After the launch

College Majors Visual Arts and Film Majors
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<p>Hate to say it but those Italians (I am 3/4) can be a raggedy bunch. “Dead to me”. I’ve heard it too many times.</p>

<p>Forgot to mention…the GF has a son. I hear he looks a lot like my B. Am I about to meet a long lost brother?</p>

<p>I want to meet famom’s MIL! She sounds like a cool lady.</p>

<p>And bears…I’d probably drop it with the SIL if I were in your shoes. I can only go so far with this kind of stuff. If it involves repeat calls I’m out. </p>

<p>What does S need? He has the permit? You have a license? Do you guys have time to come up here and borrow our car by the day? I would invite him to come stay and drive with us (chauffeur!) but we actually don’t drive that much these days now that we work at home.</p>

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<p>Going to be a heavy cc day for me as we are having problems with mainframe connection so more free time than usual…</p>

<p>To answer BandD…</p>

<p>the bride has visited Ecuador with mother and met the groom (our nephew) on one of her visits; they fell in love as young teens and then he went to stay with her family and back and forth. I think the dad must have an ecuadorean link too. They are marrying in Las Vegas because the bride is studying at UNLV and groom has a job there. It is easy to get to from CA and I suppose having it not in CA or Ecuador means that the party will be small. Less guests=less expense on reception (this is my hunch). </p>

<p>For example, another of my H’s nephews (from brother #1) is planning a wedding in Quito–400 people, sit down dinner, --I and all other family for the past year have been buying the maximum Black label whiskey duty free every time I go through Miami to Quito…These parties are serious expenses in Ecuador. </p>

<p>After my D was baptized in I swore that we would do NO MORE SACRAMENTS in Ecuador…the baptism cost more than my wedding in Florida and not a single attendee was from my side of the family! </p>

<p>Sorry…I digress…the wedding couple have been dating for at least 4 years long distance. They are both very young…she is just 19 and he must be 23 now. I haven’t met the bride …we didn’t cross over in our Ecuador trips. I think that my BIL and SIL have had a number of get togethers with the bride’s parents since they are both Ecuadorean and come back for visits. Long term, first girl/boy friend becoming spouses is the norm…my BIL and wife met in middle school and never dated anyone else; my other BIL met his spouse when she was just 14 and they married 6 years later, ditto BIL 3 who got his girlfriend pregnant at 17, …only my husband bucked the trend marrying late and twice to foreigners. </p>

<p>Drae…your description of your particular challenge is pretty amazing. The problem with your Grandma and the abusive DIL (or whatever s he is) …yikes. I hope your brother is able to deal with it but it would be hard not to be protective of his grandmother. I hope you have a good reunion with your cousins (that are able to join you).</p>

<p>I also find that family dysfunctional moments are good teaching moments for our kids…how you treat your relatives (some being very challenging) gives them a blueprint of how they should go on in the future. When to support/when to be firm/ and how to be civil even under serious duress.</p>

<p>My MIL is my model; she has managed to keep good relationships with all of her DILs, even divorced ones. My H’s first wife who now lives in Europe still calls MIL a few times a year and MIL has visited her since I came into the family. MIL is very very careful never to compare us and, I think, truly sees her son’s two marriages as a win for her by bringing two nice women into her life. Even I have to admit that my husband’s ex is a really nice person (still sends us xmas chocolates each year knowing how much I like them). I don’t think my MIL has had a bad relationship with any of her family although I know she really doesn’t like most of her husband’s family. They were not helpful when she was widowed at 33 with 4 young children but there is no open breach. She always invites the paternal aunts over when we are visiting and is careful not to show any resentment at the close relationship my h and our s have with these aunts because my H and S look and act so much like their deceased and beloved little brother (my H’s father). Unfortunately, my dead FIL also passed on his health issues as well as good looks to my H and children.</p>

<p>We have managed to become quite close to many of the paternal aunts and cousins–there is some type of affinity there. Now that I think about it, only my H is close to his father’s side of the family which is a more introverted/intellectual group than my MILs family which is more of the hard drinking/party type of family. My BILs probably don’t even know the names of all of their paternal cousins and certainly don’t socialize with them like we do. Perhaps this is another reason for the distance between my H and I and this BIL…</p>

1363

<p>OK
now
about Havana?
Che, Castros now Chavez, too!?!?!</p>

1364

<p>mamabear
thanx but not yet
he have not gotten up this far to get his butt to DMV for the permit.
what’s more can I do?</p>

1365

<p>bears:
A good way to pass it is go with him to the office and have him read a hour and took test right away. If he fail then try the second time. All my friends work this way. Some passed the first time and some passed the second time.
That one hour reading under pressure did help.
If you only give them a booklet, they never find time to read it at home.</p>

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<p>any tip of getting him up at 6AM like your kid?
it is madhouse there, say, after 10-11AM-sh.
like, how crowded is Iowan DMV?</p>

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<p>I’ve been trying for ages to get Aspie girl to read the booklet or to do practice tests on line. Finally today I got aggravated enough to sit down with her and make her bookmark the DMV on her computer and look at the information. She got bogged down in the part one of the printed material that has to do with ownership and registration and all that.
Bears, maybe you should send your kid up on the train to the Peekskill DMV and he can practice driving with aspie girl. I have time while I’m not employed anyways. But I have to get Aspie girl to take the written test first for her permit.
As far as getting them out of bed…
D1 is taking a summer class at the community college and she has only made it to class on her own and on time once so far. Today she overslept again (even though I was stomping around as much as I could upstairs over her head to try to wake her up – therapist et al gave me strict orders not to get her out of bed for her class; she needs to do this on her own). Aspie girl had an appointment at 10:00 to go to the Westchester Food bank to scope out volunteer jobs – she needs 120 hours of community service to graduate next year and helping us with the celiac support group isn’t going to get her enough hours. BUT she was grumpy as hell and wouldn’t get out of bed either, so we didn’t leave the house until 9:55. By the time we got back at 10:45, D1 was gone. So I guess she’ll be there for half the class. sigh.</p>

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<p>bears:
DMV is crowded also. but written test line is short. two month ago I wait there for 3 hours to help a friend to take the road test.
if it is crowded there, you still can bring him there and take a waiting ticket. the waiting time can be more than a hour before his turn.
I really feel let them read under pressure is a good idea.
Gmom’s suggestion is nice also.</p>

<p>it is a magic for me that D can get up about 6:00 AM till now this summer. It is not 6:00 all the time but for sure before 7:00AM. She is busy writing fan fiction all the time. Really didn’t see her do art. Last night I ask her did you love art more than writing or another way. She think she love art more than writing and her art is much better than her writing. Then she questioned herself: “but I almost keep writing since 13/14 years old about two hours per day, only took a weekend art studio class every Saturday afternoon”. </p>

<p>She told me she love and got impacted the most by “George Orwell”. I feel sad I even don’t know this name to get the conversation going deeper. She compared cooper’s impact to her in art with this guy’s impact to her in writing. Seems like she really enjoyed Cooper last year.</p>

<p>I did ask her do you have plan to do the Chinese book? she said her idea about fan fiction just pop up so much and she really enjoy writing them and all the reviews! When it run out, she will do the book. It may never run out this summer. </p>

<p>I am fine with it since I need to remember my original expectation: “As long as she get her degree, I should be happy with whatever she do” :—)</p>

1369

<p>famm:
you may think about book one night hotel in grand canyon in stead of all stay in Vegas. We stayed all night in Vegas three years ago and have one day drive there and back. It is way too rush.
Drae:
It is so nice your S1 doing art practice this Summer. Wish next year my D can find something similar. It is nice your S2 did creative writing thing!</p>

<p>D told me her friend will leave Cooper for one semester to get a creative writing thing in another school next semester. I can feel D is envious about it.</p>

1370

<p>Gmom
thanks. if he ever gets permit, maybe pretty girl pal (and pretty mom instructor) would do a magic
I don’t remember which one is gas or brake pedal. I haven’t touched car for let’s see, 15 or so years?</p>

<p>loveblue
I am not sure this is THE Orwell she meant. but easy read, lots to learn afterward but you don’t need to think about it just to enjoy the book.
[Animal</a> Farm - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_Farm]Animal”>Animal Farm - Wikipedia)
I wanted to be like Boxer the horse.
“I will work harder!!”
I can’t and maybe it’s the good thing.</p>

1371

<p>Orwell also wrote “1984” (he wrote it in 1948 and switched some numbers to pick a date for his dystopian future). They’re both short and easy reads but they’ll leave you haunted.</p>

<p>Doing practice tests online was the key to getting D3 to take and pass her permit test. The hard part is now, driving around with her. I do NOT have the patience for that and pass most of the early lessons off on H. I keep telling him he’s so good at it, that it’s maybe coming true. All that lurching around…shudder…but it’s best to learn while you’re young. Everyone I know who has learned to drive as an adult is still too scared to drive, or won’t drive at night, or won’t drive on a highway, etc.</p>

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<p>Thanks loveblue about the night at the grand canyon. That was my original plan but my husband doesn’t want to go…so the kids and I plan to ditch grandma and H and leave by 5 am to do the road trip…if we want to stay by the canyon we can look for really cheap tacky hotel on way but I won’t book ahead of time. They say the temperatures will be over 110 so short trip may be best. Ideally, i would just go to Bryce canyon also early but much shorter drive so less hectic and time for morning hike…we will see…so far just booked one show, one fancy meal, the rest will be ad hoc</p>

<p>Drivers ed…S did not study and I sat at DMV with him for hours…he failed which shocked him but was fully expected by me. Next time another 2 hour wait and he studied waiting and passed. He drove with us for almost a year and then had to learn stick on his “scholarship” car (I was the dumb mom who told him when he entered the scholarship contest in 9th grade that if he won it he could have a car!)…smart mom buys stick shift so no chance for texting while driving and keeps him much more focused on driving.</p>

<p>D, of course, studied thoroughly before the test, studied while waiting and passed easily. She hates to fail and wanted to do better than brother. She is very resistant to starting on the standard transmission car so drives in our highlander. Pretty good so far and I am much, much less nervous than with S. We do have some snapping when she thinks I am over directing but overall it has been pretty good. In va she has to take a class and will do it in August. Luckily, she knows she will not drive independently until she learns to drive the scholarship car which S does not take to CMU. She is very unlikely to be driving before next summer so lots of practice time. She has even done a little highway with me. Finally will drive with H because he makes her more nervous. </p>

<p>S admits that he has had a small accident last year–he managed to roll backwards down a hill into …drum roll…the neighbor’s audi and the neighbor is the superintendant of schools. No harm so it was never mentioned to me until he had another bump when h e returned from CMU. Went to pick up sis in front of school, not used to clutch he bunny-hopped into the car in front at the pickup line…where the of principal and vice principal were watching and the car was…drum roll…the drivers’ ed car! HA! the guy realized the the doofus who bumped him was his ex student and said a few scratches made little difference. S and sister were both mortified as the principal brings this up as a really funny incident when he sees us at school…</p>

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<p>D does not care much about getting her license, altho she did take the online course before she getting her permit (which she never went for). I think she’s nervous about it because her peripheral vision isn’t good, and calls a car a 1000 pound speeding bullet. </p>

<p>She has been busy working on a book for her grandmother’s birthday, and wore herself out. Flu-like symptoms for a few days and BF is on her case to take care of herself get regular sleep during normal sleeping hours (he’s the common sense one!) and she actually went to bed at 9:30 last night and was up at 9 am.</p>

<p>Has a commission to do a book cover that stemmed from attendance at a writing seminar, and she’s hoping she has time to do it before school starts. Woman from the seminar wrote a book called “Without Keys”, a story about how she was homeless during the winter in Minneapolis. Met her last night at the seminar, and we talked a bit, said one of the things she missed the most was fresh fruits and vegetables.</p>

1374

<p>yesterday, he woke up and ate breakfast, gotten dressed in record time.
I was almost in tears from appreciation, then
“forgotten about meeting at Union Sq, like now”
“meeting with, like, WHO?”
“kids from school”
“What school?”
“what you think?”
let me think… graduated HS, art HS spent 3years, middle school, grade school, pre school…
then he was gone with promise he would come to my job after kindly quickly done with whatever he does with friends to my job so he’d pick up paperwork and still got time to go uptown?</p>

<p>of course he’d show up only when he is hungry and about dinner time.
but one of his friend in tow, who I happened to like.
Of course I’d be for all hospitality, go get vegetarian fast food since the kid don’t do meat (Maoz, actually pretty good and rather cheap) and oranges from the fruit guy on the corner.
we sat on the bench in Union Sq park and ate, he asks all these questions (actually he was interested in how my job looked and wanted to stuff one animal (cow) skin to see how that feel like. took forever to make it perfectly plump for his idea of perfect stuffed cow)
he’d ask how and where it is made, where materials are from, who sell them, buy them.
now on busy rush hour date hour park bench with all sort of people and dogs passing by, he observe, take in, and goes
what’s like in Japan, what music do I listen, what do I want to do in the future.
He grew up in somewhere south America till 7, mom uprooted him and his baby brother for promised better life.
so do you think you got better life?
he only remembers how it was at his country as a little kid, sugar canes, dirt road with clusters of houses instead of cities. no way knowing how it is now if he stayed.
we talked about 8 year old boy murdered in Brooklyn this week.
he said nothing like that would ever happen there because, people is just different.
life is simple. there is no stigma. no stress.
so you wanna go back when you, say, get masters phD.s to do good for your people?
maybe but I don’t care about “college”, I only want to be a pilot or a rockstar.
to that my kid says
“she is not talking to you, she is talking to me, because we never TALK”
yeah, honey. don’t you wonder why?</p>

<p>two months to launch. in few weeks he’d be away working summer job up to the launch date.
my so called quality time with him and DMV opps are coming to close very very soon.</p>

1375

<p>redbug
so I guess no fruit guys in Minn winter, or no fruit to speak of?
oranges are three for 1 dollar or 50 cents each. no discrimination. friendly hobo can have free fruits around closing time of the cart.</p>

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<p>wait at DMV was 45 min-an hour and thanx loveblue he passed written test. one thing he got is luck and guessing ability. good test score, bad GPA. no future Google job.</p>

<p>where is everyone? hallloooo?
new posters with new (sort of same) questions!! come an’ help!!</p>

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<p>Congrats on the passing the DMV. Don’t start counting the days… i know last year I got into a funk thinking about every time with soon-to-be-launchee “this will be the last time”…I have to say that we have “talked” more this summer after a successful launch than any time in the previous four years so B&D take heart that launching may end up with S feeling independent enough to “talk” as an adult to parent. I did miss him but this summer has been the best that I can remember in terms of feeling that I had time with him and got to know him better.</p>

<p>Picked up D last night from her expensive premed “camp”…she loved it! she said she got as much or more out of the leadership training as the premed stuff. She sat and talked(!!) to me for an hour about what was good/bad. It is as if she is confident about being independent that she can talk to me without feeling judged…not sure what it was but best conversation in 3 months.</p>

<p>I plan to take her to her CIT job tomorrow without grandma. The plan was to take grandma to get her out of house but it is so hot and grandma is moving much slower and less stable and no way she will be able to tour the camp. I think a two hour ride to camp will be good for D and me and I may let her drive some on the highway. Can she drive with a learners permit in Maryland? Must check.</p>

<p>No word on S in NYC with friends/girl but has to be back to look after grandma on Monday. She is so upset with how expensive things are here so I am going to tell him to take her to a dollar store or a marshalls. The problem is she doesn’t have the stamina to look for things that meet her standards and are rock bottom cheap.</p>

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<p>bears:
Glad to know he passed! I think they are smart but don’t want to read at home… I did picked a up a booklet for D at that time and she didn’t touch it until the testing day. I said let’s go and she admitted that she didn’t prepare at all. She prefer read at home and what I did is let her read it a while and go. She passed it the first time also, I think that must go … under pressure reading help.
famm:
glad your D enjoyed the program! Even two weeks, she grow! I remember when we drove back from SAIC’s summer program, D said "mom, thank you for sending me here. thank you for pay that for me… " I feel so sweet at that time!</p>

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<p>All this talk of driving and licenses is timely. S2 has his road test appt. on Friday and guess what…he lost his license. Had it on a dresser at Grandma’s this past week while he was at the writing intensive. She tore the room apart searching for it today…no luck. He checked all of his pants and bags (of course he doesn’t use a wallet), no luck. He is due to go back on Monday for more writing. Maybe it will turn up at the school’s lost and found. Don’t know why this pushed my buttons sooo much today. I was a grump and had trouble letting it go. If he doesn’t find it he will have to cancel. I am not going to the DMV for any emergency replacement or shelling out bucks for overnight mail. We have vacation soon after his writing class so no road test until school starts up gain. Maybe I should be grateful…another month of driving with us. </p>

<p>Congrats to young Bears!</p>

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<p>no photo copy back up will do? there must be people done that before, no?
or is that how DMV make $$$? people, permit app is 90 bucks!! ninety!!!</p>

<p>when he lost his school metro-card (was left on the dresser. I think those furniture do eat stuff) it was somehow slid down between wall and the back of the dresser. I did look in drawers, under lamp base and stuff but had no idea it would be behind of it.
found it only by moving the entire dresser from the wall.
how it fell in there, is another thing. caused by vibration? moved bit by bit, then fell into the crack, like, only 1/2 inch wide? how? it had to stand upright at one point in order to slid down the space between wall and the back of the furniture.
all I know is it happened, sometime during the night. weird.
after started using his wallet, things are bit easier but not that much. I have wash dried entire wallet couple times in cargo pocket. once it slid out from his slippery gym shorts pocket when he sat and the pocket opening was in funny angle (but found in Lost and Found, phew)
He learned the lesson and now carry around neck pouch when he’d go out in the same gym shorts.
the neck pouch (I got it at traveling goods store when he went to oversea. did not understand the value of it, but, man, they are great. the fabric stays clean and dry, its funny pickled tan color blends in with any clothes and skin tones. super performing velcro closure) recently, I kept his SS-card and passport for the application for the DMV so he won’t forget, right?
then
one day he go out in the cursed gym shorts. take out its content and put them on (guess where?) top or the dresser and instead, stick his wallet in. came home, of couse he would not switch back contents of the neck pouch but leave it.
If I did not check inside of the pouch before we left home, I’d assumed the pouch still got what I put in, and was in for surprise.
it is just this endless search and track and find. paper, school book, key, cell phone, other sock or shoe…
one of his friend dabbed it as “mommy sense” while they were young.
detecting lie, finding lost item, catch trash can before it topples, kind of thing. his mom was very strong in mommy sense.
it will lose its use for it when he goes away…</p>

<p>thanx fammom for sliver of hope for improved communication that would entail actual adults conversation.
is that what they are doing to raise debt ceiling where you are at?
just how it can be raised if we are broke?
is world comes to end by Aug 2nd if it won’t get done?
in other words, should I already score tickets for launching now or what?</p>