Yes, definitely not a blip. They’ve survived a long distance relationship quite smoothly for the last 2.5 years, seeing each other whenever possible. I’m certainly not saying I want them to get married soon, but I also don’t think she will go back to college in the next few years, so a wedding, may in fact come first.
I’m not sure why you aren’t happy for this kid. She had made a decision that college isn’t right for her…now. She is working full time. She is paying her bills. She isn’t giving you one bit if trouble. She has a plan to do a course in something she likes (yoga). I think this is all very mature and positive.
I guess you could charge her nominal rent. My dad did that with us…but then when we did move out, he gave us every penny of that rent which he had banked for us.
In terms of a car purchase…that’s your decision. If you want to help her with this purchase, then do. If not…then don’t.
Where is her college money? If it’s in a 529 account, and you don’t use it for qualified educational expenses, I believe there is a penalty you pay upon withdraw, and possibly tax implications. @BelknapPoint am I right?
Why does your husband feel you need to be “harder” on a young adult who has made a good decision for herself?
I was in the very same position, my DD dropped out midway in her junior year and shows no signs of going back. It’s really too bad because she works as a paralegal and office manager in a small law firm, and I believe that if she didn’t still have to get that college degree, she probably would have been in law school by now. I feel that all of the remaining schooling is daunting to her so she has just decided to be happy with the way things are.
Once she dropped out for good we transferred what was remaining in her 529 to her younger brother, and told her that if she wants us to help with college in the future she is going to have to wait until her brother graduates, since that money was now spoken for. He just graduated and there is a little bit left in his 529, and we told her she is welcome to that if she ever needs it for schooling. I was extremely unhappy and disappointed when she first dropped out, but have to say she has been self-supporting since then (lives in another state, not at home) and since she seems content, we have become content too.
DH dropped out as a college senior (education major), after he disliked his student teaching gig. He wandered around the country. He lived on Christian farms in Mississippi and Alaska, where he was a rough carpenter. He got interested in how structures were designed, took a correspondence course, and ended up going back to get his engineering degree. Then he went to UT-Austin for grad school, where we met. He is an EXCELLENT structural engineer because of his winding path. He has found that there is a lot of teaching involved in educating clients, plus he knows how buildings are really built - his designs aren’t just theoretical. So dropping out of college worked great for him. 
My oldest with mental illness dropped out as a college junior. He says he doesn’t want to go back now, but we have the feeling he might change his mind at some point. It’s hard, since we all (including him) expected him to become a doctor or biomedical engineer, but that’s life.
Not at all unhappy with or for her. I am thankful every day that I was blessed with such an amazing daughter. We are certainly not trying to be “hard” on her. However, my husband (and I) do want her to realize that although working in retail may be a decent paying job while you are living at home and paying nominal bills (probably around 220/month right now along with health and beauty and spending money), it is not going to be that easy in the real world. He (and I) don’t want her to be shell shocked when she gets out on her own. It is in another investment, not a 529, so that is not an issue.
Working retail is tough, as D discovered this summer. Not knowing her schedule more than a week or two in advance sucked, and finding two days to come up to camp with us was almost impossible.
We charged our middle son rent and saved it for him. We recently told him he’s going to get it back. He plans to use it to pay off some of his student debt.
Nothing to show for it? Her college experience taught her that completing college and getting a degree is not the best path for her. That’s worth something, and it’s certainly less expensive than paying for four years of college before she realizes that college is not for her. There are lots of reasons that going to college and getting a college degree is not the best path for everyone. It seems that some people have this concept that if you don’t go to college and get a degree, you are wasting your life or making a big mistake. Hopefully that’s not the kind of pressure that OP’s daughter felt, before she decided that she needed to take control of her own life and do what was best for her, instead of live up to someone else’s expectations.
The earnings portion of any non-qualified 529 distribution is subject to income tax, and also a 10% additional tax “penalty” (unless one of a few exceptions applies).
OP already said money is not in a 529.
I think the hardest thing for us was “letting go” - of the dream we had, not theirs, of their childhood and our place in their life. You can allow yourself a moment of disappointment and even sadness and then let it go and enjoy the life that is being lived. We learned to separate the financial aspects from that disappointment, too. Did I sometimes think wistfully of what they might have done, sure, but not for long.
Although I am a bit more worried about her future, I respect her decision. I personally, am content with what she is paying billwise right now. I think what I’m struggling mist with is whether or not to pay for the yoga and esthetician classes with the remaining money instead of hanging onto it for a few years to see if she wants to return to college. I really do think these coyrses will be great for her personal growth. Ideally, I would like to wait until she finishes and them reimburse her, but they are alot 4000 a piece, and if she had to come up with that on her own, I think she will pass them both by.
No kidding… I provided a general answer to a question about what happens if leftover 529 money is used for something other than college.
@reneegavin What I suggested has nothing to do with nails or hair waxing (neither does college education, at least to my knowledge) But if she wants to be an esthetician, learning PRP and CPL laser (along with other procedures, including waxing) is almost unavoidable if she plans to get and keep her clients. Today’s estheticians are much more sophisticated than doing old-school facials and peels. And I fully expect mine to do professional face and scalp massage as part of the package. I am curious, what exactly does your daughter expect to learn and do as an esthetician? Anyway, just my two cents.
She hopes to learn how to recommend and apply the best products for different skin problems, makeup techniques, and massage and resurfacing techniques will be taught. She did mention something about lasers, but she wasn’t sure exactly which ones woukd be taught.
Maybe you could pay a % of the courses now and the balance after they are completed, to assist.
One of my kids didn’t like school and stopped with two classes left to go. Yes, two classes. She worked a semester and then took one class, worked more, and finally took the final class. So she has a degree, but is unhappy that we “forced” her to go to school when she wasn’t ready. It would have been better to help her explore two year degrees or to let her wait and grow up a bit. H was adamant that she go, thinking she would never go later and it would hurt her job prospects. We didn’t have a crystal ball, so did what we thought would help her. Now she has a few interests that might have been good degree prospects, but the school money is gone.
I think this is what we’re going to do. She can do monthly payments. We may have her pay the deposit and for supplies. Then we might have her pay all of month 1, half of months 2 snd 3. Then we’ll pay the remaining 3 months.
One of mine dropped out junior year and has not gone back. He has struggled with some mental health issues and is getting some help. We still have his college money and not yet ready to use it for something else, although I would for a trade school. We would pay for his tuition to finish, but not room and board. I would not use that money for a wedding, but at some point (unknown age yet) would consider giving him that money for a down payment on a home. He is working and supporting himself, but like the OP I worry that his current path will not allow him to support a family.
OP: I would perhaps pay for one of those courses at a time. $4K less of hit to the college fund than $8K.
Thanks to those that posted about kids returning to college many years after dropping out. Gives me hope!
I agree with everyone here who said that college isn’t for everyone. Period fullstop And OP- your D sounds very mature and fantastic.
BUT- I have seen the “underbelly” if you want to call it that of people who get stalled professionally without the degree and it’s not the bed of roses “my friend never went to college and she makes a great living” that some people think.
An admin at my company- smart enough to be the CEO. She’s been encouraged about 100 times to apply for jobs for which she’s absolutely qualified for- where she’d make much more money,have more autonomy, and be on track for even MORE money and advancement. She’s missing two college classes to finish a BA. People have sat her down and told her that since the company will pay for the two classes (if she gets a B or better), in the amount of time it’s taken for her to deliberate “should I or shouldn’t I” she could have finished, gotten a degree, and be on her way professionally. I’m not a therapist so I don’t know what’s holding her back- except that life gets in the way.
A HS friend of mine. Actually enjoyed college and was doing well; took some time off to reevaluate her plan and never went back to finish. She has spent the last ten years piecing together a living- retail, call center, plus a life guard gig at a community center pool. She must work 65 or 70 hours a week. She had a good, career type position but the company moved its operations to another state and she didn’t want to relocate- so after running out her unemployment, she’s come up with way to pay her bills. She is in a blind panic about retirement (we’re in our early 60’s). At some point, she won’t be able to work three jobs, and even with social security, that’s when the hard choices get made. Her co-workers have always told her, “You’re so smart and you’re such a good teacher, you should get a job teaching”. And yes- at age 35 or so, that would have been a great life plan. But no school system is hiring a 61 year old without a college degree to teach.
Your D is young- I’d be loving and supportive about her decision not to wile away her time at college if she was uninspired. But to be able to support herself (and a family- husbands get laid off, injured, etc.) she will need to focus on getting the kind of vocational training that actually leads to a career. It’s nice to be able to cover your Starbucks and Sephora habit; it’s another thing to have health insurance and to be able to cover your rent and food.
So if it were me- the college savings stays put. If she wants to get a community college degree, pay for an apprenticeship program, etc- time to talk about the terms of repayment. But what you’ve described is what’s taught- for free- by the large cosmetic and skin care companies who put their employees through a skin care boot- camp type program. Why pay to be able to recommend moisturizers when Clinique will teach her AND pay her at the same time?
In my state there are various cosmetician licenses and training programs in order to do different types of work. I don’t know where you live. But I’d be open to paying for/helping to pay for a program which leads to licensing— a program which won’t lead to that- not so interested in dipping into the college fund.
How does the BF feel about her career aspirations? It’s nice to be married to someone who encourages you to reach for the stars!
Family member here went to college on the 14 year plan. Attended four year school for a year. Left. Attending Cc for a year. Went back to four year…and left. That time…left for 7 years And did something he loved in that time. Went back and completed a bachelors degree at age 31. It worked just fine.