<p>Glad, Faux is probably in my age group. In HS (1968-72) we were taught in typing class to use the two spaces. I stopped doing it later in college and when I went back to grad school in the '80s, I had to carry my new MLA around. Kids today have easy bib on line etc… Us older folks are sometimes slow to change lol! Sorry faux if you are not in my age group, which you can now figure out. HS Class of '72!</p>
<p>I am HS class of 74. We were taught to put a period at the end of a sentence (no space) and THEN put 2 spaces before beginning the next sentence.</p>
<p>Well, time to admit that some Swedish “boys” can be a heck of a lot more mature than their American peers. And, unless you’re a fan of STEM sorts, they can be a lot more interesting than US boys- more traveled, a bit more worldly, etc.</p>
<p>Class of 75, but I thought we were taught to use two spaces between sentences, AFTER the punctuation. Like this.</p>
<p>Cross posted with vitrac</p>
<p>
I agree … and while DH does not want to consider changing schools maybe that might be a worthwhile discussion … now that you’ve experienced an urban school is that still your preference or might a more rural school be a better fit? … given your interest in sustanable agriculture would a school with an agriculture major be a better fit.</p>
<p>I have to admit I come in with a huge bias (I’m an alum) but the school that screams out to me is Cornell … elite school, rural setting, agriculture major, funky college town with lots of vegetarian/vegan options.</p>
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<p>We were NEVER taught to put spaces BEFORE the punctuation. When typing back then, we WERE taught to put two spaces AFTER the end of sentence punctuation.</p>
<p>Faux, I think the fact that your daughter is feeling lonely at Harvard may be the root of the problem. I would contact the house resident dean as it sounds like there may be other issues here. Who did she block with, is she still friends with this group? I have two kids at Harvard and have noticed that for some kids especially the introverted, it (and any other school for that matter) can be a lonely place. Depending on the house she is in the rooms may not lend to group living, kids close the doors, groups already formed in blocking groups formed last year tend to remain in their blocking groups and it is harder to get to know others, contrary to what is said.
I think if you contacted someone at her house and just discuss her unhappiness in a confidential way they may be able to reach out to her and encourage her to get involved in house activities. Some kids just need a push. I have dealt with the Housing staff on several issues and they have always been awesome. It is what they are there for. Don’t be afraid to approach them, your D doesn’t even have to know.</p>
<p>~ Why do you put a space before your punctuation marks? ~
May be her computer has another language format :)</p>
<p>Vitrac, Could have been your way, I know there were extra spaces… 39 years ago and lucky if I remember what I had for dinner yeasterday!! Thanks (sorry to hijack the thread). Faux, just say no. Oldest S was given use of my car to use at college for work etc. Fell in love with the cashier at Publix senior year and moved her into his off-campus apartment. Not happy but…then he calls that he has been approved for a used car loan based on his partime job. Why? Because he didn’t feel her car was “dependable and safe” and was going to give her “his” car to drive. DH and I drove 4 hrs and retrieved our car. You want to be a grown up, then you be a grown up. (He too was 19, started college at 17) They eventually broke up. Probably because she didn’t get the free ride we think she was after.</p>
<p>(nothing wrong with Publix cashiers, he was working there too!)</p>
<p>When the story doesn’t make sense, we’re not getting the whole story. I think there are many issues going on here that run strong below the surface of the story.</p>
<p>Isn’t OP’s D a sophomore already?</p>
<p>Love is blind. It’s also deaf, dumb, and stupid. First love is all of this x10. My guess is that the daughter is associating love, passion and intimacy with one certain boy in one certain place. That is what she is missing while at college, and it is not the college’s fault. A committed monogamous relationship is great long-term, but out of place in this case. Kids are supposed to learn the dating/break-up/move-on skills while in HS, but many driven kids skip this step and aren’t emotionally ready for it in college.</p>
<p>The OP is right to be worried. I know a super-bright girl who dropped out of college to live with her first love - in his car. He was a homeless drug addicted ex-con; she worked in a warehouse to buy food and drugs. IMNSHO, dropping out to live in Europe would be a huge, potentially permanent mistake.</p>
<p>I’m not sure it matters, at this point, whether we have the whole story. I think there is a good range of responses here- whether or not posters would fund this, some suggestions for study abroad or something equally valid, the idea that H may not be the ideal college for this gal and plenty of comments that DD needs someone to help her tackle her modest social life at school and any underlying issues.</p>
<p>OP said: “I am not in support of the relationship ,but I am not going to get in the way of hers . I am secretly hoping one of them meets someone else .” Not the way some of us would handle it, but a lot of good faith advice has been passed-- and it’s DH who’s the point man with the D. Let’s wish them all the best. It’s not easy for any of us to know what to do.</p>
<p>From previous threads, you mentioned that her first boyfriend was 16 years old. Then you went on to say that she met and fell in love with this boy when he was just 15 1/2 years old.
Perhaps the focus should be on trying to figure out why is attracted to boys rather than young men her own age. </p>
<p>Just my opinion, but it sounds as though your daughter may be a bit socially/emotionally immature. I don’t think this has anything to do with Harvard. The same thing would probably be happening had she attending any college (including community college or in state public).</p>
<p>*Perhaps the focus should be on trying to figure out why is attracted to boys rather than young men her own age. *
Other threads mention the extreme shyness of both mother & daughter. While intro/extroversion is a difference which is unlikely to change ( and IMO not necessary to change), being uncomfortably shy can be helped.</p>
<p>I agree that for a college student being attracted to someone quite a bit younger( especially considering boys in general are less mature than girls), is a signal that her comfort level is not where it could be with her peers. ( its one thing if there is a 3-4 age spread & you are both adults- but when one of you isn’t …)
Perhaps finishing the school year & taking a gap year doing americorps or similar would give her more confidence so she can make the most of her opportunities.</p>
<p>If it weren’t for the post count, I’d think this was a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>I don’t know whether Harvard has anything to do with her unhappiness. I’ve known lots of people who went to H and were unhappy. A LONG time ago, someone went to H. She was miserable and unhappy. She transferred to Williams, where she was very, very happy. Academically, both are fine schools. Williams and its location were just a much better fit for this particular young woman than H was.</p>
<p>There are some basic problems here. It’s unlikely that the D will be allowed to live in Sweden on a full time basis unless she goes to school. I don’t claim to know much about about Sweden, but it is a member of the EU, so I’m sure it has tough laws for immigration. The boy is too young to marry, so she won’t get in as a spouse. Somehow, kids think they can just get on a plane, get off at the other end, stay, and get a job. That is unrealistic, especially since she doesn’t have a degree. </p>
<p>So, she’d have to come up with a plan. Realistically, I think, the plan she COULD come up with would be going to college in Sweden. She might see if Harvard would let her do junior year in Sweden. Or maybe she could transfer. There are universities in Sweden that have classes in English. Perhaps she speaks Swedish.</p>
<p>She might be able to do some other sort of program in Sweden; I don’t purport to know. Maybe she can work in sustainable agriculture again. However, I suspect there will be a time limit for any such program. Last time, she got a grant. How likely is it that she would get another one? </p>
<p>I think it’s probable though that she hasn’t yet put in the time and effort to figure out a way she can stay in Sweden and support herself. </p>
<p>So, if it gets to the point where she’s actually planning to go get on a plane, THEN I’d ask her if she’s looked into immigration laws. Can she work without a visa, etc? How long can she stay? Don’t say “no.” Reality is you can’t. You can, however, say, “We aren’t willing to support you if you aren’t in school. Have you come up with a way to support yourself?” Have you applied for jobs? Have you checked the immigration laws? Can you seek employment there ? </p>
<p>Times have changed. In these economic times, it’s just plain unrealistic for someone to think that (s)he can move to any country in the EU before lining up school or employment in advance. If this young woman is as naive as the OP paints her, she hasn’t thought this through. </p>
<p>The 'rents shouldn’t do it for her. If she really does think it all through, and comes up with a plan that doesn’t require the 'rents funding it, then there’s nothing the 'rents can do anyway. The one compromise I can see myself making is agreeing to pay for a year in Sweden if Harvard agrees to accept it as junior year abroad and she agrees to return to H for senior year to get her degree. I suspect that by next fall, this romance will be all over anyway. If not, then it might be “for real” and a junior year in Sweden might not be a bad plan.</p>
<p>I would NOT suggest this to her now. Wait and see if she figures out the practicalities for herself.</p>
<p>I am hearing more and more about girls seeing younger boys lately. At our HS last year several senior girls asked freshman boys to prom. That would never have happened when I was going to school in the dark ages. Wonder if there is any societal influence of older so-called “cougars” on younger girls.</p>
<p>Some senior boys, look like men- but 9th graders often still look like middle schoolers, perhaps the girls find that it is easier to have the upper hand with younger boys.</p>
<p>fauxmaven, I admit I have not read your other thread about your daughter and her young bf, but having read your OP in this thread and your subsequent posts, I strongly suggest you find her a psychiatrist in Boston - preferably one whose practice deals with adolescents and young adults. If at all possible make an appointment for you and your H to visit with him/her first. I have spent the last 13years working in the student health departments at 2 universities and have a fairly good sense of when something is a short term crisis versus a more serious problem. I think your D’s situation is the latter. Good Luck.</p>