<p>get a call from D at work this afternoon saying:
“i am sick; i have a fever; I quick from my 3D class, I feel terrible; i want to go home NOW; I have final for my art history tomorrow and a individual review with my 2d Thursday …”
I want her to drink some water and go to get some Tylenol, but no, “i want to talk to you, don’t want to hang up …” D cry like a baby…</p>
<p>just called her again and the voice get back as usual . already got some drug from Walgreens and feel much better. tell me it will be fine, tomorrow’s final is not a bid deal… everything fall back normal…</p>
<p>D will fly back 18th, the coming Saturday. Just wish she can be ok these three busy days. </p>
<p>fammom: it is very hard to tell the when.</p>
<p>Poor Babyloveblue! Its a miracle what some tylenol will do. </p>
<p>I am a little relieved she still has some work to do. Last time we spoke I got worried that she was able to come home and my S, with his nocturnal ways had put everything off. My S wont be coming home until 23rd, and he just told me all he has to do and it freaked me out. Huge color assignment final due tomorrow, not sure what in 3d, part 2 of some 2d final on friday, with the last of it next week. Drawing final due monday (6 drawings) and art history final paper due in teachers mailbox by the last day of semester. </p>
<p>Im not sure how well he is doing, he hasnt told me anything spectacular. Seems tired and cranky.</p>
<p>D is VERY busy also. complained 2d added a Sunday class, just spent 7 hours Monday, yesterday to get 2D final project done. 3d didn’t have final project, but a project, is almost done but need time to finish.
don’t have BIG color final lucky and I forgot to ask her about drawing final thing.
come home 18th with a paper work from home… Hope she didn’t miss anything because come home early.</p>
<p>D talked about other color teacher have :“Huge color assignment final” her teacher is easy.
think her drawing don’t have huge thing either. essay for sure not have time to get done</p>
<p>I wonder why Coopers lets it drag on so long. If I were a prof I would want to have a proper break but perhaps they don’t have to hand in grades or results until the new year. CMU the profs were desperate because grades are due tomorrow so the last exam was this morning. Profs will do anything to avoid having the exams on the monday and tuesday and replace them with final projects. So the last week was apparently hell but over quick. despite school going through today, CMU was completely deserrted by Sunday afternoon. Poor kids in NYC…all that holiday cheer and they are still working so hard. No wonderr they get sick. My S says he is still tired and has slept an average of 12 hours both nights. Tomorrow…a haircut and a new phone and the first of many doctors. I hope to hear the rest of the launchees are home soon…</p>
<p>I haven’t heard from D in days. I know she has drawing tomorrow, painting Thursday and sculpture Friday. The drawing teacher makes their big project due in October so the kids aren’t too overwhelmed. Well, they still are overwhelmed, but it sure helps! She’s probably frantically painting, as I type. </p>
<p>Loveblue, sometimes I think they just need us to “eat their pain”. They tell us how so much is wrong, how terrible they feel, and we start to panic inside, but they just need a sounding board, or a sympathetic ear, and then they start to feel better. The trick is how do we feel better after hearing about all their pain?</p>
<p>So my fears have turned out to be true. MICA girl is not able to motivate herself to even get out of bed. She blew off the final reviews for the Elements of Visual thinking class and the drawing class. She said the illustration professor wasn’t happy. Her final review for painting is tomorrow and she hasn’t started the final painting. It doesn’t look like there’s anything I can do or say in the remaining few hours to get her to do anything at all. Her therapist says to go get her. See if she/we can talk to the dean to figure out what, if anything, can be done at this point. MICA girl says she cannot give any reasonable explanation about why the work isn’t done and why she is staying in bed avoiding everything. If she had just mustered the strength on her own to seek out help when she needed it, then maybe we wouldn’t be in the sad place we’re at right now. She is quite distraught and worried that we are ‘mad’. No, we’re not mad, just very very sad. Sad at her pain. Sad at seeing such huge potential left untapped. MICA girl now says she wishes she had listened to us and had taken that gap year we so wanted her to take. We had a conference call with the therapist and MICA girl and she still was claiming that somehow she was going to figure things out once she wasn’t so ‘stressed out’. But all she has been doing is staying in bed which is making her more stressed out.</p>
<p>sigh.</p>
<p>I just wish she would learn from this experience. but her track record is that she usually never learns from experiences likethis. Just goes on to repeat them over and over again. Same old mistakes. Same old failures. depressing to say the least.</p>
<p>Gmom I am pulling allnighter and just read it^
I was like that. will get better.
it took going to Tokyo to NY but what really made me responsible was having a kid who needed food and clothes. my life 17sh to 28sh was repeating of not doing I should be doing well knowing what’s at stake. I don’t know why I didn’t do it- turn works in, get to the job, show up for appointment.
just that, couldn’t. with no good reasonable reason.
I was never diagnosed but if was in US, put on heavy meds or been sent away so not to bother other folks.
it is hard to believe in yourself when you are right in it. but really, it will get better. and everything I didn’t do become something I really want to do. now I do it, bit by bit.</p>
<p>Gmom- I am sorry. Poor MICA girl. Are you going down? </p>
<p>Life was so much easier in high school when we didnt have to pretend they arent still babies. I had communication with the other people in S’s life, because, well you know it takes a village.</p>
<p>Gmom:
I am sorry but you need to be on her side. don’t expect any good reasonable reason. Just think about what is the best thing you can do to help her out.
tell her you are proud she chose to moving on without that gap year even though she is facing difficulty now. at least you can see her desire and brave from that decision.
she has a long life to live and this is a very short difficulty time to get by, no matter what she will be just fine. try to put more caring and support.</p>
<p>Gmom, I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. If your daughter can’t even get out of bed, it sounds like she’s suffering from depression. She probably needs a rescue from you, and the unconditional love that goes along with it. I agree with loveblue, that it would be nice to tell her how proud of her you are, for her wanting to forge ahead without a gap year. </p>
<p>All is not lost, and with some help from you and from the school, she should be able to salvage her credits and continue some time in the future without this feeling like a catastrophe. </p>
<p>When I was in college, one girl just disappeared in the middle of the night in the week before finals. She was so overwhelmed, she called her parents to come get her. None of us had any idea she was so stressed since her work was good and she was very talented. I’m sure things have worked out for her long since then.</p>
<p>I’m wondering why art schools have to be such an intense cauldron of work. I understand what they’re aiming for, but there needs to be a place for aspiring artists who have a different, more careful and slow-working temperament. Not everyone works well or learns more by constantly “cranking it out”.</p>
<p>Gmom…so so sorry that youf family and mica girl are going through this. I hope you can go down, get her out of bed and to at least face the teachers/administration and see that no one is mad at her…just sad. I suspect that when she says that she is scared that you are “mad” at her that this is actually what she is hoping…she would prefer your anger to your grief…one can feel defensive and wronged when people are mad at you. Having people “sad” at you or at your behavior is much, much more painful because you can’t say it is because they are “unfair” or “judgemental”…so you see, telling her that you are sad (the truth) is probably even more painful than if you were screaming and yelling. </p>
<p>I hope you can get her out of bed to meet with her professors and administrators before MICA shuts down for the term. You don’t want to deal with this long distance in January. It is going to be painful to meet each professor and administrator now but gives her the chance to hear and ask questions so she knows what she must do in order to return, transfer credits etc. She is hiding in bed and must go and face her fears–it will help if these meetings are in private, not in front of peers and with you nearby (perhaps not in the actual meeting). Can your husband go with you? </p>
<p>BTW amongst my son’s friends who are finishing their first semesters at college and/or art school the results are mixed and several are withdrawing from their schools. It isn’t just art school but parents of these kids have said that they had concerns for one reason or another before sending them away, just like you did. This kind of setback is far from uncommon. However, a lot of kids think that they are the only one who is not succeeding at their school of choice. I hope MICA girl realizes that she is not alone. </p>
<p>Sending virtual support and positive thougths to you. Good luck!</p>
<p>Gmom - she still has that potential and talent. It may be that the crank it out art school just doesn’t work for her. It’s all about fit. Perhaps a small LAC with a good art department would better meet her needs. All is not lost.</p>
<p>Thank you all again for your wise words and good thoughts.</p>
<p>I went to MICA and after a bit of thrashing around… I went so far as to check into a hotel before MICA girl became adamant that she just needed to go home. I tried to get her to just take one step in the direction of salvaging things… she had finished her painting final by staying up all night but then didn’t manage to go to the final review (and that was the one class where she had all the work done except the last painting) – so she agreed that she would go over to the Fox building and try to track down the professor and leave her stuff with him to review. Unfortunately she couldn’t find him. She refused my offer to take her to lunch, or to get Starbucks. She refused to let me come up to her room. She tried to get me to go back to New York, but I told her that I would stay in Baltimore for as long as she needed me there to help her salvage her situation – but I was not going to contact her teachers or the administration myself. She needed to do that. She asked me if I thought she had to talk to the dean in person or if she could just email him. I said she needed to talk to him in person, but it was her decision. So she decided she was going to go back to her room and work on finding phone numbers and send emails to her professors. I told her that I would go to a hotel (I had some work that needed to be done) and that if she felt like it we could go to dinner or we could sit and chat and I could help her come up with a plan. I checked into the hotel. After a while I texted her to find out what she was doing. she said nothing. she said all she wanted to do was to go home and she wanted to go right then and there. she was pretty adamant about it. so I checked out of the hotel and picked her up and drove her home.<br>
DH got an emergency appointment with the psychiatrist and also with her regular therapist for today. I took her to her appointment. I also decided to call MICA administration to find out what the various options actually were. I said that the therapist had recommended that I come get MICA girl because she was in a dangerous situation and that I was in the process of getting her the medical attention she needed. They said that she would get incompletes for her classes andshe needs to work withthe professors to develop a plan with deadlines for finishing up the work. Her psychiatrist says that she has a major depressive episode (she was already on antidepressants – either she missed too many doses and there is break through depression or the doses aren’t high enough anymore) and he will write a letter to MICA so that she has the medical back up she needs. I don’t know much of what transpired withher therapist, DH took her to that appointment.<br>
the upshot of all this is that I have called the social worker thatworks with Aspie girl - and she will meet with MICA girl and see what recommendations should be made to the MICA learning resource center for getting MICA girl the accommodations she needs (the social worker is thinking she needs a student mentor or ‘buddy’ for support), MICA girl needs to send emails to her professors telling them she is home in NY because of medical issues and she is working with the student affairs dean to resolve the outstanding academic issues and she needs to finish up her work that is still incomplete. We are going to California on Monday, so I think she needs a good bit of rest and relaxation and hopefully by the time we get back she will be in shape to tackle the projects. I will monitor her medications and make sure she really is taking them. She will see the psychiatrist again in early January to assess if her doses need to be adjusted.<br>
So that’s the long and short of it. Part of me wants to see her just take a withdrawal, skip the Spring term and start over again in the Fall, but I don’t think she will go for that. Plus it would be a waste of a lot of money. So hopefully she can finish all her projects for her grades (and hopefully her grades will be high enough to not jeopardize her scholarships). Her therapist and the social worker both think that perhaps MICA is not the right fit for MICA girl and that she needs to be close to home… in which case she will have to transfer to Purchase (Purchase has said that they will take her if she wishes to reconsider her admission decision). I’m thinking LCAD is so tiny that that might be a better fit for her too – and there’s family close by that would keep close watch on her… so there are other options besides MICA. She still says she wants to go to MICA. So I guess we’ll see what happens.<br>
I have a few more grey hairs now.</p>
<p>((((((hugs)))))) to you, Glutenmom. Make sure you get some rest and relaxation in California too.</p>
<p>Oh my
Well remember this is college not life and/or art school not life.
I wondered after seeing the movie about facebook what Mark Zuckerberg’s parents reaction had been to his problems at college and how they feel in retrospect.</p>
<p>Good luck with everything</p>
<p>smarty!!! where you been?
I thought you are goner.
well, I haven’t seen the movie but I won’t be complaining if I were his mom.
like, you never have to worry about bailing him out or buying his shoes, toothbrush, eyeglasses, etc like some mommy friend of college grads still do.
bit or even lot of public paper thin humiliation would lose to kid’s genius that change the world for better (possibly, yet to know facebook is still too new) and hi hi net value any day, er… I feel that way, I know it’s morally wrong.
I have a feeling MICA gal is one of those kind.
everything Gmom did (and she did a lot) is all in her Ds, shown or submerged. It will crystalize inside and shine thru one day, like, Edward in the secret meadow.
anyone for “twilight”? Ok, I go to the book thread.</p>
<p>So yesterday I came away from my conversation with the dean’s assistant fairly hopeful. Note to self: Always talk directly to the person you need to speak to, not their assistant who is not familiar with the situation.</p>
<p>Today I talked with the dean directly. She had contacted MICA girls professors and they told the dean that it was too late for MICA girl to get an incomplete, she had missed too many classes and she was basically failing just about all of her classes. The dean said at this point the only thing she can do is take a leave of absence and try to come back in the Fall as a freshman. She said that the scholarships would not be affected by this decision.</p>
<p>So DH is calling the registrar to get the leave of absence taken care of. MICA girl is home by herself right now and it probably isnt a good idea to give her this news over the phone. I suspect there will be a lot of drama tonight.</p>
<p>sigh.</p>
<p>thank you all again for your wise words and support.</p>
<p>Good luck this evening, will be thinking of you.</p>
<p>So yesterday I came away from my conversation with the dean’s assistant fairly hopeful. Note to self: Always talk directly to the person you need to speak to, not their assistant who is not familiar with the situation.</p>
<p>Today I talked with the dean directly. She had contacted MICA girls professors and they told the dean that it was too late for MICA girl to get an incomplete, she had missed too many classes and she was basically failing just about all of her classes. The dean said at this point the only thing she can do is take a leave of absence and try to come back in the Fall as a freshman. She said that the scholarships would not be affected by this decision.</p>
<p>So DH is calling the registrar to get the leave of absence taken care of. MICA girl is home by herself right now and it probably isnt a good idea to give her this news over the phone. I suspect there will be a lot of drama tonight.</p>
<p>sigh.</p>
<p>thank you all again for your wise words and support.</p>