<p>Just thought I’d share my own story. Shortly after I graduated from college, I dated a man who was twice my age. He was a surgeon. Despite the age difference, my parents were thrilled that I was dating a doctor. It didn’t last more than a couple of months. Once I met my H, I immediately stopped dating the doctor.</p>
<p>My brother married a woman who is 20 years older. She is in her 60’s and retired. She wants him to retire now. He won’t be able to stop working for at least another 20 years. This has caused some friction in their relationship. By the time he can retire, she will be in her 80’s.</p>
<p>I hear a host of Happy-Ever-After stories here, so I’ll throw in a not so happy one:</p>
<p>A close friend’s daughter entered a relationship with a man when she was mid-20’s and he was mid-40s. Worked for 10 years but in her early 30s, she wanted to be out and about more and he wanted his evenings and weekends quieter, dinner in - watching TV - puttering. Children were never an issue but she now wants the social lifestyle of her 30-something friends and their partners rather than hanging around with couples nearing 60, discussing retirement. The age difference looms larger now than it did ten years ago. She recently left him and has started dating men nearer her age. She does not feel like she missed out on much by being with him; she does feel like she would if she stayed.</p>
<p>The old rule of “half the age of the oldest plus 7” makes sense to me in terms of being at mostly compatible stages of life experience and life-style.</p>
<p>Exceptions abound of course, and live-and-let-live is the way to go.</p>
<p>Although I try not to judge, I will confess I find it a little weird/creepy when someone goes after someone half their age.</p>
<p>Just depends on the couple. I’ve known 3 co-workers who have married men 20 years older. And all are happy. The men don’t seem older than their wives–you probably couldn’t guess their ages.
My cousin married a woman 20 years younger and now has 2 kids whom he adores. But again, he is sort of an ageless person and very young at heart–they make a perfect couple. Everyone in the family who saw a picture of them together knew they were a couple from the get-go.</p>
<p>Hubs is 17 years my senior. We met when I was 22, he was 39, returning to college for a second career as I was finishing up my first degree. We had our daughter when I was 29, he 46. We have been happily married for 23 years. I tell him that d and I keep him young. (I have always been a bit of an “old soul” – there’s 15 years’ difference between my oldest sister and myself, 8 years between me and my closest-aged sister.)</p>
<p>Hey, I’m in the NYC area and let me tell you, I see this a lot. </p>
<p>But not something I am going to say anything about.</p>
<p>I remember some years ago as an older mom, as I have an old age baby, and am in an area where there are a number of us who have had children late, that one of the moms picking up a child was about my oldest one’s age. I thought she was a baby sitter or sibling, turned out she was an young 20 year old married to someone with kids and she was now doing step mom duties. In that environment, it was tough for her, I can tell you. She had no interest in spending any time with us, and we, well, ran a lot of the activities and were the ones to contact with questions. We reached out a bit extra and then that was it. I don’t know how the whole thing worked out, but I could see she was not interested in being a part of the old mom’s groups. Actually, when I think about it, it’s surprising that it was the only case that comes to mind with a young step in the picture in these old timey schools here, other than making a cameo appearance at special events.</p>
<p>A friend of mine, male, moved in with his 45 year old girlfriend when he was 23. She had two teenage daughters that he helped raise.</p>
<p>Twenty years later, they broke up and the daughters no longer wanted him to be a part of their lives. His youth was gone and he considers his life a waste. Staying with her was the biggest mistake he ever made.</p>
<p>I have seen it work OK, usually where the guy has money and the wife can lay on the deck of his boat in a bikini. Most of the relationships like this that I have seen have failed miserably.</p>
<p>I met my wife when she was 18 and I was 23. It seemed like a big difference then. 39 years later we’re both old and want to putter around the house.</p>
<p>My H and I have a bachelor friend who was in his late 30s a few years ago. During a party at our house, he said he was tired of looking for women about his age because he said they were all damaged goods so he preferred dating women nearly half his age. This was followed by dead silence because practically everyone on the table was in their late 30s too. Hes now in his early 40s and is still looking. My H and I barely find the time to see him anymore.</p>
<p>My sister’s husband is about 15 years older than she is. They’ve been married for about 14 years. It is not a good marriage, but it has nothing to do with the age difference. He is a chauvinistic pig and is lucky they don’t live close by.</p>
<p>You never know. Friends of my parents, she is about 16 years younger than he is. When she was 70, she decided that they needed to move to a fancy senior living place, because, with him so much older, she wanted to make sure that he would get good care as he aged and became infirm. Well, what do you know, she was the one who got cancer and HE was looking after her, in his 90’s! Fortunately, after many months of treatment, she got better. We went to his 95th birthday party last year, he’s going strong and still “flirts” with all the ladies. I love this couple. This is a second marriage for both, they have been together at least 30 years.</p>
<p>No idea what the statistics are in terms of relationships and age differences. These days you got the marriages and also the long term relationships to take into consideration.</p>
<p>Young marriages and relationships are definitely high risk, when both parties are below a certain age. Whether the odds improve when one person in the relationship is a lot older, I don’t know.</p>
<p>I know a girl in my high school (18 now) who is dating a 30 year man. I know it is only 12 years but when your are younger the age difference is more noticeable.</p>
<p>My good friend began dating her husband, who is 23 years her senior, while she was in college. They have a terrific relationship. Even though he is now in his 70’s, things are still great between them. Age is just a number.</p>
<p>I’ve seen it work. I’ve even seen it work when the woman is 20 years the senior. I know a very happily married couple where she clearly looks like his mother. But they’re happy so who am I to judge?</p>
<p>It is difficult for many of us parents, I will admit, to consider the possibility of our sweet babies, adults or not, having a SO closer to our age their theirs. </p>
<p>Some years ago, my son’s music teacher just about broke down when her DD brought home a SO that was about the age of the parents. I mean really broke down. She was a talented, gorgeous, wonderful, perfect young woman who had met every single growing up milestone exactly the way her parents had expected, hoped and enjoyed. Then…this. I think she did marry the man, don’t know how it worked out, but the parents took it very hard.</p>
<p>my daughter’s boyfriend is 10 years older than her. I am thinking he is going to propose to her one of these days. I am okay with it. Everyone likes him very much. I know sometimes she feels slightly uneasy being at his workplace social gatherings since she is so much younger than anyone there , but she is mature for her age , so she deals with it well</p>
<p>Ten years is not such a big deal One can “catch up”. I 've had many friends within a ten year distance of my age and felt that they were all my peers. When one starts getting to 20 years and up, that’s when it’s tough because it no stretch than that you are “dating” someone who could be your parent. A whole generation is really a stretch, IMO. But absolutely, there are some great relationships with that kind of age gap.</p>
<p>It makes me wonder what is wrong with the guy that he would find a college-aged young woman interesting and appealing, apart from the obvious. Could be a mid-life crisis on his part. I wouldn’t say anything to your cousin, but just let it play out.</p>