<p>Because you were using that request to communicate with them – telling them that you were thinking about becoming sexually active, reassuring them that you intended to be responsible, sounding them out about how they would react?</p>
<p>Or maybe because low-cost still isn’t no-cost?</p>
<p>Then why wouldn’t you just say that?</p>
<p>It’s entirely possible that the daughter is seeing how far she can push before mom say’s “Now wait a minute, I don’t think this is a good idea…sex in my house is not okay.”. For a young woman that turns to mom for so many things perhaps she is waiting for mom to say how she really feels in a calm and loving way. She quickly backed off of leaving school when Dad said it wasn’t a good idea. It certainly is her choice as a young adult if she becomes sexually active, and taking precautions to protect herself (which must include condoms) is a mature thing to do. It is mom’s right to say it’s not appropriate in her home while encouraging her to seek birth control.</p>
<p>Actually all this hypothesizing is moot, since dad convinced daughter to forget that idea- ( although the BF is still coming for Christmas?)
no pun intended.</p>
<p>ek-
see posts 156 and 159… we’ve already come to that conclusion (sorry, bad pun again…)</p>
<p>MOWC - You are a rascal and made me laugh!</p>
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<p>Exactly. If you had parents who would be cool with it, and you knew that it was covered through their insurance, why would you go spend your own money on it?</p>
<p>because you were an adult and thought your sexual life was personal?</p>
<p>Obtaining birth control through parents / parents’ doctors / health insurance isn’t sharing your sex life, emeraldkity. It’s a medical request. </p>
<p>As I was preparing to go away to college, my parents asked me if I needed bc and when I replied yes, they set me up with the appropriate doctor. They weren’t inquiring about my sex life. They were letting me know that it was cool with them for me to use their resources to obtain bc so I wouldn’t wind up in a bad situation.</p>
<p>Wound up dating an OB-GYN’s son, and wound up getting free packs of bc from him (the father). It was no big deal to him; being in the profession, he was quite matter of fact about college girls being on bc, and hey, better to toss a few free packs at me than have me surprise them with an oopsie grandbaby.</p>
<p>H is an OB-GYN as well, and every August is the season for him to counsel incoming college freshmen about their bc needs. Maybe it’s because it’s part of the profession around here, but to me, there’s a major difference between obtaining bc (and informing parents in the process if their insurance is involved), and discussing private aspects of one’s sex life.</p>
<p>I think the difference here, and a bit of the wince factor is that the daughter will be seeing the bf next while he is staying at their home. This is not a bf at college where she’s home on break and asking for an OBGYN appt. She has told her mom they have not been sexually active up to this point. The message is “Yes, I will be having sex in your home over Christmas break.”. Now the ball is in FM’s court as to how she responds. She is not a roommate. She is an adult daughter home on break and doesn’t have to be accommodated in this way unless her parents agree. By all means make the appointment and arrange for bc, but also have a discussion about what is and is not okay in your own home. Every family will have a different comfort level, but make yours clear, not a default to the adult child.</p>
<p>Personally, I’m a fan of college health services for BC, et al. At my college, they were very much into education, not judgmental, and it was a safe transition for a young person to navigate health care issues without having to deal with insurance, parents, etc., in scenarios where doing that might be a problem.</p>
<p>Interesting perspective - I have been taking care of my own health care since I was about 16, so it is new to me.</p>
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<p>Eh - “I’m sexually active” and “I will be having sex in your home over Xmas break” are two different things. I realize they are related, but I’m ok with the polite fiction that a college-aged couple gets two separate rooms and mom/dad don’t have to see them in bed together.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl- THAT is the plan. Bf will be spending a few days with D prior to coming to stay at our home. We plan to offer a separate room to our guest.</p>
<p>D1 did come to me at some point to let know that she would like to be on bc. We went to a doctor together for her first appointment. I didn´t know when or anything particular about her sex life. But she knows she could come to me, without any judgement, if there is any problem. When D1´s BF(s) visits, separate room, even when we are traveling (on vacation).</p>
<p>I’m the one who initiated the bc conversation with my girls before college- AND I had plenty of other related talks about making decisions about sex and managing those choices. AND, I insist their relationships stay on the pull-out sofa (which is very comfortable.) The spare rooms are DH’s and my offices.</p>
<p>Btw, with pills, you need to start now. Everyone here knows the drill, right?</p>
<p>Obviously, if one’s child is sexually active, one wants that child using a reliable form of birth control. But there are some very bothersome aspects of this scenario. Reverse the genders. Your 19 year old college soph son is having his 16 year old high school girlfriend visit over vacation (from abroad, yet) and would like you to be involved in obtaining the condoms. Wouldn’t you feel kind of in loco parentis toward a 16 year old girl in your home with her parents thousands of miles away, and uncomfortable facilitating a sexual relationship between a 16 year old, a continent away from home, and your adult son?</p>
<p>Sex between an adult (the 19 year old daughter) and the 16 year old minor is a crime in the state of California. The OP’s state of residence may have different laws, but here it would be statutory rape.</p>
<p>Massachusetts has the same law…this situation would be statutory rape. Note that the “inducement to commit statutory rape” is a separate crime in Massachusetts and one more reason not to allow this to happen.</p>
<p>That may have been addressed many pages ago. This thread seems to be repeating the same things ad infinitum. Maybe its time to call it a day.</p>