<p>5 weeks into an empty nest,and it really isn’t better yet,perhaps because I lost my teaching job ,and have way too much time on my hands.I spend my days,cleaning,gathering stuff to donate(at least every 2 weeks) shopping for care package items for the 2 at college,(great way to get extra phone calls of thanks) ,going to gym almost every day,errands,laundry…3 or 4 nights a week I volunteer at the local ER in Peds section(highlight of my day ! )and still feel sad .I am 56 ,and ask myself "Is that all there is? "Yeah, I have a husband of 24 years,and love him very much,but he’s gone 12 hours a day with the commute .Is it just me ,or are there others kinda stuck in this rut?How long will this last?Till I have a grandchild ??Probably about 5 years out on the 23 year old .Need some ideas from some of you who are further on down the road of life.</p>
<p>You say you lost your teaching job? First, as a fellow teacher, I am so sorry to hear that. Second, please consider going to the local schools and volunteer. We have so many kids who are not reading, writing or doing math on grade level. They really need someone who is willing to give some time to them, because in many cases, their parents cannot. Besides, your assistance may lead to another paid position within the school.</p>
<p>Oh fauxmaven, it does get better. You are doing all the things I would have suggested…last year our youngest left for college. I was working part time in a job with little social contact. Ended up picking up another PT job which is very social. It definitely helped as my DH also works long hours at time…lots of dinners in front of the TV here.<br>
Turns out with the new PT job there are times I get home after him!<br>
You are definitely on the right track with volunteering, gym, etc…even though you lost your teaching job can you look for something PT that you would enjoy? Could you tutor kids?<br>
Sexist as it sounds I think the EN thing is different for women. I still sometimes look at little ones and think I won’t have that again and I am a long way from grandchildren…I was recently thinking about places I could volunteer and be around children again. I miss that energy in my life…good for you for the Peds volunteering…</p>
<p>crossposted with momreads but we are on the same track!</p>
<p>Yes,I volunteer at the hospital because of all the excitement in the ER,and as a bonus I sometimes get to see adorable babies with those delicious little chubby thighs,and sometimes I take a little squeeze and make them laugh by singing all those old songs like "itsy bitsy spider "and the wheels on the bus "while the nurse starts an IV ,and then I feel useful again.</p>
<p>aww…squeeze a baby thigh for me. I miss them.</p>
<p>ebeeee: What kind of part-time jobs have you found? I’m facing an empty nest next year with a husband who works long hours, and I’d love to find a part-time job to keep me busy. I’m a former computer analyst who has been stay-at-home mom for many years, so my skills are pretty rusty.</p>
<p>I really understand and sympathize. When my kids came home that first winter break, they couldn’t believe how organized our house was! If everything you are doing isn’t easing the feeling of loss for you, maybe a different approach? Maybe you should try your best to find something entertaining to do that is not child related. My husband and I began a whole new hobby because he just couldn’t bear to sit around the house without the kids the first year we were empty nesting. Do you have a friend in the same boat with free time during the day? Sight-seeing day trips to historic houses, gardens, etc., breakfast or lunch at fancy restaurants you never tried, art galleries your kids weren’t interested in, antique auction previews, local theatre or music scene. Travel to see long lost friends in far-flung places. It will, of course, depend on your economic situation 
But a lot of this type of activity is available for free. Go to the library and figure out your own history of cinema course. Concentrate on Japanese films. Write your memoirs. If you have older living relatives, start an oral history project. You get the idea.
I am seeing this as the time to do all the “grown up” stuff possible before we have grandmama responsiblies. When I am not on cc I’m involved in a huge project just for me, that my children don’t even understand and certainly don’t appreciate… LOL
Hugs! Hope you feel better!</p>
<p>I know this is a serious thread but I can’t resist.</p>
<p>I also have an empty nest, but not for too much longer!</p>
<p>Get in touch with that little voice who used to say “oh what wouldnt I do if only I did not have to work or take care of the kids”. My D has been out for some time now and I’m the working half of my relationship. H has been out of work for over two years. Volunteer work saved H and I have been doing things I put off for years. Trust me, it does get better. Hugs</p>
<p>My part time job is kind of a “jobby” I have friends who own a wine bar. I was a regular customer and now I work behind the bar about 15 hours a week. I make decent hourly and great tips. I live in a tourist area so lots of people from all over the country and the world. I help with restaurant recommendations, etc. and have pretty specialized knowledge of our wines so I get great tips. People often come in and tell me they would love my job. Ask how I can afford to live in this area. I explain the connection with the owners and that DH and I own a business which is my real income…one of my customers coined the jobby term. Combo of job and hobby…</p>
<p>I empathize because I went through something similar after I didn’t get tenure in the college teaching job that I loved, and then that same year, my mother suddenly died. </p>
<p>I was never able to find real employment again – age discrimination plus a tight job market, and my nest emptied. It was a very hard time. With the help of therapy, medication for depression, and meditation, I started doing things that I had been long attracted to but hadn’t ever thought I was capable of doing or – due to working/raising kids/helping Mom – didn’t have time to do. </p>
<p>That’s how I became deeply involved in community theater, peace activities, photography, and other things. I also made many friends – including friends who are high school and college students whom I am able to mentor in ways that my adult sons no longer need. I never thought of myself as an artist, but I took a couple of photography classes, and have had a couple of shows.</p>
<p>I would not have done any of these things if I hadn’t had to find ways of coping with an empty nest and a life that felt empty. Metamorphosis is hard, and you can’t tell what you’re becoming, but if you take the time to explore the possibilities – including things you’ve never had the time/courage to try before – this may result in your having a more fulfilled life than you’ve ever experienced before.</p>
<p>Faux…ask your volunteer office if they train “baby holders.” These are people that go into the NICU and simply hold babies. This way nurses can tend to the infants that the most high demand at the moment. As a mom that has 3 NICU babies, you just can’t be there all the time when you have other children at home. The baby holders at the hospital D works at are just great ladies and LOVE their “jobs.”</p>
<p>I wish we had that here. Unfortunately I don’t live near a hospital with a NICU.</p>
<p>There are some programs around the country that ask adults to help HS seniors apply to college. This puts some of your investment in your kids to work. Kids who don’t have a parent or guardian with experience with the US higher education system really need help getting organized, filling out forms, visiting colleges. The GC at public schools can’t do this for these kids. Call the HS and find out if you can mentor one or two kids. I, personally, find it hard to be around little kids and babies because now that my oldest left for college I feel a lot of nostalgia for when they were little. I certainly don’t want to pin my future on grandkids that may or may not be coming soon and who knows how much I will be able to be part of their lives. Perhaps being around little ones is not a very good way to move on…better to be around difficult and onery teens that need some help. Less cute but more reward because you can really make an impact on their lives.</p>
<p>ebeeee: Thanks for responding. Your job sounds like a lot of fun.</p>
<p>Fauxmaven: I didn’t mean to highjack your thread. It sounds like you are doing the right things to try to keep busy and move on. I’m sure that things will get easier. A lot of my neighbors who are new empty nesters planned exciting trips for this fall. Why don’t you start planning a trip? I know that it’s only a temporary solution, but the research, planning and anticipation will be give you a nice focus.</p>
<p>I have another suggestion for women whose husbands are big sports fans. About 10 years ago, I “discovered” football. My older daughter really loved watching and going to games with my husband, and I wanted to join in. I used to think football was incredibly boring, but now I love it. It’s given my husband and me a fun shared passion, and makes fall weekends really exciting.</p>
<p>It is tough without having a job. My first priority would be to find a job. My second priority would be to find meannigful activity to fill evenings. And going to gym should be supplemented by other exercises outside - I spend about 2 hours / day, gym + walking, or gym + rollerblading. </p>
<p>I was lucky to have a full time job. I was lucky to find something to do in a evening, but it took 2 tries, first one did not work out. Well, be patient, sort out things, make sure that you enjoy every minute of your life. I had to reject most popular choices because I do not enjoy them. It is not worthwhile to spend time on something you do not like doing. At this point in our lives we deserve better.</p>
<p>Here’s a minor tweak you could do: Exercise first thing in the morning. The endorphins from the exercise last well into the morning and sets you up for the energy you need to accomplish a lot.</p>
<p>And ds2 was in NICU for a week; that week I vowed that when my kids were gone I would be a “baby rocker” like the wonderful people who took shifts with my baby. I could cry just thinking of it. Also, there was a group of women who sewed simple stuffed animals for the babies to have in their bassinettes. Still have that giraffe. Think about your skills and how they could best be utilized. Good luck!</p>
<p>Oh, and join us on the Class of 2014 and Beyond thread. We waste a lot of time on there. ;)</p>
<p>faux, I too lost my teaching job about 3 years ago. I was too distracted with my mom and my needy son to notice. It wasn’t hard to be an at-home mom again (I was too busy), although I missed teaching, especially since it was all consuming. But I had my mom, my oldest son who struggles in life, and two kids about to go to college.</p>
<p>I started teaching Catechism classes, just to remember how it feels to manage a classroom of young students. Then I started to volunteer in a local school. Bit-by-bit, I added responsibilities at the school and I now help with an organization that organizes about 100 volunteers. I’m in the classroom about 4 days a week for reading support.</p>
<p>In addition to this, I started to volunteer at an urban city’s program for teenagers this summer. Wow! I don’t know how I got so involved, but it became my summer and I was there from 8:30 to 4:00. Next, as i was saying good-byes, I asked if they ever have any paid positions. I was whisked next door and heard all about a part-time job.</p>
<p>It really helped that my mom doesn’t live here all the time. My 2 younger kids are in college. My oldest…well… his life is in transition. But hey! Life is turning out to be just grand for me: I’m home to help my mom and my son if they need me. I’m still volunteering at our local school, still teaching Sunday school classes. And, oh yeah! I’m tutoring a few kids AND I’m working part-time.</p>
<p>The job market, especially for teachers, stinks. If you’re older, it’s really hard to get hired. There’s major job discrimination in this business. If you need a job, consider the skills you have acquired, but don’t waste your time searching for that fulltime teaching job you once had. It’s simply not there. If you loved the energy of the kids, volunteer at a nearby school, especially in reading or math.</p>
<p>Are you good with animals? One of my friends raises labrador puppies for an organization that trains service dogs. The serious, specialized training doesn’t start until the dog is about a year old, but before that the puppy needs basic training and very extensive socialization with all kinds of situations and people. It’s very rewarding work for a nurturing person. In my experience (and I’m doing it now–I got a puppy a week before my S left for college) raising a puppy properly is like having a young kid on a very accelerated schedule.</p>