<p>I’m not sure how to post this without getting flamed but it’s something I am worried about and I’m sure parents here might have some experiences with this situation that would be helpful.</p>
<p>I had a long talk with my sister-in-law the other day. Her son, my wonderful nephew, has had a lot of challenges in life. He has a lot of problems handling stress and anxiety all his life. In high school and college, he has always had time-and-a-half for tests and exams. He has always taken the lightest academic load possible (he took summer school classes in high school to lighten his load during the year and is taking 5 years in college so he can take lighter loads each semester) although he does get good grades as a result.</p>
<p>He has had one or two short term jobs but always found them very stressful, including an internship last summer.</p>
<p>What she is worried about is what happens in the real world when the years of accomodations come to an end. When an employer, for example, expects him to do a realistic amount of work in a realistic amount of time. For example, a project or a report that needs to be completed in a tight time frame for a client.</p>
<p>How do kids who have had these accomodations cope?</p>
<p>In a word, by finding an accommodating employer.</p>
<p>We have an Asperger’s (autistic) high schooler who functions similarly (and lacking many social skills too) and have been looking a long time at the same question.</p>
<p>We have been blessed so far by his being able to work at the local chain grocery store (has moved up to checker from bagger) as they have a fairly patient set of managers who can get him out of the way when things go wrong for him. I guess it also helps that the regional management of the chain has done a poor job of keeping salaries competitive (when people leave your store to go to work for Walmart, doesn’t that say something?).</p>
<p>Personally, we are hopeful that we can find him accommodation in a local/state government environment here locally, where with a lower pay scale than many private employers is more likely to hire employees who who are like this for the same competitive need as the grocery store where my son works. Plus, the benefits in a government job are a big bonus when he is uninsurable otherwise.</p>
<p>What type of career would your nephew be looking for?</p>
<p>I certainly hope no one flames you. Yours is a good question and goaliedad’s response is wonderful. Unfortunately I have no direct experience I can bring to bear. I hope others can provide insight.</p>
<p>boysx3- Depending on his major, skill set, and adaptability he might also do well to seek employment in the non-profit sector. Many companies like Goodwill have programs at the lower level to assist the mentally/physically disabled.</p>
<p>The supervision, administration and lower management of this work force is also needed. Many rise from the ranks of the first to become key players in the second.</p>
<p>As a degreed grad with good grades, he could well start at level 2 or above.</p>
<p>I wish I had some advice, but I have nothing constructive to add. I just want to support those of you with special needs kids, you are doing heroic parenting.</p>
<p>We have a number of businesses, stores, etc. that hire mentally handicapped people to bag, etc. But your nephew has a neurological disorder…he isn’t ■■■■■■■■. Therein lies the problem.</p>
<p>In most occupations, people need to be able to do the work, and there are no accommodations whatsoever for extra time, etc. If one can’t do the work, he/she is canned. </p>
<p>But Violadad’s point is a good one…in lower levels of certain types of employment (certainly steps up from grocery bagger), there may be more room for a person who does things a bit more slowly, or a bit differently. It may not be in an environment with a lot of interpersonal connections, with customers, etc… Typically the more routinized the job, the better the chance is that things will sustain a sort of “status quo”, and the less change there is, the better many of these students/young adults fare.</p>
<p>Has your nephew ever taken medication for anxiety? That could make a difference. There’s a job for him out there–something low stress and routine.
Sometimes people who don’t handle stress well like to master a routine and are very happy in repetitive jobs that others might find boring.
With a college degree he’ll still have an advantage over most.</p>
<p>Having a smart 16 year old with Asperger’s, I think a lot about what the future holds. It will pay off to think A LOT about the demands of specific jobs-talk to everyone you can in a given field to try to find out what a job at that particular place would be like. </p>
<p>Let’s take the job of a reference librarian. At our law firm, it is a very laid back, slow paced job. But my mom worked in a hospital reference library, and the doctors would come in wanting things NOW. Both jobs have the same title, with very different stress levels. A receptionist at ne company may have lots of spare time; in other companies, it may be the busiest job in the place.</p>
<p>The job seeker needs help coming up with a specific list of questions to ask for each interview, phrased in a way that makes them sound curious rather than lazy.</p>
<p>I also have little direct knowledge on this (I have a S with Aspergers who is in college but does not receive accommodations) but I think the OP’s nephew could start out by first contacting his disabilities center or career services center at his college, both resources may be able to assist him with career planning, assessing skills/interests, helping with resumes/interview skills, identifying necessary accommodations and locating possible employers who will provide accommodations. Or, they can help direct him to other resources (for instance, many students with LDs may qualify for vocational rehabilitation services which I believe provides job counseling, and help set up plans similar to IEPs with employers - but again, I know very little about this).</p>
<p>I think it varies. As a educator I have seen some kids really learn to provide their own accomodations when it becomes necessary, on the other hand some seem to take a long time until they find the right set of circumstances for themselves. I have found that it is easier in some ways for the child who has a visible need, than for one whose needs are more subtle yet pervasive. </p>
<p>You have been given some excellent suggestions. If it were my nephew (and sister) I would encourage starting at something that might not be the ideal career but would be something in which he would be successful. Unfortunately, if he was stressed by other short term jobs, it may be bumpy at first. </p>
<p>Your sister is lucky to have someone to listen to her, give feedback, and be supportive. As much as you love your child, it can be stressful and embarrassing if all of your friends have kids who seem to be doing just fine. (Seem to be doing just fine - you just never know).</p>
<p>Thanks for all the wonderful feedback so far.</p>
<p>My nephew is bright and creative and artistic–he is on medication and sees a therapist. He is considering careers in urban planning or landscape architecture or even graphic design.</p>
<p>But he works verrrrrry slowly, doesn’t like deadlines or pressure of any kind and doesn’t take criticism of his work well at all.</p>
<p>We too have thought of encouraging him to get a civil service/public sector kind of job because there is more job security and possibly a little less stress. </p>
<p>I think that part of the problem might be that he wants some of the glamor/prestige/money etc that he sees others going for and yet those of us who love him most see that he really isn’t cut out for such kinds of careers. </p>
<p>Even though he is 20 years old, he doesn’t seem to get that in the real world people have to work on multiple projects simultaneously ( he likes to do only one thing at a time, from beginning to completion), often have multiple supervisors with competing agendas that he needs to balance with each other and his own, that deadlines are real and also apply to him because clients need projects on time, and that he is expected to carry his full share of the workload.</p>
<p>He has actually said that he thinks people should be allowed to sue employers to give them a lighter workload and extra time–but keep them at the same level of pay! I’m not sure he understands the economics of the workplace, that’s for sure!</p>
<p>He is in his third year of college and certainly needs to start making some decisions. </p>
<p>Unfortunately reality is staring him and his family in the face and it is very scary.</p>
<p>Keep him involved in the workplace as much as possible, stressful or not. The lesson needs to hit home, hopefully through gentle experience, that this is what people do to make ends meet. Work is not easy for many of us.</p>
<p>Agree with scansmom “first contacting his disabilities center or career services center at his college, both resources may be able to assist him with career planning, assessing skills/interests, helping with resumes/interview skills, identifying necessary accommodations and locating possible employers who will provide accommodations.”</p>
<p>The center should also be familiar with the Americans with Disabilities Act and its impact on job seeking and accommodations. As a hiring manager I could not ask about any disability but if I hired someone, accommodations had to be made. I am, however, not an HR attorney so do not know the limits of the law.</p>
<p>May I suggest marrying a woman who will have a good job and wants to work throughout her life? That will take some of the pressure of having to provide for a family.</p>
<p>I have a friend who is similar in her work style who has found the right match as an appellate attorney. She does most of her work in her home office at her own pace, has predictable and manageable deadlines, and yet earns plenty of money in a relatively low-stress environment.
I have another friend who is a landscape architect who works out of her home, too. She doesn’t take on a lot of work, so she’s in control of her own schedule (and income).
I think it’s going to be easier for him to manage in a self-employed situation than in a traditional office job.</p>
<p>My sister still mostly supports her 32-year-old son who was never diagnosed and never given any accommodations beyond my sister saying “what learning disability? he’s just different…” However, he does have a small business he runs out of her house (oh yeah, he still lives at home), and that business is growing well as he learns how to manage a business. I think running a small business might work well for certain kinds of kids. </p>
<p>I also have several cousins with Asperger’s who are successful architects, working in a larger firm. </p>
<p>With the internet, it is possible for someone to run a small business without time restrictions. Someone with a very focussed interest could well run a business within that interest easily. I am aware of an internet business, for example, that deals entirely in telescopes. Its owner knows everything about telescopes, can talk to anyone about telescopes… and sells them. All transactions are done through PayPal.</p>
<p>Thank you, all of you, for your input and ideas. My SIL has been reading this thread but does not want to post. All of your help and ideas are appreciated and are being considered.</p>
<p>boysx3–far from flaming you, I admire your sister for being clearheaded about his prospects. It is a little unnerving to read about his position that he should be allowed to sue for more time/less work but still be paid the same.</p>
<p>I have often wondered if the level of accomodation given all throughout high school and college is cruel in the end, if the output are young adults who really think the world should work like public schools who function under the IDEA rules.</p>
<p>Perhaps in urban planning and landscape architecture, he could seek out a Resarch and Development Consulting firm, where they produce reports for clients (environmental impact statements and such). There are definitely deadlines always, but if he’s on a team writing a report, it’s up to him to add on many extra evening hours to perform his piece of the research.</p>
<p>Look for careers and jobs where there’s hardly any emphasis on “quick-turnaround” assignments. </p>
<p>The ultimate example of that is college professor. Who cares how long it takes the prof to prepare the lecture or mark the paper? Entirely up to them, as long as the result (good classes and satisfied students who are learning) is there.</p>
<p>If these directions are all wrong for your nephew, then a different approach is to work in some kind of town or local government office processing zoning permits and other things that simply occur between 9-5 as goalposts, with no take-home headaches. </p>
<p>In all the above jobs, however, the ability to handle stress is still important. </p>
<p>My brother told me about something useful, He’s an advocate for NAMI, which is mental health related. They’re very involved in someting called WRAP which is a kind of training in life-skill strategies. To know what are your triggers in the workplace, and then be able to have some strategies to handle them, also recognize when they’re beginning to upset you, is what it’s all about. They make life strategy plans that might say things like, “I know that I get upset when a group of people begins to speak competitively; therefore when I hear such, I will excuse myself from those conversations…” Stuff like that.</p>
<p>Not prying too much into your nephew’s condition and definitely not trying to diagnose, but I was wondering if anyone ever evaluated your nephew for an autistic spectrum disorder? The traits you mentioned - not working well under pressure, having unrealistic understandings of how others perceive you (or your work) are common to autistic individuals as well. Autism is a sensory integration issue. They perceive the world differently (especially in social situations) and have difficulty wrapping their head around how others perceive them and often apply a very rigid thinking to rules that conforms to their own view of the rule (not seeing how others perceive rules).</p>
<p>Mombot,</p>
<p>Yes, unfortunately the much of the world is going to be cruel to these young adults, so we parents spend so much time looking for the most sheltered environment we can find for our more needy kids. One thing I have appreciated about living in the south these last few years is that I have more of the people here more accepting of people’s idiosyncracies that the upper midwest where I lived most of my adult life.</p>