not spending money I guess) and we are trying convince her its ok. There was a few schools we visited that are high ranked schools that we would have been full pay that we said not worth the money. You know your child best and if you both feel if its worth it, than it is.
My older daughter went to undergraduate debt free thanks to us, and to Law School debt free from merit. She married a wonderful person whom I love as my own and he has almost as much debt for undergraduate and his masters program as my spouse had for medical school. Does he regret it? Nope, he has a great job and wife, and they just eat a lot at our home.
Middlebury has more of a reputation of being a good place of outdoorsy types rather than “East Coast culture” - its rural location means that it is not particularly easy for students to get to major East Coast cities, and it draws a national student body – more from NY & Mass than other states, but then Calif. is the next largest contingent.
I didn’t, my parents told me I could go anywhere I wanted and college was more affordable in my day – but my kids did have to make money decisions and that really is just a fact of life. Unless your family is wealthy, your son will be making decisions considering finances for the remainder of his life. So I do think you need to disconnect your own personal regrets from the equation.
My suggestion of looking at course offerings was just a starting point - the question I posed remains: What objectively does Middlebury offer that the others don’t? It doesn’t have to be academics - but your son should be able to make a list of pros & cons for each college or a spreadsheet and articulate his reasons for choosing Middlebury.
Step back and visit the point of going to college, what you are offering and what your child hopes to get out of it. We have had various iterations of this conversation with our children. College is not a right to us. It is not four more years on Mom and Dad’s dime without supervision. It is not a place to do things simply because you enjoy them (underwater basketweaving, for example, does not warrant a $200,000 education).
Families have gotten away from making college be an intentional choice and, instead, it is assumed, expected, and often entered in to without clarity. For us, college is a place to develop/expand/gain skills and knowledge which our children will use to build careers and to lead their own independent lives.
One of ours is a freshman now and has veered off into having an interest in some subject areas which most likely will not advance his ability to be self sufficient when he graduates. He told me he is supposed to take courses he enjoys and finds interesting. Well, yes, but not only. We have had conversations to bring him back on course. We are not willing to pay for from a top university what he could get from our local community college if it is not going to set him up to have a career. It is not a 4 or 5 year transition period from home to being a grown up. It is an investment in their future. And, OP, Middlebury was one of the schools he got in to and he really pushed to go there. We resisted because while it is an excellent school, it does not offer many of the subject areas he was considering, and the truth is, it was really about the skiing. lol
If money is absolutely no object, go for it. But I doubt there are many who can make that claim.
Good luck!