<p>What a “study nerd” is, is open to interpretation. Then again, in this tough financial times, small private, rural colleges might be inclined to take anybody that can pay or is willing to go into debt to attend. I would butt out. If the college fails financially (some have), your daughter will be out of luck.</p>
<p>The kid backed out of the initial choice because her friend decided not to go - and now she’s thinking of going to your kid’s school. I’d worry that this kid would depend on your kid for good times. Your daughter may have to be prepared to send the kid to ‘her people’ if she plans to focus on studies.</p>
<p>One thing that bothers me about the concept of fit is that it presumes one unvarying campus culture and that all students conform to it. One of the best things about my college experience was that there were all different types. Nerdy engineers with pocket protectors whose idea of a great Sat night was solving equations. Party hearty frat boys with looks to kill. Preprofessionals in CEO training. Theater majors who wanted to make me laugh or cry. Music and art majors who wanted to make me think. In the absence of something extreme, like the liberal going to Liberty U, most people will both find their own type–and be enriched by people who aren’t their own type. </p>
<p>Don’t prejudge this girl. Who knows? And, it’s just not your business in any case.</p>
<p>I certainly understand where you are coming from. My D did a summer camp at your D’s campus and decided that it was too small for her. It’s a very nice university with some great professional programs, just not for her. I can see where you see red flags, esp. as she has never visited campus before. Really try to see if they can visit within the next week, when school is in session. </p>
<p>I’m a little confused why her first option is not viable anymore. Was she planning on getting an apt. with her friend at a school that doesn’t have dorms. One suggestion for her. Newark has an OSU satellite campus which does have dorms. It’s a great suggestion for kids who have grades and scores such as hers. They can spend a year at Newark and then transfer to OSU main. It’s a option for those who can’t get into OSU Columbus and really want to go there. I think that it would be a more social place for this girl than your D’s school.</p>
<p>To the OP, I can understand your feelings on this. My niece is obsessed with a hobby of hers that she has decided to pursue as a major when she goes to college ( she is currently a hs junior ) It has seriously limited where she will potentially go to school. She has looked at one school and has made up her mind that is where she wants to go. My concerns are this :
the location and ease of getting back and forth there</p>
<p>the school has a suitcase school reputation and she will be about 6 hour drive away with no other way that car to travel</p>
<p>Academically it is way below her levels and I fear she will not be challenged in any way.
The acceptance rate is very high and they do not require SAT’s and the avg GPA is 3.0 to her 4.0</p>
<p>I have tried to talk to my sister about the importance of seeing the other colleges that offer what she wants , but my niece is being incredibly stubborn. The other schools are larger, closer, more recognized more academically diverse and challenging.</p>
<p>The major she wants to pursue has different angles and opportunities , but she is basically making her decision based on her passion for the hobby and not the academics.</p>
<p>One of the things I love about being an American is that we are allowed to make choices and then if they are not “right” for us, to make other choices and to change our minds. We are allowed to make our own mistakes, and, as Calmom pointed out, to change and to grow up…Who even knows where ANY of our kids will do well, or if they will graduate from the first place they go to school? Life is long. College acceptance is not the finish line but the starting gate of adulthood. Until they start college kids are on an unvarying path. After they start college, they have this choice, and then if it is the “right” choice, they stay on that path and if not, they regroup. Life is not a straight line even for the most responsible and far-seeing kids. All of our kids will eventually face set-backs, find themselves in over thier heads, and mess up–at some point in time. All of us want to keep kids from suffering unneccesarily…but, I think we sometimes interpret this to mean, “Keeping kids from making any mistakes at all.” All that seriousness aside? Every school needs some super-social leader types to create spirit and community. These skill-sets are just as valuable as being able to get straight A’s and really should not be underestimated, at all.</p>
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<p>So what! College decisions are based on a variety of factors and academics are part of the equation. BUT if a student isn’t going to be happy someplace…because they don’t see themselves being able to do a preferred hobby, or they don’t like the location, or they don’t like the buildings (my kid hated one school because of the buildings)…so be it. </p>
<p>As an aside, DD had a criteria that most would put in the “hobby category”. She would not look at schools where she was not able to pursue this. She wanted to play in an orchestra…not a band…an orchestra. Some schools simply don’t allow non-music majors to do this. AND to top it all, she also wanted a school with a strong engineering program. Oh…did I mention that the climate was her third criteria?</p>
<p>While these criteria may seem trivial to the grown ups, we have to remember, WE aren’t going to college. My kid would have been miserable at a top engineering school, no matter how prestigious and well known, if it had been in a cold climate without an orchestra that welcomed her. We encouraged her to look for schools that would fulfill her criteria.</p>
<p>We know kids who are dancers (not gifted ones who want to go to a conservatory or ballet school of study) who still want to continue this when they go to college. Ditto theater, art, photography, sports.</p>
<p>The selection of colleges is so complicated for each student AND family. Whenever folks tell me about their kids’ college selections, I don’t pass judgment and provide negative info (even IF I feel that way). I simply say “That’s great. What kinds of things helped them make that choice?” Give these folks some positive strokes instead of assuming that they have made a bad choice. If it’s not right, they will learn soon enough on their own. The last thing they need is a “friend” saying “I told you so”.</p>
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<p>So do a lot of kids who are making school decisions based on athletic scholarships. My nieces made their college decisions based on scholarships for their sport – and they didn’t “need” the money, in the least. Not how <em>I</em> would do things, but hey, it’s a free country and it’s really not my problem.</p>
<p>" So what! College decisions are based on a variety of factors and academics are part of the equation. BUT if a student isn’t going to be happy someplace…because they don’t see themselves being able to do a preferred hobby, or they don’t like the location, or they don’t like the buildings (my kid hated one school because of the buildings)…so be it. "</p>
<p>That is my point ( and several other family members too ) We don’t think she WILL be happy there. There are only a few clubs, none of which she would participate in. The school is in a very remote location with not much to do. Most of the students go home on the weekends which will not be an option for her.
At least if she visited other schools, she would be able to make a comparison and have some choices. She is unwilling to even look…</p>
<p>In the end, she will do what she wants to do, even against the advice of her GC and several other people. She is a very introverted girl as it is and we are afraid she will most likely want to leave the school after a semester. Maybe you think this is awful to be concerned or that is nobody’s business…perhaps you are right. I would just hate to see her fall through the cracks and have to start all over again, this time without the help of her school.</p>
<p>OP, I’d be more direct (but that is probably just my style…). I would tell them that it is an awful lot of money to spend as parents without having visited the campus themselves, and it would be well worth their time to take a day or two off from work or whatever to go down there given the size of the financial investment. Asking you questions is no substitute for their own visit, and they might blame you later if it doesn’t work out! And I would (sort of jokingly, sort of not) make that point to them. I’d also encourage them to take the campus tour (meet some kids there other than your D, and get their impressions of what is needed for success at that school) rather than having your D do it. Again, you guys may take the blame if it doesn’t work out so well. (Can you tell I just spent two hours reading a book on risk management this morning 
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<p>I understand this…and I also understand that your family has personal knowledge of the school in question. But YOU are not going there…this student is…and SHE and her family think she WILL be fine there. Why do you want to rain on that parade? If these were my friends, I would let it GO…and be there to support them in the end…if their kid is not happy.</p>
<p>We have a lot of friends and colleagues at work with children starting their college process. I often hear them say, “Oh, my kid has very good grades and test scores, he/she should be getting into these top 20 schools, it’s matter of deciding which one to go.” It takes a lot of will power to just keep my mouth shut. The most I’ll say is to make sure there are safety schools. Some of them would take offense that I would think their kid needs safeties. I had one mom said to me, “my son has around 3.7, which is very good, we have connections at Stanford and he is a legacy at Cornell. It’s going to be hard to decide which one to go for.”</p>
<p>To the OP, you don’t have a dog in this fight, but if you are concerned that this girl is going to want to make your D her social contact, suggest to the girl that she go on Facebook to get a better idea of what her future classmates are like socially.</p>
<p>I suspect this isnt so much about advising neighbors child, but also about trying to keep a less academic child away from her own. I have the same problem. My D’s best friend is going to a less demanding school in the same small college town. All I can do is emphasize good study habits for D, etc.</p>
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<p>OK…why is this a PARENT problem? Your college student might find “less academic” kids who are total strangers when they go to college. OTOH…the “less academic” kid might find some real academics who might spur them on.</p>
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<p>Any downer advice you may have for this family will be seen as exactly the above. Your advice won’t be considered and there will be a fly in the ointment with this relationship.</p>
<p>I agree with Thumper–support now and be ready to really support if the whole experiment goes down the tubes next year.</p>
<p>But, and I think this is very important, there are all sorts of things that people bring to relationships. It is not always that an academic kid needs a more acadamic kid in their life. Sometimes they really need someone who is social and out there and a lot of fun to be around and full of joy and love of life. I just think that all kids and all adults, for that matter, bring different things to the table. I’m very intellectual and always have been, and some of my friends are not and some of my friends are. But I really want them ALL in my life for all the great things they bring…I have a friend I run five miles with twice a week. She is wayyyy more athletic and physical than I am. I get a lot out of this. She probably doesn’t, to be honest. I’m sure her heart rate doesn’t go up at all…And I recommend books and sometimes she reads them and sometimes she just laughs at me and shakes her head. But, I need people like that in my life. I don’t need people to recommend books. I need people to remind me that it’s time to go out to dinner and reconnect, or time to go to the beach, or time to…I KNOW when it’s time to read a book</p>
<p>Great post poetgrl…there is a balance. It takes all different types of personalities, and folks with different interests to make this world spin. Good that we are NOT all alike. And good that we have different perspectives on what is important and what is not.</p>
<p>But, and I think this is very important, there are all sorts of things that people bring to relationships.</p>
<p>I strongly agree with this post-
I have friends that are mostly much more intellectual/accomplished than I, I don’t even try to keep up- - I am not likely to get multiple Ivy advanced degrees in this lifetime-
but I like to think I offer a certain perspective that is appreciated.</p>
<p>( I have observed that the broader the perspective & deeper the experience of my friends- the greater the appreciation for experiences that are different than their own- the more you know- the more you realize you * don’t * know )</p>
<p>I have also seen that my younger D, who I feared would falter when she transferred from a tiny family oriented school to a large inner city high school, instead has as her best friends some of the most accomplished and mature kids not only in the school, but the country, given that they have won things like huge merit aid to Georgetown.
They * love* her, and they see things in her that even I * her mother* couldn’t see
She also more than keeps up with them, and is so amazing.</p>
<p>We should encourage others to aim the highest and support them when needed- expand horizons, not limit them. You never know what challenges you can master if you don’t try.</p>
<p>I do not worry that neighbor’s D will be looking to my D to adjust/etc. on campus. D will be in an apt., she is in the honors program (therefore has many seperate activities and requirements) etc. - that is not a problem. </p>
<p>Honestly, the whole current plan seems to be happening only because she has an aunt who felt she needed a plan (good for her) and took her under her wing to do last minute college searching. This school is one that offers her the opp to still dance, has accepted her and is giving her SOME aid - so it seems to be the winner! </p>
<p>I would feel 100% better if at least her parents visit the school with her and very importantly, I think, make sure the requirements of her aid she is receiving (will she have to committ to a certain amount of dance performances? Keep a certain GPA?). Even sit down and have someone explain the loan part to them and what that means for the future…</p>
<p>Actually someone mentioned having someone other than my D give them a tour - that may be a very good idea. THanks.</p>