<p>Hi again all! As there has been so much activity, I can’t address all you individually, but I thank everyone for their input! This whole situation has consumed every waking minute, and I don’t know what I would do if I did not have you people on here to help me. </p>
<p>I was out the entire day and evening with my son yesterday, taking him to violin, then the farmer’s market, then clothes shopping. I bought a mix of clothes, because I did not know what else to do. </p>
<p>I came home to find a pleasantly shocking piece of mail – my son has been chosen by an outside organization to receive a scholarship to any school of my choice. I had no hope of this. The deadline to apply was April 30th. I had told the Catholic school that I had sent the scholarship fund a letter, and they had said “forget that, their money is gone”. I don’t know what I did --if it was sending my son’s picture with a letter about him, the 2nd letter telling them the names of the schools who want my son, or the message I left on the machine for that fund asking them to please call me and tell me if there is any hope, but something worked.</p>
<p>It’s not a huge scholarship, but it’s enough to level the field significantly enough to make the tuition difference of the schools insignificant. Other updates are that I had been told by a secretary at the Catholic school on Friday that the priest was going to expect full tuition (really ticked me off. I didn’t have to go visit at 8 AM and lay bare my life for that, they could have told me that on the phone). However, I got a call from the nun/principal today, and she said that the priest will let him come for the parishioner rate. </p>
<p>I also got a call from the principal of an excellent and expensive secular school. I had sent them the same letter as everyone else, and they had responded with “here’s an application, pay the application fee”. I told her point blank that irregardless of acceptance, it will be an empty acceptance if they are out of aid. If I had to pay everyone a fee just to have him accepted, and then be told “but we’re out of aid”, I wouldn’t need aid! She told me to send her the application personally and that he might be a late admission, but that if I want my son at her school, it’s been done.</p>
<p>So putting all of THAT aside, here’s where I am at:</p>
<p>My son is starting with a new pediatrician on Tuesday for his school physical, and I fully intend to immediately pursue an appointment with a neurologist. I don’t now if he has dyslexia, but I also am personally going to do some research online. I will show my son how to implement any measures that he can to deal with his barriers to learning. There is a maturity issue here, but this is middle school, and he has to learn to self-examine before high school. I am going to tell him that if he encounters some academic problem, he needs to start making the effort to identify what that problem is. Even though he’s really affectionate and constantly wants attention, when there is a problem or he is hurt, his instinct seems to be to hide. </p>
<p>My son lost school night video game and TV usage in the 3rd grade. My son seemed to need a lot of help with homework in the 4th grade, and it was very time consuming. We had to tell him to do his homework, then I had to help him with it, then I had to supplement his math and nag him to read. I really felt that he would have failed if I had not done this.</p>
<p>At the beginning of 5th grade, I got very involved in a serious case that consumed so much of my time that I couldn’t be there to do all of that nagging and supplementation. I told the principal at the beginning of the year that he was going to have to sink or swim because there was nothing that I could do about this case. At the beginning of the year, I did think that my son could fail. Without me there, my son did not do his nightly reading time, did not fill out his reading log. I helped with some math here and there, but did not supplement him and had no real knowledge of what he was doing in school. Surprisingly, even without my usual intervention, he did ok. I received no bad reports, other than that he forgot his oboe and missed some lessons. He was in a reading lab during that time. He raised his reading level significantly on his own just by in school work. His spelling went from poor to what I would say is very good. He didn’t fail anything, his report card listed no problems with socialization, other than that he has trouble working independently. But even for that, it was “needs improvement” rather than “satisfactory”.</p>
<p>There was a time that he was physically ready to compete in gymnastics, but was not emotionally ready to compete. Last year, he was aging out of recreational gymnastics and had mastered all of the skills. It was compete or quit. After a lot of angst, and his saying “How about I just quit”, we just sent him. We said that we couldn’t let him avoid something he’s good at just out of a fear of competition, competition is a part of life. And it was like there had never been an issue. He worked hard, laughed with his teammates, had a good time. It’s now a non-issue. It’s like he argues just for the sake of arguing. </p>
<p>Actually, when I think about it, he wanted to quit tap after he was put into a harder class. He said that it was too hard. But his tap teacher said that he could do whatever she showed him only after one or two showings, if she personally took the time to show him, and that he was very intelligent. And again, he did rise the occasion, as was apparent at his recital. He never practices outside of class and he remembers routines from 5 different dance styles. And smiles at all of the attention on stage.</p>
<p>So I think to myself – Yes, he doesn’t like to read. But he says that he doesn’t like to do a lot of things, and then he does them. If I just sent my son to the Jewish school with this dual program, where he’s surrounded by other kids who do all of this as the norm, wouldn’t he rise to the occasion? He’s done it before. I love the idea previously posted of treating this as a cultural experience. It would be like an immersion program. </p>
<p>I was thinking of the Jewish school all yesterday. I feel a strong leaning, and I’ve been trying to identify why. Some of it was their generosity. But also, I had a very sad upbringing and a cruel father. I went to a very competitive high school. My high school principal seemed so stern. But during my senior year, I took a stand, and left my home. My mother finally ended her abusive marriage to my father because of it. I had to work full time, missed half of my senior year. I was afraid of men, but I went to him, and promised that I’d pass those exams if only I could take them. He said that he didn’t have to let me, but he would, so long as I was there everyday. I somehow passed those exams, and later got a scholarship to college. I would have been a high school dropout if not for him. The first kindness of a man shown to me in my life was not of my father, or of my priest, but of a Jewish man. On the other hand, despite attending every Sunday mass and Holy Day of Obligation, my childhood Catholic priests turned their back on my abused mother and her children (me). Many of the Catholics of my neighborhood physically abused their children. In my neighborhood, everyone was Catholic. There was a respected men of the community (not a priest) who purported to be a religious, upstanding man. I saw his wife in church. He was actually a pedophile, and he died as if he was an honorable man. His victims got no help, weren’t even believed, because he was “a pillar of the community”. He wasn’t the only one, as several other perverts of the neighborhood were later revealed by children that I knew, although those perverts were caught and run out of town or convicted. But us kids, we were taught obedience and how to save face, at any cost. And look where it got us… </p>
<p>20 years later, this still affects me, it makes me cry to write about this. Maybe it’s just PMS, but… After what I’ve been through, and due to the scandals of the church, my husband and I are both not comfortable leaving our 11 year old son with a priest. I could leave my son with the nuns and the teachers. But how am I going to feel if the priest is heavily involved? Most parents see this as a good thing, but for me, it scares me. At the high school level, I’m not worried. But right now, he’s still little and trusting and affectionate. Like I was.</p>
<p>I know that this is not entirely rational and it 's not fair to priests. I knew many kind priests. And just because my Jewish principal was kind doesn’t mean that all Jewish men are kinder than Catholic men. But the fact that the Jewish male principal offered such a generous scholarship to my son meant something to me. I’m not religious, but it’s like I’m being superstitious. I never knew the magnitude of what my principal did for me at the time, but is there a reason for this, like what happened to me? Is this what I’m supposed to do for my son? I almost feel like if I pass on this, I am going to be left wondering that I missed something significant. But that is irrational.</p>
<p>On an academic level, the school is from 8:20-3. That doesn’t seem bad to me. They participate in math Olympiad and an international invention convention. All of their students scored a 4 or superior on state science tests. Their 6th grade is working on 7th grade math, so I am concerned about whether my son can jump right in. But they do appear to have a person assigned for resource. If my son can rise to the occasion, he would undoubtedly leave with an excellent educational and cultural experience. I am concerned about how or if he should reveal that he is not Jewish to other children if it comes up. I also note that in addition to the lunch being dairy or parve, the school will not allowed food brought from home, so I am concerned about what the heck I can feed him that is not pre-purchased garbage. </p>
<p>In fact, of the schools, only the Waldorf has begun a high school, so he’d leave all of these schools after 8th grade. The best private high schools are Catholic. </p>
<p>Ok, so the Catholic school also called. On an academic level, other than the “immersion experience”, I agree that they can give him what the Jewish school can. There would be no religious clash, as I know the traditions, even if I don’t participate. My son will not know the Jewish prayers, rituals, etc, that’s true. I’ll have to take back my son’s clothes and trade them in for uniforms. But he’d deal with it. I’m actually not certain that this school would deal well with a learning problem though. When the nun called, she was very no nonsense. Even when I thanked her, I never heard a smile enter her voice. She was keen on getting his report cards, and I told her that my son got a 3 of 4 on his NYS math test and she said “That’s ok”. They are very high ranking on their tests, and I got the distinct feeling that if he had gotten a 2, and needed work, that he might not be acceptable. She told me to have him report to school on Wednesday in his uniform… As much as they rile me, as a mother, I can’t lightly dismiss this school because of that.</p>
<p>I’m also supposed to see the Waldorf school on Tuesday. I almost feel like I want my son away from all of these “standards” and conservative types and send him there where he can be free of uniforms and super high achievers. I love lazure painting, dancing, and imaging him running through their wooded acres, and I know that that builder in him would love the handwork. But given my son’s bent towards science, would I be neglecting him if they are unable to offer him a good science education? In reality, how would he compete with the children at the Jewish and Catholic school, who went to math olympiad? </p>
<p>Everywhere starts this week. Everyone has been so generous that it would be a slap in the face if they realized that I’m still investigating the right place. I can’t delay starting him SOMEWHERE. I’m seriously thinking of the following: </p>
<p>1) Start him at the Jewish school on Tuesday morning. He’s got a physical Tuesday afternoon, and an appointment at Waldorf to see the school. The physical gives an excuse without revealing all of it.</p>
<p>2) Let him go to the Catholic School on Wedesday. There’s a half a day at the Jewish school anyhow.</p>
<p>3) The Waldorf school starts Thursday. I can’t see having my son blow off the Jewish school for another day, or the Catholic school, to go there for the day. But there are a lot of Jewish holidays and half days if he is there. Maybe I can tell the Waldorf that he’ll come to shadow on a half day.</p>
<p>4) I can continue to investigate the secular school. There will be no immediate answers with them anyhow.</p>
<p>5) I have until 9/15 to turn in paperwork to the independent scholarship on the chosen school. The scholarship will move with him if we change our mind.</p>
<p>6) If we don’t show up at the Jewish school, I’m sure their very generous offer will go away, and I’ll never be able to make up a 10K loss of scholarship. If we don’t show up at the Catholic school, we’d probably lose the non-parishioner rate, but it’s still within range. They may refuse to admit him though. Their is no current expectation with Waldorf, other than to come Tuesday. No expectation with the secular school.</p>
<p>Any advice on what I should do is greatly appreciated. My husband is just leaving this to me…</p>