<p>Hey Loveblue…sorry about the break-in. Luckily it was just for the computer. I lived in a very unsafe college town one summer and there were a lot of physical attacks as well as robberies. My father gave me a can of mace to keep under my bed or next to my bed in case someone broke in and tried to hurt me. I would never want a gun in the house, but the mace or pepper spray did make me feel a little bit like I had some defense. I was very advanced in karate but that experience made me very aware how much stronger men are and, if surprised, a woman has little chance to defend herself. Your D should have a can in her purse, some close to her bed, and even a can near her if she works late in a studio. </p>
<p>If I could, I would pay to get an alarm system for the apartment. We have one even though there hasn’t been a break in in our neighborhood for years. We only use it when the kids are at home alone or we all leave town. It always made my daughter feel safer if on her own. Having the little company sticker on the door and windows will probably make a common thief move on to another apartment rather than risk dealing with an alarm. </p>
<p>It makes a big noise if a window or a door is opened. It calls the police automatically if no one responds within a few seconds. It can be shut off with a code if one girl comes in after the other. It works even if they forget to lock the door. Most come with a panic button that will call police or ambulance without sounding the alarm. If you get it with a fire alarm, the alarm notifies the company of smoke/fire so that even if you are not home, they will call the fire department if the alarm goes off and no one responds to a phone call. I know our neighbors ignored a regular fire alarm sounding at another neighbor’s house thinking that someone had just burned dinner and didn’t call until flames were shooting out of the windows. The delay meant the house was gutted. If they had had the security company fire alarm the fire department would have been there much earlier.</p>
<p>My husband with his long expeirence of insecurity in LA insisted we get one and, of course, it has never actually been used for robbery or fire, but the peace of mind has been worth the expense. You should consider getting one for your D. You may be able to convince the rental company to pay some of the fixed cost of the equipment. In our case, the set-up cost was rather expensive, but they told me that if we moved we could actually have the equipment uninstalled and moved to another house and just pay installation fees again. the “owner” of the equipment can take it with them.</p>
<p>I just like the fact that teenage rapper admits he is a mama’s boy and how this mom handles thing.
[Radio</a> Rookies: Hip Hop Dedication - WNYC](<a href=“http://www.wnyc.org/shows/rookies/2011/jun/29/]Radio”>Hip Hop Dedication | Radio Rookies | WNYC)
every single one of this series, Radio Rookies are great.
city kids, mostly under represented no experienced kids get help to produce own recording.
since it’s radio, it’s only sounds but I could almost see them.</p>
<p>I guess what I wanted to say is, there are lives in Bushwick, BedStuy, or St. George.
there are families, kids just like we do.
avoid and insulate, fine, if you can keep doing that.
I am sort of glad to know that it is not all scary or bad because people has less.
Hope babyblue and her friends could find good balance and stay safe and grow together </p>
<p>Start spreading the news
I’m leaving today
I want to be a part of it, New York, New York
These vagabond shoes
Are longing to stray
And make a brand new start of it
New York, New York
I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps
To find I’m king of the hill, top of the heap
These little town blues
Are melting away
I’ll make a brand new start of it
In old New York
If I can make it there
I’ll make it anywhere
It’s up to you, New York ( or Brooklyn, Queens, Bronx, Staten Island) New York.</p>
<p>famm:
Thanks! It is really a good idea! will check on that! The mace or pepper spray is also a good idea.</p>
<h2>I know I am a little crazy about this safety thing … I posted a question in Chinese parenting forum about the place (in bushwick) D is going to live next year. and get a very positive reply! I am very happy about it and here is what he/she saying:</h2>
<p>Many years ago I studied in Pratt Institute which is not far away from where your daughter will be living. That part of Brooklyn is considered a good area and many people who can not afford Manhattan, especially artists, choose this area because it is very close to the artistic downtown NYC by subway and biking. People often hang out late or get back home late. I think it will be fine if your daughter follows regular rules such as trying to walk with friends at late night, avoid darker smaller streets, etc. </p>
<p>Bears: Love the song!</p>
<p>Bears…
shhhh!!</p>
<p>I have to keep this quiet from manga girl. Manga boy is going to Japan for the rest of the summer but she has a new boy that has called her (he says she’s inspired him to get back into art???) and she wants to meet him at Barnes and Noble in Danbury. I swear the distances I have to go here are worse than in California. Driving her 45 minutes to Danbury mall? At least I have to go to the mall anyway, so I told her I’d take her for gluten free pizza at the Uno’s there and then she can hang out with this boy at Barnes and Noble. What is it/why is it that my kids are so weird they love to hang out at bookstores? I asked her if he likes manga too, and she said not so much. I’m sure she’s going to work on converting him. </p>
<p>I’ll have to drink my latte and keep in the background and try not to be too obvious about my spying. I think D1 wants to go shopping, maybe she’ll spy – of course she sticks out like a sore thumb with her black and blond hair and lip ring…</p>
<p>Nothing like moving right back into that role of chauffer/meter maid when I lose my job.</p>
<p>Danbury CT?
so the boy is Connecticutian?
it is supposedly different bleed from New Yorkistan.
My kid worked bit in Stamford last summer and sent me e-mail</p>
<ul>
<li>I got here alright and I’m in the Ferguson library now, which is a really nice one.<br>
I don’t know if I can trust the drinking water, so I might just fill my canteen at Starbucks or something.
I also saw a wild Connecticut hare, much skinnier and faster than the rabbit at home. People in Connecticut are so weird, what the fu*ck. </li>
</ul>
<p>rabbit at home, was friend’s pet bunny we were then bunny sitting, so naturally does not mean NY rabbits in general are fat and slow. maybe it is. who knows.
oh I missed this bit that came later</p>
<p>-I never want to live here, this kid just walked past and he smells like a whole truckload of Axe spray, where are they coming from?</p>
<p>eh, from CT?</p>
<p>Hello everyone, we are finally back from the frosty north. It was a wonderful trip, and we mainly explored the joys of nature and didn’t seek out art much (except for excellent graffiti in Reykjavik, which has a way of finding you). I’m glad to be back, but miss the cool, bug-free and wild beauty of Iceland. We hadn’t been all on a major trip like this in 5 years or more, and that last one was marked by family squabbling and airline breakdowns so this was much needed and appreciated.</p>
<p>The only snag— well, it turned out to be a small one — was our alarm company. We hardly ever turn it on, maybe twice a year, but something went wrong this time a day or two before we left. It was the weekend, so they didn’t call us and instead notified one of our emergency contacts who started leaving frantic e-mail and facebook messages in the hope that we would be able to log in online and find them. We did, eventually, and it wasn’t really a problem but it did make us lose faith a bit in alarm companies. </p>
<p>So choose wisely loveblue, if you go that route for your D. We went through Brooklyn for an hour or two on our way home and it was quite lovely and busy. Brooklyn just gets better and better.</p>
<p>fammom - did your D and your friend’s D meet up and get along better after 3 years? It sounds like a fascinating scenario (for a nosy one like me…). My D3 is similarly sloppy and can sleep until 2 in the afternoon. If she has to pack, or clean her room, or otherwise use her hands, that’s a sure signal for the nail polish to come out!</p>
<p>G-mom - you must be free now? Enjoy your free days while they last.</p>
<p>Visitors just left. Things were civil and even somewhat friendly between the girls. Visitor D brought D a Duke sweatshirt so things got off to good start. BUT soooo different. I think each made the other feel a little inadequate. Visitor D trying to read all shakespeare plays this summer (my D reads little except required for school and fashion mags) and visitor D’s choice of entertainment was to see Love’s Labor’s Lost at little theatre downtown. My D wanted to see the Bridesmaids. I, therefore, had bawdy entertainment night after night…shakespeare is less explicit and vulgar (perhaps) than the Bridesmaids but I could see the parallels…
My D bought clothes for her pre-med camp and looked like fashion mag herself…Visitor D hates to shop… Visitor D loves to cook and discuss exotic food. My D eats next to nothing and really is mainly about chips and icecream. </p>
<p>Still, my D included her when friends came over. They went to the GWU tour together. Both thought GW was better than Georgetown but D was horrified that if she were to go to GW I could meet her for lunch! Visitor D said American U had a terrible tour and information session. D glad she skipped that one. I am breathing sigh of relief that I have 9 days until MIL arrives. D off to California tomorrow and I can’t wait to have a few days to myself!</p>
<p>ohhhh noooo
you ARE sending her to S or Cal, UC of LA albeit my (and ms. Gross-totally gross advice giver’s) advise. So mainstream, so proper. fine, go for it!!
you can see that I am jealous.
say hello to Wheaty, the CA kingpin loco dad for me!!
<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/What-High-Schools-Other-Parents/dp/B001R23FR0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1309494535&sr=1-1[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/What-High-Schools-Other-Parents/dp/B001R23FR0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1309494535&sr=1-1</a></p>
<p>Bears - the new boy is from ‘upstate’, lol. I have some friends that are New Yorkers who told me (the California transplant) that ‘upstate’ is everything north of the Bronx. Anyway, he lives in Brewster. The original plan was to go to a bookstore and ‘hang out’ (what is it about my kids and bookstores? I know of no one else’s kids that do this… ) but if we discount the funky Bruised Apple used bookstore in Peekskill (kids are agitating to go there again) and look at where there’s a Barnes and Noble, our choices were Cortlandt Town Center (but maybe it’s with funky spelling like Cortlandt TownE CentRE) or Danbury and the kid lives in Brewster. Since D1 and I also wanted to go to the dreaded mall, we opted for Danbury. I have an interview for a pharma company in Danbury/Ridgefield next week. It would be an ugly commute, so I’m not thrilled. But a job is a job, I guess. I don’t know about Axe wearers in CT. Our friends in CT became our friends because we pinky swore an oath that we were not axe murderers when we met for the first time in real life (the lady has celiac disease and I invited her and her family here for gluten free dinner back in the dark ages when you couldn’t find a restaurant to serve gluten free food to save your life). She also insists that she lives in ‘New England’, which I find kind of hilarious – but maybe your son’s perspective is much like hers seeing as he has spent most of his life in the city. I just laugh because she complains about the ‘harsh New England winters’ as though the weather here (20 miles away) is that much different. I expect that the critters in CT are much the same as the critters we have here in ‘upstate’ NY, lol. I was worried about the ground hog that took refuge under my car yesterday and wouldn’t just leave. I wonder if ground hogs are dangerous.</p>
<p>Gwitch - It sounds like you had a great trip! Isn’t it odd how sometimes trips go so well and other times they just fall flat. We went camping in Nova Scotia a few years ago and we all got along well and had a great time - -and then last year when we went to New Hampshire it seemed that that was when all three girls had big time PMS (be glad you have a boy, Bears) and it was not the best trip together that we all have ever had. </p>
<p>FAMMoM, the visitor D sounds like any or all of my kids. It is interesting when they get together with my sister’s three girls (almost the same ages). The six of them get along together great and love spending vacation together – but they really don’t have much in common at all. But they get past that – good for them!</p>
<p>is it a sister with pigs? or some other one you got?
ohhhh Brewster
I been there one summer working, was fourth of July. went down to the town square of sort to see fireworks.
I did not have my own kid back then and never wonder how kids would live place like that (HS ground had 360 degree panorama view with everyone driving to the school)
Then few years back, we had to come back thru Brewster Metro North form (cough cough) “New England” - Mass side of vicinity friend’s home visit that we had no ride back. It was a night, there was an ancient station building but nothing open (you buy tickets from the machine on the platform)
boys -mine and a friend are hungry, so went down to “main street” there is one pizza place still open with local teens hanging (no Axe but in all those suburb-country garbs) it’s funny how they sort of square off each other, like Westside story, Sharks and Jets.
I am sure if we left them on their own accord, eventually the load of flies scenario or something more interesting.
I don’t know…
I tried to make my kid to fit in so very too hard and now I am not so sure.
he’d identify, categorize, catalogue situation just as I’d do. I never know if his intention is genuine or not (just like myself)
Where was I?
Happy New England-ing!! I got a friend who insists Ulster county NY is in New England. heck, West Chestee’s median income and demographics would put any NE towns in shame.</p>
<p>Oh, the sister of the pigs is DH’s sister, not mine!
I have a brother and three sisters. Two of my sisters live the Housewives of OC life minus the drama and money. One is a teacher (disadvantaged hispanic kids in Santa Ana) and the other is married to a truck driver (she’s the one with the three teenage girls). These two sisters and I are close and we often all vacation together.</p>
<p>Not all of Westchester looks like Chappaqua or Bedford or Katonah. There are some normal people that have to pay way too much in taxes and just try to live simple, ordinary lives. Haha, me thinking my life is ordinary!! I think not!</p>
<p>D1 actually has gone off to NYC today with a friend from HS. This is the first social thing she’s done with someone her own age in over six months. They were going to go to the Met I think. I kept my nose out of it. Her Dad dropped her at the train station and I had duct tape on my mouth so that I didn’t say any of those mother things like ‘is your phone charged’, do you have money? Take a bottle of water… I just kept my mouth SHUT. Hard to do.</p>
<p>Manga girl has her manga class buddy over (a girl that’s three years younger, but quite the book worm – I enjoy her company) and I’m not sure what Aspie girl is up to… I haven’t seen a sign of her yet today… must still be sleeping.</p>
<p>So glad to read all the post!
Gwitch: glad that you have a nice trip!
fammom: It is a good thing to send your D to a nice program.
Gmom: Hope your interview went well</p>
<p>Glad to have D home, I guess she is a little boring now. All her friends seem have a busy summer compare to her. Thought the foundation year was busy and she need some break. Now I think it will be nice to send her to a nice summer class, but too late this year. If next summer, she can not find intern, will try to send her to some summer school.
H said I am over reaction to D’s moving to Brooklyn next year. I am hoping he is right. D said many of her classmates move there …</p>
<p>Glad to hear about everyone’s summer. My D is working on a book for her grandmother, based on G’s dog, and has a couple of commissions (from/for friends) to work on.<br>
She’s in her usual up all night/sleep all day mode, and seems to get most done that way. Tonight and next week the local writers guild is giving classes on writing for children’s books, so she’s going to that.</p>
<p>The main drama however, is that my B is getting a divorce, which makes it a very interesting situation for us because my B is married to my H’s sister. Yep, a B&S married to a B&S. H and I have already agreed not to take sides, and not to tell my B anything his S says, and vice versa. Meanwhile, we are hearing both sides of everything, which makes it interesting. She has no job and can’t handle $, so the inheritance she received from her dad will be gone in a heartbeat. She’s been in a depressed state since he died 8 years ago, is neurotic, and on god knows how many meds, and she has saved EVERYTHING he had, including old software he used on his computer, and old calendars he had. We think she’s in the process of reverting to her childhood, as she’s trying to collect up everything that was her parents. She’s even changing back to her maiden name after 24 years being married because “that’s who I used to be”. She’s flying down and renting a Uhaul truck to pick up a table we have that used to be their parents kitchen table. Imagine the expense all for a table. We all feel bad for her, including my B, and are not sure how she will survive.</p>
<p>Hey Red, it sounds like the S needs some professional help. I guess if she’s on meds she has gotten some. After eight years, it’s time to let go. I don’t know if you’ve gone through the pain of losing one or both parents yet, but it’s something that most of us have to face at one point or another. My H still has both parents living, but my Dad passed away in 2000 and my Mom in 2010. While H has always been supportive and helpful, I sometimes feel like there’s this distance between us because he hasn’t had this experience of losing a parent yet. I have another friend that lost both of her parents in the last few years and even though she is as old as I am, she told me that she was an ‘orphan’ now. Now that I’ve lost my Mom, I can kind of relate to that ‘lost’ feeling. But I guess the difference is that while I feel the loss of my parents and some days are harder than others, life goes on. My parents had to cope with the loss of their parents and so on. But that stress can negatively affect relationships, especially when there are different manners of coping with grief. I think different cultural backgrounds play a part in this too. My German relatives were/are much more matter of fact about death in some ways, but part of their culture involves daily trips to the cemetery to ‘visit’ their loved ones (at least in the older generation). I guess if you pay for grave plots for twelve years at a time the way they do that you want to get your money’s worth. I remember my aunt and my grandmother doing the traditional year of morning wearing only black. Since we were here in the U.S., the death of my grandparents didn’t have that daily effect on us - or even on my Mom. My U.S. grandparents were sort of buried and ‘forgotten’. Nobody visits them in the cemetery.
Kind of strange.
Anyway, my sister is the trustee of my Mom’s estate and she STILL hasn’t finished renovating the house in order to ‘sell’ it. She just totally drags her feet and the rest of us siblings don’t get to say a word about it. You just have to kind of shrug and let it go. At Christmas time we divided up the personal/sentimental belongings and that was done fairly efficiently and without rancor.<br>
I had to laugh at the table thing. My U.S. grandfather’s table is sitting in my dining room.
I’m glad you and your H are being careful to not take sides and stay out of it. It’s going to be a challenge.
Good luck!</p>
<p>redbug- my inlaws include a brother and sister who married a brother and sister, too. Also a divorce many years ago. But the double first cousins are fun. My H’s cousin looks like his identical twin, only prettier and a girl. I think its neat when cousins share all the same grandparents. </p>
<p>Hi everyone. Our summer has been good. A family reunion, then to Cape Cod, then to Israel for babyswitters, my mom, and me. Babyswitters has been pet sitting, baby sitting, and painting. He is also doing the sleep all day thing, when he can. He is doing a lot of abstract work. He has a commission to paint a couple of pet pictures for a friend of mine. He is actually kind of excited about them, because my friend loves my S’s art, and so wants it to be his vision, but at least recognizable.</p>
<p>OOps, I meant to say that we are going to Cape Cod and Israel.</p>
<p>redbug
I know it is a wrong thing to ask at the moment but how do you four meet? who did who first?</p>
<p>switters if you weren’t gone yet where have you been?
I was about to send out search party (AKA look back to see “did I say something bad/mean?”)</p>
<p>redbug: Hope everything can go smoothly, it is hard.
What to share what I found out yesterday:
10 WAYS TO ＭＡＲＲＹ ＴＨＥ ＷＲＯＮＧ ＰＥＲＳＯＮ by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.</p>
<h1>1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married.</h1>
<h1>2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.</h1>
<h1>3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most.</h1>
<h1>4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.</h1>
<h1>5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.</h1>
<h1>6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.</h1>
<h1>7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe.</h1>
<h1>8. You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table.</h1>
<h1>9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.</h1>
<h1>10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.</h1>
<p>Wow Red…that must be really tough and it is good that you and H agree on how to handle all the unsolicited info and complaints. You must love them both and it is sad to see them suffer. My H has a B with lots of troubles including divorce and my MIL and, of course, his kids suffer the most. We do end up being the final source of emergency funds for bail/car insurance/meds/tuition for kids which can drive me a little crazy, but I try to see my BIL as our personal charity. I have found the best thing has been to sometimes play the tough guy–it is easier for me to say no to some of the financial and emotional requests from my BIL on my H and even my MIL. They sometimes just say FAMM says “no” (has some weight since I am portrayed, inaccurately, as financial guru of family) so I can be the heavy. You may need to take on this role with your SIL later to be the one to draw some financial and emotional lines in the sand for your husband. </p>
<p>D called this morning from LA before transfer to SFO. She is going to Berkeley for a 10 day overview of medical professions (learn how to suture on a pig’s foot! learn to measure vitals and take health history (not of the pig’s foot)! emergency reinactment/response team!). The brochure was full of exclamation points and I think it is really just an expensive summer camp, but she is excited and we are hoping that she will decide she really wants to do something in medicine or science and will see that these fields are not just for the socially inept (her view, not ours). CA seemed to offer the chance to study medicine with “beautiful people” and she wants to see the land of OC and other shows (she has no concept of how CA is more than what you see on TV). I told her CA does not make much sense for undergrad because of the added expense particularly the state schools. If she can get into UCLA, Berkeley or Stanford, she can get into UVA or William and Mary and pay instate tuition. However, if she loves it she may think to go there for grad school. OR, perhaps she can get scholarship to LAC like Mills! Any ideas on other small LAC that may work for her in CA? I have my eye on Rhodes (thanks BandD) in Tennessee but I am hoping that field hockey coach can be persuaded to suggest this school so that it doesn’t seem to be coming from me…</p>
<p>Why do art students (little blue excepted) stay up all night and sleep all day? Foundation year seems to have cemented this pattern into their brains! S is working to wrap up a big chunk of his online class so he can get to NY for a visit before my MIL arrives. He has been learning how to do some types of casting from internet and has done quite a bit of rubber type casts (he used all my honey for one mixture?) bits and pieces like prosthetics–noses, ears, etc. He has some vague plan to do work in Ecuador when he goes for a visit, but I think that is unlikely.</p>
<p>Switters have a great trip to Israel. I was lucky to be invited to go with my father a few years ago (my mother was worried about being blown up but was fine with her D and H going to the middle east). My father received a Wolf Prize in science and was doing lots of lectures in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv so I just traveled about with the spouses of other award recipients–all in their 70’s and 80’s. We had a wonderful time. Israel was so beautiful and interesting.</p>