<p>Bromfield-
Please keep and use the purse and don’t feel guilty. In this case, I’d feel guilty returning it because they found something just for you that is to your taste, and thought you were worth the splurge. It IS something you can use, unlike an unflattering coat that was bought primarily because the giver wanted one for herself. Different cases, entirely.</p>
<p>I’m a bit in the same boat with my mom, however if you give her lists, she will get exactly what’s on the list. S1 wanted RG3 jersey & mom got it early (she’s in DC). She knows D1 likes a certain color and got her a sweater at LOFT (same one I got D!). She has good taste and bought H a nice sweater. </p>
<p>I told her I didn’t want anything, as I’m trying to get rid of stuff. She did buy me ugly purse that she liked from local DC store. We’re honest enough with each other that I did give it to her and told her I didn’t need it, and showed her the 2-3 that I rotate through, so she took it back.</p>
<p>I feel your daughter’s pain expect I didn’t get a coat I got a long sleeve shirt. Shirt wasn’t my taste, or my size and sibling was given the same shirt different color. Grandmother, who is 71, also bought my mother, aunt, and cousin the same shirts. For the past few years we have given her options like let us send you a email with a “wish list” (direct link to store’s website with item), take us with you, purchase gift cards for stores we shop at, or lastly give us cash. She can never remember sizes correctly, and I have different sizes for each store sometimes brand specific.</p>
<p>Last year it was even worse would not accept anything we said. I said cash numerous times because I use all holiday and birthday money to purchase textbooks. Then I suggested gift cards for numerous stores, and that wasn’t acceptable. Finally, I said why don’t I go with my mother and pick a few items up for you to decide upon. Whatever you chose from that pile can be given by you and all she had to do was repay my folks. Nope, it became a huge ordeal for every grandchild because nobody wanted her to just go out.</p>
<p>We always go with oh it didn’t fit me correctly (almost always true) when asked about it or it didn’t look good. This year’s shirt gift was purchased Nov 1st on-line and she refused to give receipt. We think it was for her because of it being purchased so early. Like you we have had the whole take a picture with new item. My dad just ignored it and if it became huge deal then he said go to a store take a picture of new item and send it to her. We didn’t have to purchase it. She even asks to see receipts from textbook purchases and could not believe Anatomy bundle deal cost me $390
Although she is a hypocrite because she would not give us receipt for the presents this year. Kohl’s was another ordeal because of no receipt they would give us $3 for the shirts, or credit her Kohl’s card.</p>
<p>intparent: how far do you want to go to appease both grandmother and daughter? Can the coat be returned to any of their stores? I’m near a Bon-Tons (which looks to be the parent company name). Send the coat here; I’ll return for merchandise credit; your D can choose another coat from the web site; D gets a coat she can actually use; grandmother gets a photo; everyone’s happy. You’re only out the shipping cost.</p>
<p>In our family, whenever we receive a gift from my parents that doesn’t work for whatever reason, my DH posts it on eBay. This year I joined Tradesy.com and will try to resell two pair of VS flannel pajamas, slippers and a robe. Mom should never be the wiser.</p>
<p>Not that far… I am going to tell my mom I can’t return it here and see what she says. What I would like to do is send it back to her to return, and then spend that amount of money here with D on something D would like (coat, boots, or some other clothing item). Then mom can reimburse me. Honestly, D would be perfectly happy to have NOTHING to replace it. Grandma also sent a shirt for Xmas that D loves, I can barely get it off her (she is wearing it right now). D is happy with this $20 shirt, and does not need anything else (and we have told Grandma how much D loves the shirt, and she talked about it in her thank you note). But Grandma is big on “stuff”. 
So I don’t know if she will accept that D is happy with what she has, and does not need a replacement for the coat. I will try it, though…</p>
<p>I would also be glad to return the coat. Too funny I guessed the store.</p>
<p>Good Luck, intparent. I know family dynamics are tricky. You should see the appalling costume jewelry necklace I received from DH this Christmas. Still trying to decide whether it was a serious or gag gift.</p>
<p>Before she died 20+ years ago, I had an aunt that was famous in my family for ‘re-gifting’ (before it was popular) or giving some tacky bowl or serving piece that she dug up out of her basement or some family ‘heirloom’. We still recount some of her better ones.</p>
<p>@nj2011mom I’ve had an item <em>that belongs to me</em> wrapped up and presented to me for a big birthday. The ‘giver’ still doesn’t quite get why I was miffed. The same ‘giver’ continued the theme by wandering around the house and wrapping up a somewhat battered book that he’d found. Seriously unimpressed.</p>
<p>Also a special mention goes to my grandmother, who gave me deodorant for Xmas. There was nothing special about it, and must have cost about $3. </p>
<p>I attributed it to the cataracts…</p>
<p>I can’t be believe what a problem some make recieving an unneeded/unwanted gift to be.
Donate it or throw it away.
It was a gift.
You are not obligated to spend so much time and energy on it.
You are getting so worked up about things!</p>
<p>:confused:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That is actually quite funny! You should buy your daughter a new bikini and send an identical one to your mom. Maybe start a new family tradition in gift giving.</p>
<p>
Best answer yet!</p>
<p>intparent, I also live close to a Bonton and would be happy to return the coat for you.</p>
<p>lol, love that ideal NJREs!</p>
<p>Wow, that is such a great line! I will try it if she gives me a hard time about returning it. Will let you know the results. :D</p>
<p>Okay, update after talking to my mom. I told her we do not have Younkers, and we agreed I would just send it back to her. We did not talk about a replacement, but I did tell her the bikini line. I could hear her rolling her eyes through the phone. 
Hopefully she will not try to replace it… or will at least ask me about what to get before she does.</p>