<p>My older brother - now diagnosed with bipolar - had a very rocky time of it throughout the late hs and college years. Suffice to say he is very stable and very successful in his line of work and has a very supportive family. Thoughout the whole saga, my beleaguered parents just stayed resolutely on his side and loved him unequivocally. There were times when I thought they should and wished they would cut him loose. Now I’m so very glad they did not. He is a dear sweet man who has come through so much. And he clearly values his family above all else.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to keep in mind that when a young adult is asked to leave the house, they may choose to reject an offer to stay at Grandma’s and instead go somewhere else. Parents need to be be prepared for that possibility.</p>
<p>ZM-I’m confident that you and your H will figure out the best way to help your D back onto a good path. Just keep your eye on the ultimate goal. If I can offer a suggestion, please understand that no matter what you think of ZG’s feelings about her last year (disappointments in an otherwise charmed life), her feelings are valid to her and you should respect them. Understanding her will help you heal her. Best wishes.</p>
<p>Nothing to report. Just all going to the therapist and working through. She is at home and has some sense of how serious this all is and why we are so upset. But really, nothing resolved yet.</p>
<p>Even though I am a mother with two grown children, my reaction to your situation, zoosermom, was to identify with your daughter. I was a very lost, confused 19 year old once, and looking back (which I still do with shame), I can say that a large part of my problems was due to feeling emotionally abandoned by my parents. I don’t blame them – they did the best they could, and I take full responsibility for my behavior. But to this day, I still don’t know why I did the things I did. I think the studies that show that a 19 year old brain is not fully developed are accurate. Certainly, I could see it in my own children. Whatever you and your husband do, and I won’t add to all the thoughtful advice that have been suggested, please take mammall’s words to heart:
“Whatever happens - hold on tight.” Love her unequivocally and let her know you’re on her side, no matter how angry you are or what actions you take. I wish my parents could have given me that. Now, over 30 years later, we are still living with the fallout.</p>
<p>{ }s to you, Zoosermom. We’ve had some rough years here too, and still have issues with our kids. I agree with posters who advise talking to an attorney before siccing the police on the kids. An attorney may have some info and advice about the ramifications of the kids’ actions and liabilities thereof.</p>
<p>Just saw this thread. Good luck with everything, ZM. You are a very loving and caring mother. My advice would be to be very patient with your daughter. You are her best friend and she needs you right now.</p>