<p>G-mom, so much of what you said resonates with what I’ve been hearing too. My D2 has those crises of confidence all too often. Then can really stop you from getting anything done! She was seeing a counselor there, but kept forgetting appointments, forgetting to make new appointments, etc. Now, she’s trying Skype appointments with her old counselor here. Hopefully, it will work better since she’s more comfortable with him. </p>
<p>She also was comparing her work with others and feeling inadequate. It didn’t help that two of her roomies were getting high all the time and still managing to get their work done. She would hear praise from a teacher about a student’s work, and the student in question was coming to class while ‘under the influence’. All of this would sap her own confidence. She would give her all for one class, and inevitably another class would suffer and the cycle would begin again. </p>
<p>I think she’s straightened most of this out by now but I’m just waiting for the next series of phone calls. In this art school setting, everything is just raw. A friend of mine once said that there are two types of personalities - teflon and velcro. We could all envy that impervious, slippery teflon when we have velcro children who are so sensitive that everything just sticks to them. Of course it means they are more aware and responsive to the world around them, but I wish it didn’t hurt them so much.</p>
<p>I know it is wrong thing to say at the moment, but as super teflon kid’s mother, it ain’t so good thing.
tefron is now proven to emit harmful chemical once overused. that sort of explains what’s happening to today’s Japanese youth ate tefron rice cooker cooked rice all thru their life.
in other hand, velvcro is a miracle. We use it for everything closure, connection for making toys since buttons snaps pins are NO-NO choking hazard, sharp pint, etc.
nowadays, there are new low profile velcro so smooth, un-scratchy but very strong, you can see them on baby clothes and such, does not attract lint or pet hair but do stick very good when and where needed to stick.
let’s say, be the new generation velcro; comes in all colors and sizes, machine wash tumble dry safe, non toxic, safe for all ages.</p>
<p>So I prodded MICA girl with hourly texts, trying to figure out what was going on. She finally sent me a long email with her explanations. She sounds like she at least recognizes what her issues are. She said she was so stressed out because she would get the assignment and then literally spend days worrying about what she should do for the assignment… would it be creative enough? was it what the professor wanted? what would the other kids think? then she would end up not leaving herself enough time to execute whatever her plan was, resulting in work she was not happy with. She said in HS when there was a piece she wasn’t happy with, she only had to show it to her teacher privately, get her grade (always an ‘A’ – you’d be surprised at what this kid thinks ‘isn’t good enough’) and be done with it. At MICA, all the kids have to put their homework ‘up’ and have it critiqued. She said it wasn’t so much that she was afraid of a bad critique – indeed, she explicitly said that in her email and that she welcomed constructive criticism – but internally she compared her work to everyone else’s and felt her’s was inferior (I think this is a common phenomenon in foundation year art students). She said the worst thing was when in class the professor got to her work and asked the class for comments and there was ‘dead silence’ and nobody said a word. She is taking that as the ultimate rejection. I feel bad for her. She is very sensitive and she needs to realize that not everyone will like every piece of her work – and also that no comments isn’t necessarily something bad. I know towards the beginning of the semester she had said that one of the illustration professors had held up some of her work as an example (a good example) and she was proud of that. When we were at MICA at the end of September she showed us her work and I thought there was a huge volume and that it was pretty good – so I don’t t think she’s had this problem for the whole term – but I don’t have any point of reference. I didn’t see a whole lot of her roomies’ work laying about – but both of them were on the opposite track from MICA girl (they both had sculptural forms and electronic media or something like that). Her exact comment was " I feel like none of them have any respect for me because the
little work that I do hand in is crappy and looks like I didn’t put any
effort into it. And I feel terrible, because all my classmates are so
talented and they work really hard, and sometimes it makes me feel like I
don’t deserve to be here." sigh.
To make things even more complicated her celiac roomie has told her she is moving out and will be going to Meyerhoff with another kid. She said her roommate told her that she was in a ‘bit of a funk’, though MICA girl isn’t sure how that is a reason for this girl to want to move out. I had hoped that more positive things would come out of having this girl as a roomie --she seemed outgoing and very nice – this will mean that MICA girl’s very limited social circle will be even more limited. She claims this doesn’t bother her too much because she’s been so preoccupied with her own issues.
I told her that I was proud of her for being able to identify what her problems really were and to work/focus on correcting them instead of shutting down (though her therapist told me she was really shutting down). I also told her that if she needs to see a therapist there in Baltimore that we will arrange for that. As far as the classes go, she said she met with the person she needed to talk to (some sort of advisor) who is going to talk to her professors about the situation. I have a feeling that MICA has been there/done that before with sensitive art kids. I don’t think they are going to throw her out. Now will she be able to overcome this set back remains to be seen. She will have to work it out herself. In the meantime I’ll keep praying for her – and nagging her a lot.</p>
<p>So my post about aspie girl vaporizes and my first post about MICA girl reappears? What’s with that? Sorry about the double post!</p>
<p>it happens sometime when someone else is posting or editing at the same time, it could have been me messed you up.</p>
<p>I forgot,
fammom
grits! eggs!!
I worked and ate this southern grandpa cooked cafeteria food for years.
I encountered and embraced grits then, since I couldn’t make my own food and it was very rice gruel-sh that I missed.
he’d make over easy eggs and hand me a bottle of kikkoman he used as a secret ingredients for his BBQ sauce.
awwwww
I have eaten and learned many weird stuff by him, tuna casserole made from campbell’s cream of mushroom soup, chopped up hotdog with baked beans, ruben sandwich, grilled cheese and (again campbell’s) tomato soup.
America! the beautiful!!</p>
<p>Bears, I found a new non-stick pan called “ecolution” that is PFOA free. Who knows what else may be in it, but we can hope, no? Now teflon and velcro are both miracles, especially if you’re making eggs over easy. You can’t do it without teflon or a 1/4 inch of sizzling fat.</p>
<p>When my sister and I were kids, we loved it when our Mom made hot dogs, sliced down lengthwise and stuffed with cheddar cheese, and baked in a pan of baked beans. Yum! Ugh! I am at war with myself…</p>
<p>food reply!
let’s start
“the food mom cooked shouldn’t be repeated but oh was sooo good”
I got one from my kid’s adapted grandma
she would make french toast with wonderbread doused in butter and pancake syrup then snowed with powdered sugar, piled sky high for her big family. melted butter and sugar would form icing of sort that cling to every slices.
the guilt. the sweetness. the residues.
I 'd needed three cups of black coffee (folger’s cheapo kind in hot bottle saying eight o’clock coffee; old give away from donno when.
she passed away heart attack.
butter… the killer. miss her.</p>
<p>" nowadays, there are new low profile velcro so smooth, un-scratchy but very strong, you can see them on baby clothes and such, does not attract lint or pet hair but do stick very good when and where needed to stick." Interesting allegory for life…so if you have a velcro kid you hope they develop the low profile style so as to bond strongly to what they are supposed to bond to and don’t pick up icky stuff like lint/pet hair and bad spouses. G-mom …the most notable thing about your D’s story is how she is sharing her problems with you but she is 1) not blaming you or anyone else 2) not expecting you to save her and 3) self-analyzing what went wrong. That sounds like huge growth in a few short months. I hope it all works out so that she can continue at MICA. </p>
<p>Meanwhile…my less than grown up daughter is in a major major snit with me. I needed to leave her with someone while I go to pittsburgh and will leave really early tomorrow. So D is happy.yay!..sleepover…just a small one 2-3 girls with a friend who is having a birthday…but it morphed into a sleepover for 13, only one parent at the house, some kids driving to party in cars…sounded like a major party with little supervision. So I told her to stay with another friend or come to Pittsburgh. Well, the mom of the party girl was not miffed when I called to say my D could not stay the night but instead said…‘I am so glad someone is saying “no”. …I should have put limits and this is too many people/too much responsibility for me, on my own.’ So then mom of party, inspired by me she says, pulled the plug on the whole sleepover thing so I look like the wicked witch of the west…D says I have ruined her life, her friends’ lives, she is miserable, I am awful controlling…yada yada…but now she has gone to the party (now just dinner and cake to end at midnight) and then will go to a neighbor to spend the night with 1 girl. She tells me she will have no fun for half of her life (teen years) and I said life expectancy is about 80 but she says…that’s only for people without diseases and depression…I guess she has the latter. WHile I find some of it humorous. It still is painful to have her ‘hate’ me. Exhausting and depressing.</p>
<p>Now i’m drooling over that description of french toast. When we go visit family in California, I often abandon my own family to their own gluten free devices and go off with my siblings and their assorted hangers-on to the ‘Original Pancake House’ for pancakes. Or they bring me a ‘real’ jelly donut… yum as well! My own Mom loved shortening. She never learned to cook with olive oil. Everything was always cooked with shortening or butter/margarine. Come to think of it, she hardly ever cooked with ‘real’ garlic either… if she needed a garlic clove she would break it off from a head of garlic at the supermarket and stick it into her pocket. When I objected that that was stealing, she would say, oh, don’t be silly, they’ll never miss it!! Ack!!<br>
As far as weird food goes, she made us creamed cabbage… but it was the crinkly leaf, dark green cabbage that I can’t think of the name of at the moment – it grows in huge heads. She would boil it, melt up some shortening, add flour and milk and salt and there you go… the German word for this dish is ‘Wirsing’.<br>
At Christmas time she would get homesick for her native Germany and would have herring. She was deeply disappointed that all of her five children had deep and abiding distaste for herring. She would have to indulge in it all by herself. Manga is bothering me again to make gluten free Japanese food – she wants to make ‘onigiri’ without the vinegar. So maybe we’ll have to give it another try.<br>
Greenwitch, it sounds like D is similar to MICA girl in many respects. Did D have a single room with the party-happy roomies? There’s an opening if she was brave enough to switch. MICA girl is a bit messy and kind of a loner – not very social – but she doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. The other girl in their suite has the single room; she apparently has some other friends from HS also at MICA and hangs out with them.
Switters - I’d written something about my Aspie girl, my middle daughter. MICA girl has many aspie-ish qualities, particularly when it comes to having a social clue or two (or three) – and while the executive function issues don’t always go along with Asperger’s Syndrome, I see it in both girls. The perfectionistic streak is most extreme, though, in Aspie girl. She brought home her PSAT results with a perfectly acceptable 203 – and was in tears because it wasn’t ‘high’ enough. Sheesh. Fortunately she isn’t that way about everything, just academics. But that works against her because she doesn’t hand in things that aren’t ‘perfect’ enough… so it goes.
I’d really be crazy if we’d quit after the first two. At least Manga girl seems to be a little better equipped to be able to cope with life. She doesn’t need a therapist. She has friends. She is motivated, responsible, capable. Funny how different kids can be even when they share the same genes. She’s the teflon kid in the family. The other two are Bear’s super velcro.</p>
<p>Savoy cabbage, that’s what it was. I knew it would come to me…</p>
<p>FAMMoM: Good for you for sticking to your guns about the overnight situation. I’m sure D will get over it eventually. You are right, I think that MICA girl has shown a tremedous amount of personal growth with this experience. Those things you said are all true. I wish she had not kept us quite so much in the dark for so long; but she is accepting full responsibility for her situation and is also taking responsibility for fixing it. Have a safe trip to Pittsburgh.</p>
<p>I picked up the mail and there was a big fat envelope from MICA addressed to MICA girl with a big fat bill in it… due Jan 3. Ouch.</p>
<p>Gmom
^onigiri with vinegar, eh? is that fried bean curd pouch thing?
I haven’t forgotten about G-free written in English but legit Japanese cookbook. will report if I find one.
savoy cabbage is great to make instant pickles.
chop and rub with salt and let it sit, squeeze water and mix with Japanese seasonings sold for that purpose in small packets that contain bonito powder, kelp powder, MSG and all sort of creepy stuff. garnish with dried hot red pepper flake (there are solid red pepper (ichi-mi) and seven secret seeds blend (shichi-mi) to chose from)
…time for dinner I guess.</p>
<p>wow- so much to think about on this thread. </p>
<p>Comfort food, baked beans on toast. I have a pot of baked beans in my fridge most times (bush’s veggie) that I heat up and eat with toast and eggs. No one else in my family thinks this is the greatest thing ever. </p>
<p>I love love love herring!! best is in cream sauce with onions. About creamed cabbage, my grandmother in law used to make it for me especially at christmas. Hers had poppy seeds, and just used regular cabbage. I also love liverwurst and onion sandwiches, but so not good for you…Also I recently discovered lemon marmalade, so yummy! I also have to have ketchup on my scrambled eggs. </p>
<p>ok, but the weird comfort food - like the stuff you ate by yourself, when up studying late, or coming home after carousing or whatever: cold spagetti with a little bit of ketchup and parmesan cheese. Has to be cold. How gross is that?</p>
<p>Second thing to think about: teflon vs. velcro: </p>
<p>What if you have a kid who is really a velcro, but being an 18 yr old boy processes like a teflon/rubber? Actually, he must be learning something about himself, he just isnt articulating it with me. </p>
<p>But I feel for the velcros of the world. I dated one in college. It was excrutiating to watch him suffer. </p>
<p>Gmom- I think MICA will be gentle with MICAgirl- she is not a pain in the ass type kid, not a partyer, im sure very polite. So if her roomie leaves, will she have a room to herself? Is this to be celebrated in any way?</p>
<p>you won switters. gross factor wise. I will make you spaghetti pie. do you eat ricotta?</p>
<p>and I got one,
when you have one and only kind teflon-velcro fusion/hybrid boy, only loop (we call “female”) side that works emotionally for him is his mom.
this could be good and bad, depends what kind of GFs lovers wives partners he is going to have.
you are never forgotten nor trashed to ripe old age. congrats!!</p>
<p>^since no one is correcting me, self edit
once we are grown up and old, no longer ripe old age, yes? no?
should have said rotten old age?</p>
<p>are you there yet, fammom? how’s the road? oh them poor people in Minnesota. how they supposed to get to Detroit if you got moved game ticket?
redbug, how your D who moved from er, Florida?</p>
<p>Hi,
I’m baaack. It wasn’t bad compared to what is going on in MN. I heard it was icy in the mountains so I left a little later that I originally planned. Saw two overturned cars but no problem for me by the time I was in the mountains they had salted the road well. Of course the boys were not ready when I arrived. No trip downtown since it turned out to be a steeler home game so no way I would venture near Heinz field.</p>
<p>S was using crutches and wincing but not using vicodin. He had put some clothes in a hamper and organized his art things for the incomplete project. Roommate was totally disorganized and filled a large suitcase with books and clothes all mixed up plus another massive hamper of clothes…plus heavy backpack…I reminded him that he is flying back…oh…he says but decides it will be OK. Put son in back seat with lots of pillows, blanket, smothering with now outlet for semester worth of repressed maternal instinct…he looked tired and thin but happy to be done with school. Boys told me animated story of how no one believed s when the knee popped out…all were laughing and saying,…“yeah right!” when he was begging for EMS. So many accidents he is becoming a legend/joke. Luckily, there was a girl nearby who realized he was actually hurt…anyway, after story both boys went unconscious for 3.5 hour … I listened to podcasts of “wait wait…” and the pittsburgh game. </p>
<p>I arrived home to find D apparently over major snit and quite pleasant!!! not sure what that means…perhaps needs me to pay for a haircut. Actually, I think she is thrilled to have her brother home…he was helping with algebra II (warm’s a math mom’s heart to hear him explaining limits to little sis…) and then, get this, he read her English assignment to her and she fell asleep in bed. AWWWW…really sweet. S also came in majorly useful for forging some documents my H did not sign before he left…I gave him a stack of forms so we could refi the mortgage and he only signed the top form! S is a gifted artist/forger so I can turn in the items tomorrow…So all around it is great to have him. </p>
<p>Poor H is in La Paz and having real problems with the altitude for the first time…I think it was bad food, no sleep, and getting older. He still has another week at 10,000 feet!</p>
<p>I am going to sleep …another busy day at work tomorrow.</p>
<p>D is still trying to get home, original flight was Sunday at 1:45, and that was canceled, re-booked to another one leaving later, but canceled as well. She and her friend (who had the same problems) re-booked their tickets and shuttles and felt very good to be doing this on their own. Friend’s shuttle canceled, she needed taxi, no cash to pay for it, D gave her $10, then they went to ATM, D couldn’t remember pin number, much gnashing of teeth. Finally D’s roommate had some cash and gave it to the friend. Then D tries to get her itinerary and shuttle reservation printed, but the printing place at the school was closed, so the search for a printer began. Again the roommate came thru, they found one. D got re-booked on a flight leaving today at 1, but ended up going to the airport yesterday anyway, so she’d be there in case the 3rd flight was canceled, she’d be right there. Told her to go to the USO (I’m retired military) and use her dependent ID , and at least its a better place to crash than the airport seats. Found it, turns out it wasn’t a USO but a military sponsored thing anyway, she got a bunk to sleep in, they had food, drinks, TV, it was great! I wasn’t sure they’d let her in with just a dependent ID without the sponsor there, but they did. She told me that it was for active duty and dependents (I was active Reserve for 23 yrs, not technically active duty and now retired), so told her to invoke the don’t ask don’t, tell policy.</p>
<p>D had a problem with a no comment critique with a book she did as a final for her 2D class. She figures everyone was just stunned because she always does more than the assignment!</p>
<p>Still having trouble getting ‘real’ information out of MICA girl. She really works at being as vague as possible. When we ask her ‘how much’ work isn’t done, we don’t get a straight answer. She shuts down the conversation with ‘I’m tired’ or ‘I’m too stressed out right now to talk about it’. So I waver between callling the Learning Resource Center or the Foundation Advisor’s office or just leaving things be. Even if she has a learning disability, she still needs to apply the tools she’s learned about dealing with her issues and deal with them. I’ve been focusing on just being ‘supportive’… but I have a nagging feeling that I should be doing exactly that… nagging.<br>
Probably no matter which course of action I choose, it’ll be the wrong one. sigh.</p>
<p>G-mom…I can imagine your frustration–Well…rather than thinking that you are wrong no matter what the path…in some ways you can also be right either way by a combination of nagging and stepping back. I thought it was interesting that when I called the pittsburgh hospital records office to ask them how to send S’s records to his regular doctor here, the records’ administrator asked if he was over 18. Of course he is and I asked what was the procedure for getting him to release his records (write a letter and fax it to them) and the lady heard me sigh…she said “oh, is your son in his first semester at CMU?”…“I have a freshman boy too. How insane is it to expect them to do the right thing, fill out the forms and make getting it out on time a priority? And who is paying for all of this?” Then she told me to send the forms “signed” and she would send the xrays to his local doctor. Let’s face it that many kids grow up a lot slower than we did and the process is painful to behold. So I held off about him getting to the doctor, filling out the forms, taking his meds etc. but I am D*** ed if he is going to do himself permanent injury and will make him go to his doctor here…I will nag him about physical therapy and may resort to paying him to go to the gym (he is getting short of money)–So apparently the art of parenting a freshman is like Kenny Rogers (was it Kenny?) used to croon…“know when to hold (nag) them, know when to fold (free) them, know when to walk away, know when to run…” … yee haw!</p>