Hello,
I’m just looking for others in the same boat that can advise on what worked for them. My daughter left college this past January. After deliberating, she has decided there is nothing that she is interested in enough college wise right now to warrant paying the money to go back for. Although I really wish she would go back, I am certainly not going to force her to pick a major out of the air that she is not interested in. For now, she is working full time in a retail position, pays her own car insurance, cell phone bill, and buys any health and beauty products, special foods, all spending money, etc. She really is a good kid, so I have no complaints about coming in late disruptively, leaving the house a mess, etc… She has decided she would like to take a course on yoga instruction as well as a 6 month course for esthetician. I believe these will be great for her personal growth, even though they may not lead to a steady income. She is also going to need a new car soon as hers is in pretty rough shape. We still have about half of her college money left that was saved. Would you pay for these things out of that money or hold onto it in the hopes that she may decide to return to college? We don’t want to make life too easy on her to the point of never wanting to further her education or become independent. As far as the car, she will definitely have payments to make, but I’m thinking of helping with the downpayment.
Lastly, how difficult did you make it if you had a kid that dropped out and moved back in? My hubby seems to think we’re making things too easy.
I’m not in your position, but
I would hold on to that college money.
If your husband hopes she’d get a degree that leads to higher salary and some promising career/ benefits, I agree that you’re making things too easy. Many retail positions are being cut. How would she get promotion/higher salary? How is local economy?
There are jobs in beauty & fitness industries. Maybe yoga and esthtician could be beneficial. Not sure how it ties to college.
Some people prefer “doing” over classroom lectures/papers.
Some work like your D and study part time at community college with hopes of being promoted to manager.
Sounds like she is working hard, but how would she cover her own room and board ?
Hopefully her success at work will give her confidence, experience to reconsider college or job training.
I too would hold on to the college money. She’s young, you never know if she’ll change her mind. Also, it’s your money, not hers. If my child dropped out, I would not suddenly think that the money we saved and earmarked for college was suddenly at her disposal.
I agree with your husband that she needs to get a taste of what supporting herself would look like without a college degree. I think she needs to be paying you rent in addition to taking care of her other life expenses. She needs to figure out the car thing herself.
It sounds like she is figuring things out. College isn’t for everyone. I’m assuming she’s still only 18 or 19, which is hardly old enough to have settled into a career. You might consider setting a time limit for her to live at home or a time when she will need to start paying rent. But to me, it sounds like she’s using her time away from school to seriously consider what she wants to do.
I have had 2 drop out. S2 went back after 6 years, has a degree in finance and is an accountant now, married with a child and house. S3 went back after 12 years. He was a restaurant manager making good money but decided he had had enough of that life. He is getting degree in cyber security, bar tending at night to cover expenses. We helped both out along the way but the college money stayed for them. S3 lives with us now since this area is so expensive. But he is moving out next month.
She will actually be 22 this December. She finished 1 semester of community college and then 1.5 years of dorming. Singersmom, did you pay for them to go back 6 and 12 years later? I am thinking that once she moves out (most likely with her boyfriend eventually), then it is her responsibility completely. We would certainly use the majority of that money ON her (wedding, downpayment on house, etc…), but not necessarily save it forever for a college that may not happen.
@reneegavin We reimbursed them after they completed the courses. S2 took out loans. S3 is on a state grant for career changers into IT studies. S2 had dropped out in his 3rd year so there wasn’t much left. S3 dropped it in second year but there are not many expenses for him. He paid for himself to get started. We did not have a special college fund like a 529 so it was really just a mental balance sheet. If they never used it it stayed with us. We separately helped each child with down payments and weddings. It was always our plan to do so.
I am thinking that is what we might do for this esthetician and yoga school. As long as she completes it, we will reimburse her. As far as the car, I think I will have her use her savings for the down payment and also make the payments, but maybe we will help a bit to make the payments more realistic for her.
That makes sense. Assuming the money isnt in a 529, reimbursing for successful course/program competing is a good one. I have a relative who is a massage therapist/esthetician and she makes good money. She makes about per hour what I do, with a Ph.D. and decades in my field. She isn’t limited by 3rd party reimbursement.
Any chance, since she completed 2 years of school, she can get an AA degree? Will her last school certify that (do they offer that?)
Would she consider combining esthetician/yoga/wellness-type schools with college? My esthetician just completed a 2-year associate college program that certified her to do phlebotomy (and something else - I am not familiar with details). She is also trained as a massage therapist, and is also professionally certified to operate CPL & Laser. This gives her flexibility to work in a beauty spa (CPL and hair removal laser procedures, PRP facials, which requires drawing blood, as well as facial and body massage). At the same time, she can work as an assistant in various medical offices (phlebotomist, dermatologic laser procedures, massage for physical therapy etc) which she does for additional income.
I dropped out after two years, and moved back to my parents’ home. They were supportive, but they were clear that they expected me to be out looking for a job every single day, and paying rent as soon as I got one. I ended up working for a couple of years, which gave me the chance to grow up, and then I went to secretarial school for a year. I decided nothing could be harder than shorthand (I’m dating myself, I realize!), so I went back to a state college after that, and I eventually ended up in an Ivy law school. I’m sure it was very difficult for my parents, but their combination of patience and toughness was a tremendous gift to me.
My own (now adult) D left college in her junior year, for numerous reasons. That was 5 years ago. She has never looked back. Not that she’ll never go and get a diploma, but in a recent conversation with her she told me she felt that a diploma won’t get her where/what she wants in life. She is fully self-supporting. @reneegavin - Yoga training…if your D pursues this, I would recommend a program that is intensive and not simply a certificate. If she’s good at it and enjoys teaching others, yoga training can lead to a very rewarding and fulfilling life helping others - I am friends with a woman who works with (physical and emotional) trauma survivors using yoga as a form of physical/emotional therapy. Yoga isn’t “just” fancy body movements, and definitely not a fad. In addition to continuous “training” her initial program was 1,500 hours of study. My D has a longtime friend who is an esthetician in a very competitive market (So Cal). She struggled to build a clientele but once she did her independent business boomed. She partners with massage therapists for a more “holistic” approach and enjoys her work.
Initially when my D left school I was worried for her, however as time goes on, I can see there’s probably very little difference (for her) between a degree/no degree. The decision to help financially is 100% personal. I was not put in that position, so I don’t know how I would respond to that.
I have one who did this. It took over 14 years for him to return and get his degree which he paid for on his own. I’d given up on that aspect of his life.
And there are those who have chosen not to do so. It can go either way, and all in between with some taking targeted classes here and there
If it’s not HER money but earmarked college funds, I’d leave it as such. It would have been nice if my son had anything set aside. He had to borrow to get that degree. We had others in school, so we were not in the position to help him financially.
Many moons ago I dropped out of college after three semesters. Best decision I ever made, although my parents were horrified. My heart just wasn’t in it and I was sick of school. Moved back home, worked, travelled for 2 years, and five years later returned to college. I was finally ready to be in school, very motivated, and loved it. There is no point in going to college if you don’t know why you’re there or don’t want to be there. And I agree, college isn’t for everybody.
I paid for my own schooling, but prices in the 70s for a state school were very reasonable, unlike now. I’d definitely hold on to the money you earmarked for college and if your D goes back it will be there for her.
She is 22, you have paid for x years of college so far with nothing to show for it? what has she done since 18 to have 2 yrs of college and be 22? Is there something missing?
What is with the wedding stuff? Why is that even a thing?
We moved, which caused her to miss 1 semester. She left in early January. Her and her bf of 3 years are pretty serious, and he graduares in 2 years. I know is on her radar.